Hand of Fate
by sweetestcondition
Summary: COMPLETE. Rey is offered a choice at the end of Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi. In this fic, she takes the hand of Kylo Ren, grasping at the chance to transform the First Order from the inside. She hopes to create a Resistance from within, starting with the heart of Ben Solo. #Reylo
1. Chapter 1

Ben stepped toward her, gloved hand outstretched. "It's time to let all things die. Snoke, Skywalker, the Sith, the Jedi. Let it all die. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy. Join me…"

His words twisted her gut and a wave of nausea rolled over her.

 _No, no._

She was so close, she felt the conflict inside of him. She couldn't let him choose this path.

Echoes of a writhing pain twisted down her spine, even as Snoke's body grew cold on the throne room floor. Aftershocks of his torture continued to course through her, though he lay forever silenced, sliced in two by her own lightsaber – but not by her own hand.

Rey looked into Ben's eyes. His unwavering gaze had been locked on hers since he'd killed his former master and offered her a place at his side. He was waiting for an answer. Waiting for an impossible decision.

If she refused, she would lose him.

If she accepted, the Resistance would be destroyed.

Everything she'd done to this point, every choice she'd made since leaving Jakku had been for the Resistance.

But Snoke had shown her what remained of those who had dared to rebel. The whole of the Resistance fleet had been destroyed and the few that survived were fleeing.

But maybe there was another way. A way to change the First Order from the inside. Now that Snoke was gone, Ben would surely take the mantle of Supreme Leader. If she could only continue to help him see the light inside of himself. She'd seen it flare when he struck down Snoke. She was sure there was good in him and maybe, if she stayed…

Ben's eyes grew wide and pleading. He had impossibly expressive eyes, deep brown sadness and regret. It was how she'd known, even when he first captured her, that he was conflicted. The scar she'd given him, cutting across the right side of his face, only magnified that sadness. Now she could understand that despair and she wondered how no one else had seen it. Through their bond she'd experienced it. He'd felt betrayed by his master, unsure of his place, uneasy about the darkness that was swirling within him.

Rey, too, had felt that darkness on Ahch-To and Master Skywalker had looked at her with fear. She knew what it was to be conflicted. But that didn't make her evil and she believed Ben was the same.

He took another step toward her, removing his glove and offering his open hand.

Her heart thrummed louder than the persistent cannon fire echoing from somewhere on the other side of the ship. The steady beat of her own pulse drowned out everything around them. A reminder that she was human. And she needed him.

She closed her eyes, relaxing her shoulders into a deep sigh, reaching out to the Force to find a feeling, a clue about which path to choose. But all she could feel was him. His warmth filled the space between them. He was passion, anger, and light all at once. But he was real, and he was here, and she was going to try to do what she could - for him _and_ the Resistance.

A half-smile claimed her lips as she took a step forward and clasped his hand.

He cocked his head, as if he was surprised she'd actually chosen this partnership. Then he squeezed her hand and pulled her into his arms. She felt the hardness of his muscular frame against her, like an anchor keeping her firmly grounded in this moment.

She rested her cheek on his chest as they stood in silence amidst the dead guards.

But the moment didn't last. She heard shouting in the distance and footsteps approaching down the corridor.

"Now what?" Her voice was too loud in her ears as she pulled back to look at Ben again.

A chuckle rumbled in his chest and she realized, she'd never heard him laugh. A real laugh.

"Now, we figure this out," he said. "Together."

He opened his mouth to say something more, but the voices grew closer and a moment later, General Hux stomped into the room, black boots slapping the floor. His mussed red hair and dark circles gave away his true emotional state, despite his attempt to appear in control. He froze, throat bobbing with a hard gulp when he saw Snoke's remains near the throne.

Recovering quickly, he stepped toward Ben, puffing his chest out, posturing like a rutting animal. "What is the meaning of this?" His lip curled into a sneer as he gestured to the bodies of the Praetorian Guard strewn about the room.

Ben looked to her, a brief glance, but she felt him through their Force bond. _Trust me._

And General Hux dropped to his knees, holding his throat as he gasped for air.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Rey had no soft spot for General Hux. The man was a sniveling coward when it came down to it. He was all pomp and posture with no real gut to speak of. Still, seeing him thrashing on the cold steel of the throne room floor was disconcerting.

But she figured Ben knew what he was doing. There would be no way Hux would trust her and Ben had to be sure no one would question his choice to recruit her to his cause. Kylo Ren had to ensure that everyone knew who was next in line to the First Order now that Snoke was dead.

She studied the hard lines of Ben's brow – the perspiration beading on his forehead. She felt the waves of hate surging from him and hoped she'd made the right decision. Finally, Ben relaxed his outstretched arm and Hux managed a few wheezy breaths before recovering, stumbling once as he pulled himself to stand.

The general coughed before attempting to speak, his voice unsteady as he began. "Of course, I didn't mean…" he rubbed his throat with a nervous hand, "I wasn't meaning to lay blame, but-"

Ben spoke with a sharper tone than she'd heard from him just moments ago. "Snoke is dead. I am your Supreme Leader and Rey is with us. I will hear no further questions…" He lowered his gaze, meeting Hux's eyes and raising a lip in disgust. "Or accusations."

Hux seemed at odds with himself, looking simultaneously as though he would throw a punch and run back the way he'd come. He did neither, instead, settling back into a confident, yet submissive stance. With no other officers nearby willing to stand up to two force users, especially ones who had just managed to kill the un-killable, Hux must have realized his options were limited.

He nodded in deference, though when he did, it still carried an air of sarcasm with it. "Of course Supreme Leader Ren. What would you have us do about the remains of the Resistance fleet who've fled to Crait?"

"Destroy them," Ben said flatly.

Rey tried to keep from gasping out loud, knowing that defying him in front of Hux would immediately undercut his authority. So, gritting her teeth, she waited for the man to retreat, allowing his footfalls to fade away before turning to question Ben.

She placed a hand on his arm, trying to seem calmer than she felt. "Please, my friends are down there. I—"

"I know," he interrupted. "But if we are to rule together, this is not a time to appear weak. If we don't go after them, First Order Command may rise against us. We must present a unified front and destroy what is left of the Resistance if we are to forge a new path."

"Then, why don't we—"

The ship lurched and she was thrown into him before she could finish her thought. When she found her footing again, she realized that a mega star destroyer this size should never be able to move like that. When the ship listed a second time, throwing them both against the wall of the throne room, she knew. Something very bad had happened to the flagship of the First Order. The sickening sound of grating metal reverberated throughout the floors of the ship, as if something was twisting its entire massive frame. The sound was confirmation enough. They needed to get out.

Now.

The lights flickered overhead and Ben grabbed for her arm.

"We've got to get to a shuttle."

He tugged her forward, scrambling over the slick floors and practically shoved her into the nearest lift. Her heart was racing, her pulse deafening in her ears. Her friends were all going to be killed and she was stuck here on Snoke's ship as the thing was about to explode. What had happened? Had someone managed to find the ship's weakness, taking it down before the entire Resistance was wiped out? Everything she'd worked for was going to be destroyed in the next few minutes, her friends, the Resistance, Ben, and she had no way to stop it.

She slammed a fist into the lift's door controls, pounding over and over, trying to get them to close faster.

She felt Ben reach out through the force, trying to calm her, but she slapped him hard in the chest.

"Stop that. I can handle myself. Just tell me where the shuttle is."

When the doors hissed closed, he tugged her elbow, bending to speak to her at eye level. "You cannot go after them, Rey."

She reached out to _him_ this time, feeling the conflict still churning all around him.

"Why do you deny your feelings for your mother?" she said. She was done stepping around his emotions. They were so close to the surface, right there if he would only listen. "You _want_ to go after her, to help her."

He turned away, slamming his thumb into the button for the correct floor on the control panel.

"I _feel_ the love you have for her," she continued, her just voice above a whisper.

His grip came faster than she could sense, latching onto her arm, not painfully, but firmly enough to display his meaning. "No."

Rey huffed, tearing out of his hold and turning away to face the other side of the lift. This was not going well. But then, how could she expect him to suddenly take the side of the Resistance?

No. It would take time. She needed to be patient, maybe shoot for a smaller goal along the path to saving her friends. Getting angry with him would only put him on the defensive. He needed to trust her if she was going to be in any position to influence him.

The tilt of the ship became more pronounced as they had to brace themselves against the wall of the lift to keep from sliding. Then, the angle suddenly corrected itself, and she had to step forward or lose her footing completely.

She swallowed hard against the knot of emotion forming in her throat and stepped back toward him. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was their connection. So tentatively, she reached for his hand. His fingers flexed, latching onto hers in what felt like a fluid, reflexive movement. Whatever it was they had, he felt it, too. Surely he couldn't deny her feelings as he held his hand in hers. His warmth stirred memories of the touch they'd dared to share from across the universe. It flooded her with the memory of their mutual feelings of abandonment and the newfound sense of belonging they'd discovered through their bond. As his expression softened, she knew he remembered, too.

"Can I at least be there?" she asked, taking advantage of his obvious emotional shift. "Go down to the battle with you?"

She felt his touch on her mind, checking for a betrayal there, but she was better at blocking him out now. She let him see just a glimpse of the memories she held of her friends, that was safe enough, though she was careful not to show too much of her time with Finn. Careful to not anger him with images of Master Skywalker.

"Please," she said, letting him see the raw side of her they'd only shared through their inexplicable bond. She wouldn't betray him, but she _would_ find a way to save her friends.

He pinched the bridge of his nose just as the doors to the lift opened. Then he turned his head, his eyes finding hers and she knew he would let her have this. "Alright." Then he whirled through the open doors, his long strides carrying him away from her quickly. "Let's go," he called over his shoulder.

The scene before her was chaos. The entire First Order seemed to be in the process of evacuating and with a star destroyer this size, it would be like moving an entire city. The enormous bay doors were open at the far end of the hanger and shuttles were already being loaded with crew. Stormtroopers crawled around like beetles, each white carapace reflecting the bright lights above. Debris was visible outside the yawning hangar door, stuck in the roiling disarray of space's vacuum.

The surrounding crowd made way for them, stormtroopers and crew practically falling over themselves to get out of the way of Kylo Ren. Most of them were so focused on staying clear of him, no one bothered with a second glance at Rey. And with their fear almost palpable, it suddenly struck her as funny that, here she was following the source of their fear. Here she was, risking everything for a sliver of something.

"This way," he said, jerking his head in the direction of a command shuttle, its black wings folded vertically like jagged slabs of glassy stone. A beautiful monstrosity. Rey felt a chill scuttle down her spine as she thought of the panic its silhouette would have caused in any low-life or thug back on Jakku. She remembered the panic she felt when she'd first been captured and brought to Ben's star destroyer as a prisoner on this very shuttle. She wanted to scream. She wanted to find her own shuttle and fly down to Crait to help. To stop a slaughter.

She felt the pinpricks of tears stinging her eyes, but she bit them back, watching as Ben climbed the ramp to board the craft and waved the crew toward the controls at the front of the shuttle. Then, sensing her hesitation, he reached back for her hand.

"You are not my prisoner," he said looking down at her. "You are free to come and go as you please. Just say the word and you are on a transport away from here."

How, amidst all of this chaos, had he sensed her feelings? Even with Snoke dead, the bond between them remained. What manner of Force use could cause such a link between two people? She didn't understand it and maybe he didn't either, but it didn't matter now. Again, he was waiting for her.

She sensed no betrayal behind his words. Even the hate that had emanated from him in the presence of Snoke and Hux had waned. He was in control of his emotions again.

She looked around, making sure no one else could hear before she met his gaze. "There has to be another way." She let her eyes do the begging for her, not trusting her words with something so important.

"Get inside," he said.

But she saw it – the moment's hesitation. A tiny flicker in the control he wore like a mask. An emotional mask and counterpart to the black helmet of Kylo Ren, obscuring the battle constantly waging within him. But cracks in the mask had become gaping holes now and Rey could peer right through.

As the loading ramp lifted and the doors sealed behind them with a hydraulic hiss, she knew she'd made the right decision.


	3. Chapter 3

When her eyes adjusted to the dimly lit shuttle bay, she followed the parallel running lights along the center aisle and found Ben sitting in a seat in the darkest corner. He was leaning over, elbows on his knees with his hands covering his face.

The shuttle lifted off and voices carried faintly from the cockpit as Rey sat, leaving three seats between her and Ben. She fiddled with the cloth wrappings around her wrist, avoiding eye contact, trying to ignore the thick tension between them.

"Are you afraid of me?" he asked, his voice only just loud enough to be heard over the low drone of the engine.

Rey narrowed her eyes at him. "I didn't come here because I was afraid of you."

"You were right," he said, his voice suddenly far away. "I _am_ a monster."

"I'm not afraid of you, Ben."

He smiled - a sad, slow smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Then why are you sitting way over there?"

She blew out a noisy breath. She hadn't consciously chosen to sit far away from him. "I'm used to being alone, I guess. Being close to someone takes more effort."

Ben fidgeted with one of his gloves, turning it over and over in his hand, as a long moment passed in silence.

"For someone who lived alone for so long," he finally said, "you've managed to make a lot of irritating friends."

Rey thought about that for a moment. Her circumstances had changed drastically since leaving Jakku, and now that she'd found a purpose outside of mere survival, she'd begun to slowly rely on others. To trust. And now her instincts had led her away from all of those people, to this very moment instead – to Ben Solo.

He'd done monstrous things, this was true. But broken people would go to any length to try to put themselves back together. She didn't believe he was a monster. He was only broken.

She looked up again to see he was studying her. And though his eyes showed hurt, they were different. Softer.

There was no denying they shared something – a deep sense of loss and a need to belong, an insatiable craving for purpose, and above all, a link. An irresistible pull – a gravitational force drawing them ever closer to each other. Even now, she could not resist its attraction.

When Ben finally looked away, she pushed herself to her feet, ignoring the aches of a hard-fought battle to close the space between them. He stared ahead as she took the seat at his side.

"You won't slaughter them," she said.

It was a statement, not a question.

"No," he admitted. "I won't."

She clenched her fists, frustrated with his inability, or unwillingness, to communicate what the hell it was he had planned. "Then why did you send Hux with the order to do just that?"

"Because we have to keep up appearances." His shoulders rose and fell, his breathing deeper - he was practicing control. He was obviously very unused to having to explain the reasoning behind his decisions. "And because we won't need to kill them when _you_ are going to get them out. As prisoners."

"Prisoners?" It took a concerted effort to keep her voice at a confidential volume.

"Prisoners are better than corpses," he said, matter-of-factly.

Was this his version of compromise? If so, she was woefully unimpressed.

"Not with the First Order controlling those prisoners. Torture, interrogations…" She shook her head. "No. They'd rather die than be taken prisoner."

He sighed, anger beginning to roll off him in waves. "We cannot risk doing more than that. Hux, the other officers, they will expect complete annihilation. Taking prisoners is nearly unheard of unless we plan to interrogate them."

A voice interrupted from the intercom overhead. "We are entering Crait's atmosphere now, sir." She felt the tremble of the shuttle's hull as it passed from deep space into the harder drag of the planet's atmosphere.

"Rey, I—"

But before he finished his thought, his eyes widened and his hand clamped down hard on hers. "Do you feel that?" he asked.

She shook her head. "All I feel is your hand."

He stood, dropping her hand, focused on something she couldn't sense. She reached out with the force, but all she felt was his confusion, his anger, his fear.

"What is it?" she asked.

When he didn't respond, she pressed harder. "Ben, if we are going to do this together, I have to know what's going on."

His shoulders relaxed, but only slightly before he spun to face her.

"If we are going to do this together," he echoed, "you are going to have to trust me."

She angled her head to look at him from under lowered brows. She could still sense his fear, his confusion.

"I _know_ the officers of the First Order," he said, pacing the middle aisle of the shuttle bay. "Trust me on this. We will find a way to free the ones you care about if that's what it takes for you to stay." His sneer revealed how he really felt about that part of the plan. "We can make it look like an escape, but it can't be on my watch. My first mission as Supreme Leader, _our_ first mission, must appear to be a victory, or we will lose all credibility with First Order command. They will mutiny before we ever get a chance to change anything."

She crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. She hated to admit it, but most First Order officers had probably trampled dozens of others to rise up the ladder of command. One false move and she could imagine Ben would be next.

"You have a point," she admitted.

A half-smile twisted at his lip. "Of course I do."

He was insufferable.

She glared at him and he held her gaze. A silent battle of wills.

A long moment passed between them before his hard expression melted around the edges, transforming his angular face into something much softer. Those familiar, pleading brown eyes sent a message more compelling than even their force bond could convey. And she wanted to drink it in, drown in it.

Two long strides and he was in front of her, wrapping strong arms around her waist, pulling her close. Her pulse quickened as she tried, unsuccessfully, to keep from reacting so strongly to the nearness of his body. She hoped he couldn't sense the thrill she felt when he touched her, but she couldn't help it. Ever since their force bond had suddenly dropped her into his private chambers, face to muscular chest, she'd spent an embarrassing amount of time meditating, just trying to keep his well-sculpted physique from her thoughts.

"You'll have to forgive my impatience." His voice seemed to reverberate everywhere, as she was pressed so close against him. "I'm not accustomed to discussing things with a _partner_."

The way he twisted the last word with sarcasm made her want to slap him. Even so, her body screamed at her to lean in closer. The simple truth was it felt good to be held. She'd shared a bed with a merchant's son back on Jakku a few times, but he'd never held her like this. Those nights had been quick romps to take her mind off how horrible her life was.

This was deeper. This was that sliver of something. This was raw emotion spilling between them and she dared to move her hand in a caress against his side, tracing it from his waist up the small of his back. His breath hitched and he stiffened, stepping away from her.

His eyes darted to the front of the shuttle, then nervously back to her. "We… we should move to the cockpit. We'll be expected to command this battle."

She shot him a perplexed look. She didn't know what she'd done. Hot and cold. Light and dark. She guessed this was how it was going to be. Forcing a deep breath, she cast those feelings aside. She had a rescue to plan anyway.

"You never mentioned how I was going to capture these prisoners in the first place," she said.

He reached to his belt, pulling something metallic from underneath the layers of black fabric at his hip. "I'm sure you'll figure something out," he said, stretching his hand out to present it to her. "You've proven to be very resourceful."

Master Skywalker's lightsaber.

 _Her_ lightsaber.

She took the weapon, flaring it to life with a flick of her thumb, imagining how many people's lives the fabled blade had claimed. At least one so far today and she couldn't help but wonder how many more lives it would take before the day was done.

He turned swiftly, black robes arcing behind him and she followed, hooking the lightsaber onto her belt. The crew didn't bother to look up as they entered, instead, they seemed engrossed by the scene sprawling from one side of the cockpit glass to the other.

Crait was an otherworldly place of bleeding salt crystal. Before them, First Order heavy assault walkers plodded across a sea of shimmering minerals, leaving gouges in the ground that looked like bloody footprints. Farther away, the wreckage of ski speeders lay abandoned at the end of deep, crimson gashes they'd cut through the mineral crust before they'd crashed. Beyond them, stood an enormous rusted metal door, likely the entry to an abandoned Resistance base. Her friends, whichever was left of them at least, were in there.

As the pilot maneuvered toward the rear of the middle walker, Ben stumbled, bracing a hand against the pilot's seatback in front of him. His jaw grew slack as he focused on something far off in the distance.

"No," he whispered, shaking his head. "No, that's not possible."

She squinted, leaning forward to see what he was seeing. She reached out with the Force, sensing, feeling. Ben was a distracting mess of panic, fear, and blazing fury at her side. But beyond him, standing before that massive door…

She grasped for the figure with her mind and felt a familiar presence.

Luke Skywalker.


	4. Chapter 4

Her mind raced, trying to figure out why Master Skywalker had come. He'd insisted he wanted nothing to do with this, that he wanted to let the Jedi Order fade into nothingness. Did he plan to face his nephew and former student? Was he here to apologize or make the killing blow he couldn't bear to make years ago?

She reached out to him through the force, testing his presence, feeling for his intentions. There he was, blazing with the Force like a lone sun in a dying system. He must know. With she and Ben so close, he must know she was with him. He must know they had come here together.

A wave of shame washed over her, stifling her senses like a thick blanket. Next to her, Ben wasn't faring much better. Despite her own dulled senses and foggy thoughts, she felt his anger like a fire blazing next to her. Betrayal, hurt, fury - the emotions so raw through their bond it was as if she was feeling them herself.

"I want every gun we have to fire on that man. Do it!" he ordered.

Rey felt the breath leave her all at once, as though he had kicked her in the stomach. "No!"

The pilot, who had already bent forward over the comm station, ready to make the order, turned to stare at her. Then he looked to Ben. "Sir?"

"You heard me," he said, his growling voice more animal than human.

When the man reached for the communications panel again, Rey took hold of him with her mind, freezing him in place. The eyes of the other crew members flicked nervously to their fellow pilot, but they said nothing.

"Rey…" Ben warned. He stepped closer, looming over her in an attempt to intimidate her with his physical advantage.

 _No,_ she said, projecting her voice into his mind. _I won't let you do this_. _If you do this, if you kill him, it will destroy you. Please, just talk to him._

 _I have nothing left to say to Skywalker._

 _Then let this be the distraction we need. While you go down there,_ _I can take this shuttle and search for prisoners. There must be_ _another way out of that base, and if there is, they've probably already found it._

Balled fists and trembling jaw were proof enough that he was not thinking clearly. Still, he loosed a noisy breath and turned back to the pilot.

"Take me closer. I will face him," his eyes burned with that unrelenting fire. "Alone."

Though it wasn't a promise to avoid a fight with Master Skywalker, it would have to be good enough. She released her Force hold on the pilot, who sank backwards in his chair. She snuck a guilty glance at the man as he moved his shaky hands to the shuttle controls again.

Ben gave further orders and the pilot opened communication with General Hux's ship requesting that they land briefly behind the line of walkers. From what Rey gathered from the short conversation, this would allow Ben to board, while a simultaneous transfer of First Order troops would move to this shuttle where Rey would assume command. Rey's mission would be rounding up prisoners who might escape the base. Then Hux's ship would take Ben to meet Master Skywalker.

It took only moments for the two ships to touch down and Rey stood on the loading ramp watching as the last of the First Order troopers marched into the shuttle bay. Before Ben turned to board the general's ship, he addressed the line of soldiers.

"I am placing Rey in command of this ship." His voice still shook with anger, though his face displayed only fixed determination. "Follow her orders as diligently as you would follow mine."

She tried again to reach out to him through their bond, a soothing touch to his rage, like applying a balm to a burn. But he was there with a fiery rebuke – a hot brand singeing through her calm – and he did it without ever looking in her direction. It was clear to her then that Ben was gone. This chaotic energy she felt was pure Kylo Ren.

Rey didn't waste any more time trying to calm him. She needed to get to her friends, if any of them had survived the assault. She received several brief glances from the First Order forces, a company of stormtroopers and the same flight crew that had flown them to Crait.

When the shuttle door sealed shut behind her, she gathered all of her composure and projected it as she spoke to the waiting troops. "You will not kill any Resistance forces you might encounter. Set your weapons for stun."

One confused whisper slowly grew into a cacophonous buzz of a dozen hushed voices. She had to double her volume in order to be heard.

"This is a mission with an ultimate goal of capture. We want the rebels in good condition for questioning, so no unnecessary force."

One trooper turned his head to look toward the others. They spoke in muted tones but Rey could sense their discontent. These troops were not going to listen to her command. They would do what they wanted with her friends, what they'd been trained to do. Kill.

In the black eyes of the stormtrooper's mask, she saw her own reflection – just a small, frightened girl. A nobody with an idiotic plan to try to save a rebellion. Memories flooded her, memories of her friends – embracing Finn after finding out he'd come for her at Starkiller base. He had risked everything to return to the hive of evil he'd only just managed to escape. She could recall perfectly, the comfort of General Organa's arms around her, when she'd hugged her after their return. Chewie tried to be strong, but she knew he needed more than a copilot. Her friends needed her and she needed them. She _would_ make sure they got out safely.

Her arm shot out without thinking, in a gesture she'd only seen one man do. It was cruel. It was below her. But she could not deny that it demanded respect among these wretched people. So she clenched her fingers, manipulating the Force pulsing all around her and brought it crushing in around the defiant stormtrooper's windpipe. There was something insidiously satisfying about the hollow clang of the stormtrooper's knees as they struck steel. The murmurs stopped and the shuttle bay was frozen in an uncomfortable silence.

"No unnecessary force," she repeated, relishing the swell of power coursing through her.

The irony of her command was not lost on the troops. This time there were no whispers of discord among the men.

A rough plan was starting to form in her mind. Her first task as a leader of the First Order would be to somehow get her hot-headed friends onto a First Order shuttle unharmed. She had the fleeting thought that it would be easy to just steal the shuttle and use it to whisk her friends away. But, if she chose that path, she would have no way to influence the First Order. And with so few Resistance fighters left, there would be nothing to stop the First Order from becoming an even more terrifying presence in the galaxy. Ben would surely lose his position as Supreme Leader. And what seemed worst to her at that moment, was the fact that, to Ben, this would just be one more betrayal. It would be one more reason to carry his anger like a torch lighting his path – one more reason never to trust anyone again. She couldn't stomach the idea.

However, if she took them back to the First Order as prisoners, there was no guarantee of anything. She was fairly certain Ben wouldn't kill them, she'd decided that much when they'd spoken of taking prisoners earlier. He did not want to hurt her, didn't want to risk losing her alliance. But Hux and the others… well, she would have to think about later. First, she needed to see if there was anyone left to rescue.

Rey strode with feigned confidence to the cockpit. The ship was already circling the rocky outcroppings that surrounded the base, following orders to search for stragglers. From his throne room, Snoke had shown her enough of the battle to know that there would be very few Resistance fighters left.

"If you see anyone, please let me know before you take action." She scoffed silently at herself for using "please" with her orders. She would need some training on how to be a ruthless dictator if she was going to cut it here.

"Yes, ma'am."

They circled back to the side of the enormous front door and she caught a glimpse of Ben walking across the crystal wasteland to meet his old Master. She touched his mind again, but feeling only rage still, she pulled away, attempting to focus on her own mission. That part of the plan was up to Ben now.

The shuttle continued its arcing path around the base. A silvery trail of swift motion glinted at the corner of Rey's vision. Some kind of native creatures were escaping through the remains of a rock slide. Could there be tunnels down there? She reached out with the Force, trying to feel for signs of life.

Something rippled with energy below – a calming warmth, like a hot drink on a cold night. She pressed her eyelids together, focusing on the energy and she recognized the familiar warmth. General Organa. She attempted to reach out, feeling for her other friends. Finn. Chewie. But when she didn't feel anyone else, she took a soothing breath, attempting to quell her panic.

Of course, General Organa would be the strongest with the Force. It was in her blood. Rey couldn't be certain about anyone else, but if they were there, she would find them. At least if General Organa was alive, there was hope there could be others.

"Down there," she ordered, pointing a finger at the cascade of boulders in the distance. "By that rock slide."

The pilot leaned forward, squinting. "I see it."

"Good, land in front of it," she said.

As the pilot brought the shuttle closer, Rey slipped out of the cockpit, making her way to the shuttle bay. The troopers stiffened as she entered and she could feel their fear.

 _Good_ she thought. _Let them spread the word about me._

Then, she slowly inspected the line of soldiers, looking them up and down until she found one that would be suitable. She stepped in front of the shortest trooper, staring into his mask long enough to cause him to shift on his feet.

"Strip," Rey ordered. "I need your armor."


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's Note: I am so thankful to have received so many wonderful comments about this story. I wanted to say how much each comment means to me. It has really fueled my writing these past few days. And with that said... Hold on tight guys! This chapter is a wild one!_

Rey's boots stomped loudly against the shuttle's loading ramp and she was already getting claustrophobic inside the stifling stormtrooper's helmet. But she needed the disguise. She couldn't allow the Resistance to know she was with the First Order. Worse, if her friends saw her, she knew the look of hurt in their eyes would undo her resolve to go through with this.

She had made her decision. She was taking her friends prisoner and returning them to Ben's flagship, wherever that may be. Then she would work on a way to free them while loosening the First Order's noose on the galaxy. She was in too deep to change direction now.

The mineral crust of the planet crunched under her boots as she stepped down from the ramp and turned to address the squad of stormtroopers. Sixteen soldiers, including one short, scowling man with no armor, stood ready to receive their orders.

"Divide the company onto either side of these boulders," she said, her voice taking on a metallic edge through the helmet's comm system. "Set to stun," she reminded.

They nodded, taking position on either side of what Rey suspected was a collapsed tunnel. She climbed behind one of the larger boulders, taking further precautions to remain unseen and opened her mind up to the Force to do what was needed to clear a path to her friends.

As she reached out, an electric shock of white-hot rage echoed in her mind. Anger so ferocious it actually hurt. Wincing, she raised a hand to the boulder in front of her to steady herself.

 _Ben?_

She received no answer.

A moment later, she felt an intense heat reverberate through the Force. The heat was gone as soon as it had come, leaving the world colder somehow. The final flare of a dying sun.

Master Skywalker.

She wished there was some miracle of the Force that would let her be in two places at once so she could see what was going on between them.

One thing was certain, if Ben had been that angry, something was very wrong. And if that was the case, they were running out of time, she had to focus on the current obstacle – get her friends out. They were there, just behind those rocks. She could still feel General Organa's presence. So Rey let herself go, drawing on the Force, allowing the current of life surrounding her to flow through her veins.

Power hummed to life within her. She only had to imagine the path clear and a moment later, it was so. Impossibly heavy chunks of stone were raised before being tossed to the side like throw pillows instead of the massive boulders they were.

General Organa stood open-mouthed, behind Finn, Poe, and a handful of others. Rey couldn't believe how few survivors there were. Was this really all that was left of the Resistance?

The troopers were frozen in disbelief and remained that way for several seconds after Rey barked her first order.

"Capture them!" She repeated the order, much louder this time, and they finally turned the corner into the tunnel.

Blaster fire sounded from inside, several shots ricocheting far too close to Rey's head, and two stormtroopers dropped almost instantly. The squad moved into the tunnel, ducking for cover behind stray boulders as they went. One more took a direct hit and toppled over as Rey, herself, moved into the darkness.

A musty odor filled her nostrils as she ventured farther in. As her eyes adjusted to the dim light, she was startled by the whine of an engine behind her. A very familiar engine.

The Millenium Falcon.

Of course, Chewie would be the one to get the Resistance fighters out of the base. She'd been stupid not to think of him. She needed to hurry.

She moved farther into the tunnel, following the path of the troopers, trying not to get lost in the deafening roar of blaster fire. She caught a glimpse of Finn through the smoky haze of battle, ducking from behind a larger outcropping to fire at the troopers ahead. The shot glanced off armor and the stormtrooper fired back, missing.

 _These troops couldn't hit the broad side of a happabore,_ she thought.

They exchanged fire for what felt like an eternity, before a single, powerful laser bolt tore through the air and the tunnel wall exploded nearby, pelting her with a spray of rock shards. Had that blast come from behind? She turned to see the silhouette of Chewbacca framed against the bright sunlight, bowcaster aimed directly at her.

This was not going well.

Panic flared in her chest and she breathed deeply, attempting to find the space in the Force where calm control seemed to thrive. She reached out through the force, tugging on the bowcaster at the same time the weapon discharged. Panic flashed even brighter as she attempted a Force deflection but it was too late, she was too distracted by emotion, and the bolt ripped into her upper leg, leaving burned armor in its wake.

A scream tore from her throat and her leg gave out, sending her reeling into the wall.

The bowcaster landed at her feet and Chewie charged toward her.

She shook her head, trying to clear her racing thoughts before reaching her arm out, holding Chewie's leg in a Force hold, keeping him from moving closer. She felt frantically for the blaster she'd strapped to her side. It wasn't there. Had it fallen in the blast?

She couldn't throw Chewie back. She couldn't hurt him, but she had no weapon to stun him and she couldn't keep this hold forever.

Fear. It loomed at her periphery, like a dark fog threatening to envelop her. Her grip on the force was already slipping, weakening. She couldn't let the darkness overtake her.

 _Rey!_ Ben's voice was everywhere. _What's happening?_

 _I can't do this,_ she answered, hand shaking with exertion. _Finn, Chewie, they're all here and I – I'm..._

 _Afraid,_ he finished.

 _Yes._

 _Good,_ he said. _Use it._

More blaster fire, this time from over her shoulder.

 _The fear. The pain. The dark. Use it._ The anger she'd heard in his voice a moment ago was replaced by one of calculated certainty. The voice of a teacher.

She allowed herself, just for an instant, to let the darkness creep closer, testing its pull, testing the way it changed the balance of the Force around her. A sudden icy sharpness overtook her senses making things clear, slowing things down.

 _It's not right,_ she said. _It's cold._

When he finally answered, his voice was dark and silky, mesmerizing, and she felt its low rumble in her body as much as she heard it in her mind. _You are not alone,_ he said.

It was what she needed to hear.

She felt for the darkness at the edge of her mind – an impossibly deep abyss. Cold. Fear. It was there, churning, waiting, and then…

She unleashed it with a visceral scream of pain. Darkness drew across her world, like black curtains over the sunlight. Power danced in her veins, screaming for release and she answered the call. With one hand raised, she held Chewie against the wall of the tunnel while moving farther into the base to the aid of her men.

Bodies of her own stormtroopers littered the ground.

They were losing.

 _Let it fuel you,_ he said.

But she hardly heard him anymore. She rushed past the remaining troopers, letting the darkness guide her mind as she called for Finn's blaster. It obediently flew into her open hand. His eyes flashed with terror, but she didn't think, didn't feel. She only repeated this cold, calculated movement again and again until every weapon had been stripped from the Resistance fighters. When they ran, attempting to push themselves past with brute force, she simply held them all in place.

She could have held that icy grip forever, but she didn't have to. The remaining stormtroopers, now rallied to action, fired on their marks, stunning each of them.

The bodies of her friends crumpled to the ground, one by one.

When quiet finally descended upon the dark tunnels in the belly of the Resistance base, Rey stood, chest heaving with exertion. The room stank of death -burned flesh and laser fire.

Darting a glance back into the tunnel, a sudden dread filled her as she realized – Chewie was gone. She'd been so distracted by the Resistance fighters, she'd somehow loosened her grip on him. She'd let him escape.

She tried to run, tried to push herself toward the tunnel entrance after him, but her injured leg locked in a painful spasm. She tumbled forward onto her outstretched palms.

A stormtrooper was there in an instant, pulling her up, draping her arm over his shoulder as he steadied her. The fire in her leg only intensified as they made their way to the entrance. The limp bodies of her unconscious friends hung like dolls across the shoulders and arms of the remaining stormtroopers who carried them toward the shuttle. As she looked up into the blue sky of Crait, a fading silver spot, was all she could see of the Millenium Falcon.

She watched, bleary-eyed, as the stormtroopers loaded her friends into the transport. She tried to hobble forward to the shuttle herself, but pain nearly overtook her right there, and the world began to spin. From behind her, a familiar voice boomed over the remaining troops.

"Search the entirety of the base. Ensure there are no more survivors."

She turned to see Ben rush to her and the helpful stormtrooper moved away nervously, allowing Ben to step in beside her. He scooped her into his arms in one fluid motion, and through the haze of her senses, she saw the intensity in his eyes.

"What happened?" She asked. "Master Skywalker is gone isn't he?"

His jaw clenched, trembling with emotion.

He ignored her question. "We need to get you to a medic," he said. "I know some healing, but-"

His voice trailed off as Rey reached up to his face, running weak fingers in a caress along the line of his jaw. "Thank you."

His lips parted as though he would speak, but he closed them again, holding her tight against him as he carried her toward Hux's shuttle. Through heavy-lidded eyes, Rey thought she saw a slow smile tug at the corner of his lip.

And with dark eyes as deep as the abyss she'd just returned from, he looked into her. He looked deep into the core of her, with that hint of a smile still playing across his lips.

"You were incredible," he said.


	6. Chapter 6

Rey's eyes were heavy with sleep. She had no idea how long she'd been out. Memories of battle flashed through her mind – fear and power and Ben…

Even before she lifted her eyelids, she knew…

He was here.

And he was… _touching_ her.

She forced her eyes open, squinting against the bright lights of the shuttle bay shining down from above. Lifting her head gingerly, she saw that she lay sprawled across several seats. Ben knelt at her side, head bowed, waves of Force rippling around him.

His fingertips brushed her thigh, slowly, gently, leaving a tingly trail of heat in their wake. But he wasn't looking at her. His eyes were closed, his brows furrowed. He was focused.

The wound on her upper thigh throbbed, burning so deep it roused her from her stupor and she tried to push herself up onto her elbows.

Ben was there with a gentle hand, guiding her back down. "Stay still," he said, his voice a low rasp.

He held his hands over the injury as a buzzing sensation moved up and down the gash on her leg. The pulsing fire that had burned there uncontrollably began to cool slightly around the edges. She lifted her chin to see the change in the wound. It was as though her very flesh had begun to knit together. She sucked in a sharp breath as she realized what he was doing. He was using the Force to heal her. Was such a thing even possible?

Ben was breathing heavier now, his face scrunched in concentration. Sweat slicked his hair to his face, though she wasn't sure if that was from the exertion of healing or the earlier battle.

The air inside the shuttle was thick with the stink of burning electronics and melted metal. She didn't think Hux's shuttle had taken any damage during the battle, so the smell was a little worrisome. She turned her head, blowing out a loud, exasperated breath as she found the source of the odor. A control panel on the far wall had been slashed – burned with criss-crossing gashes in what she knew was likely a rage-filled temper tantrum.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" she asked, hardly recognizing her own raspy voice.

Obviously, they'd both done way too much screaming today.

"Are you going to sit still and be quiet so I can finish this?"

She listened to the unmistakable whine of the hyperdrive for as long as she could stand, before she couldn't take it anymore.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

Ben sighed, pulling his hands away and balling them into fists. "Alright, at least you won't bleed to death."

"Where did you learn to do that?" she asked.

He rose from his knees and ran a hand through his hair before taking a seat beside her.

"Snoke," he stated flatly. "Though he was disappointed with my progress. If I was really skilled in healing, I wouldn't have fallen to you at Starkiller Base."

"You were weakened on Starkiller for other reasons," she said.

Rey thought he would deny it. She thought he would run from his feelings, the way he always did.

Instead, he dared to hold her gaze. "Yes," he said. "I was."

"But you were not weakened this time," she said. "When you faced your uncle."

His jaw twitched at the family name. "No."

"Then you didn't kill him?"

He rose to his feet suddenly and she thought he might resume his violent redecorating of the electronics panels, but he only continued to stand, shoulders tense, facing away from her.

"I wanted to." His voice was half-choked with emotion, but she couldn't see his face. "I _would_ have."

Rey pushed herself to sit, ignoring the jolt of pain that shot down her leg as she eased it over the edge of the seat. She let her eyes close, tugging at the bond that connected them, and she was there, with him in his memory.

She could see Master Luke through his eyes. So much darkness… but there, at the edge of his vision…

 _Can you feel the warmth, Ben? When you think about your Uncle?_ She made her voice as gentle as possible, a soft rustle in his mind. _The tiny slivers of bright white light?_

She felt his mind try to close her off.

 _Yes, you feel betrayed. But didn't you, as a boy, didn't you love him?_ She paused, letting him mull over her words. _I feel it._

He was motionless in that instant, allowing her to remain with him, feeling his conflict, experiencing the emotions that seemed to torment him endlessly. He stood with his back rigid, saying nothing for another long moment before his mind snapped shut, locking himself in with his pain.

When he turned to face her, his eyes were red-rimmed and moist. He opened and closed his trembling hands, squeezing them into fists and then relaxing them again.

There was a sharpness to his voice when he finally spoke. "Why do you cling so naively to the light?" He was straining against the rage, he was dangerously close to the edge. "Even after what you did? What you accomplished when you opened yourself to the dark?"

But Rey didn't see it that way. It wasn't some foolish adherence to one side of the other. She was only trying to connect to the energy she felt would be the most valuable in the situation. If the light was trying to break through to Ben, why resist it? Why not embrace it?

"It seems reckless to ignore your instincts," she said. "The warmth, the light of those memories. It takes so much more energy to hold them back."

Veins stood out against his temples. Muscles in his jaw clenched impossibly tight. He was a coiled spring ready to burst, but he didn't. He was trying. He was actually trying not to explode at her.

He took another step forward. He was standing in front of her now, so tall her neck strained to meet his eyes. "We were unstoppable, Rey. Against Snoke." He never took his eyes off her as he removed his gloves and tucked them into his belt. "Did you feel it?"

She had felt it. Fighting with him, back to back, in perfect synchrony had felt… right.

"The entire Praetorian guard, Rey."

He reached out to her – his hand was twice the size of her own, his fingers so long his grip seemed to completely envelop hers. So strong, but his skin was impossibly soft. She became instantly aware of the quickening rhythm of her heart.

She shouldn't want him this close. He was a murderer. He was _evil._

But when he sat down again beside her, this time interlacing his fingers with hers, she was sure. Ben Solo wasn't evil. This man with her now, was not the enemy.

Snoke had tried to eliminate Ben Solo. In fact, he'd come very close. Kylo Ren had almost completely consumed Ben. But she was starting to see him surface more often. It had started in small gasping instants of vulnerability. But here he was, now, begging for her acceptance, for her partnership.

She squeezed his hand, leaning a head onto his shoulder. "I felt it," she whispered. "I _still_ feel it, Ben."

"I used to hate when you called me that."

He pulled in a long breath and she felt his shoulders relax as he exhaled.

Closing her eyes, she pulled herself into the present, using the rise and fall of his breathing, the warmth of his body so close, his pain, everything around her, to reach out through the Force. Searching for her friends, for the steady peace of General Organa's presence nearby.

"They are safe," he said, his voice jarring her back to her seat in the shuttle.

"Do I ever get any private thoughts?" she said, pulling her head from his shoulder to look at him.

"I wasn't reading your mind, you stretched out to your… to your friends," he said. "I felt your reach."

The heave and gentle pitch of the ship's engine announced that they had come out of light speed.

Before she could ask where they were, Ben spoke. "We're bringing the prisoners to The Finalizer. With the Supremacy out of commission indefinitely, I am moving my quarters."

She nodded, pleased to know what was happening, but needing more.

"You'll have your own space in the officer's block. You have the evening to see the medic, to rest, and get cleaned up before we make the announcement to the fleet – to the entire First Order."

"What announcement?"

"I asked you to join me – to rule, to bring about change."

She pressed her eyebrows together, still not seeing where this was going.

"We need to appear publicly and announce our ascension to the throne," he said.

" _Our_ ascension? As Supreme Leaders?"

He shook his head. "No. Not if we want something different. We cannot assume the mantle of Supreme Leader Snoke if we plan to drastically change things, we need something new."

"Like a New Order?" she asked

"Exactly." That teasing smile was back on his lip. "Something new, with echoes of the familiar so the people will accept our new direction."

"And what is that new direction?" she asked.

He grew quiet, though he'd shifted in his seat to look at her straight on, as though he wanted to answer. Maybe he was as unsure as she was about the path forward.

Wordlessly, she pulled his hand into her lap, fingers still interlocked, and traced gentle lines on the back of his hand. He sighed, almost inaudibly at her touch, and she felt his breathing accelerate. He leaned in closer, brown eyes warmer, more yielding than she'd ever seen them. His lips were so close, full, slightly parted for her and she breathed him in. The scent of him was intoxicating – soft leather and the sweat of battle.

Heavy footfalls ripped her eyes from Ben's, toward the entry to the cockpit. Hux scowled from the shadows, eyes drifting down to their hands, then to her eyes. His cold gaze bored into her, but Rey did not relent, staring back until Hux glanced away.

Ben stiffened and stood awkwardly, twisting his hand out of her grasp.

"We are approaching the Finalizer." Hux's voice dripped with disdain. "Prisoners have been sedated for transfer."

"Thank you General," he said, "We will address the fleet tomorrow morning. See to it that preparations are made to facilitate such an occasion."

Hux simply nodded. No 'yes sir', no 'right away,' not a word indicating his respect for Ben's position. He simply turned back to the cockpit, leaving them in a tense silence.

"He will need to be watched," Rey said. "Carefully."

"I've been watching that man for years," he answered. "He won't stand a chance against us. Not now. Not together."

Rey wasn't so sure. There was something about his icy blue eyes that clung to her and wouldn't let her go.

Ben offered a hand to help her to her feet. "Can you walk if I support you? Or shall I give you the grand entrance an Empress deserves and carry you over the threshold?"

 _Empress?_

"You don't like it?" He narrowed his eyes, studying her reaction. "Something new with echoes of the familiar," he said, repeating the words he'd used earlier.

"Emperor and Empress?" she asked, pushing off her good leg as she used his hand for leverage to stand.

He nodded.

"I think it's better than Supreme Leader Ren and Supreme Leader Rey," she said. "That could be a bit confusing."

He let something close to a laugh escape his lips before gathering his expression again.

"Alright then, Empress," he said, offering a low bow in her direction. His eyes sparkled with mischief and she could imagine a young Ben Solo, teasing the other students in training at the Jedi temple. An echo of what could have been, or maybe a promise of what was yet to come. She still wasn't certain which. "Your people await your command."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note:** Thank you, thank you for all of the wonderful reviews! It's like unwrapping a Christmas gift each time I get a notification :D Wishing all my fantastic readers a very Merry Christmas!

* * *

After stripping from the waist down, soaking her leg in gelatinous goo for fifteen minutes, and then lying torturously still as a medical droid worked on her for another half hour, Rey was relieved when she could finally test her leg. Between Ben's healing and the best medical care First Order money could buy, she could actually put weight on it now.

Ben had left her in the care of the medical staff before heading to the Finalizer's command bridge to give more instruction on the announcement tomorrow and to ensure a smooth transition of power. There were also several ongoing conflicts in the Outer Rim which continued to demand careful allocation of troops and resources, and while Hux was the primary military strategist, Ben didn't want to allow him too much autonomy in the decision-making.

So Rey followed one of the medics who was tasked with showing Rey her quarters – a burly, blonde woman with an angled bob cut.

The medic cast an anxious glance over her shoulder and Rey imagined the woman had already heard something about her. As Kylo Ren's right hand, she would just have to get used to the staring.

They passed through corridors and hallways. Up one lift and into another, all waxed floors and cold metal walls, until they finally reached her room. The woman keyed in a code on the panel and the doors whisked open.

The medic turned stiffly to address her. "I have called for the hygiene staff to assist you in your preparations as instructed. Good day, ma'am." She nodded curtly, retreating down the hallway as fast as she possibly could.

Hygiene staff? What in the blazes was that? She hoped it wasn't as… personal as it sounded.

Rey entered her quarters which were as sparse and sterile as the rest of the ship. There was a single bed along one wall and a closet, built in book case, mirror, and drawers – all steel of course – along the other. At the rear of the space was a doorway to the refresher.

She hardly had time to sit before a tinny knock sounded from the door.

Grudgingly, Rey answered. "Come in."

The doors slid open to reveal a thin, sharp featured man with glossy brown hair parted to the side. His First Order garb was unlike any she'd seen before. His charcoal suit was tailored to the perfect fit, and were those coat tails draping behind his jacket?

He sprang into the space with a gait that almost seemed choreographed.

"Good evening, my lady," he said, bowing deeply. "I am called Quinn. I've been assigned to help you with your public appearance tomorrow."

 _My lady?_

Rey had to stifle a laugh. This man was the last person she expected in a place like this. Quinn seemed like some vestige of another era where important men and women sipped exotic drinks at balls and gossiped about the affairs of other aristocrats.

"Please call me, Rey," she said before raising an eyebrow, leaning forward. "You are, the hygiene staff?" she asked.

He sighed haughtily. "I prefer to call what I do, personal artistry." Light steps carried him closer and he looked her up and down. "And you could do with a little… sculpting," he said, twisting the last word along with his lip into a devious smile.

Rey was already resigned to the fact that she probably looked exactly how she felt… ratty, worn, and hung out to dry. Quinn had his hands full if he hoped to turn her into an Empress by tomorrow morning.

Quinn stood eye to eye with her, a shadow of a smile lingering on his face, before he plucked some tools from his pocket and began measuring her. Waist, shoulders, height, chest – he wrapped her with tape, tugged her arms, and pulled at the scraps of her remaining clothes.

Rey shifted uncomfortably under his scrupulous attention and attempted to make small talk to fill the awkward silence. "How do you come to find yourself here, Quinn?"

He tensed, ever so slightly before responding. "Though my time here on the Finalizer has been brief, I have been in service on a number of Resurgent-Class vessels, my lady. I don't remember a time when I wasn't serving, the First Order."

"Is your family part of the First Order, too?"

Immediately after the words spilled out of her mouth, she wished she could pick them back up again.

"I do not know, my lady."

Of course he didn't. It was a stupid question. So many First Order recruits were taken from their families as young children.

Quinn held his tools just a little tighter as he finished his work. Rey attempted to keep their conversation light for the remainder of their time together that evening. He left briefly, "to place an order for more appropriate clothing," he told her. Then he returned to see to her nails, her hair, her skin, clipping and scrubbing at her many callouses, before instructing her to bathe.

"I will be back in the morning," he said, offering a sweeping bow in her direction. "Good night, my lady."

When Rey went to the rear of her quarters and spotted the Sonic 'fresher, she had to stop herself from wishing for real water instead of the dry shower she would get aboard the ship tonight. She shook her head at her own self-centered desires. She should be delighted with this treatment. Who was she to deserve to even _live_ when so many others today had died.

 _You are no one,_ he had said. That first part had been Kylo Ren, cutting her down, trying to force her into panic.

 _But not to me._ But the last part, she knew now, had been Ben trying to grasp for her in the dark. She ached for the touch of his mind. Of his hand, of his…

She shook her head. _Dangerous thoughts_ , she told herself.

She needed to focus on what was to come. She needed to strike the right chord with the First Order tomorrow and cast a presence of control and power, while still offering a promise to those who really mattered – a promise that perhaps, something could be different. She wanted to offer a tiny sliver of hope for the hopeless, but one bad step and the whole galaxy would be watching.

After a careful wash in the 'fresher, Rey sank back onto the bed.

She spent the rest of the evening relishing the feel of being truly clean. How many times had she lain alone on nights like this, greasy from scavenging, injured and aching for the kind of medical attention she'd received tonight? With her friends lying in cells somewhere nearby, she knew she didn't deserve any of this. Guilt washed over her, but she tried to push it away. It was for a reason. All of this, for a purpose. To minimize the suffering in the galaxy, to loosen the grip of terror – this would take time.

As she drifted toward sleep, her mind jumped at every sound. She would rouse only slightly, imagining the person she wanted to see standing tall in the doorway, only to find there was no one there. When sleep finally took her, she became completely encased in its firm hold. For the first night in a long time, Rey did not dream.

Quinn appeared at her door early, carrying a bundle of fine black fabric in his arms. He helped her get dressed first. She thought it might be awkward having a man help her with such an activity, but he was ever the seasoned professional. After the dress was arranged just so, he spent what felt like an eternity gathering her hair into an intricately braided up-do before finishing with a touch of make-up.

He gave a her a satisfied once over and bid her good day, turning in a whirl of coattails, leaving her alone to gaze at the unfamiliar reflection in the mirror.

Her eyes, lined with black and shadowed in silvers, reflected a cool ferocity as she let her gaze trail down to the dress. Its tight-fitting bodice hugged her hips before sweeping into loose plaits of silky, black fabric. The front collar of the over-coat framed her chin and cut into a steep V-shaped neckline. The whole look was sharp, yet delicate, giving her the regal intensity of a leader. In all the years back on Jakku, she'd never touched fabric so soft, let alone worn anything close to this fine. She didn't even have a mirror then, only broken glass and polished steel collected from her scavenging trips. She couldn't believe it, but standing here looking at herself, she actually felt…

"Beautiful."

Her hand shot out, reflexively drawing her lightsaber from the bookshelf into her hand. A familiar voice let out a low chuckle behind her and heat rose to her cheeks. She hadn't heard him enter, she'd been so distracted.

"Don't you know how to knock?" she asked, feigning insult at his apparent lack of understanding of privacy.

When she turned toward the doorway, she had to employ every ounce of self-control to keep from gawking too obviously at the figure before her. She swallowed, allowing her eyes to rove over him. Though she knew she should be trying for non-chalance, she couldn't ignore such a change in his outward appearance. Ben's shadowed smile was there, but buried deeper now underneath the guise of his newest persona, Emperor Kylo Ren.

Longer robes swept the floor as he moved into her room. They were tailored not for fighting but for conveying a sense of fear and awe. Over his broad shoulders he wore a black cloak accented with scarlet trim, gathered and sweeping over one side, creating an air of lethal grace. He wore no mask but his own, and as he entered, he displayed it for her – aloof and uncaring, but with a frosty bite that promised reckoning.

Then, he allowed the mask to drop, and it was Ben Solo standing before her, biting his lip as he drank her in.

"Beautiful," he repeated, a strand of wavy, black hair falling over his eye. She had to bite back the impulse to reach out and touch it, to run her fingers through it.

Rey ignored the knot forming in her throat. "You already said that," she said, trying to deflect his compliment, acknowledging his flattering words would only intensify the wild beating of her heart.

He raised an eyebrow. "The junk traders never knew what they had back on Jakku."

She scowled half-heartedly. "You are positively intolerable," she said.

"How will you ever manage?" he teased.

Rey was pretty certain he was flirting and it surprised her. She hadn't been sure how Ben was going to react once he was back in his own familiar territory, but it didn't seem as if much had changed. They'd grown closer after he'd helped her back on Crait.

She smiled, wishing for him to take her hand again, wanting to feel his skin against hers, to pick up where they left off. But he looked over his shoulder, as if hearing something out in the hall, before turning back. He was jumpy – distracted.

He took a seat on the edge of the bed and picked at the seam of his glove. His thoughts were now far away from them. She sat beside him and he spoke, his tone all business. "We need to prepare for this announcement."

First, he outlined what they would say about Snoke's death. It had actually been Hux's idea to blame it on a traitor in the Praetorian Guard, which made Rey uneasy. Any idea of Hux's would have to be examined very closely. She couldn't trust him as far as she could throw him and no matter how much she'd like to try that experiment…

Still, Ben had a point. Though there would be questions asked, this story would be easier to force-feed to the masses than the truth – that Kylo Ren had betrayed his master. If word of such a thing spread, the Knights of Ren would come sniffing around and everyone would have betrayal on their lips. They would have to toe an even more dangerous line.

Ben assured her this plan would be safer – blame it on a disgruntled Praetorian guard and plant a fake history of gradually escalating "signs" of his discontent. They needed someone to take the fall. Hux had already collected some intelligence on one of the guards that made him a logical choice.

Second, if anyone asked why Rey was onboard the Supremacy that day, she would answer that she was responding to Snoke's summons. He was planning to elevate her to apprentice alongside Ben. The only ones who would possibly reject the idea would be The Knights of Ren, and Ben swore to handle them quickly. They would argue that dual apprenticeship was planned by Snoke, therefore, a dual ascension should follow after his death.

They settled on a few other minor details and Ben announced the time had grown near for them to head to the observation deck, where they'd arranged for the transmission to take place.

He stood, stashed his gloves in his belt, and took her hand. Warmth fluttered in her chest at his touch and slowly spread to her limbs.

Why was she reacting to him like this? She shouldn't want him so close all the time.

Rey snuck glances at him from the corner of her eye as they navigated the corridors, but his face divulged nothing. He'd donned the mask of Emperor Kylo Ren again and if he was having the same feelings she was, he wasn't letting it show.

"Won't they see this…" she glanced down at their interlaced fingers, "as a sign of weakness?"

"An Emperor and Empress should eventually be bound to one other physically, shouldn't they?" he asked. "We are presenting a sign that we are willingly coming together in this political rise to power. This is an engagement as much as an announcement of ascension."

"Ben Solo." She pulled him to a stop, stepping in front of him to study the uneasy expression on his face. "Either I just heard you wrong or you just offered up the least romantic wedding proposal in the history of the galaxy."


	8. Chapter 8

"Rey, please," Ben said, looking past her, in an obvious attempt to avoid eye contact. "What did you think I meant by Emperor and Empress? Don't make this more complicated than it needs to be. Everyone will – "

"Complicated?" She felt her throat tighten, she wanted to scream, but passing First Order staff were already staring as it was. "Of course this is complicated."

He sighed. "Many apprentices duel to replace their masters. Wars are born from complicated inheritance of power. But our … situation leaves this path as another viable option."

Rey had never been a romantic, but thinking of marriage as a _viable option_ wasn't exactly the dream proposal most girls imagined.

"People have married for political reasons for millennia," he said, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself than anything else. "And when they see how powerful you are, there will be no room for dissent."

Though Rey knew this whole Empress thing was for show, to cover their tracks, to keep them in power, she couldn't help but wonder about the other moments they'd shared. His tentative touches, his brief flirtations, those looks he was giving her, were they only given out of necessity? To convince her to go ahead with all of this? To manipulate her into feeling something for him?

She felt disgusted with herself for not realizing it before.

"Also," he leaned in close enough for his breath to tickle her ear. "You must get out of the habit of calling me Ben in public. If the others—"

"Alright." She furrowed her brows and took a commanding step toward him. "I get it. I won't complicate things with those useless _feelings_ you try so hard to avoid and I won't use your real name when I address my soon to be _husband_." She glared hard at him, trying to keep her jaw from trembling. "Does that about cover it, _Kylo_?"

His throat bobbed before the corners of his mouth drew into a scowl. Waves of force pressed against her mind and he started down the hall. She'd touched a nerve. She was happy to walk the rest of the way three paces behind him.

They rode the lift in silence to the top of the ship's observatory. Doors opened to reveal a panoramic view of the galaxy in every direction. Stars peeked out from the black curtain of space and a small greenish planet, swirling with violent storms, shone over the bow of the Finalizer.

She stretched out with her senses and heard several officers in the room draw a collective breath as she and Ben came into the wide viewing room. If it was she or Ben they were reacting to, she couldn't be certain, but it made her wonder how much they'd been told about her. Ben and Hux had surely fanned the flames of gossip, letting the stormtroopers spread the story of what had happened on Crait. She imagined that cultivating fear was faster and more effective at creating a following than nurturing a slow-growing respect.

Ben reached out to clutch her hand – all a part of the show. He was tenser than before, though when she gave him a sideways glance, she saw nothing but cold indifference in his eyes, no hint of their argument in the hallway. He led her to the space at the front of the largest center panel of windows. Lighting was set up to illuminate the place they would broadcast from. Ben had explained their announcement would appear in a cross-system holoshow created to memorialize Snoke and honor his service to the First Order.

Hux stood bathed in the spotlight, not a hair out of place, looking much more rested than she'd seen him yesterday. He was flanked by officers with names and ranks she could not identify. Ben led her toward the crowd, introducing her to each officer in turn. She made sure to let them feel the touch of her mind on them as she shook their hands, just as Ben had instructed. Not enough to hurt, but to let them feel that she could break through if she wanted.

One particularly wrinkled man began to sweat profusely after their introduction and Rey was sure she saw Ben smirk, but the expression was gone before she could dare to take a second glance. The crowd mixed for a few moments before the holocrew gave the warning that the broadcast would begin shortly. Rey and Ben stood front and center with a line of First Order officers standing as an intimidating living backdrop.

When the signal was given to begin, General Hux introduced some of the officers standing off to the side. Admiral Jeel was the sweaty one, Colonel Veespa a severe-looking woman in a blue suit, and several others, but Rey couldn't see the faces positioned behind her.

After the introductions, Hux continued with a convincing dialogue, using just the right blend of emotion and resolve, to explain the details of Supreme Leader Snoke's murder. When he was finished, he gestured a hand and bowed deeply to "Kylo Ren, the Right Hand of Supreme Leader Snoke."

Ben's eyes were stormy with darkness now, she could feel it permeating the air around her, wafting off of him – the rage he bottled inside and the hate he held for those who stood against him hung about his shoulders like a second cloak. He was allowing the darkness to change him, to project a more powerful presence and he did it in such a subtle way, that viewers of the holoshow would have no idea why they felt compelled to do what Kylo Ren commanded. Standing so near him when he was like this was…

Rey sucked in a steadying breath shaking the carnal thoughts from her mind.

"Thank you General Hux," he began, his voice velvety smooth, a tone of pure, confident control. "I'm here to introduce the galaxy to a woman who Supreme Leader Snoke held in the highest regard. The Supreme Leader had invited her to The Supremacy to elevate her to the most revered position in the First Order. She was to be my equal. She was to aid us by rooting out traitors to our mission. She was to be the Supreme Leader's second apprentice," he paused, letting his words sink in. "Unfortunately, Supreme Leader Snoke was murdered before this could transpire."

 _He has the crowd. They fear him. They believe him._

"Fortunately, before his death, he had outlined his plans to me – plans for this young woman. We discussed the potential he saw in her – a raw power that he had not seen in decades – a power I have seen myself as she helped the First Order forces on Crait crush the Resistance once and for all. Now, she stands by my side as my equal. Our planned union is intended to pay tribute to Snoke's final plan."

 _The officer's eyes – I can feel all of them._

General Hux then moved between them to speak. "With Supreme Leader Snoke murdered, we have the difficult responsibility of choosing his heir to the First Order. However, as our Supreme Leader had already forged a path ahead in this vein, deeming both of these individuals worthy of his right hand, ascension to the throne has been narrowed down to either of the two individuals standing before you. The ascension to leadership could have been violently contested. But our own Kylo Ren chose a different path – one of order and combined power. Yesterday, he asked for this young apprentice's hand in marriage."

It took a sheer act of will to suppress an eye roll. _Well, at least it sounds semi-romantic when Hux tells the story._

"Now, we are in a unique position to transfer the title of Leader of the First Order to a pair of individuals. With this, we begin a New Order. We will continue to fight against rebels and traitors to our unified vision. We will forge a dynasty worthy of the men and women who fight for stability, for the men and women who carry our message across the far reaches of the galaxy. I am pleased to introduce a supremely powerful pair who will fight for any person who chooses to uphold the New Order. I give you Emperor Kylo Ren and his betrothed, the future Empress Rey."

Ben swept her forward and she ducked her chin slightly, acknowledging the eyes of the entire galaxy on her. She channeled her fear, her panic, as Ben had instructed her on Crait, to project a darkness of her own. Ignoring the guilt of anyone who might know her from the Resistance and now think her a traitor, she stared directly into the holocam, making certain that anyone watching saw only unwavering strength.

Ben stepped in next to her, radiating that heart-pounding darkness, gloved hand still firmly gripping hers, before the lights flicked off and the holocam operator signaled the end of their transmission.

The room became a sea of grey and blue suits swirling around them. Rey was surprised by how many officers wished her and Ben well. But then, so long as they kept their positions with hopes of climbing the ranks, what did they care who served as the face of the New Order?

As the crowd began to disperse, many officers excused themselves to rejoin the vessels they hailed from, but Hux and the sweaty Admiral cornered them before they, too, could reach the lift.

Rey didn't like the way Admiral Jeel looked her up and down before turning to address Ben. "I'm sure the General asked for your thoughts regarding attendance of the memorial ball on Coruscant?"

Ben's lip twitched, but he nodded. "We discussed it briefly."

"It would be a good opportunity for the New Order to gain fresh ground in the old political circles there. Show that we are putting outdated ideals to rest and looking toward… fresh ideas." The man licked his thick lips, looking at Rey as he spoke the last word.

Hux cut in quickly. "Admiral Jeel has ties to several old republic houses who have remained neutral thus far, which is the reason to hold the memorial ball on Coruscant. We should begin looking toward new funding immediately. It would be a good – "

"Yes, General. I understand what is at stake and I can assure you that the future Empress and I will attend."

Admiral Jeel quirked an eyebrow at Ben, seemingly un-phased by his stony expression. "I suppose congratulations are in order. I wasn't sure a man of your _talents_ could take a wife."

Rey had to fight to keep from reaching out to slap the disgusting expression off the admiral's face. A protective tug pulled down their bond and Rey could feel the tension of Ben's boiling temper just below the surface. He'd obviously taken issue with the man's choice of words as well. Even Hux stiffened barely noticeably as Rey held her breath, waiting for Ben's response.

"The universe has delivered my precise match in both power and shared purpose," he answered, letting his eyes flick to her and then back to the Admiral, daring Jeel to offend him again. "I would be a fool to turn away such a gift."

Ben was certainly playing his part well, and Admiral Jeel finally nodded, excusing himself to rejoin his command on another ship. Hopefully a ship that was far, far away.

Hux remained, leaning in close so his voice didn't carry to the group of colonels behind them. "Careful," he warned. "Your Knights of Ren have been speaking with Admiral Jeel already. They were helping Jeel finish a mission for Snoke in the Outer Rim when they heard about the murder. He tells me your Knights are suspicious, having heard nothing from you yourself, and wish to meet the lady Rey before the marriage is officiated."

Ben's grip on her hand tightened.

"Do they plan to attend the Supreme Leader's Memorial?"

"I haven't heard," Hux answered.

"Then please deliver a message to them," he said. "An official invitation to be our esteemed guests."

"Yes, Emperor Ren," he said, splitting a long look between them before sweeping into a low bow and moving off to bid goodbye to a group of officers nearing the lifts.

Ben followed, attempting to lead her out of the observatory, nodding to a few more unfamiliar faces as they passed.

Once they turned the corner away from the lift, out of the eyes of prying military strategists, Ben dropped her hand. She listened to the click of their boot heels against the floor, trying not to think, trying not to panic. The Knights of Ren. She'd seen them in Ben's mind. Couldn't they just look into her and see what she had planned? But he was their master, surely he could control them. Because if he couldn't, her friends were as good as dead.

"You're afraid again," he said.

She didn't answer, focusing on their boots against the floor – _Click, click, click._

"You did well today."

 _Click, click, click._

He grabbed her upper arm, spinning her so they were facing each other. "Rey."

A pair of stormtroopers turned the corner, increasing the speed of their steps as they kept to the very far side of the corridor.

When they were out of earshot, Ben continued. "I… I don't know what of our earlier conversation offended you, but you need to talk to me if we are going to be successful in this."

She shook herself from his grasp, letting quick strides carry her the rest of the way down the hall, stopping just outside of the door to her quarters. "Excuse me, _Kylo_. I was just having some of those feelings you seem to loathe so much."

"Rey," he took another step forward and she felt the heat of his body only inches away. She burned with rage and something else she wished she could put to rest. Because surely this was all a show to him and she was not going to let her baser desires control her decision making.

His brows knit together and she felt the touch of his mind on hers.

"Stop that!" she said. "Stay out of my head!"

His eyes widened, shocked at whatever tidbit he'd managed to pull from her mind in the seconds it had been open to him.

"You think I'm _lying_ about…" he trailed off, looking over his shoulder down the hall, his voice much lower when he spoke again. "Rey please, I…"

But she didn't want to hear it. She couldn't hear it right now.

"Good day, Kylo."

And with that, she slipped into her room and Force-slammed the door in the face of the Emperor.


	9. Chapter 9

A guttural growl issued from the hallway, followed by the unmistakable sounds of a lightsaber ripping through metal.

Rey clenched her fists and retreated to the refresher, hoping the sound of the sonic would drown out the obnoxious racket in the hallway. She let the waves of sonic cleaning pulse around her for what felt like an eternity, but no matter how long she stood there, the sonic couldn't scrub away the feeling of revulsion that had settled just under her skin. When she emerged, cleaner but no less conflicted, she slipped into the long black overcoat she'd worn earlier, the only thing she had besides the dress, and pulled her hair into a simple tie at the nape of her neck.

She found Quinn with his back to her in the main room, hanging dozens of assorted black garments in the closet.

"My lady, I'm sorry I had to enter when you were in the refresher," he spoke with his back to her as he worked," but I realized you had nothing else to wear besides the dress."

The sound of his voice, rich and cheerful was a welcome distraction in this steely cage. "It's alright, Quinn. I was actually hoping you'd be by again."

She moved beside him, reaching up to twist at the fabric of one of the tunics he'd hung. "Though I have to admit, I thought you'd have a better understanding of the importance of color in a woman's wardrobe."

Quinn chuckled. "Emperor Ren has a preference for black."

"I hadn't noticed," she mumbled to herself.

He reached for a box containing a few more garments, choosing a long jacket of black leather with a silky red underside. Quinn's eyes sparkled as he held it up to Rey.

"Though I have convinced him that a simple highlight of crimson can add quite the touch of elegance."

Convinced him? Did that mean?

Rey was sure her jaw hit the floor. "You choose _his_ clothing, too?"

"I have for years."

Rey took out another garment, this one with thick red stitching running the length of the dark tunic. The items he'd chosen for her were both beautiful and practical – tunics, leggings, and robes for day to day use and gorgeous dresses for more formal events.

"And he lets you…" she paused, not knowing if he would be offended if she pried a bit. "I mean, he actually lets you choose what he wears?"

Quinn smiled at that. "EmperorRen, understands the importance of what I can provide. We have an understanding."

"That's a testament to you, Quinn," she said. "The man is impossible to deal with."

"I noticed his signature outside of your door." He suppressed a laugh. "So I take it the announcement went well then?"

Rey shook her head, smiling in spite of everything. "It wasn't that," she began, not sure how much to divulge.

His gray eyes were suddenly serious, changing from warm, molten silver to cold steel. He studied her expression for a long moment.

"He is afraid," Quinn said, answering her unasked question.

Rey gave him a sideways glance, biting the inside of her cheek as she contemplated his words. How did Quinn know that? Had they spoken? Or did he just know Ben so well after serving with him for years, that he could read him better than most?

Quinn turned his attention back to his task and they folded the remaining items, night clothing and undergarments, and placed them in the drawers. When they finished, Quinn gathered the empty crate in his arms.

"Can I have lunch brought up from the kitchen or will you and Emperor Ren be dining together?" He asked, already halfway out the door.

"I'm not sure, Quinn," she said.

"I'll send something up just in case," he said, offering a wink as though he was just teasing an old friend.

"Thank you."

Minutes later, Rey sank onto her bunk, arms crossed behind her head, staring at the ceiling. Her lunch was getting cold on the dresser, but she didn't care. She let her eyes close, she was still tired after yesterday's exertions and this morning had been exhausting in a different way. Sleep took her quickly.

When she woke, she checked the clock, guessing it was late afternoon by now. She was shocked to see it was the middle of the night already. How had she been allowed to sleep all day?

She pushed herself off the bed, motivated by a growling stomach and picked at the remains of her uneaten lunch, at least the parts of it that wouldn't give her food poisoning from sitting out so long. She snuck back onto the bed with a bread roll and some fruit and allowed herself to finally think.

About him.

 _He is afraid,_ Quinn had said.

Could it really be as simple as that? If so, what was he afraid of?

Rey could understand not wanting to trust, not wanting to feel close to someone. Her new feelings of friendship for Finn had only ended in pain, after all. The thought of Finn rotting away in a cell nearby made her physically ill if she thought too hard about it. Those you care about can be made into a weapon against you. Snoke had tried to use her like that against Ben when he'd sensed his conflict.

Was he afraid it would happen again?

Somehow, Quinn's explanation of Ben's hot and cold behavior made more sense than the conclusion she'd come to – that his feelings were just another show in this perfectly planned charade they were starring in.

She knew of one way to find out if it was the truth. She closed her eyes, reaching out through the Force bond, that thin thread of something she could always feel between them, and immediately she was standing behind him.

A huge training room of some kind spread before him. Walls lined with bags for punching, dummies, padded gloves, cushioned headgear – all the equipment one could ever need for training in hand to hand combat. He wore a tight fitting black shirt and pants. Sweat dripped down the sides of his face as he went through several routines, sending sturdy blow after blow in the direction of the nearest bag. As the only person crazy enough to be training in the middle of the night, he was alone.

He slowed his barrage against the bag before freezing in place completely. When he spoke, his voice was everywhere in her mind. It echoed inside of her as though they were back in the lift together.

 _Good evening, Rey._

Ben ran a hand through his sweat soaked hair, and walked to a private alcove off the main room of the training gym. Grabbing a towel from a nearby shelf, he ran it through his sweat-soaked hair and over his face.

 _I thought we weren't speaking_ he said, with an infuriating touch of sarcasm.

 _I'm tired of playing games,_ she answered quickly. _With all of the other roles I'm playing right now, I'm tired of pretending with you._

He sighed, a long, slow exhale. _Then stop pretending._

Rey gathered her courage to ask the honest question that she should have asked much sooner. _I understand that our engagement is part of the plan, but I need to know if there is something… more._

His expression was frozen in thought for a moment before he closed his eyes and suddenly she was somewhere else. She recognized the rows of seats and fluorescent lighting of Ben's command shuttle bay. She could see herself somehow, like watching a recording. Then she understood.

He was projecting a memory for her. They were seated beside one another, it was in the moment before Hux had interrupted them with news of their arrival at the Finalizer.

"And what is that new direction?" she saw herself ask.

Her heart hammered in her chest. No, it wasn't her heart she was feeling. It was _his_ , she realized.

Ben's throat tightened and warmth crept up the back of his neck as Rey placed his hand in her lap. His breath quickened as her fingers traced the back of his hand. He watched her mouth and felt his thoughts as if they were her own.

 _Kiss her. You coward, kiss her,_ he thought.

She met his eyes, looking deeply enough to see him – to really see him, even the parts he'd hidden away from himself. He hesitated, wanting to draw away from her, because he was afraid. He was afraid of what she would find there.

 _Don't let her get too close. You will only destroy her if you do._

He pushed the thought from his mind, trying to focus on the present, on her warm hand in his. Those thoughts, those old thoughts belonged to Snoke. He wouldn't hurt her. Hadn't he proven that by killing his Master? Instead he focused on her promise to him through their bond – that he wasn't alone.

He leaned in closer, breathing her in. She smelled of salt and the sun. He hesitated, lightheaded from the closeness of her. He imagined her lips against his, the soft, yielding touch he would find there and he wanted to lose himself with her. He could truly leave all of this behind if she would only kiss him back.

The hard sound of boots against metal announced Hux's untimely arrival and the door to his memory closed. The tether linking them snapped and she was alone again in her room. A fluttery breathlessness filled her chest, a trace of what Ben had felt during the memory. She reached out again through the Force, to try to feel him again, to tell him it was alright, but she felt no response. Had he closed her off again?

Rey sat up in bed. It didn't matter. He'd shown her enough.

She dashed to the closet, threw on a tunic and boots, and ran out the door. She had no idea where she was going. There could be several training gyms on a ship this size, but she had to speak to him.

She reached out with her feelings the way she had on Ahch-To, sensing the energy of the ship around her. If she couldn't reach him through their bond, she could at least try to sense him.

The life aboard the ship appeared before her like a living community of interwoven energies, and she skirted around it, feeling for a familiar presence in its intricate web. She was surprised to find that sensing his location through the Force came easily. He was angry, but what else was new? Either angry at himself or angry at her. But she knew she could deal with it now. Because there was something else there beneath the anger.

She took the nearest lift down four levels, reaching out periodically to get her bearings. It didn't take long before she found him, at the back of the training room, still in the private alcove she'd seen through their bond. She followed the line of punching bags and handheld mitts hanging on the wall and found him sitting in the corner of the room.

He glanced at her, then back down at his boots. His shirt was still stained with sweat from his exercises and Rey couldn't help appreciating the form of his sculpted body through the thin fabric.

"You found me quickly. You are growing stronger every day," he said, standing tall to face her. "And I only seem to weaken."

"Is that what this is about?" She told herself she would try to be patient with him, but she found she was balling her fists so tightly, her nails were digging into her skin. "You're worried about your power?"

He made a face like he'd eaten something rotten. "You wouldn't understand."

"Then why bother? Why even show me that memory?"

"Because I couldn't let you believe I was lying about wanting you near me," he turned toward the nearest punching bag and released a fist, along with a wave of darkness so strong, it nearly pushed her back, too. "I want you near me. It's just – it's tearing me apart."

"You're worried about hurting me?" she said, making her voice as calm and even as she could. "Like you've hurt others?"

He pressed his lips together, but his jaw still trembled despite his effort to appear in control. He raked an agitated hand through his hair and was in front of her in three steps.

She was sure he could sense her heart's quickening pace, he was so close now, and it was pounding so relentlessly she could hardly hear anything else. He reached out a hand to cradle her chin and she drew in a ragged breath, leaning into his touch.

"You are making me weak, Rey." His eyes glistened with the promise of tears, but they didn't spill. His gaze grew deeper than the dark pit on Ahch-To, but even so, she knew Kylo Ren was far away now. This was finally just Ben Solo, a confused, vulnerable version of Ben Solo, lost in his own self-doubt.

"You are making yourself weak," she said. "Let yourself feel some of the light in the world. Stop resisting." She let her hand move to where he still held her chin and she wove her fingers through his. "Balance."

He inhaled deeply and slowly released the breath through parted lips, allowing his eyes to close.

"You asked me if I felt the power we had together. Do you remember it?" she asked. "It wasn't all dark was it? There was some light. That power was _us_ Ben Solo. It was _balance_."

His hand moved slowly from her chin, tracing the line of her jaw before tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. It left a trail of tingly heat on her skin and there was her pulse again, the only thing keeping her tethered to her body in that moment.

His eyes flitted briefly to her lips and she was filled with breathless anticipation. When he finally closed the space between them and pressed his lips against hers, he was slow, tender. His lips were impossibly soft and the feeling of him, the taste of him filled her senses to overflowing. Her first kiss with Ben Solo was sweet and gentle and nothing like she'd dreamed it would be.

But Rey didn't want gentle. Not after all they'd been through. So she reached for his sweat-stained shirt and pulled him closer, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He groaned softly, a throaty sound that sent her heart racing again. Strong arms hooked around her waist and they stumbled back together, falling between the hanging bags, still kissing. It didn't matter that his mouth was already against hers, she wanted him closer… closer. She was melting around the edges, and soon, it was hard to tell where she ended and he began. Her fingers were tangled in his hair as his hands explored the curve of her hips. Ripples of his energy ebbed and flowed through the Force, crashing into her before his kisses deepened into darkness… that powerful, magnetizing darkness she craved from him. She could have drowned reaching for more of it. Then the darkness bled into light at the edges and she clung to him, as though he was the only solid presence in her universe, a shining star in a sea of black.


	10. Chapter 10

Ben pulled away first, panting, a rosy flush painting his cheeks. It gave him a boyish charm which made Rey want to start kissing him all over again, but something gave her pause.

She sensed a change in him. His eyes, though locked onto hers, were somehow turned inward – he was focused on something within himself. The look passed quickly and he wrapped his arms around her in a protective embrace. So she stood, head tucked against his chest, listening to the rhythm of his heart as it slowly returned to normal.

"You need to train." Ben's voice was husky when he finally spoke and she could still feel the tendrils of darkness curling around him. "If the Knights of Ren find their way in to what I saw, if they see that you have so much light, they will try to destroy it." There was a raw desperation in his tone. "They will try to destroy you."

"You said I needed a teacher," she said, giving him a coy smile. "So teach me."

He pulled out of their embrace, hands holding on tight to her upper arms. "This is serious, Rey. You will have to learn how to close your mind off to the light in their presence."

"Why?" She studied him, looking for the reason for his seemingly instant emotional shift. "Who are they? What happened with them?"

A flicker of pain twisted his features and he broke their touch. He turned and pressed his palms against the wall, leaning against it as he spoke. "I am their leader. They followed me after… after I left Skywalker. I thought they would follow me anywhere. They thought I was power incarnate, that I would be the one to snuff out the last of the Jedi."

Rey debated saying something, but anything that came to mind would only rile his temper. So she just listened.

"But Snoke got to them too – twisted them against me when he saw that I couldn't kill you. They know about my conflict with the light."

"Even if you can train me, then what about you, Ben?" She had felt him reach for it, the bright corners at the edge of the dark abyss that was his Force. "Won't they sense it?"

"I can handle myself against them." But the telltale twitch of his jaw was enough to give her pause. She crossed her arms over her chest.

"It will be fine," he said, trying to sound convincing. "I know how to shield my true thoughts from them. Kezzik is strongest with the Force of the six, but even he is nowhere near as powerful as Snoke. And I managed to keep Snoke out at the end, even if was only for a few seconds as I turned your lightsaber against him."

His eyes dropped to her waist, where she still wore the weapon clipped to her belt.

"You'll also need to build yourself a new lightsaber. They will recognize the blade you carry and will expect something, with a darker energy."

She nodded. She'd thought of it earlier, but hadn't gotten around to asking him about it.

Her stomach rumbled, a low angry growl. A roll and fruit hadn't done much to fill her belly.

"Can all of this wait until after breakfast?" she asked.

His lip twitched in a smile.

"It's dawn in some system, right?" she encouraged.

She saw his shoulders relax as he loosed a breath.

"Breakfast at oh-four-hundred?" Ben Solo offered his arm, like a true aristocrat. "Well, Lady Rey it's a little early, but I suppose arrangements can be made." She threaded her arm through his and he led the way through the quiet halls of the Finalizer to the private quarters of Kylo Ren.

His "room" was far grander than the little officer's space she'd been given. They'd have to have a talk about that eventually. The luxurious entry was lined with crystal vases larger than she was. Rey was surprised they'd lasted this long with Ben's wild temper, but maybe he only took his anger out on electronics. A smile tugged at her lip and Ben looked down at her with a questioning eye.

She wasn't going to tell him what she was thinking this time.

Just past the entry was the formal dining room, bordered on either side by four twisting pillars of polished silver metal. The smooth dining table, carved of glassy black stone, had enough room to seat twelve. She and Ben sat at one end facing each other, as he called for plate after plate of decadent breakfast dishes.

Omelets made of a variety of exotic eggs, fruits, hotcakes, panna cakes, and porridge with honey. And pastries. So many pastries.

Ben's dark eyes glittered with amusement as she scooped up a helping of each, scraped her plate clean, then added two more pastries. She'd never tasted food so rich. Ration packets were enough to keep someone alive, but with food like this she truly _felt_ alive. She ran her finger over the edge of the plate, scooping some of the berry puree that had spilled from the last pastry, and licked the sweetness from her finger.

She looked up to find Ben staring at her. "You eat like a gluttonous rancor."

Rey raised an eyebrow, making a show of repeating the motion, except this time, she licked her finger much, much slower.

He swallowed and she gave him a sly smile.

She could swear she saw that blush back in his cheeks before he turned his attention to his omelet again.

A few minutes later, they were lounging at the table, Rey's belly full to bursting, when there was a knock at the door. Reflexively, Rey reached out through the Force to feel for the presence behind it.

"You may enter, General," Ben said. He'd obviously done exactly as she had. Rey figured he was used to flaunting his Force powers in front of his officers. Even little things like feeling for a presence behind a door was evidence that Kylo Ren was no ordinary man, a good lesson for Hux to learn as often as possible.

"Good morning, Emperor." Hux stopped mid-stride, his jaw slackening when he saw Rey sitting across the table. Maybe he'd assumed the whole engagement thing had been a show as well. Rey had to give Hux credit though, he never remained off balance for long. "And good morning Lady Rey, what a pleasant surprise."

He'd even gone a little farther than usual with the pleasantries to cover for the momentary slip in his expression.

"My apologies if I'm interrupting, but I was accustomed to reporting to Supreme Leader Snoke at oh-five-hundred for our morning briefing. If another time would be better –"

"What is it, Hux?" Ben asked, curtly.

"The prisoners, Emperor. They have refused food since they arrived. I fear they may weaken before we can pull any real information from them."

Rey's stomach twisted, suddenly fighting the urge to vomit all of the pastries she'd eaten into her lap.

"What are you suggesting then?" Ben said.

Hux moved in closer, laying a hand flat on the table between them. "We should begin their interrogation immediately."

No. She couldn't allow that. She'd brought them here. She would not stand by and let them be tortured for information.

"Kylo," she was speaking before she knew what she was doing. "I do not think it would be wise to use _ordinary_ means of interrogation against these Resistance scum."

A smile claimed Hux's expression – he obviously liked where this was going.

"I would like to deal with them, personally," she heard herself say.

Oh stars what _was_ she doing?

"I like our future Empresses do-it-yourself attitude." Hux let his gaze settle on her, just long enough to make her uncomfortable.

Ben shot Rey an approving look and she knew they would figure it out. She would have to buy them time, find a way to explain to her friends what was happening. It would have to be her, it was safer that way, though she dreaded what their reaction might be.

"Anything else, General?" Ben already spoke the dismissal with the seasoned indifference of a leader.

"Reports from the Attera System have indicated a swift takeover of the mining operations there."

"Good." Ben nodded. "Well done General. Lady Rey and I will work on the prisoners."

Hux nodded, clasping hands behind his back before striding confidently from the room. The man was playing nice. Was he _that_ frightened by their joint connection to the Force? Or could it be he had no reason to try to undermine Ben? After all, Hux held the might of the entire New Order military in his hands. Perhaps that power was enough for him for now.

When the door closed, Ben leaned in from across the table. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Better me than someone else."

"You'll need practice. For your friends and for the Knights of Ren." His chair slid back, scraping the floor as he stood. "Follow me."

He led the way down a hall, past a sitting room with black walls and lush, red carpeting. Built in floor to ceiling bookshelves dominated one entire wall. There were more books than she'd ever seen in one place before and she hesitated, trying to take them all in at once.

"I'll show them to you later," he promised, taking her hand and leading her on, down the long corridor.

"You like to read?" she asked. The last thing she would have pictured when she first met Kylo Ren, was the second-most feared man in the galaxy sitting peacefully in his study reading a book.

"Don't tell anyone," he said. "It might ruin my reputation."

She laughed, an unexpected thing that felt free coming from her lips. Was he actually joking with her? If all Ben needed was a little snogging to balance his mood swings, she'd gladly give it to him anytime.

Rey sensed something as they neared the last doorway – echoes of the Force in the walls all around. Rey took a steadying breath as he led her into a small room with black walls, black floors, and a single black chair in the middle. She wanted to joke about the color scheme, but sensing the intensity in him, she didn't push it.

"This is where I come to meditate," he said. "The darkness helps me to focus." He gestured to the chair in the middle of the room. "Have a seat."

She wasn't at all sure about this. The last time she'd tried meditating, on that altar rock on Ahch-To, she'd almost lost herself to that cold place. It had happened so fast and she wasn't sure she had that much more control now.

"You don't need to be afraid of the dark anymore, Rey." And his eyes had become black as shadows themselves as he regarded her. "You're not alone, remember?"

He pressed a button on the wall and the only door sealed shut, bathing them in absolute nothingness. This was not the dark of the night, because at least at night there were stars or moons. There were shadows. Here, the sensation of sight simply did not exist.

She felt a chill snake up her spine. There was something thrilling about being alone with him in a room that was pitch black.

"Your eyes can deceive you." His voice was smooth – completely at ease. He was comfortable here. "Keep me from breaking through into your thoughts, Rey. But not as you did before."

A shudder tore through her along with the memory. He'd interrogated her when they'd first met. He had been so cruel, trying to tear the map to Luke Skywalker from her mind, but she'd seen him then, too. She'd seen his fear and it was how she made him let go.

"You can't push back," he warned. "You can't use the light either. If the Knights of Ren reach into your mind, you have to shield yourself in the dark or they will see the truth in your light alone."

"I understand," she said.

"Let's begin."

She felt his entry into her thoughts almost instantly, and panicking, she pressed him out with the Force of everything around her. She could still feel him pressing against her, but she'd raised a barrier of sorts against him. She'd managed the accomplishment in mere seconds and it was easier than she thought it would be.

"This is going to be difficult." His voice was low, far away. "Your natural response is to pull at everything. You do well shielding your thoughts, and it should be enough to get into the minds of your friends, but I can still sense the nature of the Force you are pulling from. It's not dark enough. That alone will give us away to the Knights of Ren."

She exhaled loudly – a show of frustration for this task she still didn't really understand. "Tell me how you do it."

"I think it starts the same for everyone. Reaching out with your feelings, but that is when you can choose which energy to draw from. Jedi hide from the dark, they see it and always resist. Fear, lust, anger, passion, jealousy, we all have these feelings. We are only human. And so, unlike the Jedi, you must learn to use these feelings."

"Again," he instructed.

This time she was ready, reaching out and feeling the push and pull of the energy all around. She saw greed in the men playing cards nearby, fear in the storm troopers in their bunks preparing for a mission, lust in the eyes of a man watching the swaying hips of a holodancer. She reached out, pulling on these emotions around her and within her, allowing herself to feel the cool shivers that accompanied them. That was when she felt the press of Ben's mind.

She had slowed him, but he was stronger, and soon he was in her mind, searching for a memory. She knew which one he wanted. Their kiss. He wanted to see what she thought about their kiss. He was playing dirty. This was not fair at all.

Rey pulled at the anger he'd stirred, finding darkness there within it, one last urgent push to block him out, but he held on.

The memory flashed through her mind, her thoughts about the softness of him, how sweet and tender his lips felt against hers.

"Get out of my head," she snarled through gritted teeth.

But he was still there, watching the memory of her need for him as she tugged him by the shirt, desperate for him to be closer.

Then she felt his hand on her leg. "Make me," he said. She needed more power, more of that irresistible darkness she sensed from him. But she was so distracted by that pressure from his hand on her leg, with the heat of his body behind it, oh stars she wanted him close again… and she let herself sink into that feeling, pulling herself deeper into that desire.

A sudden wave of darkness crashed over her. She felt the hypnotic pull of it inside the very core of herself as an energy she could wield, and she didn't turn from it. She allowed herself to grasp for it, to feel the passion it ignited in her. Her own lust for his touch was like a coiled serpent ready to spring and she used it. She collected the feelings, no guilt, no hiding from her own baser needs, and she used that pulsating darkness to push Ben Solo out of her mind in one cold, violent thrust.

Somewhere far away, Ben's body slammed against the floor.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note:** I'm just so blown away by the response to this story and all the amazing reviews. I read every one, always looking forward to hearing what everyone thinks of my newest chapter in this insane labor of love :) At this point in the story, your words are even more motivating! And without further ado...

* * *

Gradually, Rey relinquished the darkness and became present in the current moment. She listened to their uneven breathing until Ben finally pushed himself off the floor with a grunt before shuffling footsteps carried him to the door. A small sliver of light leaked in from the other room. It was blinding after so many minutes of nothing.

"You are vile, Ben Solo. Of all the kriffing memories to –"

"How did you do it?" he interrupted.

Rey jumped to her feet, still positively seething. When she saw his face wore an innocently curious expression, she collected a calming breath, gathering all the control she could, to keep from charging at him for yet another violation of her private thoughts.

Rey still wasn't sure where that last push of energy had come from but she was starting to feel slightly embarrassed at the direction the whole thing had taken. And she really wasn't interested in talking to him about it.

Ben was shaking his head, continuing to mull over how she'd put up such a powerful wall against him so quickly. "It was pure darkness. It slammed shut like a vault door with so much Force. I…" but he trailed off again. "How did you do it?" he repeated, more insistent this time.

She rubbed her eyes, hands still shaking with… whatever that had been. "I don't know. You touched me and… oh… I don't know." She knew she was babbling but she couldn't seem to form a coherent sentence. "I don't even know if I could do it again."

A devious smile slowly stretched across his features as he seemed to come to some conclusion about what had happened. Maybe he'd been able to sense more than he was letting on. "Let's find out."

They repeated the conditions of the experiment several more times, altering only one variable with each attempt. On the final try, Ben made one last change. Instead of just keeping his hand on her leg, he'd used his fingers to caress soft circles on her inner thigh and she'd just about thrown him into the wall, she'd pushed him out of her mind so hard.

"What was _that_?" Rey demanded, still gasping for breath, feeling absolutely drained.

Once Ben recovered his footing, he cracked the door open again, crossed his arms and leaned against the wall to consider her. He looked so much like his father in that moment as he hung in the shadows with a self-satisfied expression on his face.

"That, my lady," he said through a smirk, "is the way we are going to ensure our secrets stay secret."

"By you _touching_ me?" Her cheeks were burning hot with humiliation.

"It was a fast way to make you reach for a feeling, that's all. Until you can learn to channel your fear, or anger, or jealousy just as quickly, well… it's a good starting point."

"Good for whom?" She was practically yelling now, and in the small room, the ring of her voice hurt her ears.

"Keep practicing," he encouraged. "We also have to tone down that push at the end or you're going to kill one of my Knights." He was biting back a laugh.

Her ears still burned hot with shame and she turned to leave the room. He gripped her arm as she passed, not letting her by. "Please Rey," he said. "Don't go."

He'd adjusted his voice, the teasing lilt completely gone now. "The feelings you had, it's okay. Everyone feels passion. The Sith code was _built_ on passion." She tried to tug away from him as this conversation was getting very uncomfortable.

"Rey listen," he said. "Are you familiar with the Code of the Sith?"

"Why would I be? I'm not a _Sith_ , Ben!"

He clenched his jaw. "Neither am I, but would you just listen?"

She stopped struggling if only to get whatever it was he had to say, over with.

"The Sith code was this: 'Peace is a lie. There is only passion. Through passion I gain strength. Through strength I gain power. Through power I gain victory. Through victory my chains are broken. The Force shall free me.'"

He softened his grip on her arm as he finished. "It makes sense that if you were actually feeling passion, that you could channel a strength within the darkness more easily. That's all I'm trying to say."

She gave him a look that asked if he was finished yet.

But he was not giving in. He had that fire in his eyes again. "There's no reason to feel ashamed. Any person in your position would feel those same things, Rey."

Her heart was still thrashing around in her chest, the anger and humiliation coursing through her. But there was something about Ben's expression in that moment, the excitement he was feeling, the rapid rise and fall of his chest. It reminded her of the moments after they had slaughtered the entire Praetorian guard. They had surprised one another then with their power. She remembered the buzz of energy in the throne room, reverberating off the red walls all around them and she could almost feel it again. When she closed her eyes, she was sure she felt it again. The Force of them was making the air inside the room electric.

"Can you feel it now?" he asked, inching closer.

But her throat was locked up somehow and she could only nod.

"Can you feel the power those feelings bring?"

She could – and it was just as thrilling as it was frightening. She nodded again.

"I feel it, too," Ben admitted, his voice a strained whisper. "It's between us, it's everywhere around us. The room feels stifling it's so thick with it."

She could feel it.

Ben's darkness flared all around her and in one step, he had closed the space between them. His eyes were predatory as he took her face between his hands and kissed her. And this time it was anything but sweet. She kissed him back, angrily, with a hunger that had built during the hours they'd spent in this dark cell of a room. In that moment, the web of the Force, the upside-down of it, truly became visible to her.

 _The dark to the light. The shadow to the sun. Warmth. Cold. Peace. Violence._

She saw the images as flashes in her mind, a picture of every feeling, each as real to her as his hands on her skin. She felt his tongue slip into her mouth and she drew a sharp breath, reaching farther for his darkness. Toward that deepest abyss she could never quite grasp. He trailed kisses to her ear, igniting a fire along his path and she stretched further, pulling at the void, and wrapping them in the cool touch of night itself.

His breath was hot in her ear when he whispered a lusty instruction. "Release it."

With feelings overflowing, she did as he commanded, unleashing an eruption of darkness at the poor chair that just happened to be the only other thing in the room. It slammed into the back of the chamber and then the entire wall went with it, and the wall behind that.

Ben dropped his hands to his sides and split a gaping stare between her and what used to be a wall as bits of plaster skittered to rest at their feet. Steel and screws, wires and bent metal framing protruded from the yawning hole in the room.

A satisfied smile slowly took hold of Ben's expression before he gathered her up for one last lingering kiss, speaking his next words against her lips. "We are going to be unstoppable."

His promise sent a quiver of anticipation through her. Because she knew it was true.

* * *

They were both exhausted after their "training" and Rey really needed some time alone to process everything. They agreed to meet later for dinner in his quarters to discuss how to go about the interrogations General Hux had recommended.

She used the 'fresher, stood in the sonic shower again, and dressed in the least imposing possible combination, in case she would need to visit the cell block tonight. She had to appear as normal as possible if her friends were going to hear her out.

Rey realized, as she stared at the ceiling waiting for time to pass, that she had no hobbies. She never had. She'd done nothing outside of scavenging for ration money on Jakku. Nothing outside of fighting when she'd joined the Resistance. And now, with the New Order, apparently nothing outside of purposely tapping into feelings she used to feel ashamed of.

Pathetic. She really did need a hobby.

She wanted to do something to get her mind off of everything, if even for a few minutes. She'd have to ask Ben to borrow one of his books. She wished for the sacred Jedi texts she'd stowed on the Falcon. There had to be something in them to help her through this.

Rey let her thoughts drift to the Falcon. She hoped Chewie had managed to get far, far away from all of this.

A knock at the door pulled her from her newest, most stimulating hobby – ceiling staring.

"Good afternoon, my lady," Quinn said, stooping into a low bow.

"Hi Quinn," she said, gesturing for him to come inside.

There was a little sparkle in his eye at the moment and he carried a lidded silver tray in one hand.

"What's that look for, Quinn?" she asked.

He gave her a wink and zipped into the room. "Emperor Ren has requested I bring you a snack and tell you to get some rest."

He placed the tray on the dressing table and removed the lid with a flourish, revealing a berry pastry oozing with purple, syrupy filling.

Rey beamed at the gesture and Quinn's eyes wrinkled at the corners with a smile of his own.

"Emperor Ren is being quite generous with you, my lady. Especially after you destroyed half of his personal living space."

Her cheeks grew hot. "He _told_ you about that?"

Quinn raised his brows. "My lady, no one needed to tell me. You nearly gave me a heart attack as I was folding clean cowls into Emperor Ren's closet."

She rubbed the side of her face. She wondered how soon it would be before the entire Finalizer knew about her little explosion.

* * *

Dinner was just as amazing as breakfast and it took all of her self-control not to have a third helping of nerf tenderloin. Ben's appetite seemed insatiable, too, and she wondered if it had anything to do with their earlier exertions.

"I think you should speak with General Organa first," he said, placing his napkin on the table. It was strange to Rey how he still spoke of his mother as though she were just another Resistance Officer. "With her sensitivity to the Force, she will be the easiest for you to connect to."

"Can't she sense me coming?"

"Even if she does, she has nowhere near your raw strength in the Force."

"Okay, so we talked about trying to walk in and silence her immediately, before she can identify me out loud." She wanted to talk the plan through one more time to make sure she wouldn't forget anything. "Then I try to speak my intentions into her mind. I'll tell her to just peacefully comply and that I am working on the rest. Does that sound about right?"

He nodded. "Just remember that everything in those cell blocks is monitored by surveillance. Do not let the prisoners say anything you wouldn't want the entire New Order to know about."

She looked at him from under lowered brows. "Well, no pressure there. Can't we turn off the surveillance?"

He returned her look. "Only if you want to raise suspicions," he said. "I have no doubt you can do this. If you accomplish just a fraction of what you did this morning, there will be nothing to worry about."

"Alright," she said. "Then I'll have them give me some fake intelligence on the remaining systems with Resistance sympathy. To make sure it looks like I actually accomplished something?"

"It would be better if it were real intelligence. Trust me, Hux will know the difference."

Rey shook her head. "But what if Hux orders a raid? I couldn't live with myself if I knew – "

"People _will_ die as a part of this plan," he said, his volume rising. "You must look to the bigger picture. To bring order back, sacrifices must be made."

She stiffened, gripping the edge of the table tightly. "But we may not need to sacrifice any Resistance sympathizers if I can just get General Organa to –"

Ben slammed his hand on the table, catching her off-guard, causing her to pull away reflexively and bang her knee into the table.

"The Resistance is dead, Rey! Stop holding on to it!"

She clutched her now throbbing knee, glowering at him. "Then tell me what you are doing right now to make this New Order look less like the First Order."

His face was unyielding as he answered her question with silence.

"That's what I thought," she said. "You promised this would be different. We need to start making a difference!"

"Then I suggest you begin by keeping our plan afloat and do something about your _friends."_

Rey hated the way he distorted the last word, making her relationships with those in the Resistance seem inconsequential. She stood, threw her napkin on the table, and left him without a word.

The anger was roiling around her, she could feel it lapping against her control, like the relentless waves against the rocks on Ahch-To. She wanted to use it. She _would_ use it.

 _The Resistance is dead._

She repeated the words again and again.

The Resistance _was_ dead and she'd been the one to finish it herself. Why then _was_ she holding on so tightly? It was then that Rey realized why his words hurt her so much.

He was right.

She was holding on to an impossible ideal when she had an opportunity to change things right in front of her. She could still save her friends. She could still change the New Order. Thinking of how far she'd already come with Ben, she realized so much had already changed.

Ben was right. And at that moment she hated him for it.

Rey stomped harder than she needed to against the black floors of the corridors, counting the seams in the steel to stay focused on the way to cell block B-19 where the Resistance prisoners were being held. It was the maximum security block where each prisoner was completely isolated from the others – no bars and no windows to see through.

The perfect situation for a fake interrogation.

She entered the detention command room and every officer and guard in the vicinity jumped to attention.

The ranking officer came forward, dropping into a low bow. "Good evening, Lady Rey. General Hux mentioned you might be by to see to the interrogations, but we didn't realize it would– "

Rey interrupted the man, playing her part as the powerful ruler with no time for babbling underlings. "Where is General Organa? I will start with her."

"Very well, Lady Rey. Right this way."

The man handed her a key card, leaving her outside the door of General Organa's cell. She reached for everything she had, her anger with Ben, her fear of losing her friends, and let it hover just within reach, before swiping the key.

The lock issued a satisfying click and the door slid open.


	12. Chapter 12

Rey reached out through the Force and clamped down around General Organa's voicebox, stifling her speech before the door to her cell had fully opened.

 _Hello, Rey._ The general's familiar raspy tone cut through her mind before she'd even had time to put up a wall against her.

Rey didn't realize the general had enough connection to the Force to communicate in this way or to see her coming for that matter.

 _I'm sorry for this General Organa,_ Rey answered. She'd practiced the painless silence maneuver with Ben, but it felt so much more violating in this moment, holding her leader's throat, and she was instantly sorry for it.

 _Call me Leia,_ she insisted. _And there's no need for this._ She brought a hand to her neck. _I won't say anything._

Sensing only truth in her words, she loosened her Force grip, relieved.

"General Organa, you _will_ cooperate with the New Order. Tell us the location of your remaining sympathizers."

 _Pretend I'm interrogating you. Please. Give me some intelligence. Maybe something that won't hurt too many people._

 _"_ I'll never tell you anything," Leia said, more convincingly than any well-trained holoshow actress.

Rey took a menacing step toward her – all a part of the show.

 _So, you and my son have found… common ground?_

The unexpected question nearly ruined the ruthless sneer she'd practiced in the mirror.

How had she known about the two of them? Kriff. The shield around her mind. She'd forgotten to use her shield again. Panicking, she slammed the doors to her thoughts, leaving only a tiny entry at the forefront to allow for their exchange of words.

 _No. I mean... Well, yes._ This was not going the way she'd planned. _I'm trying to do my best to get you all out of here. And to help Ben. It's just… how did you know?_

"Tell me where they are…" Rey continued the mock interrogation, letting her voice trail off, lifting her hand as though she would pry the information from the General's brain, the way Kylo Ren had tried to do to her.

Leia grimaced in mock-pain. Wow, she was _really_ good at this.

 _Ben's echoes in the Force have been keeping me up all night. What you're doing… the connection you two have formed. He's starting to feel… different._

Leia squirmed from a grip around her neck that wasn't there.

 _Then again,_ Leia said. _So are_ you _._

Rey felt the heat of embarrassment rise up the back of her neck. Leia was sensitive to the changes they'd had on the Force? How much had she sensed from them? From her?

Suddenly, Rey was acutely aware that the shield around her mind was as dark as the night. Of course, Leia could feel it.

Rey could not stand to leave Leia thinking she'd betrayed them all, that she was all darkness herself. So, she let the darkness bleed out, replacing it with warmth – Ben's strong hand clutching hers, Finn's smile, those delicious berry pastries – and she slid a shield of light energy across her thoughts.

 _Incredible,_ Leia thought, directly though the tiny gap in her mind she'd left. _You can come in and out of the dark…_

Rey hadn't realized this was something out of the ordinary until Leia had spoken the words.

 _Most who try for the dark lose themselves completely._ Leia's voice grew heavier, as though the words were far too true for her.

 _But here I am._

 _Here you are,_ she echoed. _But know this. There are consequences to this type of power, Rey. Darkness has a great cost for those who are accustomed to the light._

Rey made another show of flexing her outstretched hand, twisting as though digging deeper into Leia's mind.

 _Ben isn't lost either,_ Rey said. She'd been wondering if Leia, too, had felt it.

 _I know_. Leia's face contorted again in mock-suffering and she strained to speak. "Balmorra," she wheezed, before collapsing against the cell wall, eyes closed.

Her cue to leave.

As she turned to the door, she nearly ran into a boy with mussed black hair leaning in for a hug. A memory, she realized. Leia's memory. As the boy squeezed gangly arms around her, she was overcome by the smell of his hair just under her nose – freshly washed with trillium soap. Leia had always loved the smell. The image flickered, gaps filling in with feelings – home, belonging, and love for her only son. A love so deep and natural it ached.

 _Tell Ben I love him._

Rey had to take a step to keep from stumbling as she left the cell.

This had definitely not gone the way she thought it would.

* * *

Rey didn't plan on needing a break between "interrogations," but she had to sit down against the wall of the cell block for a moment of quiet before seeing the others. She didn't realize how emotionally exhausting this was going to be.

She briefly thought about speaking with some of the prisoners she'd never met, to give her a break from seeing people she knew. She was sure she could just convince them to eat, to hang in there, that she was on their side. But Ben was probably right when they'd discussed it earlier. If the prisoners didn't know her, they'd have no reason to trust her. It would only make them vulnerable on more fronts. They agreed that if a threat to them became more pronounced she could handle it then, but Hux had mentioned only three prisoners giving them grief. Now, of the three, just Finn and Poe, she told herself. They would understand just as Leia did. They had to.

Gathering herself, she rose with a self-assured lift of the chin as she strode toward the cell across from Leia. Finn was just inside. She readied herself and began to reach out with the Force to silence his voice before swiping the key through the reader.

Finn's shocked expression at seeing her in the doorway brightened into a smile before gradually fading as he took her in from head to toe. He opened his mouth to speak, then stiffened, his face contorting into a look of bewilderment as she gripped his vocal cords, keeping them from moving. His hurt expression stole her breath and she watched a shadow fall over him.

 _Finn, please. Don't speak - don't speak my name, or they will know I'm with you. They'll know why I'm really here. You have to pretend this is an interrogation._

"Now FN-2187, you will stop resisting and tell us where to find your sympathizers."

 _Tell me the Resistance is on Balmorra. They already know about it so you won't be giving anything away._

He was deathly still but she didn't want to release her hold yet. He hadn't yet settled into a decision about how to react, she could sense that much. Rey just wished he had some Force sensitivity, because speaking into his mind and only receiving silence in return was disorienting – it was difficult to judge how he was going to act.

 _Please, they think I've turned. They think I'm part of the First Order now, but you have to trust me._

She felt impatience welling up within her, but she pressed it down again. She needed something to convince him. Closing her eyes in concentration, she projected a memory into his mind. Their reunion on Starkiller Base. She conveyed her utter relief and gratitude that he'd come back for her. She let him feel her heart pounding in that moment. All of the light contained within that embrace – excitement, hope, friendship. She let him feel it all.

His hand went to his heart as though trying to slow it down and when he looked into her eyes again, she saw the resolve she wanted and loosened her grip on his voice.

 _I wish I could hug you right now._

He rubbed the skin around his neck and swallowed hard.

 _I'm so sorry about that. And I wish I could tell you everything, but there's no time. They expect an interrogation._

His lips pressed together and he gave a tiny nod, a gesture so small you would only notice if you were looking for it.

 _Pretend I'm hurting you. Pretend I'm tearing your mind apart._

She reached out a hand, in an aggressive motion to make it look like she was torturing him.

He groaned, pressing rigid hands against his temples. "You'll never make me talk."

Oh stars he was a terrible faker.

 _I am going to try to free you. All of you, but you have to cooperate with them. At least start eating the rations they give. I don't know how long it will take. Please._

He made a horrible fake-choking sound like a loth-cat hacking up a hairball. "Please, mercy…" he begged.

Rey could only pray no one would look back at this surveillance recording. She needed to get this over with quickly. "Now, tell me where we can find them."

He sank to his knees, hands holding the sides of his head. "Balmorra," he gasped. "They're on Balmorra."

She suppressed an eye roll.

 _Thank you, Finn._

He looked up at her and for the briefest moment, he dropped the charade and was truly seeing her. The flicker of hope in his eyes lit a fire in her heart. He was trusting her with this. She only hoped she wouldn't disappoint him.

 _I promise I'll get us out of this._

Her hands were shaking when she stepped outside of the cell and into the hallway. The amount of focus it was taking to make sure she didn't slip up was far beyond what she thought she'd need. This time she took a long walk. Frenzied steps carried her out of the cell blocks and down to one of the hangars. She watched the mechanics working on a few TIE fighters, wishing for something to tinker with to keep her mind off the swirling confusion that was her thought process. Slowly, she sank back into the rhythm of her own body, listening to her own breathing, feeling her heart in her chest, and her mind cleared.

* * *

One more. Just one more.

Rey gave herself a pep talk as she tried to appear confident strolling to Poe Dameron's cell. One more "interrogation." She could handle Poe. He should be easiest, in fact. She didn't share any memories, any deep connection with the man, besides their work with the Resistance.

She took a long, steadying breath before swiping the key card one last time. The lock released and she was already gripping Poe's voice as the door finished sliding open. He was lying flat on the bench when his whole body tensed, and his hand flew to clutch his neck.

 _Poe, it's me Rey. You can't say anything. Don't speak my name. Pretend you have no idea who I am. I'm doing everything I can to free you and the others. The First Order thinks I'm working with them. But you have to trust me._

He sat up quickly and his eyes combed over her, roving over her tunic, her lightsaber, and the keycard in her hand. Then he looked up, training his eyes on her like a target.

She relaxed her hold on his throat just enough to test his reaction.

His voice ripped through the tiny bit of slack she'd given him. "Get your hands off my– "

She held tighter onto his voicebox and suddenly she was acutely aware of her own pulse in her ears.

 _Poe, you can't react to me. You have to pretend this is a normal interrogation. Just tell me the sympathizers are on Balmorra, the others have already –_

He moved against her then, rushing at her with no concern that his hands were still in binders.

She pushed back against him with whatever Force she could feel, shoving him back on the bench and pressing his feet to the floor to keep him seated. Why was he resisting? Did he think she was lying to him?

She reached into his mind, trying for a tiny glimpse of his motivation.

She saw a busy space port and two men in flight suits. She felt a comradery with these men and Poe hugged each of them tightly, joking with the second man as he did. "Hope the Balmorran ladies appreciate a handsome stud like you more than the Hosnians did." Both men laughed with Poe and delivered a few hearty back slaps in return before climbing up the ladder into the freighter.

Balmorra. She felt the hold on her Force weaken as a jolt of shock and sorrow for him ran through her. He had friends on Balmorra. She pulled out of his memory as quickly as she could.

 _Poe, I'm sorry. I'm trying my best to get us all out of this._

She felt the press of him trying to shove her voice all the way out of his mind. This was not good. She tried to project a peaceful memory, something that showed her allegiance to the Resistance. But all she got was a scene of torture. Poe was remembering again. She recognized the rigid cold of the interrogation chair, the straps digging into her arms and legs. Only this time it was Poe Dameron's body strapped to that chair, screaming as Kylo Ren pulled his mind apart piece by piece.

No, no, no.

She swallowed hard, trying to keep her focus, but it was like trying to hold onto water. The harder she gripped, the more it slipped through her fingers.

She saw herself through his eyes – shrouded in black, force silencing him, holding him down to the bench, violating his memories by forcing herself into his mind.

 _Poe, please. I'm not like him._ But even _she_ could hear the hesitation in her voice.

"Take a look at yourself, R – "

She barely found the strength to pinch off his voice before he said her name. Trickles of sweat ran down the sides of her face as she reached out to the Force around her. But the light was nowhere to be found. All she could feel was her own fear, so she drew it into her. It would be better if she'd never come. If Poe knew friends of his were in danger, he would only fight harder. Realizing that this interaction was too far gone to save, she reached into his mind, grasping for the memory of this entire conversation, and ripped it brutally from him.

His face twisted in agony and the harsh cry he let out almost broke her completely. She could hardly see through the tears welling up in her eyes. But she had to finish, or risk everything and everyone she cared about.

So Rey reached in one last time, pulling every last thread connected to this memory – leaving no trace of her. Poe Dameron crumpled in a heap onto the bench and she turned, swiped the key frantically through the reader, and collapsed just outside of his cell.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note:** I'm hoping to continue daily updates through Tuesday, but after that I go back to work. The updates will still come, just likely not as frequently.

As always, I so appreciate your comments. It lets me know how my writing is received and helps me improve my craft, so please drop a review :)

* * *

Rey's body was ravaged by shivers until every muscle burned with fatigue.

C _old._

It was all she could feel. It was all that was _left_ to feel.

But she couldn't get up, couldn't move from where she'd fallen outside of Poe Dameron's cell door. Cheek on icy steel, she closed her eyes, not caring who was watching through the scrutinizing lenses of the surveillance cameras above.

What had she done?

But she knew the answer to that question. First, she had lied, saying she still had some allegiance to the Resistance when really… it was dead. There was no Resistance. Worse than the lies, she had ripped a memory from a man's mind – violated him in the foulest way. She'd done to Poe exactly what Kylo Ren had. She'd warped his mind, stolen memories, and left him in agony.

She couldn't stop the images from crashing into her again and again – Poe's friends, likely dead within a day when the New Order found out… because of her. She heard his anguished scream as she tore his mind apart, saw the twisted grimace on his face as he understood her for what she really was. Had Poe known even then, when she first entered the cell? Could he sense the darkness, like Leia had?

Or was it only later, when she'd mentioned Balmorra that he knew?

She didn't know when he'd known, only that he had.

He'd known that the darkness was already inside of her – that it had already taken hold.

Leia's warning was fresh in her mind.

 _Darkness has a great cost for those who are accustomed to the light._

Another tremor tore through her and she was completely immobilized by the ice running through her veins. It was a feeling so penetrating, the marrow in her bones ached with it. She wasn't sure there was, or would ever be, any warmth intense enough to thaw it.

Somewhere far off in the distance, someone spoke her name.

"Rey."

A familiar voice, and then she was whisked away.

* * *

Soft conversation carried Rey out of sleep and into a warm bath.

"How is she, Quinn?"

"The bath has seemed to help, Emperor Ren."

"Help her dress and then leave us."

"Of course, Emperor."

Quinn's light steps drew near and Rey finally opened her eyes. The room was spinning and she was stark naked, alone with Quinn in Ben's 'fresher.

Rey fumbled for the sides of the bathtub, but clumsy fingers slipped and she was back against the wall of the tub.

"My lady, please allow me to help," Quinn said.

She reached a shaky arm to him, allowing his arm to support her enough to gain her footing. She leaned into him, lifting legs that felt like they were made of stone, over the edge of the tub. It took an act of sheer will to drag herself into the nearest seat on the far side of the room.

Quinn helped her dress in loose black night clothes, before excusing himself with a strained smile.

Not ten seconds had passed before Ben was in the doorway, looking like he'd taken a punch to the gut.

"Rey," he breathed, and she saw a thousand words pass his lips without speaking a single one.

"Ben. I… I had to lie, I told them I was with them, but Poe, he wouldn't believe I was there to help. I tried, but he showed me…" The words spilled out of her in an incoherent stream and she forced herself to pause, gulping hard against the strain of the fiery vice suddenly wrapping around her throat. "He had a flashback. Of…"

"Of what I did to him," Ben said flatly.

"I was losing control, he didn't believe me…"

Ben slammed a hand against the wall with a grunt. "It's my fault. I knew I should have told you about it, but I thought he'd trust you. That he'd see you as one of them. I should have realized he could be sensitive to something like this."

Rey hardly heard him, she could hardly think of anything but the ache in her throat building with the effort of keeping her tears at bay. "He didn't believe me, that I was there to help, so I just… I tore it away." Disappointment in herself, fear and anger at this impossible situation came crashing down, breaking away the walls she'd built to hold everything back. Her eyes and nose burned, stinging worse than they had during the most violent sandstorm on Jakku. Finally, the scalding tears became too much to suppress. They spilled over, running hot down her cheeks. "I tore the entire memory of me being in that cell out of his mind."

Grief for her friends, for so many dead in this war, and for the part she would have to play in it all, nearly buried her. Rey folded over onto herself, face in her hands, as sobs racked her until she was gasping, tiny breathless hiccups.

Minutes passed – minutes in which she was completely unaware of anything but her own hemorrhaging soul. Slowly, the misery bled from her and eventually, the sobs came farther apart.

When she finally had the strength to lift her head again, Ben was there, kneeling before her. He placed a hand on her knee, palm up, asking for her hand.

Her lip trembled, but no more tears came. She was empty.

"You did what you had to do. You are not alone, Rey," he said, repeating the promise they shared – the one he knew they both clung to. "We will both need to do things… horrible things to fix what has been so thoroughly damaged."

"I don't know if I can. I felt so…" Just the memory of the frigid mantle of cold that had draped across the whole of her, and she wanted to run. "I still feel…"

Brown eyes secured her to the moment, grounding her as he looked deep inside to find that bitter, empty space she was remembering.

"Cold," he said.

She could only nod.

Ben took a steadying breath. "Once, when I was sixteen, I was meditating outside of the Jedi temple, just feeling the energy of the Force course through me and it felt so… exhilarating. I wanted more." His eyes darkened. "That was when Snoke came to me, again. He'd already shown me pieces. But this time he led me to a place. Somewhere," he swallowed. "Cold. Even in that sacred place there was darkness to be found."

Rey listened, surprised that he was talking to her about something like this. Such a personal memory.

"I fell into that place and Snoke was there to push me farther and farther in," he said, and she thought she saw a tremor run through him with the memory. "I was cold for days after. I pretended to be ill to avoid coming out of my room. Maybe my uncle sensed it then. Maybe that was why…"

He trailed off, like he always did when it became difficult. But somehow, he stayed there with her, in the intensity of the emotion he was feeling.

"Go too deep," he said. "Cross a line, and there can be physical consequences for those unused to the dark."

She had crossed a line. She knew it the moment she saw Poe's eyes and realized how far she'd had to grasp into the dark to find the Force she needed.

"How can I keep this up? I could hardly handle my own friends," she rubbed her burning eyes with the back of her hand. "How can I handle six fully trained dark force users when all it took was one cocky Resistance pilot to break me tonight."

"You're not broken." He was silent for a moment, mouth tensing like he was trying for something else to say, but was coming up empty.

"I don't know if I can do this," she repeated, not expecting any response, but needing to speak the words again anyway. Knowing Ben had experienced the same feeling – the cold, hopeless crater left inside after the extreme use of darkness – somehow it helped.

His warm hand on her cheek brought a touch of calm. He was soothing her, waves of his Force bleeding through his fingers, penetrating her skin, filling that cold chasm that had torn open somewhere inside.

"You can and you will," he said.

She didn't even care that he was using a Force-fueled mind trick on her. It felt good. It felt like relief after being alone in that intense cold and she relaxed into his touch just enough to feel how exhausted she truly was.

"You need to lie down," he said, reaching for her hand to try to pull her up. She teetered on unsteady legs and he let her lean against him. "Sleep will help."

Rey took several slow steps like that, but when one knee threatened to buckle again, Ben scooped her up into his arms and carried her the rest of the way through the familiar hallway of his quarters.

The cold of that dark chasm seemed a forgotten nightmare when she was this close to him. She reached a hand to his face, unable to speak her thanks for being with her in this pathetic state. For understanding her even in failure. Rey almost wished he'd never picked her up, because when he inevitably had to put her down again, the emptiness at the loss of his contact was going to hurt.

But the way he laid her tenderly onto his bed, pulling the soft linens up around her shoulders, created a flare of warmth in her chest. Even now, after all of the horrible things they'd both done in the name of something they believed in, there was still room for gentleness.

"Get some rest," he said.

Her heart writhed in her chest, neglecting several beats at the thought of being alone. Alone again with that cold so close when he'd only just managed to help her chase it away.

"Please…" She felt so small, so insignificant as she begged for him in that moment. "Please just lie with me."

There was a silence before she heard his boots thump as he dropped them on the floor next to the bed and slid in beside her.

He drew himself against her back, wrapping an arm around her waist and held her close to him. Rey focused on that feeling – the strength of his arms, the ripples of calm in the Force still seeping from his touch. She inhaled, a deep lung-stretching breath and it was laced with the scent of him. Soft leather again, but something else, too. Not the scent of sweat and battle this time, but a touch of something familiar.

Trillium soap.

She nestled her face against his pillow, heavy with the scent of him, and reached out through the Force to fully envelop herself in the peace of this moment. Basking in his closeness, breathing in time with the rise and fall of his chest against her back, she marveled at how well her body fit against his. She could imagine that this is what it was like to feel safe. His arms flexed, drawing her closer still, as though having her pressed fully against him was not close enough.

He said nothing. It was something she both loathed and loved about Ben Solo. Sometimes, he would let the silence of a moment speak for itself. And right now, Rey was trying very hard to listen.

Ben sighed against the nape of her neck and pressed a slow kiss against the tender skin he found there. She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of their bodies, breath and hearts mingling, as she fell asleep in his arms.


	14. Chapter 14

Rey woke early to an empty bed, a pounding headache, and an embarrassing hole in the bedroom wall that still hadn't been repaired. She must have been delirious to not have noticed it last night. Rising from the bed, she stumbled to the sitting room and finding no one there, continued to the dining room.

Ben sat staring indignantly at a pile of scrap and wires strewn across the entire surface of the table.

"What's all that?" she asked, her voice hardly more than a croak.

He startled as he was jerked out of concentration. "Rey," he said looking her over, "how are you... feeling?"

"Better," she said, "Just a little weak."

He nodded, pulling his gaze from her and back to the pile of spare parts on the table. "Today is our last full day before the memorial ball at Coruscant. You must have a working lightsaber by tomorrow night," he said. "Have you put any thought into the kind of weapon you'd like to wield?"

She cocked her head. "What do you mean? Like what color?"

His lip twitched, though he corrected the smirk quickly, obviously treading lightly so as not to upset her after last night. "You can't choose the color, Rey. Only the design. The Force will choose the color for you."

Rey thought on that for a moment. "So you mean, do I want one with cross guards like yours or one like this?" She gestured to the lightsaber that was no longer at her side. "Wait, where – ?"

"We needed a kyber crystal quickly, so I dismantled Anakin Skywalker's old saber. We have no need for it now," he explained.

But Rey wondered if she didn't see a twinge of regret steal across his features.

"Isn't that crystal blue? Even if we change the design, won't the Knights of Ren feel the light inside the crystal?"

"That is why you are going to spend the day meditating on it."

He leaned forward across the table, pinching the blue crystal between two fingers before holding it out where she could see it. It was so small, but she could feel the power it held as she came closer, holding out her hand. He placed the kyber crystal into her palm and she was surprised to find it carried much more weight than an object its size should logically hold.

"If one focuses on the Force, while holding the crystal, the color will change to match the Force energy of the user. That is how a lightsaber truly becomes one with the wielder."

Rey brought the stone closer, inspecting the rough edges, sensing the vitality contained somewhere deep within it.

"When you have attuned the crystal," he continued. "I can help you create an appropriate setting for the kyber and connect the wires and casings for the actual weapon."

"Ben, I can't – I, last night…"

"Put it behind you, Rey. It only means you went a little further than your limits allowed. A minor setback," he assured.

She wanted to yell, punch something, argue about how she'd gone way beyond any limits she'd had before all of this began, but she knew it wouldn't help. Once she'd stepped onto the galaxy's stage and set upon this path, her choice was made for her. She knew there was only one thing keeping the entire New Order in line now – power. Any more setbacks could be seen as weakness. And weakness would not last long in this place.

After how far they'd come and what she'd been forced to do, she could not afford any more setbacks.

"Every mistake we make in the Force must be taken as the lesson it is. You will only be stronger because of it."

She swallowed back any doubt and leveled her gaze at him.

He studied her with a focused, unreadable expression and she felt the gentle press of his mind, like the caress of his finger across her mental shields. He was testing her.

She reached for the fear she had, still so raw from last night – reached for the anger at herself, the pain of going too far into the dark and allowed those feelings to guide her. The Force shifted and the black vault around her mind slammed shut, locking him out.

He only had to smile and she could just imagine him as that awkward boy with the tousled black hair saying 'I told you so.'

"I've arranged for a shuttle to take you off the ship," he said. "We shouldn't be so near each other during the attunement, the touch of my Force could alter the outcome. We are too… close now."

Her thoughts went immediately to his bed last night. She could practically hear herself begging for him to hold her and her cheeks burned with the memory.

"By the way," he said, "Hux was by this morning. He tells me that, though Dameron was very affected by your interrogation, he's awake. He's going to be fine."

She released a breath she didn't know she'd been holding and gripped the crystal tighter. She wanted to ask about Balmorra, what their plan was for the Resistance sympathizers there, but she bit back the question. What difference did it make? Either way Hux would expect them to go after any rebels there.

It was a necessary sacrifice.

"Okay," she said. "Tell me what I need to do."

* * *

Rey spent all day in the shuttle bay of Ben's command ship. The pilot had taken her to the Corusca Sector, to be near Coruscant for the memorial, and they'd entered orbit around one of the planet's four moons, Hesperidium. Ben had explained the moon was used as a resort for the wealthy Coruscanti looking for escape. Emperor Palpatine himself had had a private retreat on the moon and Ben assured her that being close to such a place might push her in the right direction during what needed to be a darker meditation. Rey could certainly sense the debauchery down below as she watched the lights of the dark side of the moon sparkle with life.

Holding the kyber crystal in her hands, she sat cross-legged in the middle of the shuttle bay, and reached into that cradling energy that she knew as the Force. She was immediately drawn into the maze of it. She marveled along with the tourists at the wonder of the glittering lights and let the happiness of a couple walking hand in hand pull her thoughts into blinding light. But warmth and light cannot last forever, and like a gust of frigid wind burning against her cheek, her feelings gradually turned cold. Something else was calling to her. She took a steadying breath and let it take her. She could do this. She had to do this.

Rey channeled her fear of the darkness itself and allowed its intoxicating power to claim her fully. Greed, lust, passion – and as she sank deeper, she was feeling the memory of Ben's touch against the skin of her inner thigh as though he was right there with her. Thinking of the fire she would find in his eyes if she allowed herself to touch him back, caused a surprising ache to bloom in the very core of her. She marveled at the throbbing hunger growing within herself as she let herself imagine his hands on her body. She bit her lip to try to control it, teetering on the edge of allowing that demand for his touch to fully consume her… dreaming of what it would be like if his touch roamed to other places… places farther, deeper inside of herself. She shivered, gooseflesh erupting over every inch of her, but she didn't shy away. Passion could be a beautiful thing. She let it cloak her and she remained in it for what felt like an eternity.

Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the cold creeped closer. Violence. Pain.

And Rey cried out, drowning in that frigid chasm.

She held the kyber crystal so tightly, its edges dug into her skin. She clawed at the walls of that crevasse, trying to find a hold, some way to keep from going under, to get some air into her lungs. And she remembered. The other side of the web.

 _The dark to the light. The shadow to the sun._

And so, with one connection still open to the yawning darkness, she opened herself to the warmth of the other side of the Force, channeling those feelings into a palpable energy.

Pain. Comfort. Peace. Violence. Poe's pained face. The peace of Ben's slow heartbeat. Finn's violent injury at the hand of Kylo Ren and the comfort of that same hand offering another path.

And the Force became clear to Rey in that moment.

What is the security of a friend's embrace without having experienced pain? What is the peace of a quiet sunrise unless you have seen violence?

 _Balance._

Rey remained in that balance, feeling both sides of the Force and wrapping it around herself, letting it permeate her and the kyber crystal she still clutched in her bloody grip.

* * *

Rey was starving and mentally exhausted when she finally moved from her position in the center of the shuttle bay and ordered the pilot to return to the Finalizer. She hid deeper under her hooded robe as she stumbled off the ship and toward Ben's quarters.

When she arrived, he had all of the parts ready for the build of her lightsaber in a somewhat more organized pile on the table. The thought of putting all of the scattered pieces together into something workable, caused the fog of Rey's fatigue to feel suddenly thicker. All she wanted was sleep. But sleep would have to wait.

Earlier, they'd decided on a typical saber design. Rey knew she'd be immediately more proficient with some kind staff but they simply didn't have the materials, or the extra crystal to create such a weapon. Ben assured her they could modify the saber when they had more time.

With Ben looking over her shoulder, instructing her on which wires to connect and how to weld the casings together properly, it still took well into the night to finish.

When it was complete, Rey placed it on the table before her and ran a hand over it, feeling the seams and ridges and appreciating the details of the build of _her_ lightsaber.

Ben reached over her and palmed the weapon, twisting it back and forth in his hand. "Incredible," he said. "I can actually sense your Force inside of it. It's _you._ " His eyes sparkled with the excitement of the moment.

He passed the weapon off and she held it in two hands. Rey allowed the weight of what this meant to permeate her skin, taking it in and reveling in it. The creation of a lightsaber was one of the oldest, most sacred Jedi traditions. Rey was no Jedi, but that didn't stop her from feeling a sense of accomplishment.

Once Rey pushed her aching body from the table and turned to face Ben, her sense of gratification doubled when she took in his expression. He wore the contented smile of a proud teacher. She grinned back, a thrill jolting through her as she wondered what the blade would look like. How would it be different to use a weapon that was actually _hers_?

She held Ben's eyes, reaching out to feel him through the Force and nearly gasped as a current of brilliant light rippled between them. His Force signature was practically… glowing.

The flare in the Force ebbed again as Ben shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

"Are you going to keep staring at _me_ …" He raised a dark eyebrow, that handsome Solo smirk on his face toying with the rhythm of her heart. "Or are you going to try it out?"

She wrapped both hands around the weapon. It was much lighter than the Skywalker lightsaber and felt so much more controlled in her grasp. Not only that, but when she reached out through the Force, the weapon actually seemed to respond to her. Like an extension of herself.

Ben leaned forward expectantly, and Rey felt a rush of adrenaline as she gripped the saber hilt and flicked the plasma blade to life.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I know, cruel cliffhanger, but I wanted to see what color you think Rey's lightsaber should be based on the story so far! Just for fun, leave your choice in the reviews and we'll see how many readers agree :)


	15. Chapter 15

The blade glowed as bright and blue as a cloudless sky on Jakku.

She drew a sharp breath, sweeping the weapon back and forth, listening to the hum and hiss of it slicing through the air as she silently willed it to be a different color.

 _It can't be blue. It can't be blue._

Ben stood in stunned silence and she worried about his reaction.

Kriff. How had she managed to mess this up? This weapon was supposed to be _different._ It was supposed to be _hers._ And it was supposed to be attuned to darkness.

Now she would either not wear a lightsaber, which would make her a target, or make herself a target anyway by wearing the _wrong_ lightsaber. And there was no time to try again, because the memorial ball was tomorrow night.

Actually, as it was already well into early morning by now, the memorial ball was tonight.

A cold feeling of dread crept across her skin, like she'd begun to slip into freezing water. It tingled – tiny pinpricks of ice across her body. _Fear._ But she was becoming accustomed to its frosty grip and now, instead of fighting it, she was prepared to let it wash over her. She grabbed onto the feeling, letting it strengthen her, keeping her steady when before, she would have wanted to just disappear.

Ben stood, tensed, as though he would pounce. She waited for his fist to slam into the table or for a chair to hit the wall, but he only continued to stare at the blade, his eyes growing wider with amazement.

"It's incredible," he finally said.

"But, it's not…" she paused, watching in disbelief as the blade began to shift before her eyes. "Red…"

Where the blade had been unmistakably blue, it was drifting through a shade of violet and growing closer to the color of blood, of anger, of passion. She felt her jaw slacken as she fixed her gaze on the slow metamorphosis of the weapon as it settled on an unmistakable, intense red.

All at once, she understood.

The crystal she'd attuned was responding to her changing pull with the Force. Now, as worry ignited inside of her, the blade was growing closer to the color of her fear.

She heard Leia's voice in her mind. _You can come in and out of the dark…_

And just as Rey could drift between dark and light, so could her lightsaber.

"I've never seen such a thing…" Ben's voice trailed off as he stood, still as stone, scrutinizing the red plasma blade as she slashed it through the air between them.

Rey gripped the hilt tighter – a protective gesture, because now she could say, beyond any reasonable doubt, that this was truly a weapon made for _her_.

Crimson light from the blade reflected off Ben's face as his lips curved into that enticing half-smile again. Oh stars, that smile was going to break her.

"You've got to stop that," she said.

He raised an eyebrow. "Stop what?"

"Stop giving me that look," she said.

Ben stepped forward reaching a hand for his own lightsaber, and flicked his blade to life. Where hers had the gentle hum of stability, Ben's buzzed unevenly, highlighting the volatile core at the heart of his weapon, and in the heart of the man wielding it.

"Make me," he said. It was an echo of a challenge he'd spoken during their first training sessions, and the command in his voice sent her heart racing just the same as it had then. It seemed so long ago when he'd begun her training, though in reality it had only been a few days.

She accepted his challenge, eager to test her weapon, even if she knew they were only sparring.

They crossed blades, energy arcing from their perfectly matched weapons, and she felt a thrill of anticipation course through her. He struck quickly with a wave of dark Force behind his saber and drove her back with several downward sweeps of his weapon. After only a few seconds, she was breathing heavy, arms aching as she struggled to keep her ground.

He was physically stronger, so she had to be smarter.

Rey reached out. She felt him – saw his swing in her mind before he actually made it, and she was there to block a thrust to her right side. He whirled, dragging his blade around and sending it toward her, this time across her left shoulder. She lifted her weapon to block, but he pressed down hard with the leverage of his height and she had to push back against him to keep his blade from sinking into her shoulder.

Ben's breathing was fast and hot against her cheek as he leaned in even further, dangerously close to the crackling of the opposing blades between them.

"You'll have to try harder than that," he said, eyes reflecting the red light of their blades

She grunted with the effort of trying to push him away, and looked up at him to find he was smiling.

She reached out to the feeling his smile gave her. It was confidence and peace. The promise of friendship. And Ben's eyes were drawn down to her blade.

It was blue again.

In his distraction, he let up just a little and Rey reached for that peace and comfort, letting it flow through her into her lightsaber. The weapon responded with a surge of energy, which she used to push Ben away, driving him back with blow after blow until he was backed up against the dining table. He had nowhere to go, legs pressed against it as Rey leaned in.

Ben's eyes shone with excitement and she took advantage of his second lapse in focus, sending a wave of Force to buckle his legs against the table edge and force him into a sitting position on top of it. She reached out to his feelings – bright anticipation and a lusty fervor for their little contest mingling together – and she drew those feelings around herself until she was cloaked in the dual nature of the Force.

Her blade burned a vivid violet as she pressed down on his saber, inching it closer against his neck.

He swallowed.

"Is this hard enough?" she asked, her voice uneven.

She stepped closer, now standing between his legs as he sat on the table. She flicked off her saber. He followed suit and she stood gazing into his eyes, delighting in the wild mix of emotions he was sending through their bond. His nose flared with each panting breath and beads of sweat shone across his forehead. She liked him like this, he was pure electricity and it only seemed to power her to act in ways she never thought she could.

When he tested her with another smirk, she couldn't keep herself from him any longer.

She leaned in and he met her halfway, pressing his mouth firmly against hers. They were both still out of breath from sparring, which gave the kiss a frantic, desperate edge, making Rey feel as though she was halfway drowning. And she didn't mind, he tasted so good. He pulled her even closer between his legs, close enough now to feel the muscles of his thighs against her body and she gasped, clutching the fabric of his tunic. He took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, groaning into her mouth and then he was everywhere again. Oh stars he was everywhere.

Rey wasn't sure how long they stayed that way, lost in the Force of each other, but when they both finally emerged, dizzy and breathless, something had changed. The memory of his eyes, his twisted expression so racked with hurt that night on Starkiller base, was a stark contrast to what she saw before her now – brown eyes so yielding and rich, open and vulnerable. She looked up and began tracing a finger along the scar she'd given him what felt like so long ago. He relaxed into her touch, closing his eyes as her finger passed from his forehead to his cheek, his jaw, and down to his neck.

Then he opened his eyes, slowly taking her face between his hands, and whispered a quiet confession against her lips. "This is worth _all_ of it," he said.

* * *

The next morning, Rey woke, called for Quinn on the comm, and begged him to find her some breakfast. He kept amiable company with her as she ate, sorting jewelry into a case he'd brought for her.

"I'm so glad you are feeling better, my lady," he said, those steel gray eyes perceptively catching her delight in the taste of the honeyed porridge on her tongue. "Though you really should keep to more regular sleeping hours the next time you need to recover."

She felt a little like a young girl caught kissing the boy next door. Except the boy next door was the most feared man in the entire galaxy at the moment.

"That's what Ben said when, I mean Kylo, when I–"

Quinn gave her a sharp glance out of the corner of his eye and went back to the jewelry he'd been sorting into a box, kindly ignoring her little slip up. She wondered if Quinn already knew the background of his Emperor, but she decided not to ask. She also made a mental note to be much more careful about using his name. Anything that made Emperor Kylo Ren appear weaker was a threat to their plan.

"Kylo also tells me I need to stop forgetting to eat and sleep."

He laughed at that. "He should heed his own advice."

"Quinn," she said. This was going to be a little awkward, but he deserved to hear it. "Thank you for helping me that night. I mean, with the bath, with everything really. I never thought I'd feel warm again and it really helped."

A tug at his lip and he was holding something back.

She swallowed another bite of breakfast and leaned forward, craning her neck to see his face where he stood near the dressing drawers. "What is it?"

Having finished with the jewelry, he made himself busy, opening a drawer of her clothing and re-folding the already perfectly folded items he found there.

She repeated the question. "Quinn, what is it?"

He stared at the wall as he grudgingly revealed what he'd been thinking. "I've never seen Emperor Ren with a blush on his cheeks. Honestly, a part of me thought him incapable of such feelings."

"A blush? Did he – "

Of course Ben had helped her into the bath. Quinn was only an inch taller than she was and of a similar thin build. He wouldn't have been able to lift her himself. Which meant Ben had seen her naked. She thought she would be more embarrassed by this, but somehow, the nudity didn't feel near as personal as the feelings she'd shared with him that night. He'd seen her at her most vulnerable and he'd behaved just as she hoped he would.

Rey scraped the last tiny remnants of breakfast from the bowl in an attempt to avoid Quinn's eyes.

"I suppose he is just a man underneath it all," he said, almost to himself.

Then he turned to her, a devious grin lifting from the corners of his mouth as he remembered something. "By the way, I have the perfect dress for you tonight, my lady. You are going to turn the head of every man in the galaxy and affect our Emperor with more than just an innocent blush to the cheeks."

* * *

Rey spent the remaining daylight hours with Ben, breaking only once for lunch as he helped her perfect the dark control required to keep the Knights of Ren out of her head during tonight's ball. By the time they needed to part ways to prepare, Ben assured her that if he couldn't get through her defenses, none of the Knights of Ren would be able to.

Now, back in her quarters, Rey stood before the mirror, struggling to just get herself into the dress Quinn had chosen for her. Quinn arrived just in time to help, adjusting the corseted back, until it fit like a second skin. It really was beautiful. A strapless ball gown with a beaded bodice in glittering red and black. It flared at the hips and skimmed the ground with sheer layers of black gossamer shading silken crimson layers below.

Then Quinn arranged her hair down in loose waves falling around her shoulders. Her make-up was more subtle than it had been for the holocameras, but gave the same air of dominance that Quinn assured her an Empress would need. "At least in this den of loth-wolves," he had said.

"You look positively lethal, my lady," he said.

And that was saying something, coming from Kylo Ren's personal stylist.

But her mind was elsewhere at the moment. Ever since she'd seen that look in his eyes last night, she'd had trouble thinking about anything else.

"Do you think he can change?" she asked, finally finding the courage to ask the question she'd really wanted to ask for days.

"You wouldn't still be here if you hadn't already figured out the answer to that question, my lady."

Quinn stepped behind her and finished by clasping a glittering black necklace around her neck. The shining red gem at its center drew the whole ensemble together.

"Lovely," he said, looking at her reflection in the mirror alongside her.

"Thank you, Quinn," she said. He nodded and wished her luck before he turned and left her alone.

Rey hooked her lightsaber to the loop she'd insisted Quinn add to the dress. He'd proposed she simply keep it in the outer cloak, so as not to "interrupt the elegant lines of the dress." But there was no way she was going to be without a lightsaber directly on her person, even if it was "just a ball" as he'd stubbornly maintained. She gathered a long, hooded cloak under her arm in case she needed it, then she waited for the inevitable knock at the door.

Ben's eyes drank her in as she stood in the doorway, letting his gaze flit across every part of her, slowly. Her ears burned with the attention and he moved in closer, resting hands on her waist, and kissed her on the forehead.

"Stunning," he said, almost to himself as he offered her his arm.

"You clean up well, too," she said, admiring his statuesque form from the corner of her eye. After days of only seeing each other sweaty and exhausted, he truly looked like royalty tonight. Quinn obviously had a certain persona in mind when he'd again, chosen the Emperor's garb. He wore the usual tunic, but of a silkier fabric with a cowl and longer cloak accented with red silk, and bundled over the shoulder. His hair shone under the lights, iridescent like the feathers of a raven's wing.

"I hope I won't be too distracting for you," he said, that teasing inflection lightening his voice. "You need to keep a clear head for the work ahead of us."

"I'll try my best," she said, wishing she could just take him back to her room, press him against the wall, and kiss that smug expression from his face.

"Your thoughts betray you, my lady."

She swallowed before gulping down a steadying breath. She thought she saw that faint creeping blush color his cheeks, but then he was controlled and he was Kylo Ren. She took his lead, sending the walls up around her own mind, and hoped they would be strong enough to last the night.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Just wow. The response to Rey's lightsaber was overwhelming and I feel so incredibly warm and fuzzy inside! Your reviews, favorites, and follows are fuel to my little Reylo shipping heart. Please keep them coming!

I've managed to crank out some more writing so I should be able to update again tomorrow :) After that point, I'm shooting for twice a week. Exact days to be decided.

So what did everyone think of the saber color choice? ;)


	16. Chapter 16

Coruscant was a beautiful machine – lighted spires, whizzing speeders, and the low hum of constant activity all coordinated like the cogs and wheels of some fantastic ticking timepiece. Add to that, the sheer amount of Force produced by so many living things tucked into a space so close together, and Rey was saturated with the feeling of it all before they'd even stepped off the shuttle.

They were flanked by six newly appointed Praetorian guards and General Hux stood just behind them. Admiral Jeel, Colonol Veespa, and three more officers stood at Hux's side. A greeting party was making their way across the landing pad to receive them.

"Emperor Ren." A blue-skinned Chiss swept into a low bow before them. "And our future Empress Rey." His haunting red eyes meandered slowly over her before he came forward, kneeling, and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand.

Rey looked to Ben, allowing him to take the lead. He greeted the man with an aloof expression. "Good evening, Mayor Hivushi. We appreciate your hospitality." His voice was as stark and sterile as the hallways back on the Finalizer. But Ben was playing the game now. A game of power and they were both all in.

Ben introduced his military commanders and Mayor Hivushi presented some of the old aristocracy of Coruscant. Rey practically gagged on the stench of old money that hung around them as they stepped forward into low bows of their own.

"We are happy to have you," the mayor answered. "Please allow me to offer the entire East Wing of my private estate while you are on Coruscant. I'm sure you will find it most comfortable."

"We accept your generous offer, Mayor Hivushi." Ben lowered his head, ending the conversation and the mayor led them through the impossibly tall glass entry of the city's most luxurious banquet hall.

The entry shone brilliant gold and Rey almost had to squint against the brightness of it. The walls were papered with interlocking gold leaf and a massive chandelier blazed overhead like a small sun. She had never seen such excess in all of her life and the lunch she'd had with Ben curdled in her stomach thinking of so many who had nothing.

Ben squeezed her hand as he said he would if he sensed a change in her presence. She straightened and collected herself quickly.

They continued to follow Mayor Hivushi and his watchful entourage of stuffy aristocrats into the grand ballroom. More gold leaf, decadent red rugs and window coverings, and clean polished black marble floors spread in every direction. An enormous portrait of Snoke dominated the back wall, lit by a dozen spotlights, giving his sunken face an eerie glow. Rey wasn't sure how she could focus with his snake-like gaze trained on her the entire night.

People milled about, some already taken to tables, others standing nearby in conversation with crystal goblets of wine in their hands. Though they tried to be discreet, she saw every eye lift to the newcomers and she wondered if they could subconsciously feel the Force of them as they entered.

"Ladies and Gentlemen." It was Mayor Hivushi's thickly accented voice over loudspeakers. "Please rise to welcome your leaders of the Galactic New Order, Emperor Kylo Ren and the Future Empress Rey."

As he had for the holocameras, Ben swept her in front of him, and they lowered their heads toward the crowd. Hands interlocked, they reached out to the darkness in the Force that was so thick in this place already, gathering it toward them before letting it ripple across the crowd. It had the intended effect. Applause peppered the silence and soon grew into a thick roar of hands before they crossed to the head table. Even if the crowd had no idea what they'd felt, they would remember the impression of raw power.

More guests arrived until Rey was sure not a single additional body could fit in the space. Soon everyone settled into their assigned seats and the food arrived. Course after steaming course made its way to the tables on the outstretched hands of the waitstaff.

Rey kept her mental shields up, despite the fact that the Knights of Ren still hadn't arrived. She could not believe they'd gone through all of this effort only to find them absent. Something about it didn't sit right with Rey and she wondered if Ben felt the same.

Throughout dinner, Hux and Admiral Jeel spoke of a successful mission in the Outer Rim that was bringing materials for the repair of The Supremacy. Rey had no idea the ship could be repaired after being torn in two, but she supposed it was better than starting from scratch. She realized there was so much Ben wasn't telling her about the daily goings on of the New Order.

Ben spoke with the Mayor about plans to police Coruscant under New Order law. Rey got the feeling that a lot of money had exchanged hands on this planet to allow the door to be opened for the New Order so soon after the destruction of the Republic capital on Hosnian Prime. From what she could gather, in return for their protection and guarantee of continuation of free trade, many of the old houses had agreed to pay a rich price for these New Order services. They were afraid. The destruction of Hosnian Prime had had the desired effect.

Fear was a powerful motivator, but the New Order had their hands full trying to convince prior supporters of the Old Republic that this new regime was different and worthy of their investment. And they had to do it all without losing support of the New Order military machine that held the whole thing together. War was a business and peace would put some people _out_ of it. Finding them new opportunities outside of war would hasten the transition to peace.

As the meal wound down, a pretty Twi'lek woman wearing a flowing white gown crossed to the head table and served champagne to each guest in turn. The bottle ran dry at the end of Ben's glass and she apologized profusely, realizing she should have led with the Emperor and Empress. Rey hoped she wouldn't be punished too severely by the supervising staff of the hall. The girl went to retrieve a new bottle, and returned to fill the rest, beginning with Rey's glass. When everyone had been served, Ben stood, pulling Rey to her feet next to him.

"Thank you for joining us this evening," he began, his voice booming over the crowd with no need for an amplification device. "The future Empress and I want to thank you for your continued support in bringing an end to the traitorous Resistance. We are here both in celebration of our victory, but also as tribute to the man whose dream sparked the First Order."

Ben gestured to the monstrous portrait on the wall. He looked pained, and Rey wondered if it was because of the memory of Snoke or if he really hated giving speeches. Perhaps a little of both. But what Ben lacked in oratory skills, he more than made up for with his raw presence in the Force. He was completely enveloped in it now and Rey's heart beat faster with him so close. The wide eyes of the other guests listening revealed that many of them felt it too.

As Ben finished, several more speakers took turns singing their praises for the late Supreme Leader. Rey couldn't help but wonder if any of them actually had any good feelings about the most evil person she'd ever met, or if it was just a show to them as well.

Finally, General Hux rose to his feet, to put his own words out to the crowd. "With Supreme Leader Snoke's passing, comes a time of new growth and new direction for our noble organization. This is why we have welcomed so many of you today. Supporters of the Old Republic and First Order alike, we invite you to join us as we build a New Order in the galaxy." Hux was a rousing speaker, his fiery voice resounded with emotion and she could see the excitement of the crowd at being involved with such a powerful organization. "Please raise your glasses in honor of the late Supreme Leader Snoke and let us drink to new beginnings through new alliances."

Cheers of agreement rang out as everyone lifted glasses in the air and tipped their heads back to drink.

One glass of champagne, they'd decided, should help them appear to be celebrating while still leaving their heads clear enough to keep their shields intact. Ben caught her eye, raising his glass against hers causing the crystal to ring delicately in her hand. Rey pressed the flute to her lips and swallowed, feeling the tingly sweet bite of the alcohol all the way down to her stomach.

She must have made a face, because Ben pressed his lips together trying not to smile before taking a sip of his own champagne.

A few other formal announcements followed, before the lights were dimmed, and a small quartet began playing near the dance floor. Rey downed the rest of her champagne, hoping it would give her courage to mingle with these deplorable people.

That was when the Knights of Ren descended on them.

She first felt the group of darkly dressed men as a gaping black hole in the Force. When she looked up and actually saw them, their physical presence mirrored the cold feeling in her chest. Their black tunics and long cloaks were wholly at odds against the golden walls at the far side of the bright ballroom. They'd missed the dinner, likely to add grandiosity to their entrance.

And grand it was.

The crowd turned, sensing their presence, and parted for them as the tallest of the six led the group toward the head table. The quartet faltered as they passed, missing several measures of music until the harmonique player picked up the dropped beat and began again. The menacing group all wore masks patterned after Kylo Ren's, giving them the impression of being beyond the opulence of the ball. They were from a world all their own.

Stunned whispers floated over the crowd and Ben grabbed for her hand under the table. He exuded cold control and she tried to match.

When they approached the foot of the dais, the tallest of the Knights removed his mask with a pneumatic hiss and shook out his sandy blonde hair in a carefree gesture that surprised Rey. A light stubble covered his strong jaw and he wore the faintest hint of a smile as he stood with a hand on his hip, eyes trained on Ben.

Ben rose from his seat, circling around to the front of the table and stood staring eye to eye with the man.

"You're late, Kezzik," Ben said.

Kezzik lowered his eyebrows and leveled a gaze at him.

She was sure Ben was going to rip his lightsaber from his belt and settle whatever this was right then. But Kezzik smiled, reaching out with a gloved hand.

Ben stepped forward and the two shook, Kezzik even going as far as to slap a hand against Ben's back.

"Supreme Leader Snoke kept us very busy over the last few months." A brief shadow crossed his features before he looked to Rey. "It seems you've been just as busy, _Emperor."_

Ben ignored the comment, nodding at each of the other Knights in turn. They removed their masks and Ben shook every hand before he gestured for Rey to join them where they stood. At least half of the room had now fallen silent to watch the interaction of Emperor Ren and these mysterious robed men.

"We were shocked to hear of Supreme Leader Snoke's death. One of his own guard?" Kezzik's eyes darted to Rey, then back to Ben. "How vile coming from one of his own."

Ben looked at him from under lowered brows. "Indeed," he said, "But we are glad you're here to present a unified front for the New Order moving forward."

Kezzik looked as though he would speak again, but nodded instead.

Ben gestured to Rey. "Kezzik, this is my fiancée, the future Empress Rey. Lady Rey, please meet the Knights of Ren." Ben introduced them all by name, but Rey was so focused on keeping her mental shields up, she forgot all of the other names but Ledo, a dark-skinned man with a striking smile, and Den, a sturdy blonde with a nose that looked like it had been broken several times.

They tipped their heads reverently, but Kezzik was the only one to step forward. He took her hand in his, running a thumb across the back of it as he looked up at her. A tingling sensation slowly moved along the top of her scalp. Was that the champagne?

"The pleasure is all mine, Lady Rey." Kezzik's eyes were the sharp green of cut emeralds and when he smiled, Rey felt the light rake of claws against her mental shield. It caused her skin to erupt in gooseflesh and it took several seconds before she could recover enough to acknowledge the introduction.

"I am pleased to meet all of you. Emperor Ren has spoken very highly of you," Rey said. "The New Order appreciates your continued service."

The conversation in the rest of the ballroom picked up as people returned to what they were doing before the strange men had interrupted. Kezzik turned his head, looking over his shoulder at the dance floor, now filling with couples.

"I hope you will save a dance for me, my lady." Kezzik smiled, his teeth a flash of white. "You aren't a married woman _yet_ , are you?"

He lifted her hand closer to his face, inspecting her empty ring finger.

"Emperor Ren," he cleared his throat, "I would think you'd have a ring on the finger of your future Empress by now."

Ledo choked on a laugh, and Kezzik sent Ben a teasing wink who responded with tense shoulders and a forced smirk. He was not amused.

Rey was only paying half attention to the conversation, quickly becoming concerned with the strange tingling sensation that had now spread to her fingers.

Kezzik turned back to Rey. "That settles it then, you definitely must save me a dance." He flashed her another grin, accentuating the dimple in his chin. "What do you say?"

"I'm not much of a dancer," she admitted, continuing to tap into the darkness to keep her mental walls up.

When Rey had imagined these powerful dark Force users, The Knights of Ren, Kezzik's face was the farthest thing from the image in her mind.

"There's only one way to learn," he said, his lips turning up into a smile and Rey was compelled to smile back. What was in that champagne? As he turned from her, she felt him slide past her shields again, a graze of talons against her mind. She shivered, finding Ben's eyes locked on hers.

"The first dance belongs to me, Kezzik," Ben said, his voice a low growl as he brushed past Kezzik and took Rey's hand in his.


	17. Chapter 17

Well, somehow I managed to squeak out another chapter :) I'm just soooo into writing this right now, it's ridiculous.

Your kind reviews and encouragement have been so helpful to me. Honestly, checking them is the highlight of my day, so thank you!

I expect to have the next chapter up sometime this weekend. I'm shooting for Saturday. Let's hope I can keep the inspiration flowing!

* * *

Ben held Rey's hand until they reached the middle of the ballroom floor where he stopped to face her, trading his political mask for a worried frown. "Are you alright?"

She nodded, not sure if she should say anything. She didn't really know how champagne was supposed to make a person feel as she'd never tried a sip of alcohol in her life. Dehydrating substances that cost more than a ration packet were not the wisest choice in the desert.

He narrowed his eyes, but when she insisted she was fine, he positioned one of her hands on his shoulder and the other, he held in his own.

"Follow my steps. This is the only dance I know, though it's been a while," he admitted.

To her surprise, he started a slow, graceful waltz. After a few moments, more guests rushed to join them for the first official dance of the evening.

Rey absolutely couldn't feel her fingers, toes, or scalp.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," she said. "I'm numb all over and my head feels foggy."

"The champagne?" he asked as he continued moving his feet, stepping over, then together, then back, tracing the shape of a box. Rey struggled to follow along the first time.

"I didn't think I had _that_ much," she said.

Ben looked at her feet and then into her eyes. "Don't look at your feet. Just like when you're wielding a lightsaber, you only look at your opponent. Just look at me and let me lead you."

She nodded and allowed him to show her the rhythm of the dance and found that it was much simpler this way. The step was like drawing squares with her feet and if she allowed herself to lean into his movement, she was pushed gently in the right direction.

His gaze was intense for a moment just before she felt his tender caress against her mental shields. Finding entry easily, he spoke directly into her mind.

 _You need to tighten up_ , he said, and she knew he wasn't talking about her dance steps.

"I know, I just…"

"Don't let Kezzik get to you," he warned, his eyes had that sharpness to them again. "He has a way with people. But he's not what he seems."

"It's not that, it's… my head. I can't focus."

"Do I need to give you something to focus on?" he asked, dropping his arm lower, gripping her by the waist now, instead. All it took was his strong hands guiding her body to move the way he wished, and she longed to be with him alone, the only two people in the room. What would be the harm if she danced with him like they were really dancing alone?

That was how Rey found her rhythm, letting Ben take her where he wanted, sweeping her around the dance floor. By mentally separating the physical dance from the lavishness of the ball, she found that the dancing part was actually fun.

"Where did you learn to do this?" she asked.

Ben stared over her shoulder as though seeing something there beyond fancy dresses and stuffy suit jackets. "My mother taught me."

That was the first time she'd heard him call Leia, mother.

"She brought me along on one of her diplomatic missions and showed me how to waltz," he said. "The court ladies all took turns letting me lead them around the dance floor."

The image of a tousle-haired Ben Solo all dressed up dancing with frumpy older women made Rey want to laugh.

She relaxed into him, enjoying the feel of his strong shoulder under her fingers, his movements guiding her, perfectly in unison. She'd never realized dancing was such a partnership – requiring unspoken communication of both position and intention. She'd felt that same sense of physical harmony with him when they fought the Praetorian guard. And last night, when they'd sparred and done… _other_ things in between… she recognized that silent attunement to each other's bodies. She had to fight the urge to lean her head against his shoulder – to melt into him. He was solid and warm pressed so close against her and his hand was so soft under hers.

 _How are your hands so soft?_ she thought, wondering if it was the gloves he always wore.

He slowed their steps and cocked his head. "What did you say?"

Had she really spoken those feelings out loud? She felt herself flush. What was going on with her?

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked.

The hazy fog in her head crowded her thoughts and she felt slightly panicked at being so out of control of her tongue. "I told you, my head is spinning and I just feel… off."

"Let's get you some water," he said, taking her hand with urgency and guiding her back to the head table.

Hux and Jeel were talking quietly when she reached her seat.

"Empress are you well?" Jeel asked, with a slight curl of his lip. "You look a little peaked."

"She just needs to sit down," Ben said. His tone said no more questions and Jeel took the hint.

As Ben made his way back through the crowd, her tingling scalp bloomed into a different sensation. Those raking claws were back and she reached for the darkness to shield herself.

When Rey looked up again, Mayor Hivushi was standing before her table with his hand outstretched and she wondered how she'd missed his approach.

"Would you care to dance, Lady Rey? I'd never forgive myself if I missed my only opportunity to dance with the future empress."

She froze, looking for Ben but he'd already disappeared from her view, lost in the swarm of glittering excess.

She glanced again at Mayor Hivushi. If she refused to dance with the man, it would likely be seen as an insult, especially since Hux and the other military leaders were looking on. She couldn't afford to offend the very people she was trying to recruit to their cause.

"I'd love to," she said, plastering on her most flattering royal smile and somehow finding the strength in her rubbery arms to push herself from her chair.

She stumbled over the step at the foot of the dais, practically falling into his arms, but ever the trained gentleman, he simply steadied her arm before leading her onto the dance floor.

The tingling had now transformed into a complete numbness of her extremities.

He bowed to her formally before holding his arms out. She took his hand and rested the other on his shoulder. The mayor's blue hand was clammy in hers and he was much stiffer than Ben had been.

She'd never thought of Ben as graceful before, but maybe there was something to all the lightsaber training he'd had. She realized as she let the mayor lead her rigidly between dozens of other over-dressed partygoers, that it wasn't the dancing she'd enjoyed earlier, but the partner.

"General Hux tells me you are a woman who gets what she wants," he said. "I admire that."

Rey had to swallow back several choice comments, none of which would be appropriate to say to a man of his position.

Instead, she decided she needed to use this time wisely. So with a foggy head and the world reeling around her, she gave the mayor her most coy expression, and flirted shamelessly. "And what is it a man like you wants most?"

He studied her, his red eyes reflecting the twinkling lights of the dimly lit chandeliers overhead. Then he smiled, his entire face twisting with the effort, as though smiling used several unfamiliar muscles that he hadn't quite learned to control.

"What all men want, Lady Rey…"

But he didn't get a chance to finish before a black gloved hand reached out to grip the mayor's shoulder.

Kezzik stood nearly a foot taller, and looked down at Mayor Hivushi as though he was an irritating insect before flashing Rey a smile she was sure he practiced in the mirror every morning.

"I was promised a dance," he said, "and I've come to collect on that promise."

The mayor frowned, obviously displeased with the young man's manners, but he acquiesced. "Very well. Thank you for the dance, Lady Rey. I hope we have a chance to speak again later."

Before the mayor had even moved fully out of the way, Kezzik was already threading his fingers through hers and placing her other arm around his shoulder. He pressed himself against her just a little too close and began to lead her in a smooth waltz.

She had to tell herself to breathe, coach herself to use her shields… something about this champagne was making everything look brighter, sound louder, feel more intense…

"I thought I'd never get you away from Kylo," he said, his husky voice growing quiet.

Rey flinched at that, putting some space between them, holding herself as far away as possible while still managing to dance.

"Woah, my lady… it's not like that," he said. "It's only that I sensed your presence in the Force when we arrived and it was… unique. I've never – "

"Is that why you've been scratching your brutish claws against my mind all night?" she accused.

"I beg your pardon, my lady," he said with an injured expression, "but from the company you keep, I thought it safe to assume that you preferred more… dangerous pursuits."

His eyes drifted down to her neckline and back up to her eyes. "I apologize if that's not the case. I just can't help myself. For someone of your talent to go unnoticed for so long, I had to see for myself up close what you were made of."

Her head was swimming as he held her against his sturdy shoulder and led her in wide circles around the dance floor. He was a much better dancer than the mayor, his movements fluid and confident.

"A credit for your thoughts?" he asked, eyes locked onto hers.

She swallowed, slightly embarrassed to be enjoying the dance.

"I was wondering why it matters to you at all," she asked, making sure she was not the one to look away first. She could not show weakness, not here and not now. "Emperor Ren has chosen me and that should be your only concern."

"Yes, well… anything Kylo considers interesting, is usually worth a look," he said, darting a glance to her lips, then locking onto her eyes with a piercing stare. "Besides, I consider myself a man of _scientific_ interest. Think of this as an experiment made for the joy of discovery alone."

Then, without warning, he was in her mind, her shields had dropped and she wasn't quick enough to push him back out.

 _I only want to talk, my lady._

Rey gathered all of the fear and anger at Kezzik's violation and slammed the doors shut to the vault of her mind.

She was panting with the effort and nearly on the verge of passing out.

"Impressive, though pointless," he said, never missing a step of the dance. "Like I said, I only wanted to talk." He gestured with his chin to his right. "There are too many ears in this ballroom."

The mayor was waltzing nearby, having already found another partner, a woman closer to his own age with jet black braids to her waist. Rey felt Kezzik lead her away, closer to an open space in the dance floor.

He leaned in to her, his voice now held a tension that wasn't there before. "It's about _this._ " And he took her hand, tapping her numb fingers. Then he did the same with her toes, gently tapping them with his boots.

She swallowed, suddenly feeling her pulse in her own head. He knew something. He knew something wasn't right.

He tipped his chin down, waiting expectantly and she knew he had her.

Rey, against her better judgement, took a deep breath and opened a crack in her mental shields, just enough to let him in to speak.

His voice echoed too loudly in her head. _It's nice in here. Warm, an interesting mix of…_

 _Spit it out, Kezzik,_ she warned.

 _I was just going to say that I think someone may have slipped something into your champagne. You should probably –_

 _How did you know I even had champagne?_ She interrupted. _Who would –_

There was a crash from just beyond the swinging doors to the kitchen, a scream, and then silence. The music stopped and the lights flipped on as every head in the room turned to see Emperor Kylo Ren exit the kitchen. He pushed through the doors with a blast of Force and strode toward Rey with a look of pure rage on his face. The crowd fell over themselves trying to clear a path. Even Kezzik drew back from him as he neared, allowing Ben to step between them and snatch Rey's hand from his grasp.

"What's going on, I…"

"We need to go," Ben said abruptly, draping her arm over his shoulder and half carrying her toward the entry.

 _Tell him you think it's Bundar Root,_ Kezzik said. _He should be able to heal you through the worst of it._

 _Wait, how did you – did you see who did it?_

But Kezzik had already slipped out of her mind and when she reached out to him again, her grip on the Force slipped through her grasp. She thought she saw Snoke's portrait sneer at her as they rushed by, but then again, the walls were starting to undulate with whatever this poison was in her system.

The lights of Coruscant outside seemed much brighter under the influence of the Bundar Root. The effect it had on her senses was even beautiful in a way. The illuminated windows and glowing signs twisted back and forth in her vision, creating patterns of color, a rainbow of electricity. It was dizzying and she had to cling tighter to Ben to keep from losing herself in it.

"Bundar Root," she said, her voice sounding far away in her own ears.

Ben's head snapped to the side, eyes wide. "How do you know?"

"Kezzik," was all she could manage, through sluggish lips.

She thought she heard him snarl something before he led her across the open catwalk to a towering building next door. The entire entry was glass, allowing the lights and sounds from outside to bleed indoors adding to Rey's sense of confusion. To her surprise, when they crossed into the atrium, Quinn was waiting just in front of the lift in the lobby.

Ben spoke to Quinn in a tense whisper as soon as he was close enough. "I can stop the spread of the poison, but I need to focus. When I get her up to the room, don't let anyone in."

Then he thrust a blaster into Quinn's hand. Quinn looked at the weapon as though it would bite him, before gulping hard and tucking it into his belt underneath his long coat.

They entered the lift, receiving several shocked stares from the staff in the atrium lobby as the doors drew shut.

As the lift rose, leaving her stomach behind, Rey caught Quinn staring at her, brows drawn together in concern. Then she was starting to drift, realizing she was no longer walking, but being carried. Time shifted and she stared up at the coffered ceiling of an unfamiliar room. She felt Ben's touch on her bare skin before she was overcome by the sensation of burning embers roaring to life in her gut.

Soon, the quiet sound of Ben's focused breathing was interrupted by a knock at the door.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note:** Thank you all so much for your thoughtful reviews. It has encouraged me so much, fueling this story, allowing me to write so much faster on this fic than any other project I've ever worked on!

Also, just a note that I've changed the rating on this story now... for reasons you will soon discover *insert wicked grin* This chapter is also the longest yet, as I may have gotten a little carried away writing it ;)

Next update hopefully Monday. As always, drop a note and let me know what you think!

* * *

As Rey tried lifting her head, the muscles of her neck were suddenly no match for the weight of it, and she dropped back onto the pillow. She could barely see the top of the door from over the arm of the couch if she twisted.

Ben whispered a reproach against her ear. "Lie still."

Quinn pulled the blaster from his belt and readied it, pointing it squarely at the closed door. His voice shook as he shouted, "Emperor Ren has commanded everyone stay away!"

"Open the door. That is an order!" General Hux's sharp voice carried easily through the walls.

Quinn looked as though he was being ripped in half, before Ben covered Rey with a throw blanket, and shouted over his shoulder. "What is it, General?"

"You can't leave a trail of dead bodies whenever someone looks at you wrong, Ren." Hux was fuming – Rey didn't have to see him to know that much.

Ben lifted a hand and she felt the cold ripple in the Force as he slid the door open.

Hux stormed in, his face three shades redder than Rey had ever seen it. "What is going on, Ren? You've single handedly ruined our chances at this deal. The look on Mayor Hivushi's face when – "

" _Emperor_ Ren," he corrected, and Rey recognized the fire in Ben's eyes. He was livid, teetering on the edge of falling into that dark abyss again.

At first, when Hux's face began changing from red to purple, Rey thought the poison was now morphing the colors in her vision. Then she discovered the real reason. Hux was a foot off the floor as Ben stood, fingers flexed at his side. "The future Empress was poisoned, General. Something had to be done."

Ben flicked his wrist, and Hux's body crashed against a curio cabinet near the entry, shattering glass and the assorted priceless trinkets stowed inside.

"Ben, please," she breathed, her throat like sandpaper. "I'm okay, just…"

"Just stop throwing people against the wall." Kezzik's rough drawl cut through the darkened hotel room as he stepped in through the open door. "Besides, poor Hux is not to blame."

"Get out," Ben demanded.

"Is that any way to treat a friend?" Kezzik played hurt. "Especially one who brought an antidote for the bundar root?"

Ben leveled a threatening gaze at Kezzik before crossing the room and swiping the vial from his hand. "How did you know it was bundar root?" he accused.

"I looked into Jeel's mind. How else?" Kezzik split a glance between the two of them. "The man has some very interesting secrets. But then, who doesn't?"

Kezzik gave Ben a wry smile and Rey couldn't help but wonder what that look meant. What unspoken secrets lay between these two men?

Ben shook the clear glass vial, eyeing it suspiciously.

"Don't believe me, still?" Kezzik asked, eyebrows raised. "Tsk-tsk."

Ben responded with a scowl.

"Look into my mind then. You can see the memory of my visit to medical supply to buy this ridiculously overpriced antidote for yourgirlfriend."

Rey felt the waves of anger and fear rolling off of Ben and wondered how Kezzik could stand so close to him. Ben was practically ready to explode darkness all over the walls of the hotel room and Kezzik appeared completely unaffected.

"Interesting," Kezzik said. "So _protective_."

"Shut - your - mouth."

Kezzik mimed zipping his lips, then tapped the side of his head, encouraging Ben to search his thoughts.

Ben focused his gaze on Kezzik for a few moments and Rey wished she could see whatever silent exchange was going on. Then, Ben dropped his shoulders, huffing, and crossed the room to kneel before the couch where Rey still lay dazed.

He raised her to sit with a hand behind her back. The room spun with the movement.

"Drink," he said. "It will pull the last of the poison out."

The concoction was chalky and thick, but she managed to swallow it between gags. It burned all the way down before settling in a tight knot in her stomach.

The scraping of glass against tile issued from the other side of the room and Rey was reminded that Hux was still on the floor.

Ben rose from his knees to face Kezzik. "Why did he do it? What reason did Jeel have?"

"Well he obviously wasn't trying to kill her," Kezzik said. "Only to loosen her lips and possibly improve her dancing, though it didn't help much with that, I'll admit."

She could swear she saw him wink at her then. She was going to strangle him when she had her strength back.

"There are better poisons than bundar root for quick deaths," Kezzik continued. "He probably thought she'd only make a drunken fool out of herself, spill some of your secrets. I don't think he intended on ruining the ball and he certainly didn't intend for you to find out."

Ben rammed a fist into the wall and spoke through gritted teeth. "I should have seen it."

Hux was standing now, dusting off his coat, obviously favoring his left arm. His stare was frozen over with icy loathing. "Now if you don't mind," he said, collecting what was left of his dignity, "we have some cleaning up to do, _Emperor_."

"Announce that there was an attempt on the future Empresses life," Ben said. "Tomorrow I will personally meet with each possible benefactor in attendance to discuss any deals in more detail. Tell them we apologize for the interruption, but that such actions demanded swift retribution."

"Are you sure that is – "

Ben lowered his chin and took a step toward Hux. The general immediately nodded in forced submission. "Yes, Emperor."

"I'll keep an eye on Jeel," Kezzik said. "The man hates me, but Ledo and Bosma have his trust after this last mission. The admiral may have more secrets worth digging for that justify letting him live a while longer."

Ben nodded agreement and Hux was out the door in two strides.

Kezzik raised a lip in a smug expression directed at Ben. "You're welcome."

Then in a whirl of black robes, he was gone, too, and Quinn closed the door behind them. He leaned against it, staring off into the darkened room, shoulders rising and falling with his breathing.

"Thank you Quinn," Ben said. "Get some rest."

Quinn bowed low, bid them good evening, and slipped out the door.

"We should get you to bed, too," Ben said, looking down at her. He was still tense. She could see it in the line of his jaw. But he lifted her from the couch and carried her to the bedroom with such tenderness, it was hard to believe he was capable of losing control the way he had. Again.

"Stop thinking so loudly," he grumbled, as he laid her down on the plush bedspread. She was still dizzy and the fabric swags draping over the massive four-poster bed seemed to sway in the nonexistent breeze.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I can't control it. I still feel… different."

Ben pulled a stool from the dressing table and brought it to the edge of the bed.

"Whatever poison got into your blood is still circulating," he said, taking a seat on the stool. "The antidote only binds to the poison left and the healing I could do was limited. It will take some time."

"When did you know?" she asked. "That something was wrong with me?"

"I knew when you mentioned my hands being soft."

A quick rush of embarrassment warmed her cheeks.

"I didn't leave for water," he continued. "I left to find out who had poisoned you. I didn't want to worry you until I knew for sure. And I shouldn't have left you, but – " He took a deep breath then and she saw his jaw finally relax and some of the tension drain from him. When he spoke, the tightness in his voice was replaced by something lighter, something almost shy. "I knew then something was affecting you, because you've never spoken so candidly about such things."

"They really are quite soft," she said, surprising herself with her bluntness, and she silently cursed the effect of the bundar root.

She listened to the sounds of a busy Coruscant evening filtering through the window as they sat together. She wished things were different, that they were still dancing, that he would only touch her now, reach his hand out and hold her.

Maybe it was wrong to want him so much, so close, so often – especially when there was such a huge amount of work to be done. Now, with even more of a mess to deal with, she was sure it was selfish. Still, with his body this close, the poison playing with her impulses, and his emotion coursing through their bond, so near, so raw – it was as if his body was singing to her. She wondered how his touch would feel when the sensations buzzing through her were so… intense.

His hand was against her forearm in an instant, fingers running up and down her exposed wrist. She shivered and that tantalizing smirk of his demanded her heart to beat faster.

"It's not fair that you know all my secrets when I'm like this," she said.

"That wasn't your _only_ secret." He raised a roguish eyebrow. "Tell me another."

She let his touch carry her away, and she was talking, telling him things that maybe she should have kept beneath her shields.

"This poison isn't entirely unpleasant," she said.

His fingers brushing lightly against her skin brought heat to the back of her neck, and it was as though he was touching someplace much more… intimate.

His low chuckle caught her off guard. "The eternal optimist. The only woman in the galaxy to ever enjoy being poisoned."

"I can't think straight, but sounds and sensations are," she paused, trying to collect the right words. "They're stronger, richer."

"Interesting," he said, moving his fingers up her arm as he leaned over the bed. His fingers continued their path, moving up her shoulder before lightly tracing the edge of her jaw, the shell of her ear and her skin erupted in another shiver of gooseflesh.

She leaned into his touch, wanting more of his hand against her body.

"Tell _me_ a secret," she whispered.

And the next moment, they were dancing. She was seeing their waltz from Ben's point of view, through their bond, through his memory.

Ben looked into her eyes with the ball whirling past her in the background. His heart was beating much faster than the rhythm of the quartet as he led her around the dance floor.

 _I don't deserve this. I don't deserve her,_ he thought.

He was suddenly acutely aware of his grip on her waist, the movement of her body under his hand, her tight muscles working with each step under his touch. He wanted to explore her. Oh Force, he wanted to touch her everywhere. A tingling heat began in his core again and he recognized the feeling immediately. It was happening much more often now. The burning ache of pure _want._

He gripped the darkness tighter, pulling it over his shoulders and across his mind. No one could know. If anyone else saw how much he wanted her…

He swallowed, focusing again on her. She was radiant. The dress was perfect, highlighting the strength of her toned form, but still accentuating the delicate curve of her hips. His hand held her waist tighter, stroking just slightly, moving slowly around to her back, and he looked up to find her staring at him. Those eyes, seeing him not just as what he had been, but what he could be. And he ached to be those things for her. He let his gaze settle on her collarbone, delicate, soft… and he wanted to touch her there, too. Oh, Force they were only dancing. He needed to pull it together.

Then the memory snapped and she was herself again, back in the bed with Ben's hand still caressing the side of her face.

Now, she knew exactly what was behind that hungry expression he was wearing. She'd felt it from inside of _him._ And almost instantly, the thought of his desire sent a surge of warmth through her own body. She grabbed his hand, guiding him from the chair and down onto the bed.

Her voice was thick and ragged when she spoke into his ear. "I want you, too."

His boots were still on when he straddled across her in one fluid motion, taking her face in his hands and kissing her with the fierce, deep need of a man starved. One hand was tangled in her hair as he let the other drift down, to all of those places he'd let his mind wander while they'd danced.

He was letting her feel his need, his despair at thinking he could have lost her, letting the Force of it pass through his fingers as he traced his way to her collarbone. As they kissed, his hand skimmed lower. It roved over the bodice of her dress, so close to the curve of her breast and she inhaled sharply, arching her back against the heat of his touch, wanting him to hold her there. Leaning her body into his hand, but he only teased around it, building the need for his touch, skirting around until…

She moaned, grabbing for him, guiding him to take hold of her, cupping her breast over her dress. A rumble of pleasure spilled from his lips and into her ear, igniting another surge of desire inside of her. He kneaded gently through the suddenly constricting fabric, the friction against her skin setting fire to her core, before his fingers traced down her side again.

His breathless voice in her ear only magnified the warmth flaring inside of her. "The thought of losing you tonight, I…"

But he didn't have to say all of it because she could _feel_ it, the dark abyss was open to her now and she could feel _all_ of it, all of him pressed against her.

His hand roamed lower, still teasing the edge of her curves down to her hip, finding bare skin at her back. Her corset top was halfway open already, having loosened it to heal her earlier.

His tongue traced the rim of her ear as his hand massaged the tender skin at her back. When he exhaled a hot breath into her ear, it pulled a tiny whimper from her and she clung to him. His hand on her back faltered and his breath quickened, his own desire hardening against her in response. She ground her hips against him, her hands gripping his muscular back, pulling him closer. Needing him closer.

Then his mouth was back against hers, drawing every breath from her as their Force mingled and the desire for him between her legs built to something that was almost physically painful.

"Rey," he breathed. "I can't, not with you like…"

She rolled her hips against him, needing to feel him against her. Wanting him to just shut up and kiss her harder, press himself harder against her.

He drew a sharp breath before pushing himself onto his elbows and looking down at her. He was panting, eyes wild, his voice a raspy whisper. "Not like this…" he said.

"Please," she begged. Rey didn't trust her voice to say anything more, she was so choked with this _need._

But he was still. Unmoving as though if he shifted an inch, he would forget why he'd stopped touching her.

So she only waited, trying to catch her breath as he continued. "With the poison in your system. I feel… it feels wrong," he said.

He rolled completely off of her then and the loss of his body against hers was excruciating. She groaned, pressing her thighs together – there was no way she could disguise her frustration.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have…"

Her heart was still a frantic banging in her chest, but after another deep breath, she was able to cling to the tiny thread of control still left somewhere inside of her.

She tried to focus on his feelings through the Force instead. Confusion and fear of hurting her, of taking advantage of her.

She shook her head. No, he wasn't taking advantage if it was something she wanted. Something she needed so badly it hurt. "My mind is working well enough to know I want this," she said, her voice coming in a desperate gasp.

He only swallowed, still not daring to move, and she could sense he was not going to change his mind.

So she reached for him, bringing his arm back across her body. If she couldn't have him in the way she wanted, then she would settle for being next to him. "Don't apologize for this. For… us…"

How could she be angry for this? He was actually denying his own passion to do what he felt was _right._ This was what she wanted wasn't it? That moment, so long ago when she'd reached for his hand. She knew he could change. Now, seeing him finally acknowledge something besides just power and passion. It filled her with a different kind of warmth.

They lay tangled in each other, breathing, thoughts mingling as their bond lay completely open to one another. And Rey was bathed in the conflict within him. The pull of his hunger for her against the need to respect her body. The rage at the threat to Rey against the value of a stranger's life. The call of the dark and its power against the irresistible pull of the light.

And Rey asked a question before she could consider his reaction. "Did you kill her?" she paused, the question hanging thick in the air around them. "The Twi'lek girl?"

His body tensed against her and she knew the answer to her question. Jeel had likely forced the girl's hand to the poison, and Ben had killed her for it. But the wave of regret that followed through their bond told her he needed comfort, not judgement.

She reached out a hand, running it across his jaw, tensed with emotion now.

"It's easy for you," he said, meeting her eyes again. "Coming and going. Using the dark and then leaving it behind. It's…" he paused, the lights of the city through the picture window reflecting tears now filling his eyes. "It's not that easy for me. The anger, at what she did – to you – I couldn't…"

His voice choked off and he turned his head, not allowing her to see his expression in that moment. But she reached for him, pulling his face back toward her to see a tear spill down his cheek. Rey reached a shaky hand to brush it away with her thumb, wondering if it was the first tear spilled for a life he'd taken.

"No," he said. "I wept for my father, too."

The raw honesty he was showing stung her eyes with tears of her own. Her emotions felt so close to the surface, too, with the world still leaning on its side from poison and passion.

"Snoke sensed it," he said. "Like you did. He knew what I'd done had only ripped me farther apart."

"Snoke is gone." She spoke the words with finality. Why wouldn't he just let go?

"But the darkness isn't." He was tensing again, closing off.

So, she reached out to him. "Then let me help you," she said, letting the delicate caress of her hand speak to his fear. "To use the light. Like you helped me to wield the darkness."

Then Rey tugged lightly on his hair, pulling him down to her for one last kiss. She gathered her feelings of joy, of light, of _love_ and sent them through the bond.

His response stunned her.

With the blood of an innocent still on his hands, Ben Solo kissed her back with the warmth and radiance of the brightest day on Jakku. A flood of his light spilled into her, overflowing, pouring into every hidden place, and she could only cling helplessly to him as the Force of it rushed over her. She was blinded by it, breath stolen completely before it finally began to fade.

His kiss lingered a moment longer, and just before he pulled away, she felt his lips turn up into a smile against hers.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note:** I really cannot thank you enough for the kind reviews, encouragement, and even amazing **fan art** (squeee I love it!)! Any art I am sent is posted on the AO3 version under the same story/author name on that site.

Also, I'd like to address something that's come up. Everyone appears very worried that this story will devolve into smut. No worries, I intend to maintain the story and characters, though there may be some sexy scenes to come.

I hope to have the next installment to you by Wednesday. As always, please let me know what you think :)

* * *

Morning sun spilled into the bedroom, painting the walls with golden light. Rey pressed a pillow over her face to block it out.

She groaned, turning over toward Ben to pull herself closer, but the bed was empty. They'd fallen asleep together, finally, after what felt like hours holding each other and talking of silly things – droids, porgs, pastries. They'd slowly moved to more complicated topics – her life in the toppled AT-AT walker, his as the son of the busiest couple in the galaxy. He was honest with her, and with the poison coursing through her system, she had no choice but to be honest with him. They talked until she fell asleep in his arms.

Her head throbbed in a painful rhythm as she pushed herself from the bed, still wearing the red and black ball gown, crumpled from the night's activities.

Oh stars, last night's activities.

She sighed, remembering what had almost happened, what she'd wanted so badly to happen with Ben. But now, in the light of a new day, she was glad he'd waited until she had a clear head. They were closer now, because of it. The choice he'd made to respect her brought a smile to her face, even through the foggy pain of her headache.

All of it was so confusing. Ben, in his anger, had taken a life, then lay beside her as the most tender, affectionate partner she could imagine. And Rey couldn't help but ask herself… how far is too far to go to protect someone you care about? Should she have been more disgusted? Repulsed by his actions?

But she couldn't bring herself to feel that way about him anymore. Instead, she was encouraged that he'd felt regret. He _was_ changing, starting to grasp for the light.

She'd felt it in his kiss. Oh, she would definitely be daydreaming about that kiss all day.

Rey rubbed her eyes, trying to bring them into focus. She needed to get going. There was a lot of cleaning up to do today.

She looked over to find a stark black tunic, leggings, and boots already folded for her on the stool in front of the dressing table.

Quinn. Bless that man.

She enjoyed a slow shower with actual water, then dressed to find Quinn yelling at a cleaner droid in the sitting room.

"You are simply crushing the glass and spreading it around," he said, in the breathless voice of sheer exasperation.

He waved a hand in a circle, gesturing to the mess and the droid flicked off its vacuum, taking the hint.

"Just leave," Quinn said. "I'll find a broom." He mumbled the last part more to himself as the droid moved off to the other corner of the room to vacuum the already immaculate rug.

"Good morning," Rey said.

"Lady Rey," his eyes widened as he took her in. "My apologies, I meant to have this place put back together by the time – "

"Quinn," Rey stepped closer, frowning at his dark circles and bloodshot eyes. "It's alright, let me help."

"Oh no, my lady, I have it handled," he said. "How are you feeling?"

"Just a headache, but otherwise, fine." Rey stooped to pick up a particularly large glass shard that had made its way across the room and tossed it into the trash bin he'd set out. "Really, it should be Ben who cleans this up," she muttered.

 _Kriff_. She had done it again. She had to remember not to call him Ben.

Kylo. _Kylo,_ she reminded herself.

Quinn paused to study her, his grey eyes softening at their edges. "My lady, don't look so pained," he said. "I know you call Emperor Ren by his given name and I would never tell another soul."

His gaze drifted over her, searching for her reaction.

She felt a layer of stifling restriction rip away, like she was slowly unwrapping her true self. Pretending to be so many different people was exhausting, so to be a little freer with Quinn… Rey was utterly relieved, and she closed the space between them and drew Quinn into a hug. He stiffened at first, as though surprised, then softened as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Thank you," Rey said, "for being the only person in this den of loth-wolves who was there for us."

He squeezed once before pulling away and holding her at arm's length to grace her with one of his most elegant smiles.

"It truly is my pleasure, my lady."

He stood just a little taller as he gestured a hand toward the next room. "May I show you something?"

He offered her an arm and escorted her into the dining room. A dozen bouquets of varying size and color were lined up in vases on the table.

Rey was first drawn to a pretty arrangement of Ithorian roses. The blue flowers were strikingly set against tiny sprigs of white. She buried her nose in the bouquet, inhaling the sweet floral scent before picking up the card and reading it out loud.

 _Dearest Lady Rey,_

 _We send our very best wishes for a speedy recovery. We do hope you don't see last night's events as a reflection of our community as a whole. We look forward to working with you and the Galactic New Order in the future._

 _Warmest Regards,_

 _House Camoni_

Rey narrowed her eyes in disbelief as she looked up and down the table. "Wow. So, Ben's idea of telling the truth was actually a decent political move? I wonder what Hux thinks about that."

"General Hux, I hear, was the picture of dignified grace in explaining the situation," he said.

"With the way he stormed out, I wasn't sure..." she trailed off. They had dodged a serious blaster bolt if things really had a chance of working out on Coruscant.

Quinn nodded. "He can be a bit forthright, my lady, but General Hux is quite an effective politician. Especially for a military man." He fussed over a bouquet, adjusting a stray nova lily that stuck out a little far from the others. "But he wasn't the only one. Admiral Jeel and Colonel Veespa were also seen rubbing a few elbows late into the night."

She could hardly hide her sneer at the mention of Jeel.

"They managed to spin it to make _us_ look like victims?" Rey asked. "Even with the scene Ben made?"

"It appears that way, my lady. No one knows it was really Jeel who caused the commotion." Quinn paused, bending to inspect an exotic looking arrangement in bold oranges and yellows. "The good news is, whether for smooth talking or for fear of retribution, it appears no ground was lost. In fact, Emperor Ren woke early to begin the first of what will likely be many meetings over the next few days. The New Republic is still scrambling to pick up the pieces and the people are looking to align with whom they feel has momentum. After your announcement about the destruction of the Resistance, the pendulum of power has started to swing in our direction, my lady."

"That's…" she swept one more look across the excessive display of fake sympathy, "encouraging."

A hard knock at the door and Quinn zipped toward the entry to receive whoever it was. "More well-wishers?" he guessed, a half-smile claiming his lip.

She shook her head in disbelief before moving onto another card, wondering if she was expected to write thank you notes to all of these houses.

The door opened to reveal Kezzik standing, arms crossed, in the doorway.

Rey cloaked herself in darkness immediately, slamming the vault doors to her mind.

"Well, well, well…" He was dressed in a shorter tunic and cowl, and high boots made from shiny, black scales. "How's Coruscant's favorite poison victim feeling this morning?"

He crossed into the entry and leaned against the arm of the couch.

Quinn wrinkled his forehead, sending Rey a look that promised he was nearby, before retreating down the hallway, leaving them to talk.

"Much better," she said. "And thank you for the antidote you brought."

"At least someone around here has some manners," he said. "Your boyfriend didn't even bother to thank me. Even when I saw him this morning."

Rey narrowed her eyes at him, cutting to the chase. "How do you get away with it?" she asked. "Treating him like that, when all the others – "

"We have history, my lady," he said. "I've known Ben Solo since we were both recruited by Skywalker."

"Yes, but the other Knights of Ren, even they – "

"They are weak, my lady."

"Do you never let anyone finish a sentence or is it just your future Empress you grace with this behavior?"

He ignored the question, though she saw a twitch of a smile.

He looked over his shoulder, back down the hall where Quinn had disappeared. "Do you think your… man could order up some breakfast?" He raised an eyebrow on the same side as his smirk. "I'm ravenous."

She supposed breakfast wouldn't be a bad idea and maybe she could manage to pry some helpful information from Kezzik now that she was feeling strong enough to keep her shields up.

She found Quinn unpacking a case of her clothes and putting them into the drawers in the bedroom. "Quinn, could you please order some breakfast for me and Kezzik?"

He turned to look at her, brows drawn together. His voice was a low whisper when he responded. "Are you sure that is wise, my lady?"

"Well, he did help me last night," she whispered back. "And I'm strong enough now to defend myself if I need to."

He darted a glance to the lightsaber at her waist and nodded reluctantly. "As you wish, my lady."

Quinn left to see to breakfast and she found Kezzik snooping through the cards tucked into the bouquets spread across the dining table.

"Can I help you?" she asked, with an edge of impatience.

Kezzik actually had to stretch to reach the note attached to the largest of the arrangements. He cleared his throat before his eyes started scanning the card. "I regret we didn't share more time together," Kezzik read, in a smooth Chiss accent. "Please accept my personal invitation to join me for dinner when you are fully recovered." Kezzik quirked an eyebrow in her direction. "Sounds like someone left quite an impression on the galaxy's slimiest mayor."

Rey bit back a snarky retort.

He replaced the card and went for another. "Well, at least we know your officers know how to handle themselves under intense political pressure. They've certainly managed to spin this little disaster in your favor."

He plucked a third card from its bouquet and this time, he held it to his heart, his voice dripping with sarcasm when he continued. "What an impressive outpouring of support."

Rey moved several vases to the far end of the table to clear a space for their breakfast. She'd had enough of Kezzik playing around with her. It was time to get something done. To figure out what it was he really wanted. So, checking her mental shields were solid as steel, she began working on Kezzik for information.

"What did you mean when you said the other Knights of Ren were weak?" she asked.

He sat down across from her and leaned onto his elbows. "I mean it exactly as I said it. I've always been the only one to keep Kylo accountable, the others just get in line behind him. The fact that he's the grandson of Darth Vader is reason enough for most to follow him blindly."

Rey wrapped herself tighter in the darkness all around them, breathing in the cold feelings of fear and dread at this conversation. She was not giving away any more secrets.

His green eyes flashed, reflecting the morning light from the window, as he studied her with an amused expression. "Also, that's completely unnecessary, my lady."

"What?" She played innocent, though she was starting to have that heavy feeling in her stomach that told her this was probably a bad idea.

"You don't need to keep yourself shielded like that. I'm not here to threaten you. Last night, I needed to speak into your mind to warn you." He reached for a purple bloom from one of the bouquets and held it out to her. "I want to help. The New Order is in its infancy and you need all the allies you can get," he said.

She stared at the flower and ignored him, leaving her shields intact.

Kezzik only shrugged, replacing the bloom in its vase. "Kylo doesn't trust me because I know him too well. He's always been conflicted, so that was nothing new to me. Snoke told me, probably to drive a stake through the heart of whatever trust Kylo had for me, to isolate him further. But I knew long before Snoke told me… that he felt the _pull_ ," he paused, "to the light."

Rey swallowed, trying to keep the look of shock from her face. Did Ben know all of this? That Kezzik had already known about his draw to the light, even before Snoke had revealed it?

"So I can understand your reluctance to be candid with me."

Quinn arrived a moment later with plates of poached eggs, pastries, and steaming mugs of Tarine tea.

Kezzik scooted into a seat, grabbed for a plate, and commenced shoveling.

Rey gave him an amused eye and he lifted his head, mouth full, and smiled.

"The food in the outer rim leaves much to be desired, my lady." he said.

She smiled despite herself, digging into her own eggs and choosing the gooiest looking pastry from the tray to save for last. Could it be that Kezzik wasn't as dangerous to Ben as he thought?

Quinn excused himself, letting Rey know he'd be in the bedroom finishing her unpacking. She thanked him before he gave Kezzik one last hard look and turned to leave.

"Also," Kezzik began again when Quinn was out of earshot. "Snoke told us about Kylo's promise that he would destroy you after what you did to him on Starkiller. So you can imagine my surprise when, here you are, sharing his bed and his pastries."

Rey nearly choked on her egg.

"He probably didn't want you to know about that promise, eh?" Kezzik said.

She looked at her plate. It didn't surprise Rey that Kylo Ren had wanted to kill her after what she'd done to him. But how did Kezzik know they'd shared a bed? Was this man ever going to stop needling her? Was he doing this purely for his own enjoyment?

"My room is only two floors up," he said, with that infuriating smug expression. "The next time you two dabble in Force fueled love-making, either invite me or do try to keep it down."

"We didn't, I mean…" she faltered, unable to control the heat flooding her face. She pretended to scratch a non-existent itch, just to avoid looking at him for a moment.

"I suppose it's not your fault, I hear Bundar Root can have some interesting side effects," he said.

"Please stop," she said. If this was a lightsaber duel, she would have yielded with the blade against her jugular. He'd taken her completely off guard and managed to pull a blush from her cheeks despite her every effort to appear unaffected.

He stabbed another egg on the platter and brought it to his mouth, taking a bite straight from the fork. Orangey yolk dripped onto his plate below and he dipped a finger into it and sucked it clean.

He caught her staring and locked eyes on her. "Do you really think I believe that one of the Praetorian guard managed to cut Snoke down?"

Her heart turned over before surging forward into a relentless rhythm.

"The Praetorian guard are skilled, but Snoke had eyes _on top_ of the eyes in the back of his head," he continued, never shifting his gaze from her. "Only Kylo had the raw strength in the Force to accomplish something like that."

Rey's grip on her fork slipped and it clattered onto her plate.

Kezzik only continued chewing with his mouth open, staring at her with amusement.


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note:** My gratitude is seriously spilling over right now, your kind words and the connection many of you have found to this story has seriously struck me emotionally. I feel so lucky to be able to bring this to you! So thank you, thank you.

If you feel like following me on Twitter, my handle is "erickao" where I occasionally post writing related dribble.

As always, make my day and drop a comment :D

* * *

It became so quiet in the dining room that Rey could hear every speeder whizzing by the window, each glassy clink of Kezzik's fork against his plate, and her own teeth grinding together as she chewed. And Kezzik only continued to regard her silently from behind that infuriating, self-satisfied smile of his.

Rey was hit with a sudden resolve to wipe that arrogant expression from his face and turn this conversation around. She could not let him continue to dominate this discussion. She would find out why he was telling her this. Find out what he wanted. She could do better than this, better than being a passive participant. She would be the interrogator. She'd done more difficult things in the last few days.

She clenched her teeth and fixed her eyes on Kezzik, reaching out with the Force. She gathered the darkness, went to that cold abyss, just as Ben had instructed, swathing herself in its frozen grip and then blasted it toward his mental shields, an ice pick to pry from him what she needed.

"Why are you here, Kezzik?" she demanded. "What do you want?"

A fleeting look of shock struck him at the same instant her Force did, and she slipped inside his mind. Black. Shadow. No light edges like in Ben's presence. His response to her intrusion came quickly and before she could influence him further, she felt the walls of his mind closing in against her and she was pushed out.

Seconds later, the smug look was back on his face, along with the return of a greasy Chiss accent. "I want what all men want, Lady Rey," he said, mirroring exactly what Mayor Hivushi had said during their dance last night.

So Rey played along, masking her disappointment at her failed attempt to influence him. "And what might that be?"

"The biggest breakfast pastry," he said, Force-lifting the pastry from her plate and taking a bite before she could even wipe the surprise from her face.

She felt her jaw tighten. This was going nowhere.

"Oh, come on," he said, cocking his head. "That was a pretty good one."

She could only shake her head.

"Well, I'll admit _your_ little trick was pretty impressive," he said, his voice as heavy and smooth as the black velvet lining his cloak. "You are quite skilled. I don't remember the last time someone has _penetrated_ my defenses like that."

He rubbed a hand against the stubble on his chin. "I rather liked it."

Their silent standoff resumed, with Rey feigning great interest in her breakfast, and Kezzik continuing to stare at her with a haughty eyebrow raised.

Rey was almost ready to speak, if only to break the awkward silence, but Kezzik relented first. "Alright, _Rey_. Let me tell you what I want," he sank back into his chair, stolen breakfast in hand, and propped up his crossed feet on the table. "Power." He paused, letting the word hang in the air. "That's what all men want and I'm sure that's what our friend, the mayor, was going to say before I rescued you from him."

Kezzik put his pastry down, looking into her eyes more seriously than he had all morning. "I despise being sent to the outer rim on these pointless missions – stopping trivial disputes in the First Order's mining colonies, removing idiotic overseers who don't know how to control their own labor force. It's all, frankly, below my skill level."

He spilled way too much sugar into his tea, then licked the egg off his fork before using it to stir the steaming drink. When he grabbed hold of her gaze again, Rey tried to reach out with the Force, feeling for his intentions. "I want to be in on building this New Order," he said.

She couldn't sense any deception in his voice. Did he truly just want a _promotion?_ It couldn't be that easy. Rey chose a different berry-filled selection from the platter and gave Kezzik an angry eye. "How do you suggest we do this?"

"That is for you and _Ben_ to talk about."

Ben? He knew she called him Ben, too? How did he know kriffing _everything_? This time Rey managed to keep her mask on, not allowing her surprise to tarnish her practiced aloof expression. Too little, too late, she knew. But she would get better at this. She had to.

"Why not just talk to _him_ , then?"

"Because he hates me."

"Why?"

"Because I get all the girls." His tone was so flat when he said it, Rey had to wonder if he was really serious. His sarcasm was infuriating. Mostly because she was such a terrible judge of when he was actually telling the truth. She wanted to ask more, finding it quite amusing that the Knights of Ren might have had girl trouble, but Kezzik started in again.

"To be honest, I came by this morning to make my proposal to the more level-headed one of the pair in charge," he said, sipping delicately with a pinky in the air. "So what do you think?"

Rey wanted to believe him, but she needed time to mull it over first.

She forced her features into a remote stare and said nothing, simply stuffing her face with the rest of her breakfast, washing it down with the tea, and standing to gather the cards attached to each bouquet. She would do her political duty and schmooze these Coruscanti sympathizers right back with some handwritten thank you cards. Right after she saw Kezzik out the door.

She would not give him the satisfaction of an answer right now. She got the feeling he was being honest with her, but his manner was so cocky, she couldn't stand to acknowledge his little request. Not until she told Ben everything.

Before she could grab the last few cards, he crossed around the table, leaning next to her, reaching over her shoulder a little too close to grab a card of his own. He was close enough that Rey was overcome by the icy scent of him – like a frozen pine forest – and it tugged a shiver from underneath her skin. His fingertips brushed against the back of her hand and something electric erupted between them. As he slowly took the card she was reaching for, she could swear she felt the Force of him, those raking claws in a slow caress across her mind.

She drew back, swallowing hard before she could finish gathering the cards.

Rey's insides lurched all at once when Ben's sudden presence appeared behind her. She felt him before she heard him – a wave of darkness that shook the petals of every flower on the table.

"Kezzik," Ben's low snarl filled the room, "What are you doing here?"

Rey jumped back, putting several feet between her and Kezzik. She darted a glance at Ben, trying desperately not to focus on his tightly clenched fists and acidic expression as he loomed in the doorway.

Kezzik turned, holding a card for Ben to see. "Helping Lady Rey with her fan mail."

Ben's voice was all business, but she could hear the strain behind it. "I've called a meeting for _all_ of the Knights of Ren to discuss your next assignments."

"I thought your Knights were due a few days of play time here first, Kylo," he said, boots loud against the marble as he crossed the dining room, standing face to face with Ben. "You promised."

"You will remain with us on Coruscant for the time being, as discussed. But when negotiations are wrapped up, we will begin the next phase of our expansion," Ben said. "So, meeting first, then do what you wish for a few days on the planet… _outside_ of harassing the future Empress."

She hadn't heard Ben speak like this in a long time. She'd forgotten just how threatening he could be, both in tone, physical presence, and sheer disruption in the Force – especially in such close quarters. Even though she knew he wouldn't hurt her, she found herself shrinking back from him out of pure instinct.

"Meeting first, then play time," Kezzik echoed before looking to her and offering a wink.

Rey was positive it was the wink that nearly set Ben over the edge as the cold shadow of the dark side was now positively seething around him.

Kezzik must have sensed it too, because even he gave Ben a wide berth as he crossed through the dining room toward the entry in the sitting room. "Where perchance, is this meeting being held?" he asked on the way out.

"Conference room alpha, on the Atrium floor downstairs. Oh nine hundred," Ben said.

Kezzik gave a sarcastic mock-salute before slipping out the door.

When the front door slid shut behind him, Rey sank down into the leather couch and sighed. Ben lingered at the back of the room, twisting the gloves he'd removed over and over in his hands.

"What was hedoing here?" Ben couldn't mask the disgust in his voice. When she reached out through the Force, Rey felt a shock of red-hot jealousy through their bond, before he completely closed his walls to her.

"It wasn't what it looked like when you walked in," Rey said, trying to explain. "The man purposely tries to make me uncomfortable."

A muscle twitched in his neck, but he didn't respond.

"He pushed his way in and I thought I'd make the best of it and pry some information from him over breakfast," she continued. "I was just trying to figure out what he wanted."

"By letting him _touch_ you?" His voice was so tight, she thought it would snap. The room was charged with Force – he was close to losing himself.

"I didn't _let_ him do anything," she said, trying to quell the defensive feelings that were bubbling up inside of her, trying to stop her natural reaction to fight first, think later. That's not what Ben needed.

Instead, she breathed deeply and she reached for calm, reached for comfort and honesty. She gathered the feelings, wrapped them in a sincere expression and sent it to him, along with her words, "He was just trying to get a rise out of me, to test me." When she met Ben's eyes, she could see he needed more assurance. He was so used to being betrayed, being used, it was sad that he almost seemed to expect it from her. "Ben, trust me, I don't want anyone's touch but yours."

With that, his shoulders seemed to soften a bit and he closed the space between them, reaching for her hand, pulling her to stand.

"Rey, he's _dangerous_." His pleading brown eyes had that look. That impossibly deep, entreating expression that she couldn't ignore. "Please stay away from him."

"Why is he so dangerous?"

"He's more powerful than he lets on. His darkness is all encompassing," he said. "He wouldn't understand your… your need for balance. He resents me. My power. He thinks I've wasted it," he said. "He's told me as much."

Rey had honestly started to think that Kezzik wasn't as dangerous as she initially thought for several reasons. For one, why would he sit on this information for so long? If he truly wanted to hurt them, he would have revealed the truth about Snoke's death immediately – risen up, with the other Knights of Ren, to position themselves in power. What did he gain from waiting?

But she knew arguing about Kezzik would only cause Ben's darker feelings to flare again, so she stepped close to him instead, letting his arms wrap solidly around her. "Alright," she said.

He rested his head on hers and she closed her eyes, nuzzling closer to his chest, wishing to spend one single day with him as just Ben and Rey, instead of as Emperor and future Empress. She breathed him in, soft leather and that touch of trillium, and that was all she needed to forget almost everything else.

"Why is this getting easier and everything else so much more difficult?" she asked.

He looked down at her, answering by cradling her cheek in his hand, and kissing her. She could still taste the darkness on his lips, the need for her, those shadowy feelings of possession. But she wasn't afraid. She only reached for the balance she could give him, kissing him back with warmth and a promise, offering up her light. He responded immediately, softening the kiss and he was tender, drawing a sigh from her as he pulled away. She could never have enough of this. Enough of him.

He let out a low rumbling murmur against her ear. "I shouldn't have been so upset. I should be asking how you're feeling."

"Ben Solo, are you apologizing to me?"

As he held her close, pressing another kiss to her cheek, to her ear, to her neck, she was sure she never wanted to move again.

"Two apologies in less than twenty-four hours," he said. "Can you see now, what you are doing to me?"

Her thoughts drifted again to her wish for just one day as Ben and Rey. To let their guard down. To just _be._ But it wasn't possible. Not yet. Not with so much at stake.

And now, Rey knew whatever short moment they had just been afforded together, she was going to have to end it. Because she needed to talk more about what Kezzik had revealed. They needed to figure out what to do about him.

But looking up at Ben, she couldn't bear to ruin the satisfied expression he was wearing. He'd only just started looking less awkward holding her hand, his fingers shaking less as he brushed them down her cheek. Now his arms finally felt comfortable, less tense as he held onto her. His affection was coming more freely, and she was about to cut it short.

"What is it?" he asked.

She sighed.

 _There's bad news, but I didn't want to ruin… this._ She ran a hand through his hair, stopping at the nape of his neck to play with it, raking her fingers through it again and again as he held her to him.

Somehow speaking through their bond seemed easier when they were this close.

 _Whatever it is, we'll handle it together_ , he said. His voice had that delicious thickness it sometimes took on when they were touching. And hearing it everywhere in her mind _did_ something to her.

 _Was it scary for you at first?_ Rey changed the subject, still putting off the inevitable. _You know, speaking through the bond those first few times._

 _Terrifying,_ he said, pausing for a moment. _Sometimes, it still is._

They held each other a moment longer, but he didn't let her keep up the distraction for long.

 _Now, tell me. What did Kezzik say?_

 _Promise you won't explode._

He didn't answer, but she felt his acquiescence as an emotional shift in the Force.

She took a deep breath and released it slowly. _Kezzik knows everything. He knows that you are conflicted, that you killed Snoke. He knows how much… how close we are. He knows about all of it._

The immense swell of fear that rose up from him nearly pushed her away, but he clung to her keeping his promise to stay in control. The next emotion was rage and it flooded from him like a breech in a dam and suddenly, he was gripping her firmly by the shoulders, his fingers digging into her just a little too tight.

"How does he know?" he asked, loud enough to hurt her ears. "What does he want?"

Rey reached out to the web of the Force all around, trying for the comfort and love that invariably existed, even among darkness she found it and she sent it to him through their connection. His grip on her relaxed just slightly.

"He says he's always known about your conflict," she said. "But that he knew the Praetorian guards could never kill Snoke, that you were the only person strong enough with the Force to do it."

She reached a hand to loosen his grip on her shoulder and his eyes widened. He dropped his hands to his sides, taking a step back as he eyed the place on her shoulders he'd been holding. "I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head and he was folding back into himself, bringing his walls back up. Through the last opening in the bond she felt his guilt at his lack of control, for gripping her too tightly, and the grim disappointment in himself for not seeing that Kezzik already knew he'd killed Snoke.

She didn't let Ben close himself off, instead, she challenged him by stepping back into his embrace. She would not let him weather this storm alone. "You controlled your fear," she said.

"Miserably," he mumbled. But Ben's breathing eventually slowed to a more normal rate and he spoke again. "And I can't believe I didn't see it. Why did he tell _you_ all this? If he knows how Snoke died, if he knows about us…"

He trailed off, holding her closer as though his arms alone could shield them from this.

"He said he wants power," she answered. "He wants to be a part of the larger decision making, to stop being sent on side missions and to actually be a part of the leadership of the New Order."

Ben was silent, emotions still churning around him, but he maintained control.

When he finally spoke, his voice carried the calm, measured tone of a true emperor. "Over my dead body."


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note:** Have I said recently how amazing you all are? I probably do with every update, but seriously, I am just loving your comments. My Reylo readers are the best. Seriously. Also, your varied reactions to Kezzik have me absolutely cracking up! You either love him or despise him and that makes me so happy!

Next update should be Sunday if all goes according to plan and I can keep on this hot streak with my word count. As always, fuel my writing fire and let me know what you think 😊

* * *

Rey's rear end was falling asleep. Again.

In the three days they'd been on Coruscant, she'd already lost track of the number of meetings she'd attended. Any more time in a chair and she was going to go crazy. Not only that, but she was starting to feel a little pudgy after so many pastries and so little time training.

The only useful bit of news to come from this meeting was that intelligence regarding Balmorra had been received, revealing a very small Resistance outpost. The good news was, with the way the New Order was spread thin at the moment with these negotiations, they had voted to put off any move on the rebels in the next few days. It still meant Poe's friends were living on borrowed time, but it was the best she could do right now.

Unfortunately, there had been no news of Poe, Finn, or Leia since she'd left them in their cells nearly a week ago. Ben had managed to check the log when he'd gone to the Finalizer for an update on regular operations yesterday, but aside from the fact that they were all alive, and eating and sleeping at regular intervals, there was no news to be had. They were still imprisoned, and Rey was still in no position to free them. She'd even tried in desperation to reach out to Leia through the Force, but she was getting nothing.

A twofold increase in Ben's volume shook her from her thoughts. He was arguing with Hux again about the goal of several clandestine agents the New Order had operating within what was left of the New Republic. Between their shouting match, and finding out a sizable portion of the New Order's funding still came from smuggling and gambling rings, Rey now had a massive headache.

"Excuse me," she said, rising from her chair and heading to the door.

The dozen New Order officers in attendance were completely focused on the argument and even Ben was so shrouded in anger that he didn't notice her departure. Admiral Jeel was the only one to look up, his sweaty scowl hastening her steps from the room.

Once free of the oppressive stink of New Order politics, she headed away from the conference wing of the hotel and down the long catwalk leading to the gym. She'd visited the training gym only once in the three days they'd been on Coruscant. Ben had gone with her the first time, bringing training sabers for them to work with and stowing them for their practice sessions. Unfortunately, political life left very little time for such things and they'd been neglected since that first day.

She was going to remedy that.

The training gym was her favorite room in the entire hotel. Everywhere else, expensive rugs and gold leaf reminded her that she was far outside of her comfort zone. Here in the gym, the North and South facing walls were all glass, providing an uninterrupted view of the capitol's impressive skyline. The floors and remaining walls were stark white. The shelves, lined with gloves, helmets, weights, staves, ropes, and punching bags, provided anything you would ever need for training, either with a weapon or without. She could completely lose herself here.

Rey pulled a training saber from Ben's personal storage container and flicked it to life. It looked just like a regular lightsaber, though he'd explained it was simply a powered down version. If it touched the skin, it would still hurt, causing a burn, but would go no deeper than that. Both of the training sabers were green, which had surprised her at first. She'd wondered where he'd acquired them, and almost asked, before deciding against it. Maybe she didn't want to know.

She swung the blade back and forth a few times, slashing the air, experimenting with the balance of the weapon, feeling it's weight.

"Did you just plan on waving that thing around a few times and calling it practice?"

She could not suppress a groan of irritation when she heard Kezzik's voice behind her.

"I thought you were in a meeting?" he asked.

She turned to face him, taking great satisfaction in brandishing the weapon very near his face. "I needed a break."

He was dressed in loose pants and a tighter fitting shirt, all black of course. Though without the cowl and cloak, he seemed much less imposing. Losing layer upon layer of intimidating dark fabric made him much more approachable. He was well-built, too, but then all the Knights were. He'd even shaved, and it made him seem younger. If Rey hadn't known better, she might have thought him handsome like this.

"See something you like?" he asked, his lip turned up halfway.

She rolled her eyes.

He crossed to where the other training saber was stowed in the bin to her left.

"With your best friend Jeel at the meeting, I can't imagine why you didn't enjoy it." He turned the hilt over in his hands before igniting the blade. "We'll deal with him soon enough, he's almost spilled everything useful about his friends here, and I can give you the pleasure of deciding his fate when the time comes."

"How thoughtful."

"At your service, my lady," he said, sweeping into a low bow.

Kezzik had eased up quite a bit after their breakfast encounter. In fact, this had been the first time he'd barged in on her alone since that morning. When Ben wasn't nearby, his sarcasm had become more playful and less provoking. He'd even made himself useful over the last few days, having taken to being their eyes around the capitol. He had a knack of somehow just _knowing_ who of each house was leaning the way of the New Order and who needed a bit more encouragement. Even Ben had agreed that Kezzik had been valuable, though she knew it killed him to admit it.

"Did you need something?" Rey asked.

"Well, I was coming down to train, but it looks like you need a sparring partner. So, what do you say, my lady?"

She shook her head. "No, I… I should get back soon."

"I know, I know. You're thinking, 'I shouldn't spar with him. He knows my secrets, and Ben says he's far too dangerous to associate with'." He leveled a gaze at her, his green eyes magnified by the glow of his saber. "I already know you aren't formally trained with that thing, Rey." He gestured to the training saber. "How _could_ you be when there was no one to train you? And I know Kylo hasn't had the time to properly catch you up."

Kriffing Kezzik.

He smiled, but for once it didn't look cocky. It was an actual smile and the cleft in his chin gave him a sort of innocence in that moment.

"Let me just give you some easy tips to start," he said, "then if you don't want any more, I'll leave you be." He lifted an eyebrow in question. "Deal?"

She didn't respond, still weighing her options. What did he get out of this? Was he just trying to get on her good side so she would allow him to move up in the New Order, as he'd explained?

On one hand, she was just so hungry for knowledge and since coming to Coruscant Ben simply didn't have enough time to properly continue her training. On the other hand, Ben truly thought Kezzik could be a threat. Rey reached out to the Force, and wrapped herself in the comfort of her dark shields as she attempted to come to a decision.

"Alright, I'll take your lack of protest as a yes," he said. "Show me your ready position."

Without saying a word, she brought the saber up to her chin and spread her legs for balance. One false move on Kezzik's part and she promised herself she would be out those doors in a second.

He looked her up and down once before bringing his eyes back to her feet.

Then he shook his head. "Yeah, that's not going to work. Let's tighten up your stance."

He stood behind her, tapping her right leg, indicating for her to move it back. "Your dominant foot should stay behind you, with your lightsaber positioned vertically on the strong side. That's the Jedi ready position."

"But you aren't –"

"A Jedi? Thanks for noticing," he said. "But I _was_ trained in lightsaber combat _by_ a Jedi." He sidestepped to where he could see her. "Were _you_?"

She didn't respond.

"Thanks. Okay, now… the zones of combat."

He fell back a few paces before drawing a circle in the air with his saber in the space just in front of her head. "This is zone one. Any attacks to zone one will likely be vertical chops to the head." He brought his training saber down in a slow arc from above. "So the ensuing parry will be a horizontal block."

Rey brought her training saber up against his to indicate she understood the first parry.

"Next is zone two. Your right arm and side." He brought his weapon across to cut at her right side. "Any attack in this zone will be a horizonal side swipe. Therefore, the logical counter is the vertical parry position."

Kezzik went through all six zones of attack, one by one, showing the counter to each attack and practicing them several times. He ended with zones five and six – the legs, which were attacked in low swiping movements and countered with drop parries where the saber hilt was held at the waist. Rey was fascinated, asking for him to repeat the attacks again and again, faster and faster, as she practiced each parry.

By the time they were finished, sweaty, chests heaving, their moves were so well-rehearsed, it was like they'd practiced a choreographed dance. Neither of them had once used the Force, but she had an understanding of how to counter each of his attacks without it.

Rey had been defending herself for so long with her staff, countering the attacks of scumbags on Jakku, that she did it without thinking. She'd learned from trial and error. Now with a single direct lesson, combat with both a staff and lightsaber had become so much more methodical. Now, she understood why her body reacted the way it did to each attack. Staff or lightsaber, it didn't matter so long as she could parry according to the proper zone. It was so much different than Ben's style of teaching, guided solely by emotion and instinct.

His teeth flashed white with that spirited smile of his. He was obviously pleased with himself. "You seem surprised, my lady."

"It's just… this was very helpful, Kezzik. Thank you."

"Many duelists rely on raw power through the Force or brute strength alone. But if you've trained your brain to react, you will be even faster with the additional Force you bring to the battle."

She nodded.

"Shall we?" he asked, raking fingers through his sweat-soaked hair.

"Shall we what?"

"Spar?"

Her heart was suddenly beating very noticeably against her chest. "Not today, Kezzik. I really should get back."

"Another lesson then? We can go through some sequences, discuss the rings of defense."

Rey scrunched her lips together. "Maybe tomorrow," she said, the words spilling out before she'd really had a chance to think them over. Had she really just promised another one-on-one encounter with him?

Then again, Kezzik seemed positively harmless today and had even respected her space. Maybe Ben's near explosion that morning after breakfast had convinced Kezzik to play nice. Now Rey wondered if maybe Ben had talked to him afterwards.

"Tomorrow then," he said before flipping off his weapon and stowing it in the container. He gave her another smile before turning toward the door. No uncomfortable breech of personal space. No sarcastic remark. He just turned and left.

* * *

After just five days on the planet, they were able to strike a deal that would give the New Order unprecedented access to government support on Coruscant. Ben managed to keep his temper under control even when meetings filled all of his daylight hours, dinners and parties filled the evenings, and certain members of the bureaucracy remained less than agreeable. But it had been worth it, because now, their connections here were leading to other ties in nearby systems and Ben was being called away for more talks.

The Governor-General of Corellia had contacted them, asking for an audience to discuss an opening of trade. Corellia's growing isolationism had weakened its economy considerably and leadership was interested in opening talks with the New Order.

Word had also spread of Emperor Ren's order to initiate a pull-back on imperialistic missions in the Outer Rim. He'd instead, opted for sending delegations to talk with a handful these systems first. It was just a small step, but one which Rey had insisted on and Ben had finally conceded. This had opened up lines of communication with systems skeptical of the aggressive approach to acquiring resources used by the First Order. Hux had considered this not only a waste of time, but a sign of weakness. However, all it took was one look from Ben to send him scrambling to make it happen.

Now Ben was leaving to begin talks on Corellia and since there were still several details to smooth over in Coruscant, and they didn't trust Hux here alone, they decided it best if Rey stay to oversee the final stages of the deal here on Coruscant. Ben would initiate the talks then send a delegation to complete negotiations. It would only take a few days, but Ben only agreed to leave her if she kept half of the Praetorian guard with her at all times, along with Bosma and Den, the only two of his Knights he maintained could be trusted.

It had been raining for hours already on the night of Ben's departure and Quinn's normally immaculate hair was stuck to his forehead, the shoulders of his suit drenched, as he finished helping load Ben's belongings into the command shuttle. Ben had insisted that Quinn stay behind with Rey to "keep her company" which Rey had translated to mean "keep an eye on her." Quinn nodded and bid him farewell, disappearing into the night at the other end of the catwalk.

As they stood on the landing platform outside of what had become their little hotel refuge, the wind whipping through their hair, they were faced with saying goodbye for the first time since Rey had come to The Supremacy what felt like so long ago.

Could she really do this? Really serve as Empress alone?

Rey couldn't bring herself to look at Ben, because that meant acknowledging he was leaving. So instead, she looked up at the clouds in the night sky, glowing orange as they reflected the city lights below. She let the rain pelt her skin, opening her mouth to taste it. She would never get used to the rain.

When she tore her eyes from the clouds, she found Ben was staring at her, a sad smile pulling at his lips.

"I don't like this," he said, his voice nearly drowned out by the rain sounding against his ship.

And she knew what he meant. It wasn't the rain he didn't like, but goodbye.

"Me neither, I hardly see you as it is," she said.

"I shouldn't leave with Kezzik still here."

"We already talked about this," she said. "They will be gone in a few days and until then, Bosma and Den said they can handle him. And I'm not exactly helpless myself. Besides, he's been playing nice since your little _discussion_."

"For now," he said.

He reached out to tuck a strand of wet hair behind her ear.

"I have a bad feeling," he said and now she could sense he wasn't talking about Kezzik anymore.

"Tell me," she said.

He looked over his shoulder at the crew loading crates into the shuttle before taking her hand in his, and leading her behind the walls of an access tower, away from the prying eyes of nosy politicians. Rain slicked his hair, dripping down his face, and his sodden tunic was plastered to his chest. She couldn't help but touch him, running her fingers over the ridges of muscle underneath the drenched material and she wished for more time. They never had enough time for this.

His throat bobbed, and he opened his mouth as if to say something, but decided against it.

"Tell me," she encouraged, a second time. Rey would wait if it meant he would talk, instead of hiding away whatever he was feeling.

"I had a vision," he said. "Where, I… " he trailed off, staring at the wall of the tower behind her. "I wanted to hurt you."

Rey reached for him, draping her arms across his shoulders and pulling him close. "That's not you, Ben. You've already proven that you won't hurt me."

She wanted to wipe away the wrinkles between his brows, erase the tension from his body, but whatever this vision had been, it had him terrified. She could only speak to his apprehension.

"It will be alright," she said. "Maybe you're just worried about leaving and the Force is reacting to your fear."

He was heavy in thought, biting the inside of his cheek, when gradually his frown relaxed into something more reflective.

"I hope you're right," he said, his voice distant.

She ran her fingers up and down his chest over his shoulders, enjoying the feel of him, dripping wet with that heavenly excess of water. She looked up to the clouds again. How was there so much water falling from the sky?

She felt the rumble of his laugh through her fingertips and when she looked back at him, his gaze was locked onto her, and he had that hungry look in his eyes. When he leaned down to press his lips against hers, he started slowly, but she could feel him building and deepening their kiss into something so much colder and darker than they'd ever shared. Then he released his fear and the Force of the emotion tore through her, wave after wave, like an icy tempest through a glacier. She gave into it, letting her own dread amplify the darkness between them.

She could have given him light, given him balance in that moment, and maybe she should have, but a part of her wanted to experience the rawness of what he was feeling, wanted to be in that place with him. So, she kissed him greedily. Their mouths crashed together and his hands were everywhere on her rain-soaked body. Passion. Fear. Possession. It hit her like a flood, knocking the breath from her, and she clutched the fabric of his tunic to keep from being swept away.

Then he hesitated and she felt a spark of light through their bond, but Rey urged him back into the dark.

 _More. Please…_

Her consent fueled another swell of dark current between them and just as she felt its peak, he Force-lifted her against the door of the access tower, pinning her between the cold metal and the heat of his body. She heard herself whimper from somewhere deep in that cold chasm, wanting to go deeper, needing his surging abyss to envelop her completely.

"Rey…" he sighed, against her lips, his Force so demanding, so all-encompassing as she let him ravage her with every bit of darkness he could wield. Her skin hummed with it, with him, and the sky seemed to open up in response. The billowing clouds in the night sky unleashed a torrent and it mingled with their kiss, only amplifying the cold, so cold now it burned her skin into tingling numbness, but _oh_ she was already burning inside so what did it matter?

They kissed and kissed, taking turns experiencing each other's fear, drowning in that dark place together and she willingly allowed him to completely possess her. She gasped once more as he drew himself flush against her body, hands exploring her curves, through her thin tunic, and why, oh why did he have to leave?

She was dizzy with him when he relented, drawing back and looking at her. The rain streamed down his face as he panted through parted lips. As his breaths steadied, he offered her a slow, wicked smile.

"When I get back," he said, voice raspy in her ear, "I am going to make it up to you."

With both hands tangled in her wet hair, his mouth captured hers again she could only groan in response. He kissed her once more, softly, letting a touch of glowing warmth bleed into her before he released his hold, allowing her to slide gently down the steel door back to her feet.

The light splatter of rain against concrete soothed her racing heartbeat and soon, she'd recovered enough to find something close to a voice.

"That was – " But no words came to her. How could she possibly choose a word for what that was?

When she was silent too long, Ben pulled back, brows drawn together. "I'm sorry. I was too – "

But Rey pressed a finger to his lips. "Don't."

That Solo smirk made its return – the best kind of assurance that he believed her.

"I can't wait for you to make it up to me," she whispered.

His arms tightened around her once more, and he exhaled deeply.

They stood there a long time, holding each other, before he finally pulled away. Then he led her by the hand into the open, where half of the Praetorian guard waited to board the ship along with their Emperor.

Rey's own pulse in her ears mingled with the drumming rain, as she watched Ben's figure disappear into the command shuttle. A moment later, the loading ramp lifted and Ben's ship departed for Corellia.


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's Note:** Thank you all again for your wonderful comments! I got a little carried away on this chapter. In fact, I went back and added the whole first scene in support of Team #saveQuinn2018 , everyone's favorite little "cinnamon roll." You guys crack me up - I have the best readers in the galaxy :)

So needless to say, the chapter is a little longer than most! Next update on Tuesday. As always, drop me a note telling me what you think!

* * *

The next day was spent in talks with the mayor, who was quickly becoming Rey's least favorite person on the planet. He was self-absorbed, the spoiled son of horribly rich parents, and not even very intelligent when it came down to politics. Rey had discovered that most of his power lay in the men and women he kept around him. His advisors.

Despite Ben's warning about Kezzik, the cocky Knight had ended up being very helpful, both with lightsaber training and with information regarding these advisors – what they liked, where they dined, and who they slept with. She could sense that the aides to the most powerful man on the planet now trusted her intentions and that was half the battle.

And so, as Rey drew the bedroom curtains closed after her first day away from Ben, she felt like she'd successfully navigated the political trenches, making sure the last details of the deal on Coruscant went in favor of the New Order.

Tomorrow morning, she had a meeting with the New Order officers and the Knights of Ren to discuss the Knights' next mission, then she had another training session with Kezzik, followed by another lunch with the mayor.

Rey removed her boots and changed into her night clothes before sinking onto the bed. The hotel room felt too large without Ben's presence filling it up.

One day.

One single day was all it took to miss him.

She had felt him several times today through their bond. Once she was sure he was standing over her shoulder, watching her in a meeting with the mayor. Another time, she was walking to lunch with a group of New Order officers from the Finalizer's sister ship, Subjugator, as he appeared in front of her. Even if they couldn't speak to one another, it was comforting to know he was okay.

Quinn's signature triple tap on the bedroom door pulled her from her thoughts.

"Come in."

He entered with a steaming mug on a tray and a sly smile on his face.

"What's that?" she asked, a smile forming on her lips.

"Emperor Ren's orders," he said, crossing the bedroom and settling next to her. "I am to spoil you nightly."

He held the mug out and she took it in two hands, reveling in the smell of rich chocolate wafting from the cup.

"It smells like chocolate," she said, amazed. "A chocolate drink?" She'd had a chocolate dessert with Ben after their first dinner together and found the flavor to be wonderfully decadent.

"Hot chocolate," Quinn said, his sparkling smile lighting up the emptiness she'd started to feel.

"Where's yours?" she asked. "Didn't Ben tell you I'd need company to go with this delicacy?"

"My lady, I don't know if – "

"Please?" She stuck out her bottom lip in her most convincing pout.

He raised an eyebrow at her then blew out his cheeks in defeat.

Minutes later, he was standing in the doorway with a steaming mug of his own. He took a seat across from her at the dressing table and Rey sat cross-legged on the bed sipping the best drink she'd ever had in her entire life. She peered into the mug, wondering how she'd lived so long without experiencing the magnificence of what Quinn called hot chocolate.

Quinn was pressing his lips together awkwardly, in a not-so-gracious attempt at stifling a laugh.

"What?" she asked, finally shifting her gaze from her drink.

"Your face, my lady. I've never seen someone so enthralled with a cup of hot chocolate."

She laughed. Stars, it felt so good to laugh. "I'll never get over how many amazing things there are to eat and drink outside of ration packets," she admitted.

"You are developing quite a range of tastes. Though hot chocolate is considered a plebian drink by most Coruscant nobility," he said.

"A what?" she asked.

"A drink of commoners," he said. "So don't go singing its praises too loud amongst those haughty aristocrats. They might think you unrefined."

He sipped from his own mug, then smiled before licking the froth from his top lip. "I find it quite delicious, myself. And Emperor Ren knew you would like it."

The thought that Ben had taken the time to discuss hot chocolate before he left warmed her insides even more than the actual drink. She wished he was here with them.

Quinn looked at her, then stared off at the wall, trying not to make eye contact.

"What is it now?"

She waited.

"Quinn?"

"You have the look," he finally said.

"What look?"

Quinn paused and a long moment passed between them. "Can I tell you a story, my lady?"

"Of course," she said.

He set his mug down on its saucer and leaned forward. "My family is from Jovan III. When the Empire was destroyed, splinter groups broke off and began to form the Imperial Remnant. My father was forced to labor for the Imperial Remnant in an agricultural camp on the other side of the planet. My mother and I had to stay behind."

"I'm so sorry," she said.

"Mother kept a picture of him on the crate between our sleeping mats. She loved him so much, every night she would simply stare at that picture in silence. And she had a certain… look. Her eyes were filled with something exquisite in those moments."

Quinn worried at his lip, thought creasing his forehead, lost in his memories.

Rey didn't know what to say. She was simply touched he trusted her to share something of his past with her, and she scooted to the edge of the bed to place a hand on his.

The lines around his eyes hardened when he looked up again. "Please be careful, my lady. Emperor Ren has so many secrets. He's done so many deeds I'm sure he wishes he could erase." Then a weak smile touched the corners of his lips and his steely grey gaze softened a bit. "But I can tell by your eyes that you care for him. I recognize that look. So there must be something inside of him worth saving."

Rey squeezed his hand. "I discover more inside of him each day," she said. "And more of myself."

Quinn reached for his mug, holding it out to hers. "Here's to a lifetime of discovery," he said.

Rey held her mug out, letting the ceramic clink together in a chocolatey toast _._

"And to friendship along the way," she said, offering an appreciative smile.

And she thought his eyes gleamed brighter as they finished the best two cups of hot chocolate in the entire galaxy.

* * *

Every seat around the gleaming black table in the center of the conference room was full when Rey entered. The New Order officers and Knights of Ren all rose, acknowledging Rey's position as Emperor Ren's stand-in while he was away. He'd made it very clear that _she_ was to have the final say in everything that transpired in these talks.

The officers of the New Order had balked at her first command that the Knights of Ren be present at today's meeting. Especially Hux. But after spending time with Bosma and Den, Rey had discovered that all the Knights felt as Kezzik did, that they were being underutilized. To show her commitment to their alliance, she'd invited them to this meeting to give them a say in their assignments. When Ben found out, he was going to be livid. But she hoped the Knights would be far away on their first mission by the time he returned.

They began with a discussion of mining operations on Derilyn. Last year, First Order squads had taken over operations on one of the planet's two continents. After the destruction of Hosnian Prime, the New Republic was now spread too thin to continue to defend the other continent. So now, members of the New Order council put up a vote on whether to capture the second piece of land on the planet. As an outer rim system, the New Republic likely wouldn't risk sending defenses and it could be taken back with few casualties. Rey, as the future Empress made the final decree that they would take the other continent.

"The second piece of business we need to discuss is whether the Knights of Ren will go immediately to Derilyn or whether they will stop off at Balmorra first to clean up the last remnants of the Resistance." It was Hux, his voice growing hoarse with excitement as he spoke the last few words.

Rey sat up in her chair. "The last intelligence received indicated that their Balmorran outpost was small and unthreatening. We should focus on more lucrative pursuits in Derilyn," she stated with her practiced tone of regal ferocity.

Den leaned back in the seat next to her, scratching his crooked nose. "Agreed," Den said. "There is nothing to gain on Balmorra."

Hux's lip twitched, the beginning of a scowl. "With all due respect," his eyes darted between the two of them, "there is more to victory than the acquisition of resources."

Jeel pulled a handkerchief from his coat pocket and dabbed his forehead. "I have to agree with the General. Wiping away all evidence of the Resistance should send a clear message to our allies that we finish what we begin."

Kezzik spoke next. "I'm sorry to say, my lady, that the General has a point. We've been fighting this war against the Resistance so long…" He looked up and down the table at each face in turn. "I don't know about you ladies and gentlemen, but I'm excited to be involved in putting an end to it."

Even Bosma, the most soft-spoken of the six, pursed his lips before nodding his shaved head in agreement.

The rest of the room all voiced agreement with General Hux. That left Den, Colonel Tellis, and herself as the only three in opposition. If she decided to go against them in this, it would further isolate her from New Order leadership. Since she'd already made one huge decision against the Hux today by allowing the Knights of Ren to be present in their talks, she couldn't risk another.

"Take Balmorra," she said, the words tasting like acid on her lips.

"A wise decision, my lady," Hux said, catching her gaze, even offering an amiable nod in acknowledgement of her concession. He was a shrewd politician, so her choice to forego her own personal wishes in favor of the others at the table had not gone unnoticed. She hoped that earning his trust was worth what this would do to her heart.

As talks wound down, Rey turned the issue over and over in her mind. Was there a way she could warn Poe's friends on Balmorra? Let them know what was coming without the New Order finding out?

She would have to find a way.

Rey stared at the table for the rest of the meeting, half-heartedly thanking everyone in attendance before walking in a daze down the catwalk toward the only place she seemed to be able to think – the training gym.

* * *

Rey put on some cushioned gloves and unleashed a barrage of blows against a defenseless hanging bag in the corner. She kicked and punched until her arms and legs ached with the effort. Then she sank onto a bench in the corner, trying to work out what to do, with a somewhat clearer head.

She couldn't send a direct message to Balmorra. She didn't have any idea who to address a message to and it would be too risky anyway.

But who else could she warn? She had no friends who…

Yes she did. Chewie was still out there. Though she'd used the Force to subdue him on Crait, she was wearing Stormtrooper gear at the time. He had probably heard about her ascendency in the New Order, though. Who in the galaxy _hadn't_ seen that transmission via holoshow?

But she hoped that he would trust a warning from her. She hoped. But where could she find him?

Chewie had mentioned back on Ahch-To that he usually spent Life Day with his family on Kashyyk. Life Day was still several days away, but maybe he had gone there anyway after… after everything. Or maybe his family knew how to get a message to him. She could send it anonymously, in a way that only he would know who it was from. It was worth a shot and she could probably slip away to make contact from a comm station far away from the eyes of the New Order.

With a working plan in mind, Rey pulled her lightsaber from the storage bin to begin her practice. The movements would help her brain work out the kinks in her plan.

It was then that she felt Ben's presence behind her.

 _You're finally alone_. He said, his voice a balm to her aching soul.

He was alone too, standing against a wall of fine art and she wondered what he was doing and who he was with and whether he was safe.

 _I miss you already_ , she said.

And she was aware of her heartbeat again. It was almost as though it beat differently in his presence. Like she was truly alive.

 _Are you alright?_ _I felt… you were afraid. I was in a meeting and couldn't get away until now._

She stepped toward him, needing his touch, wanting to feel his fingertips from across the stars, like she had that night from Ahch-To.

He reached out, too, brown eyes searching her face, stripping her bare as only he could, sharing her fear through their bond. When their fingertips made contact, it was exactly as she had remembered it. A flash of emotion and an overarching sense of belonging – of intertwined fates.

 _The Resistance on Balmorra. We are sending troops to finish it,_ she said. _I had to make the order._

 _Don't worry,_ he said. _I've taken care of it._

Then he pulled her into his chest and she could almost feel the warmth of his body, solid against her. What did he mean he'd taken care of it? What had he done?

But then someone cleared their throat nearby and Rey was pulled away. The bond disintegrated and her arms were lifeless at her sides, numb from the emptiness Ben had left behind.

Bosma stood slightly hunched and awkward in the doorway, waiting for her to acknowledge him.

"Um…" he began, rubbing a hand along the side of his bearded cheek. "Pardon me, Lady Rey, but I noticed when you left that you looked a little off balance. Are you feeling alright?"

Rey rolled her shoulders, shaking off the emotions and recovering quickly with her shields. Bosma had proven to be quite perceptive and had trailed her several times, offering advice, likely following Ben's instructions.

"I'm fine, Bosma," she said. "Thank you for checking."

"Are you training today?" he asked.

Rey had almost forgotten about her training with Kezzik. She pulled her chrono from the pocket in her tunic, finding that it was almost time for her daily session.

"I suppose so," she said. "I didn't realize it was so late in the morning already."

"Would you like me to join you again for your training? Perhaps I could be of use as a partner?"

He'd helped with her training yesterday too, and it was nice to have his quiet balance to Kezzik's perpetual boldness.

"I'd like that Bosma," she said.

His crooked smile helped soothe her frazzled nerves.

Bosma crossed to the storage bin, pulled his black hooded cloak off, and retrieved the second training saber. He assumed the Jedi ready position and Rey did what she'd been practicing with Kezzik. She rehearsed her attacks in all zones, attempting to drive Bosma back to get him on the defensive.

She arced down fast into zone one, and he barely had time to put up his blade to parry before she swept a low slash at zone six. He was forced to step back hard, now driven completely back against the wall and she had her saber to his neck in just a few seconds.

His eyes widened. "Lady Rey, you've," he panted hard between words, "You've improved. Even since yesterday."

"She's had a good teacher, Bosma. Besides, you're so predictable."

It was Kezzik, strutting across the room. He stretched out his hand, ripping the training saber easily from Bosma's fingers with the Force, making a show of spinning the still ignited blade through the air before its hilt landed perfectly in his own grip.

Bosma gave him a prickly stare.

"Well, my lady," Kezzik said. "Are you finally ready for a real challenge?"

Rey still felt the fear, the anger of the situation on Balmorra coursing through her and imagined what it would feel like to release it in a duel with Kezzik. It was hard to resist the lure of the power she knew she could wield. And the look on his face when she beat him would be priceless.

Before she could answer, he was coming a her. She saw the trajectory of his first cut toward zone two and she parried easily. He smiled and she felt a dark ripple in the Force as he came at her again. He was no longer simply teaching, this was a true duel with everything they had. Adrenaline churned together with her anger, her fear, and she countered his attack, pushing him back with a Force-fueled slice to his legs.

"She's also a very fast learner," he said, directing his comment to Bosma who stood along the North wall watching.

The feeling of the dark side boiling just below the surface of her skin was electrifying. It's cold, icy tendrils seemed ready to do whatever it was she commanded. Power. Passion. Anger. She rushed forward, the Force propelling her as she alternated cuts to his sides. He blocked again and again, though each block came a millisecond slower than the last, and soon, she felt the advantage slide into her favor.

She heaved her blade across his shoulder. His counter barely connected in time and she pressed down against the blade, the Force flowing through her veins and then it was as if she was seeing Kezzik's face through shadow. She could see his mouth twisting in concentration as he tried to push back against her. She knew how hard he would push, at which angles, as though she was seeing his actions not as he made them, but as he thought them. She was lost in the delicious darkness and she pressed against him with all of it. She felt her lightsaber find purchase as it singed through cloak and flesh.

He groaned under the Force of her, but he didn't yield. Why didn't he yield?

A flash of remorse brightened the shadows around her and she was thrown onto her back, her lightsaber clattering to the floor beside her.

Kezzik's eyes narrowed and he charged forward. Rey called her weapon to her hand but was forced to parry his attack from the ground. She managed to scramble to her feet as he slashed again, but she was already off balance, the Force of him crashing into her shields. She reached for the energy again, the web of life and death humming all around, gathering the darkness into a single wave, hoping for one last attack to push him back.

She drove herself forward, but was met by a cold wall, a steel blockade of pure ice. And his eyes gleamed as their sabers interlocked between them.

His weapon arced toward her side and she couldn't parry in time. She could only move away. Again and again, she was too slow, her grip on the dark was fading, and she couldn't reach for the spark of brightness that she felt so close, because she knew he would sense any call to the Light.

In seconds he had her against the wall, his body pressed against hers, their weapons crossed in front of them.

"I yield," she said, panting, and flicked off her lightsaber.

He did the same, though he did not pull away. Instead, he leaned closer, whispering gruffly against her ear. "You cannot be distracted by feelings of regret for pain you may cause. You had me. One more push and I would have yielded."

His scent, sweat and ice, and his Force, fiery cold, invaded her senses. She'd yielded but he had yet to relent, as his power still surged through the space around them. The air was singing with it as he pulled her dropped saber from the floor across the room and pressed it into her palm. His touch lingered a moment too long, and her skin tingled where his fingers had brushed her skin, long after he had pulled away.

She side-stepped out of his reach, breathing heavily, dizzier than she should have been.

"You seem angrier than usual, my lady," he said, his breaths still coming one on top of the other.

"I'm fine," she said. "Thank you for the lesson."

She crossed the room to replace the training saber in its container.

Bosma called out to her before she left. "Would you care to join us for lunch? The Knights are dining together in an hour or so," he offered.

"Thanks Bosma, but I have plans," she said.

"Are you sure my lady?" he encouraged. "We have much to celebrate. With the execution of the last of the Resistance prisoners aboard the Finalizer scheduled in seventy-two hours, and the order to destroy the last Resistance outpost on Balmorra, we will have eradicated the last vestiges of the Resistance."

His words were like an electric shock to her body, leaving her heart racing and her mind completely numb.

"Oh, I hadn't heard about the execution. Who gave the order?" She was trying her best to be completely emotionless, only requesting information.

"Emperor Ren signed the order my lady," Bosma said. "Just before he left."

Bosma's sincere smile was completely at odds with the fracture that had begun in her heart. What reason did Ben have to do such a thing? Maybe it wasn't true. Maybe Bosma was mistaken.

"Finally, a mission worthy of us," Kezzik said. "It will be the last of the Resistance we snuff out on Balmorra." Kezzik and Bosma shared a look of triumph as Rey only descended deeper into despair.

As she let the news continue to sink in, she felt that fissure inside of herself deepen, stretching slowly from one side of her spirit to the other. The prisoners. Seventy-two hours. Finn. Leia. Poe. Panic hollowed out the chasm within her. No, no, no. She would stop it. She had to stop it.

She only barely managed to keep her shields across her mind as she fabricated a nod and heard herself speak from somewhere far away. "You're right, Bosma, we should celebrate. But I have a meeting first."

When Rey finally stumbled from the training room, she was sure her soul had been completely carved in two.


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note:** I am truly enjoying spending time with these characters and it's so encouraging to hear that many of you are enjoying them too!

Enjoy the ride this chapter and trust the journey my fellow #reylo readers. It will be so worth it 😉

Next update on Thursday, as always, leave me a comment and tell me what you think!

* * *

Rey refused to accept that Ben had made the order to execute her friends until she could see for herself. She needed to look at her datapad back at the hotel. She could prove this was all one big mistake.

Every step she took across the catwalk, then down the corridor to her room, was taken in time with her racing thoughts. She stomped her boots hard to drown out each thought as it came.

No.

No.

He wouldn't.

He wouldn't kill them.

Rey was halfway to her room when Kezzik caught up to her, pulling on her arm and stopping her midstride.

"What's going on, Rey?"

"Nothing," she said, ripping out of his grip. "Leave me alone."

She began walking away, but he called after her.

"Is it about the Balmorra mission? Or the prisoners?" She stopped dead in her tracks. There was something about the way he stretched the last word – like he knew something. He _always_ kriffing knew something.

She whirled around, marched back up to him, and stabbed a finger to his chest. "Why are you following me? If you know something you think is of interest to me then spit it out."

He raised an eyebrow. "I'm just wondering why you care so much about Balmorra. Or those prisoners."

His claws were back against her mind again, raking across her shields, looking for an opening. But Rey was finished playing nice with him. He knew something, now she was certain. She needed to know what was going on with the prisoners and she was going to find out. Right Now.

Rey gathered her fear for her friends, her uncertainty, her anger at Kezzik, until she'd woven the web of darkness into something tangible. Then she blasted it toward Kezzik, pinning him in place against the wall of the corridor, and pierced through his mental shields. She felt his immediate response, but it was far away, like someone pounding on a door several rooms over. He couldn't touch her through the black shroud she'd conjured to envelop his thoughts, a shroud so thick she was drowning him in his own mind.

Unlike the last time she'd entered his head, she was now well prepared for the cold she would find here. And she knew better than to fight it. Instead, she reciprocated with darkness of her own. She channeled it all, loneliness, abandonment, hopelessness – drinking it in from that cold chasm she knew so well and she used it to press against his walls, even as he tried to push them closed around her. She carved a space in his thoughts and she searched – memories, prisoners, she needed prisoners.

Like a dream in flashes and visions, she combed through his thoughts until a memory surfaced and she was onboard the Finalizer standing next to Ledo and Den, watching Ben speak with Admiral Jeel.

Ben's gloved hands were clasped behind his back as he gave orders to command.

Jeel responded, looking disgustingly excited with the conversation. "And what should we do with what's left of the Resistance, Emperor?"

When Ben turned to look at the wrinkled admiral, his eyes were cold, callous. "Kill them all."

Then Ben turned, his cloak fluttering behind him as left the command bridge.

Rey couldn't believe it, didn't want to believe it. Kezzik must know more, but he was pressing her out. She gathered every last bit of dark Force she could wield and tore through Kezzik's mind again. Prisoners. Execution. If there was anything more, it had to be here. Flashes of conversations, pictures, and another memory came to the surface.

She saw Kezzik searching Jeel's mind. Jeel had a datapad, a signed order on the screen.

He was reading it as he looked out across the bridge of the Finalizer.

 _Resistance prisoners captured on Crait, housed in cell block B-19, are to be executed at the end of the week._

The order was dated and signed at the bottom in an angular script.

 _Emperor Kylo Ren._

Suddenly the datapad grew dark. Kezzik was pushing her out and she didn't have anything left to fight him with. She should rip these memories from him, pull the entire memory of their interaction. Leave no evidence.

Rey tugged at the fear and anger she felt. The betrayal – oh the fire of Ben's betrayal was burning ice already and she wrenched the memory free. But the vice of Kezzik's mind closed fast before she could take the whole interaction and she was left gasping for breath, shoved from his mind and against the wall of the hotel hallway.

Kezzik stepped toward her, gripping her tunic in his fist. "Don't you _ever_ go digging through my mind again."

But Rey wasn't hearing him at all.

 _Kill them all._ Ben's voice. Ben's voice ordering the execution of her friends.

Her eyes burned hot with the beginning of tears.

After all they'd been through. All they'd shared together and Ben had signed the order to terminate the lives of her friends. His own mother? Why? And if he had a reason, why didn't he tell her? Why did he hide it?

Because he didn't want her to know.

Could this be why Ben had asked her to stay away from Kezzik? Because Kezzik knew about his order to kill the prisoners?

The world was spinning and Kezzik was glaring hard at her. His claws raked again against her mind, likely trying to figure out what she'd been doing with his memories. She was losing control. She couldn't let him in.

Her face burned hot, so hot. She needed to get away from him. She needed to think.

She backed away but he was moving toward her.

Rey fumbled for her lightsaber on her belt and ignited it. It glowed as red as the blood crashing through her veins.

Kezzik glanced at the weapon, then back at her. He let her leave without another word.

* * *

The door to her room slid open and she nearly ran into Quinn who was holding an armful of dirty linens. When she tried to duck past him, he sidestepped in her path, brows furrowed.

"My lady, do you need some assistance?"

"Not now, Quinn," she said, swallowing against the ache that was building in her throat. She didn't want to feel this way. Feel this _hurt._

He didn't follow as she skirted around him, knowing better than to get in her way. The fact that he'd survived years of service with Kylo Ren meant he knew when to make himself invisible.

Rey entered the study, Force-slammed the door, and snatched the datapad from the desk. She swiped and poked furiously through recent messages, names and addresses of advisors, a calendar with dates and details. Finally, she found the coded access portal to the data from the Finalizer.

It took a while for her to figure out the organizational scheme of the data. But when she finally found where they kept the information on each cell block, she was able to pull up the signed orders related to each individual cell.

Starting with cell block B-19.

She scanned the names she recognized:

 _Leia Organa_

 _Poe Dameron_

 _FN-2187 – alias "Finn"_

 _Scheduled to be termina_ ted in:

A chrono ticker was programmed next to each name and she watched the countdown:

 _68:42:14…68:42:13…68:42:12…_

Less than 68 hours until her friends would be executed.

And underneath all of the data, in the bottom right quadrant was a signature she'd seen a hundred times since she'd taken his hand in partnership. In his unmistakable, jagged hand, the order was signed:

 _Emperor Kylo Ren._

It was just as it had been in Kezzik's memory.

The lump in her throat was becoming unbearable, but she had to think. She had to keep it together.

Rey had exactly two choices. She could either order the cancellation of the execution or stage a rescue.

If she ordered the cancellation of the execution, there was a good chance no one would listen to her. She was, after all, only acting in the Emperor's stead while he was away. Since he had personally ordered the execution before he left, she would have no jurisdiction to cancel such an order. She was technically no one until they were wed. So acting in this way, she would only make her intentions toward the prisoners known.

The other choice was staging some sort of rescue. But if she chose this path and someone found out, that would be the end of everything she had worked for here. She'd only just begun to make progress softening the ruthless methods of the old First Order. Creating alliances for the New Order. Finding the light inside of Ben Solo…

Just the thought that he could do something like this tore at that fracture inside of herself. She thought she'd already found his light. Kriff, they'd _shared_ the light together.

She was going to vomit.

Rey tried to breathe, to slow down. Maybe he had a reason for making the order.

She attempted to push away the emotion clouding her thoughts. Think logically. Speaking to Ben before she jumped to conclusions would be the level-headed thing to do.

So she called out to him through their bond, feeling for the web of Force that joined them, and with her emotion burning so raw, she found it somehow easier to make the connection.

The bond placed him two feet in front of her and he was already studying her expression.

 _Rey. Rey, what is going on?_ His voice was panicked, had he felt everything?

 _Why Ben?_ The two words burned as she squeezed them through the tightness in her throat. _Why did you order the execution of the prisoners?_

He wrinkled his brows. _What?_

 _You ordered them to die. Finn. Poe. Your_ mother. _Why?_

 _Rey. I didn't. I - I don't know what you're talking about._

But she was already pulling away. She had seen the order. With their names on it. Heard him make the order. And now he was lying to her about it. He didn't know she'd actually _seen_ the memory. So, of course he would deny it.

She gathered the darkness around her and did what she never had the raw power to do on Ahch-To. She tore away from him, taking charge of the bond and shredding the tie that connected them through space.

When she looked up again, he was gone.

Rey almost crumbled under the sheer weight of that moment.

 _Ben. Why?_

How had she not seen this coming? Had he truly meant it when he said they needed to let the past die? Why didn't he tell her? Why would he betray her like this after all they'd shared?

But Rey had _felt_ the rawness of his need for her and she fully reciprocated that desire. To be with him, to finally have someone who understood, to not be _lonely._

And last night, talking with Quinn, Rey had even dared to think…

She pressed her eyelids shut to fight the tears. This was not the time. She needed to keep Ben separate from this. For now. It was the only way she could keep a clear head to deal with these executions. She didn't have much time.

She inhaled a controlled breath, then exhaled, slowly letting her shoulders relax.

The rough plan to help the Balmorrans surfaced in the chaos of her mind. Contact Chewie. There might be a chance he could help. She could tell him about Balmorra, then for her friends in the prison block, she could get Chewie a code clearance, maybe pretend she'd made some purchases in Coruscant to be delivered, she might even be able to steal an imperial shuttle.

Chewie could certainly pilot a rescue, but he couldn't walk freely in the halls of the Finalizer to get to her friends, he was far too recognizable. For that, she might be able to arrange an escort for the prisoners from their cell blocks to the shuttle, to get them off the Finalizer before anyone even knew they were gone. Maybe she could hire a small crew or she could mind control a few troops to walk them from their cells into the shuttle. She could even erase their memories afterward. Leave no trace.

It could work. It had to work.

And if it didn't? Well, she couldn't live with herself if she didn't try.

She was out of options.

* * *

Rey emerged into the seedy underworld of Coruscant and pulled her hood around her face. This close to the surface of the planet, the air was thick with pollution and the streets were overflowing with crime and poverty. That was why the very rich lived in the tallest towers. Fresh air came at a premium.

But down here, in the shadows, Rey knew it was the perfect place to find a comm station so completely off the map that no one would ever think to look for it.

Rey bumped shoulders in the crowded alley, breathing through the fabric of her cloak to keep from choking on the roiling stench of smoke and human waste. Neon signs advertising women, the strongest drinks, or a combination of both, lit her path.

Looking up at the signs, she finally found one that seemed promising.

 _Arabellum Communication Center._

Though several letters were blackened from neglect, the meaning of the sign was clear, and she pushed her way past a group of drunk Rattataki loitering outside and opened the door.

A grizzled woman with short, spiky hair looked up from a pile of wire and spare parts. "Whattaya need?"

"I need to send an encrypted message," she said, plainly.

A spark of interest passed quickly across her features and she eyed Rey up and down. "Encryption'll cost ya extra."

Rey nodded her approval.

The woman glanced down at the nest of wires in her hand, placing them onto the table. "To where?"

"Kashyyk," she said.

The shopkeep stood, hobbling to what might have been a comm station a decade ago, but what now looked like a receptacle of loose buttons and yellowed casings.

"I'm sure ya understand, but I need payment first," she said.

They settled on a price, and Rey drew the credits from the pouch at her waist, pressing them into the shopkeep's grimy hand. The woman flicked the comm station to life and the indicators glowed through a thick layer of dust.

Rey spoke her message to Chewbacca under the alias of "an old friend of Han's who hates rathtars but loves porgs." She explained the situation on Balmorra. She explained what was to become of the Prisoners. And she asked him to come to Coruscant where she would leave instructions to get him onto the Finalizer. She gave the location of a storage facility in a less sleazy area of the city and said she would leave further instructions in locker number 209. That would give her time to gather code clearances and somehow arrange a crew and a ship. The last detail she gave him was that she would leave a personal commlink in the locker where he could reach her.

When she finished her message the shopkeep pressed a series of buttons, twisted a dial, and the message was away.

Finally, she bartered and paid for a pair of commlinks with a personal channel and then prepared herself to handle the shopkeep. Rey reached out to the Force, gathering the misery that lay like a blanket across the depraved undercity. She knitted it together, twisting it alongside her anger at Ben, and stabbed into the woman's mind, ripping away the memory of their entire exchange. The shopkeep collapsed onto the floor from the shock of the sudden use of Force and Rey was out the door before she regained consciousness.

* * *

Rey did not let herself think as she navigated the greasy alleys of the underworld back the way she came. A numbness had settled over her and she was a cold, impassive machine, putting one foot in front of the other.

She was nearly to the ventilation shaft that housed a turbolift to the upper levels, when she felt a disturbance in the Force behind her. She recognized the energy signature.

An icy fire burned nearby.

Kezzik.

He was upon her before she could turn to face him, Force jumping from nowhere and pressing her against the wall.

She tried for her lightsaber but his Force grip on her was unyielding. She tried for the darkness, but she was so conflicted, emotions spilling out everywhere, and she couldn't gather herself. Tears stung her eyes as Kezzik's gaze bored into her.

"Tell me what you are doing down here, Rey."

Those claws in her mind. How was he already inside?

No no no.

She pressed against him. Where was that cold abyss of power? Pain, pain. She thought of only pain. Anger.

But she was fractured by that crack across her soul and she couldn't gather enough strength to fight him.

Her cheeks were wet. No. She couldn't do this. She needed to fight, not cry. She couldn't fall apart, not while he was watching.

Then, she felt his grip on her body loosen. Slightly, but unmistakably. His claws were still in her mind, but he didn't scratch against her. They were only brushing lightly. Waiting. Waiting for her to tell him.

"I already know, Rey. Snoke told me after what happened on Starkiller. I know who you were. I know you have friends in the Resistance," he said. "When I saw your reaction in the training gym, I knew."

Her lip trembled.

"Are those your friends aboard the Finalizer?" he asked.

But she didn't need to answer because he was in her mind, taking the answers he wanted and she was so broken, so empty that she didn't even care.

 _Ben. Why?_

"Let me tell you something about Ben Solo," he said. "When we were still training with Skywalker, we both fell for the same girl. One of the other Jedi trainees, Samra. He never told anyone of his feelings, but I knew. I knew," he paused, leaning in closer and she felt his breath against her cheek. "The thing was, Samra didn't love Ben. She loved me. And I loved her," his jaw clenched and his eyes hardened.

"The night Skywalker betrayed him, when Kylo killed those against us and burned the Jedi Temple, he killed her, too. He didn't have to do it, Samra would have followed us into the darkness. She was so strong, beautiful when she let herself feel the touch of the dark side. Such a waste." He trailed off, swallowing hard before bringing his eyes back to hers. "Kylo Ren looked at me with such hate in his eyes that night, her blood still on his hands, and I knew he'd done it out of revenge."

Kezzik fully released her then, and Rey leaned against the wall to keep from stumbling. His hands were there to keep her on her feet.

"Ben Solo is unreachable, Rey. It is only Kylo Ren," he said. "And he will do anything to increase his power, kill anyone who stands in his way."

No, no, no.

"Bosma has asked me why I follow him, if we hate each other," he paused, his gaze so intense she had to look away. "He's powerful. That Skywalker blood, his mastery over the Force. If he treats the people he cares for like he treated us, imagine what he does to his enemies. He's a ruthless leader and I like to be on the winning side. That is why I tolerate him."

She was shaking. He had to be talking about someone else. That was not the Ben she knew. Not anymore.

"Rey, let me help you." he said, reaching a hand to trail fingers down her cheek. "I can help you save your friends, like I wish someone could have helped me."

His eyes glistened with emotion, waves of hate pouring over her as he thought about what he'd lost. Then, a calm settled over his expression. "You know what I really want."

Yes. He'd told her what he wanted.

Power.

"No," he said. Oh stars he was in her mind. How was he still in her mind?

Then she felt the same calm wash over her, like snowmelt over smooth river stones. A soothing caress of cold control. He was cupping her cheek. Oh, he was so close and she breathed him in, leaning closer. She felt his hurt, his loss. Betrayal. And she gave him hers.

No.

She froze.

This wasn't right. Ben…

But a wave of ice washed the thought away, replacing it with another.

 _Ben Solo doesn't love you._

Then his mouth was hard against hers. Greedy and consuming – a wintry kiss from deep inside some glacial world and she felt herself respond. His tongue swept into her mouth, and she tightened her fingers around his robes. A thrill of electricity at his touch, his hand on her waist. She felt Kezzik's dark emotions as sure as her own and they were ripping her apart. But the light graze of a claw was there, a gentle caress to try to put her back together the way he liked. His lips softened, drawing the emotion from her as he worked against her mouth, and she couldn't pull away. She was trapped in the rushing rapids of his Force – and she was being completely swept away.

Tears were spilling down her cheeks when he drew back from her, but, seeing her face, he only tucked her back into his arms. She sobbed into his chest as he held her in that stinking alley deep in the underworld.

"Let me help you," he repeated, his voice edgier now, more insistent.

Kezzik's words curled around the hollow place where her resolve used to dwell and somehow, Rey could not fight the response that spilled from her lips.

"Okay," she whispered.


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note:** I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed reading your tortured comments over the last two days as I sit here stroking my evil pet cat and laughing maniacally.

I so appreciate all of the hate mail (only a few angry PMs lol) and fan mail. Your comments mean so much to me! Also, add me on Twitter at "ErickaO" and send me your feedback. Next update on Saturday!

* * *

Rey told Kezzik everything.

Whenever she held back certain details, she felt an icy push, the return of that rushing glacial river that had only just carried her away into Kezzik's arms, and she found herself continuing to babble on. She told him about her message to Chewie on Kashyyyk, the locker in the storage facility, the personal comlinks. Everything.

When she'd divulged every last detail, she thought she would feel better. She should have felt more hopeful, less alone, but the events over the last few hours had only carved her up, leaving her hollow.

Kezzik's arms were still around her as she took a deep breath, reaching out through the Force to try to collect herself and some of her dignity. As she did, she realized Kezzik's hold on her had begun to feel uncomfortable… wrong.

She squirmed as her skin crawled with a shiver and she realized – she needed to leave. Something about this was not right.

A cool breeze flowed through her, a salve for her racing thoughts and she was breathing normally again.

Then Kezzik's low voice was droning in her ear. "You need to stay with me, Rey. I know how to help you."

A fuzzy sort of reassurance stilled her mind.

She needed to stay with Kezzik. He would know how to help her.

Rey could only think about what was in front of her – Kezzik's hand. He offered it to her and she took it without thinking, letting him lead her out of the alley.

He wrapped an arm around her as they rode the turbolift up to the higher levels. She leaned on him the entire way, partly for comfort, but mostly because she didn't even trust her own legs anymore. When they emerged from the underworld, they took a speeder back to the hotel.

Kezzik stopped to look down at her when they reached her door. "I'll arrange a freighter for your friend from Kashyyyk to pilot when he gets here. I have a squad of troops I can spare to do the escort from the cells to the hangar and onto the freighter. I even have a guy who can counterfeit a batch of signed orders for a prisoner transfer. We'll get them off the Finalizer."

Rey looked up at him, to find his shrewd green eyes studying her.

"As for Balmorra, I'm leaving tomorrow on my biggest mission in years thanks to you and I'll make sure that any stormtroopers have the sudden urge to only take prisoners. That mischievous half-smile was back in full force. "I can be quite convincing."

"Why are you doing this, Kezzik?"

"Because, like I told you," he said, "I wish someone could have done it for me."

He brushed a kiss against the back of her hand and lights streaked across her vision. The world spun and she felt something in her mind tearing. She closed her eyes and when she could look up again he was gone.

Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. A wave of nausea overtook her and she ran inside to the bathroom. She spilled the entire contents of her stomach and still, she heaved and wretched, until the muscles of her abdomen ached and she lay on the floor in a despondent heap.

* * *

That was where Ben found her through their bond hours later, but she couldn't speak to him. She didn't have the will to do it. So she pushed him out of her mind and crawled from the bathroom and into bed.

She felt Ben's presence in her room that night as she slept. Not once. Not twice. But three times she had to push him away. Each time his face looked more and more twisted by anger and each time it ripped a new hole inside of her.

It was just before dawn when she realized she would be getting no more sleep that night. Her head was pounding and as much as she tried to remember the details of last night, everything seemed foggy. The whole memory of the alleyway seemed like a distant dream already, though it had been only hours since they emerged from the underworld. What was going on with her? It reminded her of how she'd felt the morning she'd woken up after ingesting the Bundar root.

Rey dragged herself out of bed into the study and sat at her desk, attempting to make use of her time. She wrote letters to Mayor Hivushi and his advisors, thanking them for lunches, parties, and jewelry they'd sent. It filled the time and soon, the sounds of life on Coruscant drifted through the windows along with the first rays of morning sun.

There was a knock at the door. A single knock and Rey rose to see who it was.

The door slid open and Kezzik was there, looking just as he had on the first night she'd met him. He wore the full garb of the Knights of Ren, black tunic and boots and a long, hooded cloak and cowl. He held his combat helmet in his hand.

He pulled his hood down before addressing her. "Good morning, Rey."

Rey felt a thousand conflicting feelings at seeing him. She felt a pull to him somehow, but didn't quite trust it. Like a moth to a flame. But some primal instinct was telling this moth the flame was dangerous.

The only problem was, when she tried to think about why she was feeling these things, it was like wires were crossed in her brain. Her memories shorted out and she was left with nothing, staring at his face. What had happened last night?

"Good morning," she echoed.

His eyes darted over her body and he moved a little closer. She was still wearing her nightclothes and his gaze made her feel exposed.

Her hands were shaking as he leaned in, speaking in a hushed tone next to her ear. "I've taken care of everything we discussed last night, the locker is ready for your friend, with all the instructions. If he doesn't arrive on planet by tomorrow, we need to talk. We only have two days until the execution. You still have the comlink?"

She nodded. Yes, she remembered the plan to save her friends at least. Kezzik was helping her get the prisoners off the Finalizer. He was helping because of what Ben had done to a girl he loved. He felt betrayed too.

"Good," he said. "Throw the comlink out. I've replaced it with this three-way communicator. One in the locker, one for you, one for me. That way, I can be involved to help if you need me."

He pressed the communicator into her palm.

She studied him through the haze of fatigue, not able to shake the feeling that something was different about him.

Then she realized what was missing. No lingering touch of his fingers. No witty remark. No smug expression.

Something _had_ changed.

She pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration.

"Is everything alright?" he asked.

"Just overwhelmed," she said.

"Understandably. Well, you can get me on the communicator if you need me. Be safe, Rey."

And with that, he was gone.

* * *

She was still standing in the doorway when Quinn came around the corner, breakfast tray in hand.

"My lady, you – you look –" he stumbled, pausing as he gave her a careful once over, "you look pale. Is everything alright?"

"I..." But the words were jammed. She could only stare at his kind grey eyes, hoping for some spark of life to return to her empty body.

"Let's get you inside," he said, balancing the tray on one hand as he offered her his other arm. "I brought your favorite goodies for breakfast."

He set out her usual spread of fruit and honeyed porridge, and plopped an exotic looking pastry stuffed with cream filling on the plate in front of her. She could only stare at it feeling nauseated.

"Alright, my lady," he said. "What is going on?"

He pulled out the chair next to her and sat down, eyeing her with a frown.

"Since we met, not a day has passed when you didn't inhale the pastry I set in front of you."

When he offered her a smile, she wanted to return it. She really did, but it was like the muscles in her face had forgotten how to accomplish such a maneuver.

She was wrung dry.

"I think Ben did something horrible to my friends. And now I feel wrong. I think I made a mistake trying to undo what he did."

He scrunched his eyebrows together, thinking on what she said. "Have you spoken with Emperor Ren about this?"

"Well – " She paused to truly consider his question. She had asked Ben about it yesterday. Then, when he denied knowing about the execution order, she'd immediately closed their connection, too angry to question him further.

She supposed she would have to talk to him about it eventually as he would likely not relent through their Force bond until she did.

Quinn sighed, placing his hand on hers. "The first thing you should do is speak to him," he said. "Conflict is never resolved by running from it."

"He's across the galaxy now," she said. "And I don't really want to hear what he has to say."

"All the more reason to make yourself hear it," he said.

Rey took a deep breath and relaxed into her chair.

Quinn squeezed her hand. "Besides, Emperor Ren is on his way. He left Corellia before dawn and I am to meet him in an hour on the landing pad."

Rey rubbed her eyes. She was not expecting to be forced into this conversation with Ben so soon. Everything was still so raw, so painful. But what was the point in delaying the inevitable?

"I hope I can tell Emperor Ren you'll be waiting to speak with him," Quinn urged.

She sighed, a long haggard breath. "Who am I to go against the only advisor I have?"

* * *

Rey was standing in the sitting room, staring out the enormous picture window when she heard the door open behind her. She already knew who it was. She'd felt his anger boiling through the Force when he'd entered the system twenty minutes ago.

"Rey?" His voice was strung so tight, she was sure it would snap.

" _Kylo,_ " she hissed back, not even bothering to turn to him.

"What is going on?"

"I should be asking you that same question."

She heard him cross the room behind her, then felt his hold on her arm as he tried to turn her to face him.

She stepped away, ripping herself from his grip.

His robes were disheveled, his hair tangled and sticking up in places, and the deep half-moons carved under his eyes indicated he'd slept as well as she had. But even sleep-deprived, his relentless Force was deafening to her senses.

"What is going on?" he repeated, his voice now loud enough to echo in the room.

Still, he was holding back, she could feel his anger, but he held on.

"You should start talking about why you ordered my friends to be executed in two days." She was prodding a venomous snake, coiled and ready to strike, but she didn't care. He'd done this. He was the one who started this. He was the one keeping secrets and lying to her. "And you didn't even bother to tell me!"

All at once, the empty hole in her heart filled with rage, hurt, betrayal and she blasted it toward him along with her voice. "Why didn't you tell me?!"

The wave of Force struck him, and he stumbled backward.

His expression changed in an instant, his eyes cooling from fiery rage, taking on a sharp intensity she recognized. He was getting deeper into that endless, black abyss and his low growl was evidence enough that he was continuing to slip into the dark. "Who told you the prisoners were to be executed."

"Does it matter who? I _saw_ the memory of you making the order!" she snarled.

"Who told you?" he repeated, taking another step forward. He was practically on top of her and her heart sped up as a jolt of fear coursed through her. He was seething, darkness spilling over and she could feel every emotion as it came, anger, fear… hate.

"Bosma and… "

She paused.

"And?" he pressed, balling his fists at his sides.

"Kezzik."

The name ignited an explosion of Force and Ben was lost to her. A guttural roar tore from his throat and his lightsaber was drawn before she could react. She flinched, stepping away from him. Seconds later, what was left of the couch lay in smoking, charred bits. The stench of burning wood and leather filled her nostrils and she immediately regretted speaking Kezzik's name.

Ben stood panting, staring at the ruined furniture, saying nothing for what felt like an eternity. She watched him close his eyes, slowing his breathing and she felt his Force gather again, gradually, before he finally flicked off his weapon.

"You trusted _Kezzik_ over me." A statement, not a question, and it ripped through her heart with more devastation than any lightsaber ever could.

"I looked into his mind," she said, her voice suddenly much quieter than it had been. "I saw Jeel with the signed order. Then I saw you tell Jeel to kill whoever was left of the Resistance."

He gritted his teeth in response, somehow maintaining control despite the churning anger still threatening to consume them both. "When I told Jeel to kill them all, I was talking about the few rebels left on Balmorra," he said. "I sent an anonymous warning to Dameron's friends days ago that the New Order was coming to keep you from the guilt of their deaths. When the New Order arrives on Balmorra there will be very few Resistance troops left."

Ben shook his head, bringing his gaze to her and those eyes, those impossibly deep, brown eyes, almost sent her to her knees. Because she could see in them, and sense now through their bond, that he had been telling her nothing but the truth. "I told you I would take care of it."

She had made a huge mistake and the weight of it settled in the pit of her stomach.

When Ben spoke again, she could see his anger had drained from him. His shoulders drooped and now he simply looked defeated. "Jeel probably forged my signature. If you don't trust me, then go see for yourself from Jeel. You'll probably find the real memory of what happened."

Rey darted a glance at the smoking mass of scorched furniture between them. It very much resembled the state of her heart.

Though she fully knew what she would find in Jeel's mind, she turned and went to find him anyway. It would be easier than facing what she had done to Ben.

* * *

Rey realized she looked like a complete mess when the hotel clerk avoided eye contact as she asked which room Jeel was staying in. He only fumbled around on the data terminal before giving her Jeel's room number.

When Rey found the admiral's room, she waited quite some time before he answered her knock. Finally, the door slid open, revealing Jeel in a silky-slick green robe. It somehow matched the sickening sheen of sweat he always wore.

He looked her up and down as he spoke. "Lady Rey, what a pleasant surprise."

"May I come in, Admiral? I have a matter I need to discuss with you."

"Actually," he said, glancing nervously over his shoulder. "It's not… it's not a good time, you see –"

But Rey was already pushing past him and into the room.

Two robed girls, both no more than sixteen, lounged on the velvet chaise, and she immediately knew why it wasn't a good time. She swallowed the bile that threatened to choke her before sending Jeel a look of disgust.

"Ladies," he said, in that revoltingly honeyed voice of his, "Would you please excuse us."

The two girls shared a glance, gathered their bags, and left the room without looking back.

Jeel poured himself a drink at the bar as he spoke, obviously not caring about the early hour. "Now, Lady Rey, what can I do for you?"

She didn't answer, letting her eyes do the threatening as she crossed the room, close enough now to see he was already sweating. The little beads of perspiration were multiplying on his forehead as she drew closer.

Her revulsion fueled the first wave of Force she sent crashing into his mind. With no resistance, it was almost too easy to take what she wanted. Again it was a string of images and she thought about what she wanted to find – Resistance prisoners. She saw their faces on surveillance. Leia sleeping. Poe agitatedly pacing. Finn drumming his hands on the bench. She pushed away the ache that it caused to see her friends again and she kept digging.

The memory surfaced.

She was seeing things through Jeel's eyes, feeling his heart thundering around in his chest, as he observed Kylo Ren drawing closer.

Ren spoke to him, eyes unwavering in their focus, before he scanned the bridge, ensuring everyone there heard the intelligence his forces had gathered from Balmorra. "The rebel base on Balmorra is little more than a bunker with a few fighters and a handful of pilots. We will likely encounter very little push back, as our intelligence reports most of them have already moved on. When we descend, bring transports to transfer any useful equipment you might find there."

Jeel swallowed, trying to keep his voice from quivering. "And what should we do with what's left of the Resistance, Emperor?"

Kylo Ren turned to look at him and he had that focused look again, that look he used as he wielded that ancient sorcery. A perverse, unnatural sorcery that twisted Jeel's stomach into knots. A bead of sweat dripped into Jeel's eye, but he dared not wipe it away.

"Kill them all," Ren said, simply. Then he turned, leaving the bridge in an uncomfortably tense silence.

"Yes, Emperor," he managed to call after him.

Rey pulled out of the memory, already gripping tightly onto Jeel's mind as she felt the panic swell inside of herself. But still, she needed to see the signed order. So, she dug in again, ripping through images and pictures until…

There it was.

Jeel was in his private study. Two datapads lay on the desk before him. A grimy woman with one messy braid down the back of her head sat hunched over the larger of the screens. She was glancing back and forth between them, leaning over with a stylus in her hand.

Jeel tipped his head down to inspect her work, reading the signature the woman was copying.

 _Emperor Kylo Ren._

Rey pulled out of Jeel's mind, viciously clawing at his mental walls as she left just because she could. He collapsed against the back of his chair.

Anger clouded her thoughts, rushing into her, pulsing through her blood and she was standing over him.

"Why?" she demanded. "Why did you forge the Emperor's signature?"

"My lady, I - I'm sorry," he said, wheezing between words, "I thought it best if the prisoners be dealt with and it seemed you and Emperor Ren had more important matters…"

She cut him off with a choke of Force.

"You don't' get to decide which matters are important."

This revolting sack of filth would never deceive them again. He'd caused her to distrust the person she cared about most. Caused her to turn to Kezzik for help. In Jeel she saw every lying scumbag who'd ever taken advantage of her back on Jakku.

Her rage was a frozen river in her veins. Disappointment in herself for not seeing the deception. Devastation for hurting Ben. She channeled all of it as she lifted Jeel from his chair and let his feet dangle over the expensive imported rug. She let the hate flow and an avalanche of Force erupted from her, toppling furniture and ripping pictures and tapestries from the walls.

 _Ben._

 _Oh Ben, I am so sorry._

Then the darkness in that cold place spilled out of her, raining emotions in flashes and pictures. Plutt's ceaseless abuse. Endless nights of hunger. Unquenchable thirst. Betrayal. Anger. Rage.

The hollow feeling of utter desolation was the last thing she was aware of before she became completely lost in the dark. The cold abyss had swallowed her up and Jeel was there to accept the brunt of her suffering. She tightened her grip on the Force and he began to convulse.

Then, a presence…

A touch of warmth in her mind.

She became aware of a window in the raging vortex of darkness she was trapped in. The light brightened and she felt him nearby.

 _Ben._

But she had an unfinished task. Making Jeel suffer the way she'd been made to suffer, and Rey breathed in the darkness, focusing on the satisfying gurgle of Jeel's breathing as she choked the life from him.

A hand on her shoulder.

She felt his contact as much as she felt his Force, a warmth, a comfort, pulling her closer to him.

 _You will only regret it, Rey._

His rich, deep voice in her mind was the eye of the storm. A bright spot in the hurricane of dark Force.

She paused, suddenly aware of herself in Jeel's room, able to see what she must look like from outside of herself.

Out of control.

Rey inhaled deeply, using the touch of Ben's warm hand to center herself, as she slowly relinquished her hold on the darkness.

Jeel's body dropped hard against the floor.


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's Note:** You all are just so amazing. I feel like I'm getting to know many of you now, through your supportive comments, awesome plot predictions, and amusing key smashing comments (adkfasdfasdsa!) This community of readers is just the best, really. When I feel like there's no way I can write the next chapter in time, I read through your encouragement and it gives me a little spark.

This chapter ran a little long, oops. As always, drop a comment, be my spark, come on baby light my fire. Next update on Monday… I hope!

* * *

Jeel sucked in a wheezy breath and Rey felt her shoulders relax.

Though the man was a filthy, lying toad, Ben was right. She really couldn't live with his death on her conscience. And though her blood still surged through her veins, powered by her anger, she was glad she'd released him when she did.

Ben had been right about Jeel. Ben had been right about everything. He'd been telling her the truth.

She turned to him, then. Though she didn't want to see the hurt in his eyes she'd caused, she knew he deserved to see the enormity of her regret.

Ben didn't speak, which made the ache inside of her so much worse. He only looked at her, disappointment filling his eyes. He wasn't speaking the words to share his pain, but even so, she could feel his emotions through their bond. A raw injury, bleeding like an open wound through their connection.

Why hadn't she just listened to him?

"Ben, I – "

"Not here," he cut her off before she could say more. "Admiral Jeel needs medical care before he's stripped of his rank and disciplined for falsifying documents. I will handle the orders and meet you back at your room."

He was still angry, and he had every right to be, but she wasn't sure how long she could live with this heaviness draped across her entire being. She'd done this to him. She'd disappointed him just like everyone else had.

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she walked from Jeel's room to her own and they didn't stop until her body simply stopped making more. It was the longest hour of her life, waiting for a chance to try to explain how sorry, how incredibly sorry she was for not trusting him.

* * *

Rey finally settled on a chair in the dining room, trying to avoid the wrecked sofa, a glaring reminder of what she'd done to Ben.

She rehearsed what she would say to him. How she would apologize. She tried the words on her tongue to test them. She had to make him understand why she'd done… everything.

But when he came through the door, and she saw the pain twisting at his lip, clouding his eyes, the pain she'd caused – she forgot everything she'd planned to say and she could only stare, trembling.

She rose from her chair to meet him. "Ben, I'm so sorry."

She swallowed, searching his face, feeling him through the bond, allowing her emotions to reach him. She didn't just want him to _hear_ her apologize, she wanted him to _feel_ how sorry she was. "I should have trusted you. I'm so sorry." Her eyes burned again with fresh tears.

Still he only stood, jaw clenched, staring back at her.

"You deserve to be trusted, you deserve to have someone who stands by you, and I failed to do that. I made a huge mistake. And for that…" she sighed, still not feeling like her words carried the weight of what she felt in her heart. "Sorry does not describe how I feel."

She reached out through the Force, daring to touch him with her emotions. Allowing him to feel the pain of her regret, the twisting disease of guilt, so potent it was starting to make her physically ill.

Slowly, the lines between his brows softened and he spoke the words through their bond – the only words that could stop the storm of darkness inside of herself.

 _I forgive you._

When she felt the truth of his forgiveness through their connection, she couldn't keep herself from him anymore. She crossed the dining room and wrapped her arms around his sturdy frame, clinging to him, her only anchor in all of this and she'd nearly lost him. She'd nearly pushed him away. When his arms found their way around her, too, she dared to think that she could be whole again.

She inhaled his scent, nestling herself in that perfect place between his neck and shoulder and she poured her apology into him, through the Force, making sure he felt it all.

 _I already said I forgive you_.

When she pulled away to look at him, seeing that Solo smirk on his face, she wondered how anything else could be as perfect.

"Thank you," she said. "For stopping me from…"

She couldn't even speak what she'd almost done, let alone have to deal with actually killing someone out of anger. He'd saved her from that, too. Even after what she'd accused him of.

He breathed deeply, his chest rising against her and she could sense he'd been affected by her fall to the darkness, too. "I couldn't let you do it. To do what I've done. It's… it's a weight I carry around every day."

Rey recalled the feeling, being so caught up in the dark, being swept away in the storm of emotions was much easier than she thought it would be. "It would have been so easy in that moment," she admitted.

"The hard part is stopping once you begin," he said, pulling back to look into her eyes. "I don't want that for you."

She rested against his chest a moment longer, before she released a sigh. She needed to tell him everything.

"Ben, there's something else," she said. She really didn't want to do this now, his arms felt so good around her, so safe, but since they were being honest, it had to be now. "It's about Kezzik."

He tensed.

"Let's sit down," she said.

Rey explained everything – what she'd planned to do about the prisoners, about Chewie, the locker, the escort off the Finalizer. Then she explained that she'd told Kezzik about her plan. How he'd said that he wanted to help. Then she tried to describe the strange sensations she'd felt that led her to divulge secret after secret.

"Every time I came to my senses and realized I shouldn't be telling him everything, I felt a cold chill run through me and I just kept talking."

His eyes narrowed at that.

"When we were talking afterward, I could remember our conversation, bits and pieces really, but then before he left I felt something rip in my mind and I was nauseous. I vomited over and over and felt like I'd been poisoned again. After that, I can remember almost nothing from the time he cornered me in that alley to the time I heaved my guts out." She realized what she was saying sounded crazy. "It was like he'd _done_ something to me."

He was scowling at the wall now. "It wasn't poison. He was mind controlling you," he said. "The symptoms you're describing can happen if someone remains in your mind for too long. It sounds like he ripped away certain pieces of your memory, too. Can you remember anything else?"

"He told me why he hates you so much," she said.

His lip curled. "Samra?"

She nodded.

He closed his eyes, and after a few long breaths, he seemed far away in his memory. "The night Skywalker betrayed me, I didn't think about anything beyond my own pain. I was cold. You know what that's like. You felt it this morning. I was lost there, seeing nothing but rage and betrayal. I killed anyone who didn't follow me into the dark. Samra was in the way."

"Did you love her?" she asked.

His eyes opened and he seemed startled by the question. "Snoke's whispers started when I was just a boy. By that night at the temple, there was no room in my heart for love. No room for anything but anger," he paused, looking beyond her to think. "Though years before, I admit I did have some feelings for her. Not love, I never knew love until…" he trailed off, darting a glance at her and then down at his hands, now fidgeting with his glove. "Did Kezzik tell you I loved her?" he asked.

"Yes, and that you killed her because she loved _him_ instead."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I know Kezzik hates me for it, but at the time I saw her as nothing but an obstacle to be removed. I wasn't thinking about anything else."

He pressed his lips together, as though it would keep the emotion from spilling out of him. "Since I killed Snoke, not an hour has passed when I haven't thought about what could have been if I'd only been strong enough to push his whispers out of my head. If I'd only been strong enough to give my lightsaber to my father, instead of turning it on him. All of it, every choice I've made has only weakened me. Now I can't even keep you safe."

Rey could see he was so focused on keeping himself from exploding, that he'd actually had to close his eyes. He was meditating. She felt his internal struggle – anger, then a calming focus, rage, then the ensuing peace.

Rey reached out to him, stroking his cheek, letting warmth pass through her fingertips. "You're wrong. You found the strength to kill Snoke. You are changing," she said. "Getting stronger. I can feel it. And we are so much stronger together."

"I should never have left," he said, eyes now glistening with unspilled tears. "I should have seen it."

"Seen what?"

"Kezzik was always gifted with mind control, but if he was able to get into your mind for so long, manipulate you like that, he is more dangerous than even I realized. It's possible Snoke was training him, too. There wasn't a more powerful manipulator than Snoke."

Another flash of pain across Ben's features told Rey he knew that truth too well. She reached out for his hand, intertwining their fingers together.

"There was no way for you to know what he planned," Rey said. "If I would have just listened to you, it would never have happened."

Rey knew there was more to what had happened with Kezzik. Why had he wiped her memory if not to hide something? What had he done to her? But it didn't really matter now, because Ben knew the truth of everything, at least as much truth as Rey herself could remember. Together, they would bring an end to his manipulation.

They were quiet for a while, before they both released a simultaneous sigh.

"Is this the part where we decide what to do to fix this mess I made?" she asked.

"I've already canceled the execution order," he said. "So we should send a message to Chewbacca and destroy whatever directions are in that locker, leave new instructions, in case he does come to Coruscant."

"And Kezzik? He needs to be punished. Mind control cannot be tolerated."

"Agreed," he said. "But if we call him back to the Finalizer, he'll know we are onto him. He may come to fight. As of now, we have an advantage. He thinks he has your trust. We have a better chance of overtaking him when he comes to report on the mission. He'll be caught off guard. Anywhere from two to three days is all it should take for the Knights to clear the base on Balmorra and report back to the Finalizer before they move on to Derilyn."

"And we just monitor the prisoners until then? I don't think they're safe until Kezzik is under control."

"How do you propose we control him? I've thought again and again about ending him, but the Knights would react harshly to that and I don't know if we could handle all of them at once, even together."

She released a long breath. "I don't know. But if Kezzik has hated you for this long, I doubt he'll quit until he's dead."

She never thought she'd hear those words from her own mouth. But now she truly saw how dangerous he was. Someone who could manipulate her, steal her memories, twist her thoughts, and turn her and Ben against each other was an enemy that absolutely needed to be erased.

"We will return to the Finalizer tonight," he said. "We can monitor the safety of the prisoners more effectively, feel any changes through the Force from there, as we keep eyes on Kezzik."

Rey nodded. It would take time to work out an effective strategy to deal with him. Waiting to catch him off guard seemed reasonable. But in the meantime, she had to ensure her friends were safe from any Kezzik interference. She rose from her seat. "I'm going to go send a message to Kashyyyk and clean out that locker," she said.

Ben stood quickly, giving her a hard look. "You aren't going anywhere alone until we deal with Kezzik," he said.

Her heart swelled hearing that tone back in his voice. Feeling the Force of him as he said it. Protective. Possession. And there was no one else she'd rather have looking out for her.

Ben pulled her close, one arm around her waist and in that moment, she needed to express to him how much he meant to her. Now, more than ever, he needed to hear it.

"Ben, thank you. I…" The feeling was there, so strong she had trouble keeping the emotion from spreading everywhere in the Force, but the words wouldn't come so easily. She'd never said them to anyone before. At least not that she could remember. They felt unwieldly, too big for her to handle. But he deserved to hear them. So, swallowing hard, she found the courage to look as deeply into his eyes as she dared. Then, she spoke the words filling her heart. "I love you, Ben Solo."

The worry on his face melted away in an instant and she felt a swell of warmth through their bond. She experienced the heat of it, the light of that feeling everywhere, _his_ light, penetrating deep to the core of her bones, and she knew that he felt the same way.

A tiny smirk tugged at the corner of his lip. "I know."

She punched him playfully in the shoulder and he laughed as he gathered her into his arms. Then he whispered four words against her ear, the only words that could have stitched together that gash across her soul, the one she'd torn inside of herself. "I love you, too."

* * *

They handled the locker situation and sent a message to Chewie, hoping it could be relayed to the Falcon by his family on Kashyyyk. When the circumstances with her friends had been sorted out as best they could, Ben escorted her to her room. It was still early afternoon, and he had other business to wrap up.

One item included getting rid of half of the Praetorian guard. He found it suspicious that they'd let Rey wander in the underworld without ever knowing she'd left. Ben figured the three guards he had left were either negligent, had been bribed extensively, or they were in on whatever deception Kezzik was planning to get Rey to distrust Ben. Either way they had to go. The other task he needed to complete today involved choosing a delegation to head to Corellia as soon as possible. The negotiations had gone well and the Corellians were interested in continuing talks with the New Order.

Business on Coruscant was nearly wrapped up as well and Ben was eager to leave the negotiations in the hands of several up and coming military advisors who'd served on the Star Destroyer Harbinger.

Ben kissed her cheek before turning to leave. "Don't make plans for tonight. We are having a private dinner before we leave the planet. I have something for you."

* * *

Rey finished the day with a few last meetings, confirming details of funding transfers and budgets for the New Order's contracts on Coruscant. She tried her best to focus her energy on these last steps toward a stronger, more stable New Order, but she caught herself daydreaming.

She hadn't daydreamed much since leaving Jakku. But she found herself looking out the window like a little girl. Only now, she didn't dream of piloting a fighter or being whisked away by her parents at long last. She was dreaming of the moment she could be alone with Ben again. He said he had something for her. Her heart quickened thinking about what he could have meant. Heat crept up her neck when she remembered their last kiss in the rain. His promise before he left for Corellia. Oh stars, what was he doing to her?

"My lady," her thoughts were interrupted by Mayor's Hivushi's right-hand woman, and frequent bed-warmer, Nessu. "We will send the final budget spreadsheets to the Emperor for his review."

"Thank you, Nessu," she said, standing to shake her hand. "It's been a pleasure sharing business with you."

"And you, also, my lady," she said. "You are welcome back anytime you wish."

Rey left her final meeting on Coruscant feeling accomplished. They were making progress, small steps toward a different path. The stability and organization that the New Order had always stood for, but with a new flexibility that didn't exist before. There was room for trade and negotiation. This would not be a second Empire, but something more, something sustainable.

Her steps were lighter as she headed to her room to wait for dinner.

* * *

"You were right, Quinn."

It was the first thing Rey said when she opened the door that night to his triple knock.

"I wasn't sure after I saw the sofa," Quinn said, one eyebrow raised.

She laughed. "He was upset, but things are better now."

"I'm so glad my lady," he said. "I figured that was the case when he asked me to help you get ready for dinner."

"I can't wait to see what you have planned for me." Rey hooked her arm through his as he led her to the dress he'd chosen for the occasion.

Her heart stopped when she saw the color. A deep purple, with lacy cap sleeves and a sweetheart neckline. Black accents in stitching and beading tied the style together. He had her hair in loose waves and the dress adjusted just so when he turned her around to admire his handiwork.

"You are a true beauty, my lady," he said, nodding as he always did before he excused himself.

Rey caught him in a hug before he could turn away. "Thank you, Quinn. I'm so lucky to have you."

When Rey pulled away, he cleared his throat, straightening the lapels on his jacket before he spoke. "The feeling is mutual, my lady."

Always the gentleman, Quinn bowed, leading her to the sitting room.

Quinn began flitting about, finding ways to polish things that were already spotless and preparing the last of her things to be sent to the ship after dinner.

When Ben arrived, Rey caught Quinn's eye one more time, who winked at her, before moving off to busy himself down the hall.

Ben cast a striking figure in his pleated black tunic, and his signature cloak bundled over the shoulder as he usually wore for special occasions. Only this cloak was lined with the same deep purple fabric of her dress. How Quinn had convinced him to don something other than black and red was beyond her, but Rey couldn't stop staring. The color softened him somehow. Kylo Ren was a distant memory as she stared at this man before her.

The man she loved.

When he looked at her, it was like he was seeing her for the first time, too. His gaze heated her blood as his eyes roved from head to toe. No daydream could have prepared her for how she felt at this moment.

Ben held out a hand and she laced her fingers through his as he led her to a speeder outside. They didn't speak. That was just one of the things she loved about Ben. He didn't fill the time with idle chit chat like the aristocrats she'd been spending way too much time with lately. Ben was content to hold her hand and just _be._

The speeder stopped in front of a long catwalk leading to a towering building with crystal-clear walls. With their hands still firmly locked together, he led her down the walk as their escort, the remaining three Praetorian guards, trailed behind. Rey had to crane her neck to take in the enormous height of the structure. Each triangular window fit flush with the one next to it – a puzzle of glass. Inside, she could see greenery, trees, vines and colorful birds skimming the treetops.

"It's the galaxy's largest menagerie," he said, a hint of a smile on his face.

"A what?" she asked.

"The glass and temperature inside the greenhouse allow for all manner of plants and animals to live. It's a collection of the life across the galaxy. An exhibit."

Her eyes grew wide and Ben towed her quickly by the hand. She could sense his excitement. His anticipation.

"You've been here before."

"Once," he said. "My mother usually left me home when she had business. Which was most of the time. But one morning she surprised me with a visit here. Just wait. The Force of all of these living things in one place. It was…" he looked up at the towering crystalline walls as they approached. "It is the best memory I have with my mother."

"And here I just thought we were going to dinner," she said, leaning in a little closer to him.

"We are," he said. "The Emperor and future Empress are allowed certain… accommodations."

Two uniformed staff opened the entry doors for them as they crossed through into the atrium. It looked to Rey like the menagerie was closed to the public already, with many lights already off and no one at the data kiosk. One of the staff led them to a long corridor, into a turbo lift, and up to the top floor.

When Rey stepped out of the lift, it was as though she was entering another world. The triangular glass facets met in a great sphere overhead and stars peeked through, giving the impression that they were outside. Broad-leafed trees towered overhead, and creeping vines clung to everything in sight. A rainbow of flowers dotted the great expanse of green and even below their feet, tiny little hair-like plants created a living carpet and she reached down to stroke the tops of each little blade.

"Grass," Ben whispered.

It was a world of lush fertility and the air here was even different. It stuck to her face, humid and warm.

Then she saw them.

The butterflies were everywhere, the most brilliant of which were the bluest blue of precious sapphires. Their wings glittered like gems as they fluttered overhead. Trumpet-shaped flowers attracted many of them and Rey stopped to watch a pair feed from the nectar.

"Wait here," Ben said to the three Praetorian guards.

The menagerie staff worker led them to a table at the far end of the enormous room. It was set for dinner, nestled between twisting vines and trees that spread in a canopy overhead. It was their own private jungle. As Ben pulled the chair out for her to sit, Rey couldn't find words, couldn't find the breath to speak in appreciation of such a place.

He sat across from her and his eyes shone with wonder as they scanned the treetops. She saw a hint of that young boy who'd visited this place so long ago. A boy filled with amazement and another emotion she'd only felt from him a handful of times – joy. She was seeing a glimpse of that boy who, she had begun to realize, was still there waiting to emerge in moments such as these.

"Reach out, Rey," he said. "Feel it all."

He leaned across the table, extending his hands for her to take them and when she did, she reached out through the Force.

She felt her heart quicken as the web of Force unfurled before her. So many pulses of life everywhere, in every direction. Life moving and living and thriving. Hundreds and thousands of beings all connected and she and Ben, so insignificant next to the expanse of energy all around, were connected in the middle of all of it.

Rey remembered how to breathe, only when she pulled away from the Force, mouth wide with wonder.

"It's magnificent," she said.

A waiter crossed to them, filling glasses of wine and bringing plates of steaming exotic fare from all over the galaxy. They ate and talked and laughed and when they sat sated, basking in the glow of life all around, Ben spoke.

"Rey, I brought you here to experience this, but also because I need to tell you something." His head was tilted down toward his plate, but he lifted his eyes to hers, so shy in that moment. "If I would have told you sooner, maybe you would have trusted me. But this kind of thing is…" he picked at a seam on his sleeve. "It's difficult for me."

Ben stood, reaching into a pocket in his tunic, and retrieved a small black box. He rose, took a step toward her, and positioned himself at her feet, taking a knee as he gazed up at her.

"Rey," he began, swallowing hard then locking his eyes onto hers, "I know you were disappointed with the way our engagement began, but I want you to know how…" he paused again. "How… oh Force, I had this all planned out."

He swiped nervously at a strand of hair that hung over his eye. Then he sighed, brought his eyes back to hers, and began again. "I love you. When we touched hands across the stars, I knew the Force meant for us to be together and I can't think about anything else." His throat bobbed and she felt a swell of hope, of _love_ , from him through their bond.

Butterflies danced overhead and in her stomach as she watched him open the box. Inside was a ring. A dark silvery band, twisted with beautiful patterns – vines she realized – and it was set with a purple stone in the center. It seemed to glow with an energy of its own and she could feel the Force of it, it felt like _him._

He looked up at her from his knees, vulnerable, emotion laid out bare for her to see. "Will you marry me?"

She blinked back tears welling in her eyes and her answer spilled out easily along with a wave of warmth and light through their bond.

"Yes," she said. "Yes."

When he slid the ring onto her finger, felt the pulse of his energy through her skin, Rey knew this was what she'd been waiting for all those years on Jakku. This was the belonging she'd daydreamed about during all those lonely nights. This was what it was like to be _home_.


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Note:** Okay, fair warning this chapter is filled with some deliciously mature content. Don't look at me, I blame Ben and Rey because really it wasn't my idea at all. If that's not your thing, then basically the whole chapter will be unreadable. LOL. Okay, well maybe you could just read the beginning… and skip to the part after the break.

Now work is going to be crazy this week, so I don't think I can put together a decent chapter in two days. So, this week I'm shooting for Thursday - hopefully. As always, let me know what you think 😊

* * *

Rey could only gaze back and forth between Ben and the ring he'd given her. And she knew there was nothing else she could say that could capture the feelings in her heart. So she rose from her chair, pulling Ben to stand with her, and she brushed a light kiss against his lips. She took her time, softly exploring the impossibly exquisite taste and feel of him so near to her. She felt his darkness and his light all at once. The fear was still there but it was tempered by a new energy – love. And it had changed the signature of his Force, that dark mesmerizing abyss she'd fallen for was now pierced by bright light and she wanted to explore it more.

So, she did, deepening their kiss, giving him warmth and feeling him respond with a cool, dark touch. Then she gave him her own bottomless fear, cold and raw from that chasm inside of herself, and he offered a soothing light to bring her back into balance.

When she pulled away to appreciate him, his eyes had a gorgeous warmth about them. His change was startling to her in that moment. But the change she saw in him perfectly matched the energy she felt radiating from the stone at the center of her ring.

"How did you do it?" she asked. "Infuse your Force into this gem?"

"It's not a gem." He smiled then, a proud smile that captured his entire expression. "It's a small piece of the kyber crystal from Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber," he said. "I gave most of it to you, but set aside a small piece. I meditated on it the first night in Corellia. I focused on the light, my love for you, and it produced a balanced crystal."

She raised the ring closer to peer at the living embodiment of his Force at its center, marveling at the purple kyber crystal he'd attuned for her. "You remained in balance for long enough to give the crystal this color?"

His eyes sparkled, knowing as well as she did what such a thing meant.

And then she was kissing him again, this time with all of the light of love she could give. They remained in each other's arms, exploring each other under the leafy canopy, feeling the web of force in balance around and between them, until the time came for them to return to the Finalizer.

* * *

It was all they could do to keep their hands off each other as they made their way from the Coruscant Menagerie to their command shuttle. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was finally sharing the truth of how they felt, or committing fully to one another, or maybe it was a combination of all of these, but something had changed between them.

Though they appeared collected on the outside, she could feel Ben's emotions through their bond. The love he'd shared with her now intermixed with a lusty need that buzzed between their interlaced fingers as they held hands. The Praetorian guard stood at the back of the cargo bay in the shuttle, and she wondered if even they could feel the waves of passion and love passing through the Force.

 _I can't stand it anymore,_ Ben said. _I have to_ touch _you._

 _We can't with them watching._

 _Can I cause a sudden distraction that they might need to deal with?_

She caught his mischievous look out of the corner of her eye.

 _I love you,_ she said.

He smiled as he sent a wave of love through their bond, immediately followed by a dark pulse of something else.

Desire.

A shiver of anticipation surged through her and she could only squeeze his hand.

 _Oh Force stop making that face,_ he said, biting his lip.

 _What face? I am_ not _making a face._ She pouted, crossing her legs to try to suppress the feelings stirring inside of her.

He laughed out loud.

She glanced at the three guards, standing like statues and she wondered what they thought about their Emperor laughing to himself when no one had said a word out loud.

The thought made _her_ laugh next.

 _They must think we're insane,_ she said.

 _I don't really care what they think,_ he said. _If it were up to me, we'd still be in the menagerie on the grass and I'd be worshipping every inch of you._

She'd never heard him speak so boldly about something so intimate and it warmed her from the inside out.

 _You know we can't do that. Not until we understand who is loyal to us and who isn't._

 _We could._ He raised his eyebrows. _It might be worth a memory wipe or three._

 _You are so devious._

His wicked grin came at the same time as the flash of a memory he sent through their bond. A memory she'd re-visited several times herself when he was away on Corellia, except this time it was from his point of view. She saw rain pouring down her face as he held her against that door behind the landing pad and kissed her, caressing her with all the darkness he could summon. Then the memory turned into a fantasy and he was pressing her against the door of the shuttle instead, with all of the Praetorian guard watching…

She snorted out loud, which made him laugh again.

Laughing, flirting, _needing_ to be close to each other – was this how life with Ben could really be? If it was, it was something worth fighting for.

She rested her head on his shoulder and the engine lurched as the shuttle approached the hangar of the Finalizer.

Finally, the shuttle door opened, and they descended the ramp, making their way to the officer's deck with the guards bringing up the rear.

"Would you like me to escort you to your room my lady? Or can I invite you to mine?" His voice was a husky whisper in her ear.

"Do you really need to ask?"

"Yes," he said. "Can't you see I'm trying very hard to be a gentleman?"

She laughed and pulled him into the turbolift, pushing the button indicating the floor to his room. They rode in silence with the guards staring straight ahead.

The Force of Ben in the enclosed lift nearly unraveled her composure. His passion was boiling over, the intensity of his need for her was as clear through their bond as it was on his frustrated face. Knowing what he was thinking about, seeing what he wanted to do to her… oh stars. And they were only holding hands. What would she do with those hands on her body? She bit her lower lip. This lift needed to hurry up. What was taking so kriffing long?

 _Patience,_ he said.

 _Am I that easy to read?_

 _You were practically screaming._

 _This is torture,_ she said.

The door to the turbolift finally slid open and they attempted to appear regal as they made it to Ben's room and opened the door. The guards posted themselves outside and finally, they were alone.

Rey tripped on Ben's foot as they entered, careening into one of the giant vases in the entry. She caught it with a push of Force, righted herself, and stumbled into Ben's arms.

He captured her mouth with his and pinned her against the wall of the entry. His hands roved over the silken fabric of her dress, over her hips, and up to the exposed skin on her back. He stopped there and pressed his body against hers and when she felt how ready he was for this, for her, a heat bloomed at the core of her, but there were too many layers keeping them apart. She struggled with his cloak, finally freeing it and flinging it over the back of a chair. Before she could start on his tunic, he was leading her out of the entry and past the dining room table.

Something dropped with a thud across the room and Ben pulled away long enough for Rey to catch a glimpse of a very flustered Quinn who had just entered with a large bag.

"Oh dear! Emperor Ren, Lady Rey. I'm so sorry, excuse me. I'll bring the rest of your baggage tomorrow."

Ben's voice was low and husky when he spoke. "It's okay Quinn. Lady Rey will need her belongings, too. She'll be staying here, but keep it quiet."

She thought she caught a fleeting smile cross Quinn's features before he regained himself and was moving to the door. "Of course. I'll… I'll bring them up first thing in the morning. I'll just leave you two…"

And he was off before he even finished his sentence.

"I just adore him," Rey said, finding an exposed place on Ben's neck to tease with her mouth. "He's been such a help."

"He's been a trove of advice since you came to me." Ben's breathing sped up and his hands were exploring again.

She felt him shiver when her mouth found his earlobe.

"Is that right?" she whispered against his ear.

"He knew you loved me. He told me as much."

"That little rat," she said, a smile pulling at her lip.

"You should thank him," he said. "He told me to go easy on you this morning."

And he was tugging her down the hall into the bedroom, unable to stop kissing her long enough to walk straight. Finally, he found the bed by backing into it, releasing a muffled grunt of pain. Rey pushed his shoulders playfully, indicating for him to lie back.

He'd done so much for her today. Forgiven her. Said he loved her. Given her a ring and proposed to her. It was time for her to do something for him.

So, she straddled him on the bed, running hands through his hair. Ben was hers tonight. Ben was hers _every_ night beginning with this moment. She could touch him anywhere she liked. And she would, starting from that luscious, thick hair and working her way down. The thought kickstarted her heart's rhythm again and she wondered if she'd ever catch her breath with his body so near.

His deliciously full lower lip was begging to be kissed, so she bent to taste him again. She would never be able to drink her fill of him. His taste, his smell, his Force – she was completely wrapped up in him and it still wasn't enough. He responded with a warm touch of pure devotion through their bond and she melted around the edges.

Then her hands were on his shoulders. She wanted to appreciate every part of him, as she moved lower, to the hard lines of his chest through his tunic. She made a frustrated grunt, tugging at the clothing, and he had it off in a heartbeat. Her eyes paid homage to his perfectly sculpted form and oh she wanted him so badly, it had already begun to ache.

She ran her fingers over each exposed muscle, tracing every ripple with a delicate finger and he was breathing heavily now, bucking his hips in response to her attention. His large hands nearly wrapped around her waist as he held onto her, and when she kissed a trail from his chest to his neck, he began fiddling with the clasps on her dress.

When he growled, a lusty sound of frustration, she scoffed, echoing his tease from the elevator. "Patience."

But she conceded to help, pulling the dress over her head and she was left wearing only her underthings. His hands crept up her sides, framing her chest, teasing over the fabric of her breast band, before he unwrapped it slowly. She knelt over him, fully exposed in the low light, and her breath hitched as he grazed a palm over the delicate flesh, her skin singing for more attention. He caressed gently, and Rey leaned into his touch, groaning as she rocked against him.

The hunger in his eyes nearly drained her of any patience she had left.

But it didn't matter, because soon, he was flipping her onto her back and now he was the one looking down at her. He kissed her again, like a man quenching his thirst, desperate and deep. When he fully lowered himself onto her, the exchange of energy she felt with his bare chest against hers made her nearly lose her mind.

Rey pulled at his pants, wanting desperately to feel all of him against her and soon, they were both completely bare, just skin and roaming hands. Each kiss had now deepened into something so powerful, she had to remind herself to breathe.

Her heart was beating in time to the thundering Force of him – it was all encompassing now, churning alongside her own energy in waves, filling the space with the ebb and flow of their combined power. But as the flood of Force had grown, so had the ache in her core, now so wholly demanding, she couldn't ignore the heat of it any longer. She groaned in his ear as he began to move his body against her. A wave of dark passion crashed into her and she responded with a flash of warmth.

She heard his sharp intake of breath when her hands roved to feel him, all of him, and he released a lusty sigh.

"Oh Force, Rey…" his low voice, raw with need for her ignited something primal within and she clutched his back and pulled him hard against her.

She relished the weight of him, enjoying being crushed under his body and she began to roll her hips beneath him. She whimpered, the need for him having grown to something nearly intolerable now, burning like the hottest day on Jakku, and satisfying that need for him was all she could think about, all that mattered.

He breathed a heavy whisper into her ear, "I love you."

Rey tried to return the words, but all that came was a low moan of agreement. It was so difficult to focus on anything but how close he was to bringing her over the edge, to building this potent need into release. Even pressed flush against him, still she needed more of him. If he would only give her what she wanted. She needed him closer. She needed him _everywhere._ Oh stars, was he going to make her beg?

His lusty chuckle in her ear was answer enough and she felt the heat of him so close now. She ground herself against him and he hummed his pleasure at the contact. She spread herself open for him, offering herself up completely and she begged.

"Please."

And finally, he relented, giving all of himself to her. She felt their joining everywhere, a shiver of pleasure and delicious surging of flesh and friction as he filled her. His hands sent waves of Force through her as he attended to every inch of her skin. All of this as he gradually built his tempo, continuing to rock against her. The Force of his dark energy, coming from that passionate abyss, only magnified the feeling of him as it tore through every part of her, and she offered her light in response. They teetered on the edge, feeling the power of their bond grow the longer they remained in delicate balance.

She arched her back to meet each thrust of his hips and he was making amazing little grunts into her ear. She couldn't get close enough, couldn't feel enough of him as her hands clutched at his back, his shoulders. His hands tangled in her hair as their bodies came together again and again. Now his thoughts were light, love and belonging and she countered with her passion for him, dark and lusty, that hunger for his body and again, it brought them closer. A balance of power swelled between them, unreleased and growing as they neared the edge together.

He was beside her, inside her, and all around her all at once, physically and through the bond, and in that moment, she truly felt them joined in all ways. He was the darkness to her bright light, but also the warmth to her bitter cold. They were in perfect synchrony and they threaded that sensitive balance, each adjusting to the other and she was so close now, so close and she couldn't keep her breath from coming in short gasps with each move of his hips, each hot breath in her ear, each plunge now bringing her closer to the precipice.

Then, together they flung themselves over the edge, the ache inside of her giving way to an explosion of pleasure, shuddering from somewhere deep within her. She heard Ben's throaty cry as he came with her, over that cliff and into something else. The Force of their love, their passion, their fear, and their hope burst from them as they let it all go and she was sure she felt the room tilt on its side.

Echoes of pleasure coursed through her as they lay entwined together, gasping, hearts thundering.

Ben's weight on her as his breathing gradually slowed reminded her that she was still somehow bound to this galaxy. And Rey was afraid to move, for fear of losing this perfect moment.

When he eventually rolled off of her, she gave a small cry of complaint at the loss of him.

"I'm sorry." His voice, thick with passion made her want to touch him everywhere all over again, but she settled for nestling close into her favorite place between his neck and shoulder. He wrapped his arms fully around her and they lay like that for a while, feeling the last remnants of their joining as it continued to ripple through the Force around them.

"That was…" But once she started talking she wished she hadn't ruined the perfect silence, because there was obviously no way to describe what he had made her feel.

 _You could never ruin anything. Tell me._

"The balance, did you feel it?" she asked.

"Yes."

"And when we released it?"

"Power," he said. "Did you feel the movement?"

She would have thought he was joking, had she not felt the sensation of the bed tilting herself.

"It felt like the whole ship keeled," she said. "We really should be more careful."

He huffed a laugh and gathered her closer.

"How is that even possible?" she asked.

"I don't know. Everything about you is a mystery to me."

"It wasn't me, it was _us_. It was balance. Do you think we are more powerful together, combining our Force?"

"Jedi were never encouraged to take a partner and the Sith knew passion but not love. Love would be considered a great weakness. So I don't know if there's a precedent for what we have."

Rey considered that. Yes, love made them vulnerable to people trying to break them apart, but when they were together, Rey was starting to feel it. Had just felt it so powerfully. They were more when they used the Force together. Like two halves of a whole.

She pressed one last kiss to his lips, before settling back into that space next to him.

 _I don't deserve this._

 _Yes you do._ And she made sure he knew it, sending her love in its most pure form through their bond, trying to make him understand how much she needed him.

He ran a hand through her hair, letting his eyes close and she could feel his every thought through their open bond. It would be too much to feel his thoughts so completely at other times, too distracting with other people and other things to attend to. But here, in the hazy aftermath of their love, he was completely open to her and she followed the course of his mind as if it was her own.

He was remembering the details of her body, the way it felt to be inside her, to be so connected. Thinking that he would do anything to keep her safe. He remembered his failure to keep her from Kezzik and he turned that idea over and over – Kezzik's threat to her. He worried over what they would do when he returned from Balmorra.

Rey was surprised with how quickly his thoughts moved compared with hers, he'd gone from love to fear in only seconds. No wonder balance for him was so difficult.

 _It will be okay, we'll figure it out,_ she said. _I just felt what we are capable of together._

 _Now that I know what I have to lose, I'm even more afraid._

She gave him what balance she could in her groggy state and she felt his mind slow and his breathing begin to even out. She knew he had to be exhausted. He'd probably stayed up all night last night trying to reach her through the bond as she selfishly pushed him out again and again. And the night before that, he'd stayed up meditating on the kyber crystal for her. And somehow, he'd managed to give her the best night of her life and still had enough energy left over to bring her more pleasure than she ever thought possible.

And he thought he didn't deserve _her_?

Ben's breathing deepened as sleep took him, but she continued to pour her love into him, even as he slept. Eventually, Rey fell asleep that way, warm and content, sheltered in his arms.

* * *

Rey slept better than she ever had and when she woke in the early morning, finding Ben so close, with his arm still draped over her, she couldn't resist touching him. She ran her fingers up and down his arm, over his biceps, his chest, down to the divot of his naval until he stirred. He sighed sleepily, not opening his eyes as he pulled her onto him. She bent to kiss his drowsy mouth, it was a slow, lazy kiss at first. But when she pressed herself fully against him, he groaned, a sound from some dreamy far-away place and his body awoke underneath her. They made love again and Rey was sure she would never want to leave his bed, _their_ bed again.

* * *

They both admitted they could use a few more minutes of rest and it seemed as soon as Rey drifted off, she was dreaming of the menagerie on Coruscant. She was lying on the grass next to Ben, her head resting on his arm, as they watched the butterflies dance overhead. He leaned over, kissing her and it felt so real, even the taste of him was right, but the dream was changing now, and the figure over her wasn't Ben anymore, but Kylo Ren.

His voice chilled her blood as it came through his mask. "When I am free of you, there will be no conflict." He was pressing his lightsaber against her neck, so close it buzzed in her ear like a swarm of bees.

Suddenly, the dream was torn away by a shockwave of sound and she was aware of herself in bed, with Ben's warm arms wrapped around her still.

Blaster fire issued from somewhere very close and Rey sat up straight. Thinking it was part of her nightmare, she turned to Ben. But he was also sitting up now. He'd heard it, too.

"What's going on?" she said, heart pounding in her chest.

"I don't know." Waves of dark Force were already rolling off of him, fear, anger, as he reached for his tunic.

With her eyes still heavy with sleep she gathered the sheets around her naked body and Force pulled her dress to her, the only clothing she had nearby. Voices carried from down the hallway and heavy footfalls were at the bedroom door before she'd managed to pull the dress over her head.

She was still half-tangled in the sheets when a familiar figure entered the room.

Finn stood in the doorway wearing a New Order officer's uniform, blaster drawn, as he darted a glance between her and Ben. She watched the recognition spread slowly across his features, his eyes growing wide in utter disbelief. Then, slowly the shock faded, and his lips twisted into a disgusted grimace. His eyes cut into Rey with all the hurt and pain of a broken promise and he raised the muzzle of the blaster, pointing it between her and Ben.


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's Note:** Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, your beautiful words and appreciation have continued to brighten my days.

Next chapter will arrive by Sunday to give myself a little wiggle room and also time to build my Kylo Ren Lego Tie Fighter. I bought it for my 5-year old… really!

 _Me: "No, it's not for me, it's for our son, he simply had to have this particular Lego set!"_

 _Mr. Sweetestcondition: *raises a suspicious eyebrow* "uh-huh"_

 _Me: "But just look at adorable little Kylo with his tiny lego lightsaber!"_

 _Mr. Sweetestcondition: "For our son... yeah." *smirks*_

 _Me: "Whatever, I work hard. I deserve this."_

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to finish preparing for the barrage of hate mail with this next chapter … please don't kill me, then we'll never find out how the story ends 😊

* * *

Finn stared down the barrel of his blaster at Ben, the weapon shaking erratically in his hands.

Rey felt his decision to pull the trigger just before she heard the blast.

"No!" The scream tore from her throat as the weapon discharged and she threw up a wall of Force in front of Ben.

The blaster bolt stopped in midair, buzzing with red plasma energy as it hung uselessly over the bed. Rey looked over to see Ben's outstretched hand – he'd stopped the bolt as she'd simultaneously set up a shield for him. Finn roared through clenched teeth as he unleashed three more shots at Ben, but each time, the bolt deflected into the wall.

Rey knew with their combined power, no blaster fire would ever get through, but that didn't mean there was no danger. She could already feel Ben's anger like a black hole, swallowing all of the light in him, churning with dark energy as he focused on Finn.

"Finn, stop!" Rey screamed. "Stop!"

Sweat was beading on Finn's forehead as he stared hard into her eyes. His voice was tense, teetering on the edge of violence again. "What are you _doing_ Rey?!"

He took a few steps toward Ben, then his eyes darted away, conflicted between wanting to kill him and wanting him to put some clothes on.

"Stop pointing that thing at him and maybe we can talk!" she yelled, fumbling for her dress and finally managing to slip it on.

"Stop pointing my blaster at him?! You mean at Kylo Ren? The enemy? I don't even – you are in bed with Kylo Ren?" Then he was rubbing his face, trying and failing to keep his composure. "What in the hell are you doing in bed with Kylo Ren?"

"Finn, listen to me. He's not the enemy. We are working on making things better."

But he wasn't hearing her, he was only talking to himself, wildly gesticulating with the blaster still in hand.

"Damn. This is bad. He's controlling you? You've lost your mind? Oh damn. I – "

Ben was seething now, completely shrouded in darkness and she wondered how Finn was still babbling on with the interruption in the Force so thick in the air around her.

"Stop, Finn… shut up and listen!"

"Listen to what? Why you are in bed with a _monster_? I don't want to hear it. He's got your head all messed up. Come on Rey, we are getting out of here."

When Ben finally spoke, his voice was deeper and more threatening than she'd ever heard it. "She's not going anywhere." Rey could feel those shadowy tendrils of dark possession curling through the Force around her.

She shuddered as his cold energy sent a sudden chill through her. She knew she needed to say something to keep this from escalating further.

"Finn, please. I love him."

Her words had the intended effect. Sort of. He dropped the blaster to his side as his jaw went completely slack. He was backing away now, shaking his head.

"No…" he said. "No, no, no." Then he turned his eyes on Ben. "You did something to her. What did you do to her?" His shoulders rose and fell with each strained breath as he continued to stare Ben down. Then he looked at Rey and pressed his lips together, coming to some decision before balling his fists and launching himself at Ben.

With a flick of his wrist, Ben had Finn pressed against the wall.

"How did you get out of your cell?" he asked, lip curled into a snarl.

Rey laid a calming hand on his arm, her voice was a strained whisper. "Stop. Please."

When Finn didn't answer, Ben only repeated himself. "How did you get out of your cell?"

With the darkness bleeding into her from his Force so close, Rey felt her blood growing cold in her veins. She breathed deeply, channeling her love for him, then letting him feel how much her friend meant to her.

Finn slid down the wall in an instant.

"Finn please, just tell us. That way we can help you," Rey said.

Finn's voice was still loud enough to echo off the walls as he responded. "Help me? _Help_ me? He just stuck me to the wall, Rey." Finn stabbed an accusing finger in Ben's direction.

"You shot at him!"

"He nearly killed me on Starkiller. He tried to kill _you,"_ She could see that this was going nowhere, but she had to make him understand that they were not the enemy.

"He's changed, Finn. I joined him to work on fixing the First Order. We can change it from the inside. We're going to get you out of here."

"Like hell you are," he said. "I've been rotting away in that cell for days waiting for you. And here you are…" he swallowed, eyes welling up with hurt, "here you are – "

But he didn't finish, couldn't finish, so he spun away and headed down the hall. Rey pulled her dress all the way down over her hips and untangled herself from the sheets. Then she called her lightsaber to her hand and clipped it to the loop at her waist before running after him.

"Finn, wait! You'll be killed out there if they find out who you are."

He whirled on her, having made it to the sitting room now. "Leia told me not to go after you, to trust that you know what you're doing here, but I didn't listen. I thought you were in trouble." His hand was pressed against his forehead. "But there's no way she knew about – about _that_." He gestured a wild hand toward the bedroom.

She swallowed, trying to collect her thoughts, trying to figure out what to say to convince him. Leia knew the truth. It was probably Leia who'd told Finn where to find her once he decided to go after her. How else would he know to check Ben's room? Rey knew Leia could feel the light growing in Ben as surely as she had herself, as surely as she'd felt his balance in the Force last night.

Rey suddenly realized exactly how much Leia probably didknow about… _that_ … as a Force sensitive… Oh stars, how was she going to ever look at Leia in the eyes again?

Rey raked a nervous hand through her hair.

"She knows, Finn. And she knew there was still light inside of Ben Solo. Kylo Ren is gone."

Finn looked over his shoulder down the hall, his voice just below a shout. "That sure looked a hell of a lot like Kylo Ren to me."

She closed her eyes, breathing deeply. "If you don't believe me, take me to Leia. She'll tell you the truth of it. She can sense our connection through the Force."

Finn shook his head. "You sound crazy, Rey. Flipped out, crazy."

She ignored the comment. "Is Leia with you?"

"She's already in the freighter with Chewie and the rest of the crew."

Chewie had come after all, then. He must have left Kashyyyk before receiving her second message. And he'd brought a crew? Rey had removed the instructions from the locker, though. So, this part didn't make sense. Where did he get a crew?

Rey narrowed her eyes at Finn. "What kind of crew?" she asked.

"Resistance sympathizers," he said. "Chewie came with them."

Rey breathed deeply, reaching out to the web of Force all around, trying to sense any familiar Force signatures nearby, any hint of deception, but she found nothing. She could feel Leia's presence, no longer in a cell, just as Finn said. So, she tried to reach out to her, touching her mind, a bright spot nearby. But Leia was difficult to get to from this far away. She needed more Force, so she called to the balance, seeing both sides of the web, dark and light and reached out once more, calling to Leia.

 _Are you already on the freighter with Chewie?_

Leia's response came faster than she thought it would. _Yes. Tell Finn to hurry, Chewie is getting antsy._

 _I'll try, but this isn't going well._

 _I told him to leave you be, but you know Finn. Tell him I'll explain everything._

Finn was losing patience, rocking back and forth on his feet and Rey sensed she was running out of time to convince him, so Rey broke away from her connection with Leia. This would work. Leia could make this right. Then her friends could leave, and they'd understand why she was doing this, and why she couldn't go with them. She could escort Finn to the freighter and Leia would tell him everything when they were somewhere safe – preferably somewhere far, far away.

The hard part was going to be getting Finn to the freighter safely, before he and Ben killed each other.

She turned to Finn, trying to explain what she wanted to do. "I can feel Leia's presence through the Force. She says she'll explain everything to you when we get there."

He rubbed his temples. "This whole Force thing is messing with my mind. What happened to you Rey? You're _different._ "

She took a step toward him, trying to make him see that she still cared. Making her eyes show her concern, her sincerity. "I've had to change to survive, the same as you," she said. "But I'm still the same person. Please trust me Finn. I can't leave with you, but I can escort you to the freighter. I'm trying to do the right thing, for everyone."

His scowl softened a bit before he turned and continued down the hall without giving her a response.

"Come on," he called over his shoulder.

It was a small comfort that at least he was allowing her to follow him into the dining room. All of the words she could have said to make Finn understand were still spinning around in her head, but nothing seemed to come together into a coherent explanation.

She was deep in thought and nearly tripped on an overturned platter near the dining table. Her heart jumped into her throat as she scanned the shining onyx floors, now littered with fallen pastries and silverware. Rey let her eyes search ahead, watching in horror as Finn stepped over a body lying face down in the middle of her fallen breakfast. Scanning farther, she saw his face, his perfect, angular nose now grotesquely mashed against the floor, his fine suit coat now stained with blood…

His name ripped from her throat in a desperate scream. "Quinn!"

She ran to him, tears already stinging her eyes, as she knelt to feel for the tick of a pulse in his neck.

Faint, but there.

She managed to yell for Ben through the vise of emotion tightening around her neck.

Rey leaned close to Quinn, brushing aside the carefully parted hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. They were closed, but she could feel his breath against her hand. He was still breathing. Oh stars, why was this happening?

She shook him gently, trying to rouse him to consciousness. "Quinn," her throat burned with her harsh whisper. "Quinn please."

But he was completely unresponsive. This could not be real. This was another nightmare and she was going to wake up in Ben's arms any minute. She closed her eyes, willing herself to wake up.

Please.

Please.

But the tears streaming down her cheeks felt far too real. The salty taste of them on her lips was evidence enough – this was no dream.

Fear ignited somewhere deep in her belly, spreading from that frozen chasm, tendrils of ice and darkness undulating in the air and she released it in one push, overturning the dining table as she choked on a sob.

She looked up at Finn from her knees, anger burning behind her eyes. "How could you? He was unarmed?!"

Finn didn't answer, though he'd taken several steps back now, eyes wide with fear.

Ben was still buttoning his pants as he emerged from around down the hall. When he fully turned the corner to the dining room, he froze, paling as recognition flooded him. A cold wave of Force shook the hanging tapestries and sent several books tumbling from their shelves and onto the floor.

A shadow crossed his features and he glared hard at Finn. "Get out."

His darkness was growing, a swirling gale of Force like a gathering storm. Finn was glancing between Ben and Rey with a confused frown, obviously not understanding that this was no ordinary First Order staff member he'd shot down, but her _friend._

Rey tried to choke back the anger that was bubbling within her, too, but that cold abyss was looming and with Ben already deep in the dark, and her fear so raw, it was almost painful to try to resist it. She was feeling Ben's emotions so much more intensely now, almost like the bond was tugging her in the same direction he was heading – into the Dark.

Finn clutched his blaster as Ben took a step toward him.

Another step and now, Finn was standing so still, Rey couldn't tell if Ben was holding him there with the Force or if he was really that terrified. But when Finn's eyes flitted to hers, she could see his fear. It reminded Rey of everything he'd risked for her. Finn's eyes, the eyes of a friend who'd saved her, too. He'd come back for her. Nearly sacrificed his life for her. This wasn't his fault.

She had to remind herself that Finn didn't know who Quinn was. He'd only been trying to get to her, thinking he was saving her. So Rey closed her eyes, reaching out for the warm feelings she had for Ben, for her friends, for Quinn, and she tried wielding it against Ben's rage.

But he didn't need it, Rey realized. He'd already stopped moving toward Finn. He was standing still, eyes closed reaching for his own light and then she watched him approach Quinn, instead.

Rey needed to get Finn out of here, and maybe Ben could help Quinn.

"Ben, you have to heal him. Please." She caught Ben's eyes, who was still battling the darkness, trying to keep himself from falling further.

Ben glanced at Finn again, looking pained. "Get him out, I can't…" he was trying so hard to keep it together. She could feel him gripping for the light again, trying to pull at it, the threads of brightness changing the web of Force between them. Though hope seemed distant with death hanging so close in the air, he was managing without her – barely. Rey sent him another wave of love and warmth through their bond. He breathed, shoulders heaving. "Please, I can't do it with him here."

"Where should we send them? Chewie and the others? They came on a freighter, where should we tell him to go?"

"Anywhere but where they intended to go, in case Kezzik knows their plan," Ben knelt on the other side of Quinn, feeling for a pulse as she had. He had a purpose now – healing. And it seemed to have calmed him further. "Kattada is nearby, there are Resistance sympathizers there."

"Your mother is already on the freighter," Rey said.

"I know."

Of course, he could sense her.

"Okay," Rey said. "I'll escort Finn to the ship, give Chewie their course, and meet you in the medical bay."

But Ben was already getting to work, stripping Quinn of his outer coat, peeling off the layers of scorched fabric to get access to his wound.

She closed her eyes, trying to center herself in the Force. She would not panic. Her friends needed her to keep a cool head. Quinn was in good hands.

Rey knew she might need to be discrete on the way to the freighter, ready to Force soothe any suspicious troopers between them and the ship. And she wanted to be fast, have them away and safe quickly. Then she could come back to check on Quinn.

Rey gave Quinn's shoulder one last hopeful squeeze before racing to the entry to dig through a familiar bag, finding her boots and stepping into them. A dress and boots, not the most inconspicuous choice. She found a hooded robe amidst her folded belongings and threw it on over everything. Better.

 _I love you._ She sent the words through their bond. Though his Force was nowhere near balanced, she felt a little more at ease as there was now some light creeping back in.

 _I love you, too._

She wanted to say more, but he was focused on sensing the status of Quinn's wound, so she turned to leave, trusting that he could help Quinn as he'd helped her that day on Crait.

Finn darted eyes between the three of them, and he shot her another look of revulsion before leading the way toward the front door.

How could he still be disgusted? He was the one who'd just shot an unarmed man. He was the one who'd just shot her friend.

As Rey followed him to the entry, her teeth were clenched so hard it made her jaw ache. But she had to remind herself, he didn't know. Finn didn't know how much they meant to her.

"Is Poe in the freighter, too?" she called after him.

"He's outside standing guard."

Oh kriff. Just who she really wanted to see next…

Balance. She needed to keep balance. She was still too far into the dark.

The door slid open and Poe gave her an angry sneer before she could even say hello. He was dressed identically to Finn, in New Order officer's garb, and he didn't speak as he took his place at Finn's side. Whoever's idea it had been to come get Rey, it hadn't been Poe's. He'd probably only agreed after Finn had begged him.

She considered apologizing to Poe, but thought better of it. It would be best to let Leia take care of it. She was far more eloquent and the two men trusted her.

Neither of them said a word to her as Finn led the way down the corridor, which was fine with her. Rey's mind was absolutely saturated with fear for Quinn and worry about getting them safely away from the Finalizer and she didn't trust herself to say anything, anyway.

They rode a turbolift down to the hanger level. Rey trailed behind the two men as they walked, trying to keep her distance to avoid any more arguments. It didn't help that the tension between them was palpable. The tendons in Poe's neck were sticking out angrily and Finn was white knuckling the blaster at his hip. Tension was probably an understatement. The only good thing about the entire walk to the hangar, was that no one seemed to care who they were or where they were going. It was still so early, the Finalizer's crew was mostly asleep. Very few troops were out in the corridors, and the few that did cross their path looked so tired, they didn't give Rey a second look.

As they approached the freighter, it became obvious that the ship Chewie had piloted must have had clearance. Maybe Chewie had been to the locker before she'd cleared it out, because the whole operation from the outside looked like an average cargo delivery.

Something struck her though, as she watched Finn and Poe stomp up the loading ramp…

Where were the Praetorian guard? Why hadn't they been at their posts outside of Ben's room?

She called to Finn from the bottom of the ramp. "Why were there no guards when you entered?"

Finn pulled a communicator from his pocket and she could swear her stomach hit the steel floor. She recognized the slate gray coloring, the angular line of its handle. No, no…

Finn waved the device in her direction as he answered. "Whoever helped Chewie with the clearance only had to speak to the guards through this and they left without a word."

Rey was immediately drenched in a cold sweat and her head felt slightly disconnected from the rest of her body.

She shook her head, backing up slowly with her hands in front of her. "No, we need to go back. This isn't right."

Finn scrunched his lips together with impatience.

"What's not right, Rey? The fact that you were in bed with Kylo Ren? I'm sorry, but if anything isn't right here, it's you."

"She was what?" Poe demanded.

"You heard me. Naked. In bed. With Kylo Ren."

Poe was down the ramp and in her face in a second. "If Leia hadn't told me to trust you, I would have left you here, and eventually I would not have thought twice about blowing this ship into a million pieces with you on it. After what you did to me in that cell…"

She needed to not be dealing with this right now. She needed to think. To speak with Ben. To get away from this freighter.

She had to consciously keep herself from Force soothing Poe if only to get him to back up and stop talking so loudly. But Rey knew from experience that it would only make it worse if he knew what she was doing.

"I'm so sorry. I had no choice." It was a pitiful excuse, but it was the truth.

"You ripped my mind apart, just like _he_ did. And now you are sleeping together?"

"Just listen Poe, I –"

But he cut her off, not letting her finish the thought. "So _are_ you mind controlled or just a traitor then?"

Rey swallowed against the emotion rising up again. If only they would _listen_ to her.

Darkness was churning everywhere now.

Balance. Balance.

Where was Leia?

She tried to find the words to make him believe her. "I joined Kylo Ren because I knew the person he used to be was still inside. Ben Solo. I agreed to lead the First Order, but only if we changed it. And we have, already," she said. "I know you don't trust me, but you have to – I"

"I don't have to do anything, and I don't like the way you are using the word _we_ to talk about you and the most repulsive being in the entire galaxy."

Those pinpricks of tears behind her eyes were becoming more insistent now. It hurt to hear them talk about Ben like this. But what did she expect? He _had_ been that horrible and wasn't she the only woman in the galaxy, besides his own mother, who could see the love he was truly capable of?

How could Rey let them board the ship when something didn't feel right? She needed to talk to them. She had to convince them.

"Poe please, something is very wrong with this. The Praetorian guard just leaves and now you have that?" She pointed to the communicator. "Which I think was given to you by someone very dangerous."

"Who, could be more dangerous than your new boyfriend?" Finn yelled. "Wake up Rey, we're leaving, and you can either stay here or come with us."

"Please Finn. I have a bad feeling. Who is on that ship with you? Where's Chewie? Leia?"

Poe walked up the ramp, grabbing onto Finn's arm. "Come on, this conversation is over."

She called after them, unable to mask the desperation in her voice. "You can't go to wherever that person wants to send you. You can't!"

The gentle rake of claws against her mind interrupted her thoughts, sending a cold shiver snaking up her spine.

Then, the claws found purchase, prying her open and she heard a familiar, husky voice coming from everywhere. _They_ can _go, and so will you, Rey._

No. This was not happening.

 _Mmmmm, it's so dark in here._

No. No. No.

 _I missed you,_ Kezzik purred. _Get on the ship, Rey._


	28. Chapter 28

**Author's Note:** Well, insomnia has its perks as I have the chapter up early 😊 I love the strong feelings this story is evoking and at least I can be sure people aren't bored! It seems the #SaveQuinn movement is in full force, along with team #DirtbagKezzik who are out for blood. LOL.

Thank you again, to all of my amazing readers, what a lovely community of people you are, truly! Next chapter by Monday (as it seems I can't sleep until this story is finished). As always, drop me a comment and tell me what you think!

* * *

Rey scanned the entire hangar as she reached out through the Force, trying to get a handle on where Kezzik was, but she couldn't feel him at all. Why couldn't she sense him?

Finn and Poe were now at the top of the ramp, staring down at her, likely waiting to see what decision she'd come to, climb aboard or go back to Kylo Ren.

 _Ben!_ She was practically screaming the words through their bond. _Kezzik is here!_

 _He can't hear you. He's busy._

How was that possible? How was Kezzik blocking him out?

 _Snoke had more than one apprentice, Rey. One far less conflicted and more gifted in matters of the mind._

No.

Rey could not let Kezzik get control of her again. This was not going to happen.

Kezzik's voice crackled through Finn's communicator. "Climb aboard gentlemen."

Finn gave Rey one last hard glare before he and Poe finished climbing the loading ramp. They were leaving. She could feel Leia within, still a calm presence. Maybe Kezzik wasn't even here. Maybe he was messing with her.

 _Would you care to test that theory?_

What did he want from her?

 _Get on the ship now. I don't want to hurt you or your friends._

What _did_ he want then?

 _I already told you what I want, Rey. Now, you can either come with me and save your friends or you can refuse and I'll rip their minds apart._

The threat to her friends tipped the scales of her Force and a sudden flood of darkness rushed to fill the broken spaces inside of her. Rey gathered that fear, now flowing like an electric current, ignited her lightsaber, and charged aboard the ship. She would call Kezzik's bluff and if he _was_ onboard, she would cut him to pieces.

She charged past Finn and Poe into the belly of the freighter where she nearly collided with the other five Knights of Ren. They were standing in a circle, hands extended, heads bowed in concentration. They wore mismatched flight suits and crew jackets, making them look like a rag tag collection of Resistance sympathizers, but Rey knew them for what they really were. Lethal.

All at once, the Knights dropped their hands and opened their eyes. As they did, it was as though a thick blanket was lifted all around and the Force signatures of all the Knights were visible to her. They'd managed to disguise their presence in the Force. She hadn't even realized such a thing was possible. But now she saw them – Ledo, Volas, and Mar as dark as night, Bosma and Den like twilight, obscured, but with those corners of light like Ben's old signature, and Kezzik – Kezzik as icy cold and pitch black as the deepest void she could imagine.

He was close and Rey was going to kill him.

"Stop," Ledo stepped in front of her, staring her down. "You're a traitor, Rey. Your friends counted on you."

Rey looked over her shoulder to find Finn and Poe who'd just entered, staring wide-eyed at her. She realized how she must look, brandishing her lightsaber, now bright red with her hate, in the faces of their would-be rescuers.

"She's been in bed with the enemy," Ledo said, "Now she wants to stop your rescue?"

Both Finn and Poe pointed their weapons at her in a simultaneous gesture that only fueled her hate for Kezzik.

Finn held his other hand out, gesturing for her weapon. "Give it to me, Rey. You're not yourself."

At that moment Rey felt an echo of pain through the Force. Leia was nearby, her cry was unmistakable. She was being hurt.

 _Here's where you surrender to me, Rey._

But surrender was the farthest thing from Rey's mind as hate coiled around her limbs, strengthening her. She was humming with dark Force now and it fueled her body with a jolt of power. She dodged Ledo easily and sprinted down the corridor. Footsteps pounded the floor behind her, but Rey reached Leia first. She was lying on a bunk with her eyes closed. Kezzik, dressed in a black New Order flight suit, had his hand on her forehead and didn't even bother to look up.

Rey gathered her rage at the man sitting before her, and charged. Her Force flared so intensely as she brought her lightsaber down, she was sure it would strike true, right across Kezzik's neck.

But her swing stopped just as it began to arc downward, as though her arm was being held by a dozen invisible hands. She turned to see the Knights of Ren standing in the corridor behind her. Suddenly the sensation of a dozen invisible hands made much more sense and she screamed in frustration.

Poe and Finn entered next, still pointing their blasters in her direction.

Rey was paralyzed with her arm over her head mid-swing, shuddering. Even with the tempest of darkness churning inside of her, she was trapped in the Knights' steely restraint.

Slowly, Kezzik stood to face her, pulling her lightsaber out of her frozen hand and flicking it off.

"Thank you, gentlemen." He nodded to Finn and Poe as he clipped her lightsaber to his belt. "I think Rey's been under some kind of mind control, I'll work on her and let you know soon, how she fares. Tell Chewbacca to set a course for Balmorra. We'll meet up with the Resistance there."

She could shout a thousand warnings, but not one of them would make a difference. She knew Kezzik had her. Six Force users against one and her friends thought she was a traitor. They wouldn't believe her. She'd only be wasting her breath.

Finn and Poe left the room and the Knights continued to stand guard, holding her entire body in the grip of their Force. She struggled again, trying to free herself, reaching out to control the energy around her, but with all six of them focused on a common goal, it was a fruitless effort. With their collective power, the room was practically frozen over, the cold seeping into every last corner.

Rey's voice was nearly choked off by rage when she tried to speak. "When Ben finds out what you are doing, you're going to –"

"Going to what, Rey? Be sorry?" Kezzik's sardonic laugh made her blood boil. "Trust me, Ben Solo has bigger problems right now. It seems there's been something of a mutiny on the Finalizer."

She bit down hard, trying to keep from shrieking in frustration as everything seemed to come crumbling down around her.

Hux.

"You're working with General Hux," she said. Rey never trusted Hux, but he'd been so quiet as of late. She should have seen it. "Jeel, too then?" But she knew now, she understood everything. "It wasn't Jeel who poisoned me, who forged the order, it was you. You were working with them all along."

"Now you're starting to see." His voice carried a vile kind of sweetness that made her want to gag. "I am sorry about the poisoning, but I needed to see inside of your mind. And I did bring you the antidote. If I wanted to kill you, I would have done it then." He smiled, as if he'd been doing her a favor. She wanted to spit in his face, but she knew what that would get her. A tighter Force grip from the Knights.

The freighter quaked as it lifted off and she heard Finn's voice on the communicator in Kezzik's pocket. Kezzik pulled it out to answer, giving directions to a facility on Balmorra and describing where to find the proper clearance codes to get by the orbiting patrols. As Kezzik was distracted, Rey found herself slipping farther and farther into despair, that dark abyss pulling her into a vortex of utter desolation.

She wanted to sob. She wanted to collapse and cry and give in. How could she possibly come out of this? Six of them against her, plus Finn and Poe. She was already sapped from her heavy use of the dark side of the Force, and from the continued mental effort required to change the New Order. She was exhausted from it all and what was the point? It was meaningless. Now her friends didn't believe her, Leia was vulnerable, Quinn could be dead for all she knew, and Ben… now Ben was dealing with Hux and whatever coup he was involved with. Kezzik had even managed, with the Knights of Ren, to find a way to stifle their Bond. It was all too much. The tears stung her eyes as the Knights watched Rey reveal the truth of herself: vulnerable, helpless, weak.

What would Ben think if he knew Kezzik had managed to lure her aboard his ship?

But she knew the answer to that question. He would blame himself and he would fall into that dark place again.

The thought of it was more sickening than anything else Rey could imagine.

She could not allow that. She _would_ not allow that. She was tired of being fooled. Tired of being used. And tired of having her every thought laid out like a map for Kezzik. She remembered how she'd felt last night, as she and Ben held hands rushing to his room, overcome with love and desire. She remembered feeling that moments like those with Ben were worth fighting for. Those moments were worth _everything._

So, Rey vowed that she was going to fight.

She and Ben had something no one else did and she was not giving it up so easily. She'd discovered the true reach of their power last night as she found balance. She needed to control her rage and balance it with love. That was the only way to fight against this dark control Kezzik was trying to wield against her.

Balance.

Balance.

It was a song of light and dark twining through the Force and she wrapped herself in its protection.

With that balance, Rey pulled down a wall across her mind, darkness and light, cold and warmth – harmony, both sides of the web of Force protecting the delicate reaches of her mind. And when she knew she was safe inside, she opened a small space for Kezzik. She had to try to keep her private thoughts private, while maintaining some space for them to communicate. She would make him think she was submitting, that he had won.

She couldn't win in a physical fight against six force users, especially not while trying to keep her friends safe. But there were other ways to resist. She could bide her time, allow Ben to find his way off the Finalizer. She trusted his power, he would do anything to get to her. She knew that truth to the core of her being.

There may be other allies, too. Bosma and Den, she might be able to get through to them. If Ben was right about their allegiances, maybe they could be swayed. Leia, if she woke up. Chewie had no idea what was going on in the cockpit, maybe she could talk to him, too. She had allies. She had her own abilities. She just needed more time, and she would buy that time, by pretending to yield to Kezzik.

Kezzik stuffed the communicator into his pocket and turned to look at Rey.

 _Well Rey, will you surrender to me?_ His frozen claws were there, but not as insistent as before. He wasn't trying to fully control her, not yet. It was interesting that he was not forcing her surrender. Did he want to see if she would choose to go with him of her own volition?

Then she understood. His ego, his loss of Samra, his desire for power, he wanted all of it without using mind control. He wanted to take her from Ben without _needing_ to poison her mind. It would be much more fulfilling that way. And she would use that vast ego of his to her advantage.

She sighed, projecting her most defeated attitude to him and spoke into that small space she'd left for him. _Alright, Kezzik,_ she said. _You win._

Kezzik motioned for the Knights to finally drop their hold on her, and he moved closer. He caught her arm in his grip as it dropped, stepping closer again until she could feel his hot breath against her cheek. Kezzik waved the Knights away, and they filed out of the bunk toward the main bay of the freighter.

Then, Kezzik slowly moved her arm, placing her hand over his heart as he stared into her eyes.

She felt her own heartbeat quicken as fear gathered at the back of her mind, but she maintained balance, she couldn't let her revulsion show through. It would only anger him. So instead, she projected something she thought he might like to sense from her. A heart beating faster not from fear but from exhilaration at his touch. She could do more than just comply, she could feign conflict – reluctant attraction. He would like that, she was sure. She'd felt his lingering touches, his roaming gaze enough times to know he would find such feelings in her compelling.

That roguish grin made its appearance again and she knew she had him.

 _I knew you felt something for me. The way your heart was thundering when we danced together._ He licked his lips. _And you made it so easy that night on Coruscant. Hardly a fight._

What did he mean? Made what so easy? She swallowed the bile rising up in her throat, but she maintained her thoughts, controlled, balanced.

Rey tried to change the subject, turning back to Leia as she filled that little space in her mind with concern. Leia still hadn't stirred since she'd entered the room.

 _She'll be fine._ Kezzik's voice was a low growl in her head as he stood only inches away. _It's just a scratch._ His claws searched for gaps in her mental shields again, but her inner walls held, his darkness unable to bleed through.

But Rey recognized his attempt to control her, to make Rey believe Leia was fine. With her inner shield still intact, she knew the truth. Kezzik had done something to Leia.

Rey could see now, that her resistance to his mind control was working. She was keeping him out. She was making her own truth. _She_ was finally the one playing _him._

"She'll be fine," Rey echoed blankly, ensuring Kezzik's confidence in his abilities to control her.

An awkward moment passed between them, with Kezzik still holding onto her hand, though it was clear his thoughts had turned to something else as he stared at the wall. Was he sensing something?

"What are you doing with the prisoners?" she asked, trying to distract him.

"Right after they go on holocam denouncing the Resistance as a useless group of rebels, I plan to release them," he paused looking down at her. "If you play nice."

She narrowed her eyes. "There's no way they would ever…"

Her eyes widened with realization. He was going to mind control them, use them as puppets. If Leia said the Resistance was dead, then the galaxy would believe it.

"Now you're catching on," he said. "And you, Rey. You are going to go on holocam with the true story of what happened to our late Supreme Leader."

Rey felt his icy talons again, trying to wrench her open, so she put up a mock-fight. Even going as far as to close her eyes, grunting as she tried to keep the tiny room closed. She couldn't make it look easy or he would suspect something.

Finally, she relented, letting him take the small space she'd carved for him. He filled the vestibule of her mind with his frozen lies and she finally knew what Kezzik was _really_ after.

 _Poor Snoke, murdered by his own student, Kylo Ren. What a sad story, then that monster forced himself on you, controlling you. You are so lucky the Knights were there for you, to see through the ruse. To set you free and to take back the First Order. The New Order was a lie all along._

When his grip on her mind loosened, she spoke. "You were there for me," she said, playing her role perfectly, looking into Kezzik's eyes, trying her best to appear completely glazed over. "Thank you."

 _You are forever in my debt. Aren't you?_

"Yes," she said. She did not like where this was going as he took another step closer to her, a predatory look in his eyes.

The unmistakable whine of a TIE engine reverberated through the walls of the freighter and Kezzik was pushing away from her, scrambling to investigate. He'd obviously not planned on having any company at this point in his plan. Was this what he'd sensed earlier?

She used the interruption as a chance to reach out to Ben again. She was shocked to find him nearby. She could feel him, darkness and light. Balance. It was him on the TIE.

 _Ben. Kezzik is taking us to Balmorra._

 _Are you alright?_ His voice wasn't frantic, she could feel his fear, but he was in control.

 _Yes. You?_

 _Yes. I've got Quinn. Sorry I took so long. We had a problem with –_

Then, it was as if their bond was strangled somehow and Kezzik was back.

"Your captor is trying to steal you away, my lady."

Those icy talons, pressing, prodding…

"We can't allow that," she said, the lies falling easily from her tongue now.

"No, we can't, but I've saved a little something for him."

Then Kezzik clamped a hand down on her arm, filling that little vestibule of her mind and following that glowing thread that was her bond with Ben. How did he know where to find their bond? How did he know how to control it? Had Snoke worked with him on this too?

A dark alley, the stink of human waste, and Rey was standing against the wall. It was Kezzik's memory now. He was projecting it between them, straight down the fiber that connected them.

 _Here's where we find out what Ben Solo really thinks of our night together._

She felt something like a flinch down the bond, but Ben's reaction seemed far away with the memory taking up so much space. She knew there wasn't anything good to be found in that fetid alley, but if she resisted, Kezzik would know his mind control wasn't working. If he didn't have the upper hand with her, desperation would force him to be even crueler. He would find another way to separate her and Ben and try to twist the New Order from him.

She had to trust. Trust that Ben could handle himself. Keep his balance.

The memory strengthened, like a swarm of light collecting, vague sensations gathering into the full experience of Kezzik's memory. She felt Kezzik's heartbeat as he had her against the wall in the alley. He was enjoying every second of it. Every inch of him pressed against her, dark desire coursing through him.

"Rey, let me help you," he said. He reached out, brushing a gentle hand down her cheek. Skin, so soft, supple. Her Force so close underneath his fingertips. He wanted to touch more. "I can help you save your friends, like I wish someone could have helped me."

Kezzik's thoughts flitted to Samra, her dark eyes, filled with fear as she was murdered. And Kezzik had to bottle some of that anger, or he knew it would overwhelm Rey completely. He let her feel it in subtle waves, a fraction of what it truly was to him, before he found some control and pulled the anger back. He felt her soften, empathize even, with his loss. "You know what I want," he said.

Rey searched for the answer, her thoughts settling on a word. Power.

"No," he said.

Kezzik felt a rush of exhilaration as he made one last push, finally reaching fully into Rey's mind. It wasn't as dark as he'd suspected. Instead, her mind was filled with something like a lightly dappled sunlight, as though he were sitting under the leaves of a large oak on a sunny day. Shadow and light all at once. But she was afraid now, and the light was slowly being strangled by her fear, her anger.

Kezzik channeled a soothing caress of cold control and felt her immediate response.

She was his.

It was too easy. Was it possible a part of her really wanted this? Wanted him? Or was she really so distracted by her friends?

He cupped her cheek, pulling her close. Her smell was intoxicating, a summer day back home and he wanted so much to taste her. He offered up his hurt and felt her respond with her own.

She froze, doubt creeping into her mind, along with _his_ name. Kezzik had to suppress a growl, why was it always _him_ in the way? But a few simple words of control and he had her again.

 _Ben Solo doesn't love you._

He captured her mouth in his before she could resist, tasting every part of her, letting his control seep into every crevice of her mind. Then, he gradually eased his influence as he felt her body naturally respond to him. He deepened their kiss before fully releasing his hold on her mind and she kissed him back. Her small hand tugged on his robes, pulling him closer, sending a jolt of desire pulsing through him. He touched her hips, her waist, tasting her lips and feeling her body. She felt good. So warm and good and he wanted all of it.

She would be his. She _and_ the New Order and there was nothing Ben Solo could do about it.

As Kezzik pulled away from the memory, Rey felt a shock of anger, hurt, rage through the bond – a dark blast of Ben's Force and a desperate cry of anguish.

Rey sent him the strongest wave of love she could muster while still maintaining those inner walls. She couldn't let Kezzik hear her thoughts.

 _Ben that's not me, that's not what I want. You know he was controlling me._

But there was no response. Kezzik had somehow strangled their connection again and she was left with guilt.

Ben had to know that it was Kezzik. He'd controlled her. Manipulated her. She'd been hurt, confused, and stupid. So stupid. She'd made the worst mistake of her life, but she'd been mind controlled. She only hoped Ben would trust her. She'd tried to tell him everything when she apologized, only she couldn't remember it all. She couldn't remember _this._

Kezzik had stolen away this very memory. So, he could use it to rip Ben away from her and the entire New Order would be next.

Balance, she reminded herself.

Rey did not react outwardly. She hid the pain, the guilt, because she was supposed to be under Kezzik's control.

Kezzik let his green eyes roam over her face, down to her lips as he spoke. "Our first kiss," he said, his mouth turning up into a wicked smile.

Did he really believe that any part of that was okay? He'd even tried to convince himself that she _wanted_ him. Kriff, he was sick. Now, having seen the whole thing through his eyes, she truly understood how disturbed he was.

But Rey only smiled back, a dreamy, naïve sort of expression as she let him take her hand.

"Our kiss will crush him," he said. "Poor Ben Solo. He could never love you. Trapped in his own mind with all of that conflict, he's practically useless."

His eyes were far away and Rey wondered if he was thinking about Samra or if he was only focused on his current goal, wrenching the New Order away from Ben.

He pulled the communicator from his pocket and made an order. "Make the jump to light speed."

Rey kept her thoughts private as the pit in her stomach filled with guilt and anger at herself for letting this happen. This could not be how Kezzik wins. How he rips them apart.

No. It wouldn't be.

Balance.

She and Ben were stronger than this. She remembered their balance last night, strong enough to move the unmovable.

Rey filled that vestibule of her mind with hurt for Ben, which Kezzik would be expecting, and though it made her nauseous, she remembered to include conflicted feelings, a warm reaction to Kezzik's touch, a curiosity at the feeling of his hand wrapped around hers. Through the balance in the Force she maintained all of this while gripping tightly to a deep love within those strong inner walls.

Rey was fully in control now.

With her love for Ben, she filled that pit inside of herself with hope. Trust and hope in him. He had understood before and he would understand now. Last night, being so close to him, feeling his body, his thoughts, his whole being as though they were one, she knew he wouldn't be swayed. Ben was far from useless as Kezzik had said. His love had only increased his power.

They were going to crush Kezzik and they were going to do it together. Ben would arrive on Balmorra unexpectedly. Then, at the right moment, Kezzik would see just how powerful Ben Solo's love could be and he would be sorry he ever tried to get between them.


	29. Chapter 29

**Author's Note:** Hello beautiful people, here we are again and Happy Monday to you! Thanks for sticking around on this wild ride and thank you as always for your wonderful comments.

I'm shooting for Thursday for next chapter. I'm pretty sure I'm getting carpal tunnel syndrome from the amount of typing I've been doing lately, but it's all for Reylo so it's worth it. Also, Legos are hard. If it was just me building, Kylo may never have his TIE. But I have supreme faith in my 5-year-old.

* * *

Kezzik watched Rey closely during the first half of their trip to Balmorra. But after she'd shielded her mind for hours, only projecting her grudging submission, he seemed to let up a bit. He thought he had her completely controlled, so he gave her more space and began speaking with the other Knights in the freighter.

Rey lay in the bunk across from Leia, as she listened to Kezzik's boots slap the floor down the corridor. She kept her inner walls up as she reached out with the Force, enhancing her senses to hear the discussion he'd started with someone in the next cargo bay. He was detailing their landing on Balmorra to Ledo. He explained that Hux had ordered the Finalizer into orbit around the planet, that the old Resistance base, already cleared out by the Knights' squadron, would serve as their holo broadcast location. Rey listened intently, storing away any useful details for later.

She knew his plans. Now she needed allies. She had to get through to Leia.

First, she would have to figure out what Kezzik had _done_ to her. He'd already used his mind control to proclaim to Rey that Leia was fine. But Rey knew whatever he'd done was more than "a scratch" as he'd called it, and she reached out through the Force to Leia's mind to discover the truth while he was distracted.

She caught a tiny hint of Leia's Force, but it was buried – entombed within a frozen shell of darkness. Rey had experienced a Force induced sleep herself, thanks to her first encounter with Kylo Ren, but this was something deeper. More like a hibernation.

If Rey tried to unravel Kezzik's Force hibernation and woke Leia, she risked him immediately sensing Leia again. Then he would know Rey wasn't truly under his control, either.

Rey's thoughts were jarred by Bosma's soft voice in the front of her mind. _Rey, we won't have long to talk while Kezzik is distracted._

She paused, not knowing if she should trust him, so she remained quiet.

 _Please tell me you're still in there,_ Bosma said.

 _I'm here._ She didn't know if she should tell him more. What if he ran to tell Kezzik immediately?

But Rey was tired of waiting. Anticipating bad things happening but not being able to stop them. No. She would not be waiting for Bosma to control this interaction. She was tired of letting things _happen._ She was going to control this. She would find out whose side Bosma was on right now.

She pulled on both sides of the Force, walking the line of balance, then pushed hard into Bosma's mind. Conflict. Fear. Anger. Loyalty. Rey sifted through the thoughts. Loyalty to whom? Then she felt Bosma relax, giving her access to the thoughts she wanted, and she could see each memory in visions and pictures.

When Rey centered her search on the idea of loyalty, a particular memory surfaced. She was seeing through Bosma's eyes, sensing the world through his experience, and the smell of smoldering flesh filled his nostrils. It was Bosma's own flesh. Pain like a jolt of lightning shot up from his leg, over and over with each beat of his heart, as he lay prone and vulnerable. Resistance fighters droned overhead. He was dying. Even the Force had failed him. This was the only truth he was really sure of in his last moments alive.

Bosma knew Kezzik had heard him call his name, but he'd only walked away. Not surprising. Kezzik had always thought he was weak. It would probably be a relief to be rid of him.

He turned his head to see dead First Order troops littering the ground nearby. He would be joining them soon.

Bosma's eyes burned hot with tears. He hadn't allowed himself to cry in years. But here, inside of his combat mask, pain tearing him apart, he allowed himself this moment of weakness before he became one with the Force.

Another nearby blast sent dirt and debris raining onto his already mangled leg and the world started to tilt. A shadow from behind the wall of smoke drew near and Bosma was ready for whoever it was to end his suffering. The masked figure approached and knelt beside him – it was Kylo Ren. Fitting that it would be Master of the Knights of Ren who ended him.

Kylo reached one hand to his mangled leg and bowed his head. The other, he used to remove Bosma's mask before spreading his fingers across his forehead. Bosma winced as Kylo Ren entered his mind, but relaxed as he realized the touch of his Force was not painful. Darkness moved through his thoughts and he understood Kylo was placing a wall around his pain. When he finished, the pain still throbbed in time to his pulse, but it was bearable.

Then, Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren and heir to the First Order, lifted Bosma over his shoulders and carried him back to their shuttle.

Bosma let the memory fade.

Rey's mouth hung slack as she stared at the wall. _You want to help us,_ she finally said.

 _Yes,_ he said, his voice insistent. _I'm sorry I didn't do anything sooner, Kezzik has grown powerful. He would kill me the first chance he got if Kylo wasn't around. Den is with us, too. Though Kylo never spoke of it, I know he understands our conflict, whereas Kezzik only sees weakness._

A huge weight was lifted from Rey. She was not alone on this ship anymore.

Rey twisted the precious ring around her finger, feeling the Force of Ben bleed through the crystal and into her for a moment, letting herself believe that maybe they really did have a chance.

 _I need to get through to Leia,_ she said.

 _I'm not used to working with Resistance sympathizers._

 _Neither is Kylo,_ she said.

She had to convince him. She knew this was the only way to handle Kezzik. They needed all the allies they could get. And Leia, sensitive in the Force and with a deep connection to Ben, would be invaluable with their bond currently severed.

 _If I wake her from the Force-hibernation to speak with her,_ Rey said, _I need you to stifle her signature for the rest of the journey. Kezzik cannot know she is awake but I don't have the strength to resist him and attend to her at the same time. Since Kezzik has cut me off from Kylo, I need Leia to communicate with him. I also need her to know what's going on so she can talk to my friends when the time comes._

 _So it's true then,_ Bosma said. _That you were with the Resistance._

 _Yes. But now I'm with you._ She let him feel the truth of her words as best she could.

The silence was thick around her and she heard her own pulse in her ears as she waited for his response.

 _If Kylo Ren trusts you, then so do I,_ he finally said.

 _Then will you do it?_

 _Yes._

* * *

Finn, Poe, and Chewie kept their distance from her and Rey was happy to give them space. Rey entered the main hangar bay and sat with the other Knights for a while, but getting nothing but Ledo's cold stares and Kezzik's fleeting glances, she became quickly tired of keeping her rock solid inner walls up, so she retreated to the bunk again. No one else visited besides Kezzik who came to check on her periodically.

Each time he entered the bunk he also took over that little space in her mind, and each time Rey made it a little bit easier for him to gain access. He had to trust her enough to leave her alone if she was going to talk with Leia, which meant she had to feign trust in him.

The last time Kezzik came, she opened the little vestibule to her mind completely before she even felt his claws, making it seem like she'd completely submitted herself to him.

He smiled at that, crossing to where she sat on the bunk and kneeling in front of her. "Do you finally see I don't mean to hurt you?"

She nodded.

"The only person I need gone is Kylo Ren. There's room for you in the Knights of the Order. That's what I mean to call us when Ren is destroyed." His eyes shone with excitement at the idea. "The First Order will be restored and this group of Knights will be the vessel of its justice."

He reached for the fabric of her robe, brushing it aside before finding the purple silk of her dress below. He twisted it between his fingers before he looked up into her eyes. "I want you to let me continue your training. You improved so much in your saber skills after only a few days with me. Imagine what you could become given adequate time."

He wasn't using mind control now. Again, he wanted her to accept his offer of training without the need for his forced persuasion. He wanted to win these head games against Ben. To take every part of her from him.

Rey was mentally prepared to give him what he wanted, stroking his ego as she did it. "You're a skilled teacher," she said, not bringing her eyes to his, playing coy. "I felt stronger after your lessons. I felt powerful… among _other_ things."

He leaned closer. "Oh, do tell, my lady. What _other_ things did you feel?"

She projected a memory for him, twisting it to his liking. She showed him the moment after they'd been sparring, when he'd caught her off guard and had his lightsaber pressed against her neck. She remembered the electricity of his touch. Now she knew it for what it was, a trick of his mind. But she could still remember the way it felt, so she let him experience it through her eyes, her breathless surprise, a skip of a heartbeat, and the desire to feel that touch again.

Kezzik couldn't keep the smile from his lips as he pulled back out of her mind. "I'll take that as you accept?"

"Take it for whatever you like," she said, raising a flirtatious eyebrow.

He bit down on his lower lip and Rey knew he was enjoying this. Her distraction had hopefully allowed enough time for Bosma to do some talking with Den or Chewie.

Back on Jakku, she would have never risked using a man's desire for her body as a weapon. She was outnumbered and had no resources then. But now with the Force of her love, faith in her own abilities, and new allies, it was a risk she could take because she knew she had a chance of fighting back. And Kezzik seemed positively starved for the attention of a woman. Pair that with his ego and it was almost too easy to take advantage of it.

But Rey was also wary of going too far, for fear of where it might lead. So, she pressed a hand to her head and let out a low whimper.

"Headache?" Kezzik asked.

He knew full well what his mind control could do to a person, so he shouldn't be surprised. She'd experienced those side effects herself. The memory of her night spent retching on the bathroom floor was still too fresh.

"Yes," she said, contorting her face in a nauseous wince, "I feel like I might vomit."

"Lie back and rest for a while," he said, his voice suddenly taking on a protective tone that really did make her stomach turn. As if he actually _cared_ what all of this mind control could possibly do to her. But Rey knew he was twisted. He'd distorted the memory of the alleyway so fully, convincing himself that Rey wanted his advances just because her body reacted to him under the mind control. Rey wasn't surprised he actually saw himself as deserving of her, as a caring partner.

"Rest," he said, the icy control returning to his command. He ran his hand up and down her arm in a gentle caress, before turning to leave.

But Rey had no intention of resting.

 _Bosma, I'm going to do it now_ , she said, as soon as Kezzik was gone.

 _Okay, I'm ready._

Rey crossed the room to kneel by Leia and placed a hand on her forehead. She'd never done anything like this, but she could feel Kezzik's influence around Leia's mind, like frozen petals wrapped around a delicate bud. If she could only peel back the outer layers of his Force, she knew Leia was inside. Rey worked carefully, carefully prying away each thin sheet of his influence on her mind until she felt Leia stir beneath her fingers.

Leia's unmistakable light shone through for just a split second before she felt Bosma's Force around Leia's body, a shroud to stifle that warmth of her Force signature.

Leia opened her eyes, blinking a few times before recognition flooded her.

"If anyone comes in, you need to pretend to be in hibernation still."

Leia grunted her understanding, still unable to find her voice.

Rey spoke quickly, not knowing how much time they had. She explained everything – Kezzik's plan for them to denounce the Resistance and cast Ben as a traitor, Kezzik's mind control, and her fake submission. "So if you see me do something… unnatural with Kezzik that is the reason."

Leia closed her eyes again. "I sense a presence around me," she said, her voice raspy with sleep.

"That's Bosma, he's shielding your Force from Kezzik. He cannot know you are awake. You can trust the one with the shaved head and the beard, that's Bosma, and the brawny blonde, that's Den."

"I felt them, just before their leader, Kezzik controlled me. But those two are conflicted."

"And loyal to Ben. You know I love him, Leia. He's changed, he's –"

"Balanced," she finished. Then she reached a hand to cup Rey' cheek, gazing at her with a soft understanding, so many unspoken words behind those eyes. "How can I thank you for what you've done for my son?"

"Don't thank me yet. Kezzik has shown Ben something terrible that I did while under his mind control and I'm worried he won't understand. I trust Ben, but… it's just so horrible."

The pained cry Ben had released just before their bond was stifled had echoed again and again in her ears. She knew it had broken his heart to see Kezzik's twisted version of that memory. And the thought of him agonizing over it would be enough to break her, too, if she let herself think about it too long. Rey pushed hard against those pinpricks of tears that were threatening just behind her eyes.

A small smile gradually crept across Leia's lips. "He will understand. When you find that right person to bring you balance, you can forgive almost anything."

Leia's eyes grew glossy as she stared up at the ceiling. When she looked back again, her gaze cut into Rey – it was painfully obvious who she was thinking of. Rey could not even imagine that kind of hurt. That kind of loss.

"I'm so sorry," Rey said. "I know Ben's sorry, too. He wasn't –"

"I know, Rey. I know."

She tried to regain her composure, taking a deep breath and pushing those emotions away. There would be time for apologies later.

"Finn and Poe think I'm a traitor. They saw me – " Oh stars, how was she going to explain this? "Finn walked in on Ben and I," she swallowed again, trying to unstick the words in her throat. "He walked in on us together and he doesn't understand." She rubbed her face, trying to hide the blush warming her cheeks.

Leia wore an amused half-smile as she reached for Rey's hand. "Rey, you don't need to be embarrassed. I'm happy for you. For Ben. To know love, it's…" her lip trembled as emotion flooded her, "I'm so glad he found you. I tried so hard to convince Ben he was loved by his family, but with Snoke's hold on him I could never get through."

Her eyes held a mischievous sparkle when she continued. "And don't worry, I know how to silence the Force for purposes of… privacy." She even offered a little wink and now Rey's ears were burning with embarrassment.

Rey struggled to collect herself and think of anything but Ben's bedroom and the most glorious night of her entire life.

She had to concentrate, there were a few more things to ask of Leia. "Finn only knows Kylo Ren," she said. "Poe, too. Do you think at some point, when the time is right, can you explain everything? They won't listen to me."

"I think I can get through to them." Leia squeezed her hand.

"Not now, but maybe once we're on Balmorra. I don't want Kezzik to see they've suddenly changed their minds about me until the very last second. Then he might suspect I'm not under his influence."

Leia nodded her understanding.

"And when we arrive on Balmorra, I need you to try to reach out to Ben and tell him what's going on. Kezzik has managed to stifle our connection. Tell him I love him. That I'm sorry."

Leia smiled and pushed herself to sit. Though Leia's arms were shaky, she managed to wrap Rey in a warm embrace. "Thank you, Rey." Her voice was controlled, yet held a thousand emotions all at once. The voice of a general, a mother, and a widow. A person who'd seen so much sadness, but who had managed to hang onto hope above all else. Rey could only strive to be half the woman she was.

At least now, Rey felt more confident that she was moving in the right direction.

* * *

Bosma continued to wrap Leia in that Force-obscuring hold and Kezzik was none the wiser. He'd come into the bunk a few times, but Bosma always warned Rey of his approach allowing her time to project a calming rest in her mind and he'd only turned around to busy himself elsewhere.

Bosma's voice was insistent as it cut through into Rey's mind this time. _He's coming._

She echoed the warning to Leia so she could ready herself to look completely relaxed.

This time, Kezzik did more than peek his head into the bunk. He came to sit on the edge of the bed next to Rey and she checked her inner walls once more, making sure they were solid.

"You've been quiet," Kezzik said, his voice low, nearly a whisper. "Are you feeling any better?"

"A bit," she said, assuming her weariest tone of voice. "I'm just trying to wrap my mind around this."

He reached out for her hand, twining his fingers with hers and leaned over next to her ear. His cold hooks were prying that small space open again and he was breathing pretty lies into her ear to soothe her fears. "I'll keep you safe, Rey. You don't need to worry."

It sickened her to say it, especially with Leia right there hearing everything, but she kept up the charade. "You'll keep me safe."

Kezzik pulled back to look at her hand, stroking a finger along the band of her engagement ring.

"Looks like Kylo finally took my advice," he said. "Too little, too late I'm afraid." Then that icy river rushed into her mind again as he issued a command. "You don't need that ring anymore."

Rey was sure her heart stopped beating, but she maintained her walls. Oh stars, she could not let this break her. That ring was the most precious thing she owned. The most precious thing she'd _ever_ owned. It was all she had of Ben in this moment.

She choked back the emotion, keeping the flood of it safely behind her mental shields. She would get it back.

"I don't need this anymore," Rey said, her voice a monotonous drone of submission.

She removed the ring and placed it in his hand. Kezzik scowled when it touched the skin of his palm and she was sure he could feel the Force of Ben radiating from the stone in the center. Seeing the beautiful glowing crystal in Kezzik's perverted hand nearly caused her to lash out right then, but clinging to love, she somehow maintained control.

He shoved it into an inner pocket of his flight suit and Rey took careful stock of exactly where she would find it later, when she took it off his cold, lifeless corpse.

Kezzik leaned onto his elbow, then lifted his legs onto the bunk beside her. He was close. Too close. Close enough to feel the warmth radiating from his skin as he lay next to her. She swallowed, feeling her breathing speed up, praying he didn't want something more from her.

His eyes held her in place with a force of their own. She could almost feel their greed, their lust, and after seeing his memory from Coruscant…

Gooseflesh erupted over her arms as a chill snaked over her skin.

Kezzik's lip turned into a smile.

"Your body can't help but react to me," he said, bringing his mouth near her ear again. "Don't worry, I feel the same way, Rey."

Her heart was hammering now as his lips hovered an inch from her.

"That first night, the plan was to poison you right away and be done with it." His hot breath tickled her neck as he spoke into her skin. "But when I saw you, felt your Force… well… plans change." His voice was so thick with lust it was difficult for her to remain still.

She wanted to scream, run, gag even. But she pushed herself to comply, to play the conflicted captive. So, she filled that little vestibule of her mind with anticipation, then followed it with a touch of healthy guilt.

"You don't need to feel guilty." He brushed a strand of hair away from her face. "Arousal is an instinctive response."

He let his lips brush against her ear then, and he sent a swell of icy Force through his touch, filling that space in her mind with the undeniable urge to kiss him.

Rey was trapped. If she refused, he would know. Her stomach was a tightly wound knot of guilt, disgust, and determination. Rey apologized to Ben in that safe place deep inside of herself, and reached a hand to Kezzik's face. She let her fingers trail along the rough stubble of his cheek as she gathered the courage to do what she had to do for love.

His lips parted for her as she brought her mouth to his.

Footfalls from the corridor had Kezzik pulling back immediately.

Bosma cleared his throat in the doorway and she could have run to embrace him right there.

Never had Rey thought Bosma was handsome, his cleanly shaven head and bushy black beard always seemed to dominate his face, but right now, there was only one other face in the galaxy she would have thought more exquisite at that moment.

"Chewbacca has a question about one of the codes," Bosma said, soft voice barely audible over the hum of the hyperdrive. "And he wants to clarify the order of submission through the blockade."

Rey saw Kezzik's fists clench, but his voice maintained perfect control as usual. "Your friend is quite the planner," his eyes locked onto her with a hungry reminder of his intentions, his half-smile sealing the promise that this wasn't over. Then he glanced at Bosma. "Especially for a Wookie."

When Kezzik was out of the room Bosma was in her mind.

 _I'm sorry I took so long. While Kezzik was distracted, I explained our little situation to Chewbacca, he understands I think, though I couldn't reveal too much. We can't risk Kezzik reading his mind, finding out that you aren't under his control._

 _Thank you Bosma._ She let her relief show in her tone and through her energy.

 _You are most welcome._

The Force of his sincerity, along with his words, was soothing to her aching heart. He was so much like Ben. Dark, but pierced with light in places. Broken and conflicted and she wondered what it was exactly that had broken him. She hoped she would someday get to find out. But for now, she was happy for his partnership.

Then Bosma was gone and Rey lay back on the bunk, staring at the ceiling, thanking the forces of the galaxy that she'd gotten out of that encounter relatively unscathed. She didn't know how much guilt she could possibly carry with matters related to Kezzik, but she really hoped there would be no more.

Chewie kept Kezzik distracted for quite a while and when he finally returned, it was Den who had questions about the New Order fighters on Balmorra and the eventual rendezvous with the Finalizer. She made a mental note to hug each one of them when they got out of this mess.

* * *

When Rey felt the ship lurch out of hyperspace, her heart heaved in relief along with it. She was closer to ending this. Ending Kezzik and getting control over the New Order once again. And now she had Leia, Bosma, Den, and Chewie with her.

Now, Rey only prayed Ben could see down to the truth of that kiss with Kezzik. It was nothing. A filthy, manipulative move made when her heart was broken. She was at her weakest and he'd played her.

 _He will understand,_ Leia had said.

Rey only hoped that Leia was right.


	30. Chapter 30

**Author's Note:** Well, would you look at that! I'm early again! I have to apologize for how horrible it was for the fanfiction website to glitch on the last chapter no matter how many times I re-uploaded. It seems like other authors who uploaded on Monday had a similar problem. Grrrrrr. If that ever happens again, this story is cross posted on AO3, same title and also under sweetestcondition.

Next chapter I'm shooting for Saturday. Thank you all so much for your kind words. I look forward to your reviews so much and I'm really excited about your reactions to this one!

* * *

Rey decided it wasn't safe for Leia to talk to Poe and Finn yet. It would be too easy for Kezzik to find out. So, while Kezzik was distracted in the cockpit, Rey attempted to put Leia back into a Force hibernation. She only had to try to find that cold place inside of herself and used that dark Force to recreate exactly what she'd felt around Leia's mind. It was not nearly as tight a hold as Kezzik's has been, but she was sure it was gentler, as she seemed to fall asleep easily with no pain. With no real training in this specialized use of the Force, Rey was pleased with the outcome.

She only hoped Kezzik didn't notice the difference.

Rey felt a shudder as the freighter passed into the atmosphere of Balmorra and minutes later, she was standing shoulder to shoulder with Kezzik and Ledo, ready to disembark.

When the loading ramp dropped, her heart broke for Poe and Finn as their eyes scanned what was left of the Resistance base. The airfield was now a vast expanse of overturned supply crates, crumbling towers, and exposed wiring where control panels might have stood. It had likely been stripped of anything useful after the evacuation order had been given. New Order fighters and freighters were now lined up along the edge of the tarmac which was bordered by the towering spires of rock that made up the Balmorran landscape. The abandoned Resistance base was tucked into the jagged rocks on the other side of the airfield.

The sky was an ominous orange, thick with the color of sunset, and it reflected on the shocked faces of her friends as they turned from the line of New Order fighters to look at their would-be rescuers. Before they could react, Ledo and Mar called the weapons from her friends' belts and Kezzik had Chewie's bowcaster in his hand with his own Force-pull.

Chewie caught her eye, looking for some clue as to how to react, and Rey gave him a barely perceptible dip of her chin, indicating for him to go along with what they asked. Rey had already decided she would not act yet. Not without Ben. His raw power would tip the scales in their direction. She only needed to be patient. He would come.

Kezzik stepped forward with binders as Poe, Finn, and Chewie stood frozen in the Knights' force hold.

"Sorry to do this gentlemen, but we can't have the galaxy thinking there's any Resistance left."

Rey couldn't watch as he clamped the binders down and handed her friends over to the Knights to drag toward the yawning hangar door of the Resistance base. When they invariably struggled, the Knights let loose, careful not to mar their faces with bruises, but landing blows into their chests and stomachs before gaining control over them with Force holds. Den and Bosma only held onto their binders, wearing scowls like the others, but not striking them. They were playing the game, just as Rey and Chewie were.

When six stormtroopers marched quickly from the hangar to meet them, Rey wondered if she'd made a mistake waiting for Ben. She only hoped the odds weren't too mismatched. When the troopers reached their group, each grasped an arm of one of her friends to keep them under control. Once they were restrained, Kezzik went back to the freighter for Leia.

Rey trailed behind the other Knights as the troopers led her friends away. Poe turned to look over his shoulder, glaring at her, but it was Finn's look that took her breath away. His lips were pressed tight together, trying to hold back the flood of hurt that was probably welling up inside of him, but it was his eyes that said it all, and Rey was forced to look away.

How could Finn blame her for this? Especially when she'd tried to warn them.

But of course, Rey knew that in Finn's eyes there was no New Order, there was only the First Order, and she was just a traitor to the Resistance.

Rey had to remind herself that he would understand soon. They all would.

When Rey looked over her shoulder at the freighter, she caught a glimpse of Kezzik now leading Leia down the loading ramp. Her hands were bound like the others, but she put up no fight, keeping a seasoned general's hardened expression.

Rey swallowed against the ache building in her throat. She knew this would be hard, but seeing her friends like this was much more difficult than she imagined it would be.

Ben would come. She knew he would.

They made their way to the hangar, where a second squad of eight stormtroopers stood at attention and Rey couldn't help but think that this was getting worse by the minute. Maybe she should have taken action as they were getting off the freighter.

But it was too late now and Kezzik moved to address the troopers, giving an order Rey couldn't hear before they split into two, one half dispersing and the other lining up behind a makeshift holo set. Holocams and gear stood ready for their broadcast along with a crew to man the cameras and sound equipment.

Poe took one look at the set and threw himself hard at Volas and Ledo. Volas reacted with a fist to his face and Poe was knocked back into the wall.

So much for avoiding visible signs of mistreatment.

"Stop," Kezzik commanded, shooting Volas a poisonous glare. "No evidence of struggle."

Volas stepped back and Poe recovered his footing before spitting blood on Volas' white flight jacket. Volas raised his lip in a snarl and dragged Poe by bound arms back toward the broadcast area. One more struggle was all it took before Kezzik's outstretched arm silenced Poe completely. Finn, who'd been fighting to pull away from Ledo, suddenly stilled when he saw the expression on Poe's face – bulging eyes and veins straining through the skin of his forehead.

A tense moment passed and Poe dropped to his knees bringing his bound hands to his throat.

"You will behave," Kezzik said, and Rey knew exactly what was going through Poe's mind as his eyes glazed over – nothing but a cold submission to Kezzik's will.

Ledo raised a hand toward Finn. "You will not struggle, either."

Finn's shoulders relaxed and he took a breath, settling on his feet as Ledo held his binders. "I will not struggle," he echoed.

"There, see? No need for a fight," Kezzik said, his green eyes sending a sharp warning to Leia, whose binders he still held in one hand.

Kezzik made an order to a nearby trooper who came back a moment later with supplies to tend to Poe's lip. He sat quietly, staring ahead at the wall of the hangar as the stormtrooper dabbed the blood from the cut.

"Prepare the cameras. This one first,"" Kezzik gestured to Finn and Ledo gave him a push in the right direction. Finn walked himself over to the seat underneath the lights. The disconcerting lack of expression on his face made Rey queasy.

Kezzik handed Leia off before coming to kneel before Finn. "You will tell the cameras the truth. That you, FN-2187, are a traitor to the First Order, but that you've seen the error of your ways. After a short time with the Resistance, you see that it is a lost cause. The last of the Resistance was destroyed here yesterday on Balmorra and you urge any Resistance sympathizers to reconsider their misguided trust in such an extremist organization."

"I will tell the cameras the truth," Finn said, robotically. "The Resistance is hopeless."

Kezzik stepped back to give directions to the holocam operator when a sudden wave of anger nearly knocked Rey over. It surged through the bond like a fiery hot brand to her heart.

Ben.

He'd just entered the system. She could _feel_ him. And after so long feeling nothing from him, the intensity of his rage was excruciating.

Then the bond was choked off as Kezzik's stranglehold on their connection tightened once more.

Kezzik turned to Ledo, his voice strained and low. "How did he know we were here?"

Ledo split a look between Bosma and Den. "I have my suspicions."

But Den stepped forward, using his bulkier frame to try to intimidate Ledo. "Kylo Ren could just have easily looked into Hux's mind and seen everything. Just because you didn't cover your tracks very well, don't blame us."

Ledo only sneered, turning toward Kezzik who had taken a dozen steps out of the hangar to gaze up at the orange sky.

"What are our orders?" Ledo called after him.

"It seems we may not need to do anything," he said, a slow smile curling across his lips. "Kylo Ren is out for blood, but he lays blame on the woman who betrayed him." He paused, stepping toward Rey and taking her hand.

With the touch of his fingers, the bond flooded open again and she was feeling Ben's pain directly, waves of hate and betrayal searing a hole in Ben's heart. She saw flashes of their perfect night together, torn to ribbons by the frigid memory of Kezzik's hands on her body. She experienced the fierce repulsion he felt at her response to Kezzik's deepening kiss. The hate, not just directed at Kezzik, but his thoughts roaming to Rey, wanting make her pay for her betrayal, wanting to make her suffer as he was suffering.

Rey flinched, snatching her hand out of Kezzik's grasp, biting down hard to keep from crying out. Despite her best effort, she was unable to keep her eyes from welling with tears. It was all she could do to remain standing, let alone keep the walls of her mind intact.

"Did you feel that hate, Rey? I told you he doesn't love you. He wants us _both_ dead, now." Kezzik turned to face her, reaching a hand under her chin to bring her eyes to his. "But don't worry, I won't let him touch a single hair on your head."

 _I promise,_ he said into her mind, trailing a claw along her mental walls, sending a calming shiver through her.

Rey filled the vestibule to her mind with cool tranquility, just as Kezzik had demanded, but deep inside, fear had taken hold. Was Ben really so affected by Kezzik's lies? Didn't he see that it was all a part of Kezzik's control? But she knew how close Ben skirted to the darkness. Even lying in his arms after she'd finally expressed her love to him, his thoughts had been so quick to move into fear. And without her gentle touch to pull him back into the light…

Kezzik spun to face the Knights again. "We'll let him land, let him get close to Rey and take him by surprise when he is clouded by his emotions. He won't stand a chance when he is this conflicted." He looked to the Knights who now stood in a semi-circle around him, his stare icing over as he gave the final, most lethal instruction. "But _I_ land the killing blow."

Rey glanced at Leia, but her eyes were closed in concentration now. Was she communicating with Ben or had Kezzik done something to her? Glancing at Kezzik, she saw he was thoroughly distracted, now giving orders to the stormtroopers, so she reached out to Leia. She could feel her Force, but she didn't respond.

Several tense minutes passed, during which the subdued Poe and Finn were handed over to the eight-man squad of troopers positioned near the holo cams. Chewie and Leia were handed off to the other squad, and Kezzik positioned them near the hangar door. Rey reached out to listen to his orders, the troopers were not to fire, unless ordered to do so by himself.

Finally, in the distance, Rey heard the approach of a TIE and the Knights walked to the entry of the hangar, lining up like a human barricade.

Rey risked reaching out to Leia once more.

 _Leia, were you able to speak with him?_

 _Yes, he's –_

Kezzik clutched her hand and Leia's voice was interrupted by a sudden shock of anger ripping through her, directly down the bond. With Ben so close and his feelings so raw, she actually gasped from the power of the hate he was projecting.

"He's out of control," Kezzik said, sounding supremely satisfied with himself.

Then, Kezzik pulled her to the center of the line of Knights and they waited, hand in hand. They watched in silence as Ben emerged from the cockpit of the TIE. She knew Quinn was inside, injured, but hoped the others didn't notice or didn't care.

She desperately wanted to send Ben her warmth, her love, her comfort, but with Kezzik's hand on her, she was unable to get around his influence over the bond. It was like he'd completely hijacked their connection.

Ben's steps were brisk and hard against the tarmac and his cloak flowed behind him in the planets balmy evening breeze. The sunset was deepening further, turning an apocalyptic shade of orange-red that lit Ben's face, making his scowl visible, even from a hundred feet away. She'd never seen him look as threatening as he did now, crossing the space to stand before the line of Knights. He was silent as he regarded each in turn, projecting hate and betrayal at every single one of them, before he let his eyes settle on Rey.

She wanted to disappear under that gaze, but she willed herself to meet his eyes. She tried to plead with him, showing him with her expression alone how much she loved him. How sorry she was that she had to play these games.

She hoped it was enough.

Kezzik made a show of adjusting her hand in his, now firmly entwining his fingers with hers. This was met with another fiery swell of rage down the bond. Kezzik only smiled his insufferably haughty smile before leaning in close to whisper a command into her ear, taking care to let his lips brush against her tender skin as he did so. "Go to meet him," he said, and she felt his command freeze over the entry to her mind. "Draw your lightsaber, defend yourself, and we will intervene when he is distracted." With that, he pulled her lightsaber from his belt and pressed it into her palm.

She had the immediate urge to cut Kezzik in half, but none of this would matter unless Ben was with her. They would be stronger together.

As Kezzik withdrew his hand, Rey reached out through the bond toward Ben, but his emotions were the same. Fiery rage. Icy hurt of betrayal. And darkness. So much darkness, she was sure it would pull her down with him, but she stared into his eyes, stepping forward to meet him. She had to trust. He would never hurt her. He'd never given her a reason to think he would.

The hem of her dress and robes skimmed the ground as she strode to meet him, holding her lightsaber firmly in her grip.

She stopped only a few feet away. Close enough that she had to look up into his eyes.

Kezzik's voice was in her mind. _Ignite your lightsaber. Do not let him catch you unprotected._

And Rey reached out through the Force, calling for her fear but also for her hope. Her anger at Kezzik for all he had destroyed, but also her love for Ben. Then she did as Kezzik asked, igniting her saber between them. Ben's eyes were drawn to the brilliant purple blade. The same shade as her dress, as the precious crystal in her stolen ring, the same color as her balance.

She felt Kezzik's confusion at the color of her blade, but he didn't move, didn't say anything as they all waited for Ben's reaction.

Ben reached to his waist, unclipping his own lightsaber and the sizzle of his unstable blade filled her ears. Keeping his gaze trained on his weapon, he crossed the red blade in front of hers. Its glow reflected off Ben's face, matching the color of the waning sun.

Red.

The color of this moment reminded Rey of her dream. This was the Kylo Ren she'd been so afraid of – the person Ben had been so afraid of that rainy day on Coruscant when he'd told her of his own vision. This was a person he believed could actually hurt her. Now, as Ben crossed his weapon with hers, pressing down against it, stepping closer, she still couldn't believe it. She refused to believe that he would hurt her. Even with his darkness pounding against her, his red blade cutting into hers, she still looked at him with all of the love she had to offer.

And when Ben locked eyes with her, a half-smile tugging lightly at the corner of his lip, Rey was sure she'd never seen anything more beautiful in her entire life. The expression was barely visible, and she was sure none of the Knights could see it from where they stood, but it was there all the same. Even as wave after wave of hate buffeted Rey's mental shields, even with his darkness crashing into her with such power that she had to lean forward to keep from falling over, he held that smile. Despite the Force he was projecting, that Solo smirk was there, now joined with a softness in his eyes and she knew.

Rey wasn't the only person in the galaxy who could play along with Kezzik's mind games.

She held her relief behind those stout mental shields, never ceasing to project her fear, her heartbreak for Kezzik to sense. But with her back to the Knights, she could show Ben that she understood. It felt wonderful to return his smile.

Then Ben leaned closer, pushing his saber down against hers as he spoke the three words she'd been dying to tell him since she'd been forced to leave the Finalizer.

"I love you." Though he still had walls over his true feelings, she could hear the layers of emotion in his tone, the warmth of his love, the protective edge of possession, and the strain of anger at being kept from her.

Rey couldn't help but answer with a teasing smile of her own and an echo of his own words on Coruscant. "I know."

Then they were running. She gathered the hem of her dress and they were sprinting side by side. She let the walls around her mind come crashing down as she reached for the balance in the Force. She felt Ben's walls fall as well and when he reached for the light alongside her, waves of love and belonging, she felt the bond between them swell to something so bright and true, she knew there would be no stifling it.

Between waves of light and love, Ben's anger was still seething, dark and cold, ready to be released. The sole focus of his Force was trained on bringing justice to the person who'd tried to tear them apart. He was balanced, and she wished she could stop to watch the magnificence of his power as it flowed from him and rippled through the Force in every direction.

Kezzik's face showed shock for only a moment before he was ordering the Knights into formation, to fight back to back, and barking an order through his communicator. Four of the Knights ignited red lightsabers, forming a unified circle of scarlet against the open hangar door. The other two hung back.

When Bosma and Den edged away farther, Kezzik roared, "Get in position!"

But Ben was already on top of them now, unleashing his pent-up Force in one great blast of energy that toppled Mar and Volas, leaving only Kezzik and Ledo standing, channeling everything they had in a shield around themselves to keep from falling over. Then Ben spun, gathering momentum to put his full strength into an arcing slash down across Kezzik's shoulder. Though Kezzik countered just in time, bringing his own weapon up to parry, he was pushed back several feet from the impact and stumbled to regain his footing.

At that moment, Rey chose Ledo to be the first to feel the bite of her own weapon.

Seeing Ledo already off balance from Ben's attack, she swiped her saber low across his legs. Ledo stepped back just in time and out of the corner of her eye, she could see Den and Bosma run to engage Mar and Volas. The odds were finally even.

She stood shoulder to shoulder with Ben as Ledo's dark eyes locked onto hers and he sent a wave of icy Force crashing into her that she hadn't anticipated, sending her backwards onto the tarmac. She flinched as her elbow dragged across the rough ground and she struggled to get up, her legs now tangled in her dress.

Ledo was lifted off his feet for a moment and thrown several yards, crashing hard against the remains of a control tower, before Ben was forced to focus on Kezzik again.

Rey found her feet, flung off her robe and then slashed the saber across the dress just above her knees, freeing herself to move as she wished. Ledo took the opportunity to advance on her, bringing his weapon down in a vertical sweep to zone one. Her weakest zone.

Kriffing Kezzik had probably revealed her every fault.

Rey reached out, threading the balance again, feeding off Ben's Force and amplifying it before unleashing a parry against Ledo and following with a broad strike to his side. The move was so quick, it caught Ledo with all of his weight on one foot and he was forced back. She would not be caught off guard again. She heaved, blasting another wave of balanced Force alongside her saber attack and Ledo stumbled.

 _You made a big mistake, Rey._

Kezzik's claws raked roughly against her inner walls and pushed hard, but she refused to let him gain control as she clung to the balance, the light and dark all around her.

Rey looked past Ledo as he righted himself and lunged toward zone three. She parried easily. Where was Kezzik? How could he maintain the focus to access her mind while still fighting Ben?

Then Rey saw her.

Leia.

Two stormtroopers had Leia by the arms each with a blaster pointed against her temple.

Ben froze at Rey's side, staring, and she felt the sharp sting of his fear down the bond.

"Submit, Ren!" Rey heard Kezzik's voice between Ledo's relentless attacks, but she didn't have time to look before Ledo sent several more alternating blows across each of her shoulders. Rey gathered the Force from both sides of the web, letting her hate for Kezzik flow through her as she simultaneously reached for Ben, wrapping herself in his love. With that light of perfect balance, she raised her open hand, sending Ledo toppling backwards with a shockwave of balanced energy.

He grunted, pushing himself up, just as something powerful shook the ground beneath Rey's feet. A cloud of smoke and debris burst from the center of the Resistance base, followed immediately by a shudder of sound and an explosion of hot air.

The blast interrupted each simultaneous battle being waged across the tarmac and the Knights turned to the hangar. Rey looked up to the sky to see a star destroyer in orbit over the planet. No fighters, no obvious sources of an explosion. Where had it come from?

Then a familiar voice issued from the loudspeakers on the outside of the base. The old equipment crackled and hissed, giving Hux's already sharp voice an even edgier tone of fervent command, as it echoed through the hangar and out across the tarmac.

"Good evening Emperor Ren, future Empress, Knights of Ren," Hux said. "Knight Kezzik tells me this would be a good time to send more troops down to end the conflict on the surface and wipe out our woefully unpredictable Emperor, Kylo Ren."

The Knights were all staring at Kezzik now and Rey could tell by the look on his face that this announcement had been completely unexpected.

"However, I'm afraid that's not part of the plan. You see, there is no way I am ridding the First Order of one fanatical wizard and allowing the mantle of leader to pass to another."

Kezzik was growing wild with anger now, already issuing orders to his troops through his personal communicator, as Rey felt his cold darkness slipping into a frenzied rage. Despite Kezzik's orders, not a single trooper moved. They'd obviously been caught off guard and had no idea how to respond.

Nearby, Ben remained calm. He had his eyes on his mother still, likely planning how best to take advantage of this interruption.

Hux continued his announcement, his tone growing more and more pleased by the moment. "Therefore, I have decided to wipe you all off the face of the planet. There is no room for the Force in the First Order." Then Hux, ever the showman paused for dramatic effect. "You may fire at will, commander."


	31. Chapter 31

**Author's Note:** Can I just propose a toast to each of my readers for being amazing?! I want to thank so many of you for your comments, and for spreading the word about this story. I'm just astounded at the amount of love! Shout out to each #handoffategroupie … amazing. What? I found out I have groupies? Life goal achieved this week.

Anyway, I'm hoping to have the next chapter up by Tuesday. Unless I change something last minute, there will likely be two more chapters after this one. I know! *cries*

* * *

Each Knight stood with his lightsaber drawn, looking back and forth between Kezzik and Ben. Kezzik darted a glance across the airfield to his freighter, but no one moved. No one spoke.

An eerie silence hung about the base. It was as though everyone knew running would be pointless and there was nothing else to do but wait for the inevitable. The fire from a star destroyer, even from orbit, would be enough to decimate all of them. Even if they somehow managed to make it to a ship, by the time they brought it online, it and everyone inside, would be nothing but a smoking pile of debris on the airfield.

The stormtroopers holding blasters to Leia's temples didn't so much as shift on their feet. It was as if everyone was waiting for one person to make a decision. The tension grew thicker and Rey could sense that as soon as someone did move, the spell would be broken, and panic would descend.

Rey was already feeling the effects of her own fear as it swelled inside of her.

Her heart beat wildly, pounding an erratic rhythm against the wall of her chest, but when she looked to Ben, she was confused to find his expression was one of complete calm. Why wasn't he running? They should be sprinting to his TIE, trying to gather their friends and get off this planet before the base was annihilated.

Ben knew something she didn't, that much was obvious.

He gave Rey a knowing look and pulled a communicator from an inner pocket of his tunic. Then he flipped a switch and spoke a single word. "Now."

He looked up to the sky briefly before turning his attention back to Leia.

Kezzik's strained voice drew Rey's attention away. He berated the line of unresponsive stormtroopers behind him, before sending a shockwave of Force into them, lashing out in anger at the closest target – his own troops. Armor scraped against tarmac as they scattered in every direction. It was painfully obvious that Kezzik was losing control and she could feel the frigid waves of his darkness swelling from him.

"Useless!" Kezzik yelled, before whirling on his Knights. "Get back to the freighter!"

She heard Chewie roar from inside the hangar, likely taking advantage of the distraction to try to free himself. A moment later he appeared from behind the wall, managing to wrench a blaster from a fallen trooper, and with hands still bound, he began taking them down one by one.

Rey used the commotion of the fleeing Knights and fallen stormtroopers as an opportunity to move closer to Ben. He stared ahead, eyes focused on his mother who stood motionless between the barrels of the stormtroopers' blasters. Why hadn't these troopers run? Were they mind controlled?

Kezzik shot Ben one final glare before his eyes flitted back to Leia. Rey sensed he was going to run, too, but he knew he couldn't take Leia with him. That meant one thing.

He was going to kill her.

Rey reached out through the Force, feeling its balance, and sensed Kezzik's influence on the stormtroopers' minds.

"Ben?" she asked.

 _You control the trooper on the left, I'll get the one on the right,_ he said.

 _Okay,_ she answered.

Then she saw Leia's chin dip almost imperceptibly. Ben was speaking with her, too.

 _Go!_

Rey reached out to the stormtrooper on the left, wrapping her will around his mind, ripping away Kezzik's icy control and instructing the trooper to put his gun down. The trooper on the right did the same and Leia was sprinting away from Kezzik toward Chewie who had cut a path through the troops to get to her.

Amidst the chaos, Ben remained focused, balanced as he edged closer to Rey, lightsaber still at the ready. Kezzik took one last look at Ben and Rey, weighing his options, and ran toward the freighter.

Now that Kezzik had run, shouldn't they get their friends and try to escape, too?

Ben glanced at her, and his voice filled her mind again. _Look up._

Rey did, and that was when she saw who had been on the other side of that communicator he held. The lights of a half dozen large ships were now visible in the darkening sky where there had been nothing but empty space before. The ships had fully surrounded the Finalizer. Rey didn't recognize them as part of the New Order. Where had they come from?

Then a voice came through the communicator. "Good evening, Emperor. On behalf of Governor-General Mantel of Corellia, it's been a pleasure doing business with you."

A moment later, laser fire lit the sky overhead, and the Finalizer was taking damage across the bridge. Had the ships been there the whole time, cloaked and ready to attack at Ben's order? Either way, Rey was sure Hux had never even seen the Corellians.

She imagined General Hux's face as he stood on the bridge realizing his mistake, red with anger for only seconds before he paid the ultimate price for his betrayal.

Rey cocked her head at Ben, unable to keep the shock from her expression. He'd expected this. She wondered if he'd contacted Corellia just before following them to Balmorra.

Ben only smiled. "You see? That trip to Corellia wasn't a waste after all."

Then, Ben switched channels on his communicator and called in another order. "Colonel Veespa, switch to auxiliary control. You are in command of the Finalizer now, _General_ Veespa."

Veespa's voice was sharp and confident. "Thank you, Emperor."

Rey desperately wanted to know how he'd convinced the Governor-General to come to their aid, but it would have to wait. Because at this moment, she had a stolen ring to take back, and Kezzik was already halfway across the tarmac headed to the freighter.

Bosma and Den were in pursuit and Rey could only watch helplessly from afar as Kezzik, sensing them behind, turned and pushed back hard with the Force. His attack sent Bosma and Den crashing backwards. Den's head slammed hard against the ground with the impact and when he didn't get back up immediately, Rey's stomach lurched.

Ben had switched channels on the communicator and was giving another order. "Quinn, I hope you have that thing online. Just like we practiced."

She watched the TIE's canon swivel and fire on the freighter. The side of the ship erupted in a ball of fire, before Quinn turned the canons on Kezzik's Knights who had stopped fifty yards from the now demolished freighter. Quinn rained fire on them as they did their best to collectively deflect each bolt. Kezzik raised a hand to the TIE and the canon fire ceased.

Rey turned to watch Chewie and Leia enter the Resistance base.

 _They're going for Poe and Finn,_ Ben said.

She watched Leia follow Chewie, already crossing the hangar in pursuit of two stormtroopers firing at them from behind an overturned cargo crate. Rey had to trust that they could handle themselves. She and Ben needed to finish Kezzik. There was no way he could be allowed to escape.

Ben was by her side leading the way across the airfield. "Stay close. Don't let them separate us."

"But Den…" she said, reaching out through the Force to see if she could sense him. He was there, but she had to really stretch to feel the fading shadows pierced with light that made up his signature. Alive, but weak.

"We can't do anything for him right now."

She swallowed. He was right of course, but it stung just the same.

They ran across the field in unison, moving close to where Bosma knelt at Den's side. Rey watched Bosma close his eyes for a brief moment as he placed a hand on Den's shoulder. Den's eyes fluttered open and he seized the back of his head, trying to sit up. Bosma heaved a sigh, but he pushed down against Den, forcing him to lie back.

"Don't try to move yet. They'll only target you first in your weakness," Bosma said.

Den complied, but Rey sensed it was mostly because his body wouldn't allow him to do otherwise.

Then Bosma lifted his gaze to Ben.

Ben nodded to his Knight, a solemn acknowledgement of his loyalty and Bosma returned the gesture. In that brief exchange, Rey could sense a thousand words that could have been spoken, but didn't need to be. These were two men that understood one another and had no need for words. Bosma rose from his knees, glaring hard across the tarmac toward the other four Knights, and flicked on his lightsaber again. Then, he was walking alongside them as they crossed the field to where Kezzik's group stood ready.

Rey felt Ben reach for the Force, grasping for her light to help him find balance. She gladly gave him all he needed, and she pulled what she could from him, his anger, his fear to balance herself. When they neared that perfect edge, the Force practically overflowing from both of them, he clutched for her hand.

The touch of his skin on hers only magnified the feeling of their energy as their strength reverberated on both sides of the Force. It was dark and light and in the middle it was just _them._ Their bond vibrated with their power, begging for release as they neared the Knights.

Rey obeyed its call, unleashing their power in a joint swell of Force, that crashed into the circle of Knights. Each man lost footing, though Kezzik and Ledo had managed to shield themselves from the brunt of the impact. Mar, however, received the largest share of the blow and was thrown back against a stack of empty supply crates, causing their metallic shells to reverberate with the impact. He fell limp in a heap and Volas' eyes were wide as he stared at the broken body of his friend.

Mar _was_ just a body, now. Rey could sense no life left in him, no dark energy remaining to connect him to the web of Force.

That truth was proof enough of the stakes of this encounter. They were fighting for their lives.

Kezzik and Ledo's anger hit her like a frigid blaster bolt, sending her reeling as they stood frozen in place. Volas, obviously shaken from the impact, was on his feet again moments later with a lethal glare of his own, pouring more darkness into the already dense Balmorran twilight. He roared and began to charge, but was stopped midstride when Kezzik put an arm out. Volas froze and Rey could see that Kezzik wasn't above using the Force to influence those on his own side, either. He would not let them be separated. Kezzik knew that would make them vulnerable.

Rey felt Ben's anticipation through their bond, his unspoken intention to unleash the swell of their joint power again, but he held onto it, waiting, as Kezzik stepped forward.

Rey hoped for a brief moment that maybe he would surrender. Maybe he would see reason. It was obvious by the shift in the Force all around them that he was beaten. Though his Knights exuded a powerful darkness, the Force of their balance was far stronger. She, Ben, and Bosma were controlling this interaction now.

But when Kezzik spoke, Rey realized what a naïve idea that had been. He would never surrender. Kezzik's heart beat for revenge, and he would only cease when that very heart stopped pumping vengeful blood through his veins.

"Well Ren," Kezzik said, "Ever the diplomat, you managed to scrape the bottom of the barrel to find some allies. You also succeeded in somehow intimidating poor Rey into submission." Kezzik glared hard at their interlocked hands. The icy Force he was exuding was palpable in the air and it sent a chill over her skin. "You've even managed to break poor, innocent Mar's neck."

Ben's anger flared and Rey knew there was no good to be had from talking with Kezzik. He was only spinning more lies to manipulate their emotions, a last attempt to send them off balance.

"And how cute of you to bring your little butler," he said, glancing at Ben's TIE fighter. "Too bad he seems a little confused at the moment."

Rey felt a surge of rage, adrenaline and Force mixing at the threat to her friend. "Keep your claws away from him," she said through clenched teeth.

Ben said nothing. He didn't need to. His eyes burned with the fury of a thousand Jakku suns and Rey thought she saw Kezzik flinch from the intensity of the Force he was projecting. Rey worried for a moment that Ben was falling too far into the darkness, his anger was a raging storm of shadowy Force, and it was hard to feel anything else. But then, Ben squeezed her hand one last time, reaching for her love, before pulling away and bringing his lightsaber to the ready position.

Kezzik smiled his wicked smile and brought his own weapon to the ready, a perfect mirror of Ben's stance.

Rey anticipated the blast through the Force just before it issued from the TIE's canon. She had barely enough time to erect a shield around the three of them before the laser fire struck, deflecting away just as Kezzik charged at Ben.

Beside her, Bosma parried to meet Ledo's downward arcing blade, leaving Rey with Volas this time. He slashed abruptly, driving her back and Rey found it taxing to keep her focus on both the canon fire and Volas' quick attacks. He was fast. Faster than anyone she'd sparred with, but his strikes were not nearly as powerful as Ben or Kezzik's. It took some adjustment on her part to increase the tempo of her parries, to anticipate his rapid strikes. She realized after only a few seconds that she couldn't keep this up, not while helping Ben simultaneously deflect the canon fire.

Ben seemed shaken as well. Kezzik was gaining ground against him with his attention divided between repelling canon fire and trying to predict Kezzik's attacks.

She communicated her need for a surge of Force and Ben responded, sending her a wave of balanced energy down the bond which she harnessed and used to power her next slash to Volas' waist. Volas couldn't hold steady against the strength of the blow and he stumbled backward.

In that moment, Rey reached out to Quinn, feeling for Kezzik's influence around his mind, which she'd grown accustomed to in her time on the freighter. She was well practiced in pulling away the layers of his control and it didn't take her long before she felt the warmth of Quinn's own will return to his mind.

Finally, the TIE's canon was silent.

Her relief didn't last as Volas was back in her face seconds later, taking advantage of her distraction to slash a vertical attack down over her head. She raised her blade to parry, but he sent a Force-fueled kick to her unprotected abdomen. She felt the breath leave her as she struck the tarmac hard. Volas was there in a heartbeat, bringing his blade down again to finish her. She parried again from a crouching position before Bosma was there, holding off Ledo with his own lightsaber, while sending a wave of Force crashing over Volas to buy her a second to find her feet.

Rey turned to Bosma, about to nod her thanks, when the harsh crackle of a lightsaber ripping through flesh drew her eyes down to his chest. The scarlet blade hissed morbidly as it peeked through Bosma's ribcage. Her logic could not reconcile the sight before her. Den stood expressionless behind Bosma, one hand on his friend's shoulder, his weapon goring straight through Bosma's heart.

Rey knew she would never forget the look on Bosma's face as he sank to his knees. Eyes full of shock, mouth gaping as he tried to suck in a breath, before Rey felt the last tick of his pulse reverberate through the Force. Then there was nothing.

"No!" She heard Ben cry out, but it was coming from someplace far away. Rey was detached from her body in that moment. Not understanding what she'd seen. Not wanting to understand.

Den stood, a statue of ice, his weak, injured mind fully under Kezzik's control.

Volas and Ledo took advantage of Rey's numb devastation and charged together. She reached for the Force but found only rage. Cold, dark wrath bubbled uncontrolled from that deep abyss inside of herself and she roared, rushing to meet the two Knights, clutching the hilt of her now crimson blade in two hands.

Her lightsaber crashed down hard on Volas' shoulder, and he dropped his weapon clutching the wound, now spilling crimson between his fingers and onto the tarmac. In that same moment, Ledo countered to Rey's vulnerable side and his lightsaber grazed her hip as she sidestepped out of his way.

Pain seared up and down her side and she felt Ben react with concern down the bond.

Pain, rage, hurt, despair – she was getting cold. So cold as she drew again from that frozen abyss and blasted her Force toward Ledo.

He was pushed back and a shiver tore through Rey's body, igniting another surge of pain from the wound at her hip.

Ben was by her side in an instant. His warm hand found hers, grounding her again, reminding her of where she was and who she was.

 _Balance,_ he reminded.

A flood of his love wound its way from his fingertips and into the chasm widening across her soul. He was right. Too much darkness and she would only find herself cold and powerless. Out of control. Weak.

But Kezzik was advancing on Ben again and Ledo was already on his feet, moving toward her with a stony determination.

She felt Ben reach out for Den's mind, unwrapping Kezzik's influence and the Knight sank to the ground again, obviously in no real condition to fight without the Force of Kezzik's mind control.

This time when Ledo came at Rey, she was ready with balance. She would not let Bosma's sacrifice be in vain. She reached out through the Force, remembering his friendship, remembering those little slivers of light in his conflicted soul and she met each of Ledo's attacks, using that balance to anticipate his moves and finally, she turned the tide of the battle. She became the aggressor against Ledo as she arced blow after blow, alternating across zone two then zone three. Again and again and again. When Ledo was reeling, she released one final sweep low into his thigh and he was too slow. She felt the weapon find purchase, vibrating as it bit through his flesh and he cried out, stumbling.

She caught a brief glance of Ben faring well against Kezzik, pushing him back toward a control tower, before she turned her attention back to finish Ledo.

Pain clouded his dark eyes now, and his pants were now stained with blood down one leg, but still, he hobbled forward. Ledo clenched his jaw and threw himself at her, but she saw the angle of his attack through the Force, predicting his path and cut her saber easily across his shoulder, her blade again striking true.

Ledo's weapon clattered to the ground, but still he stood, staring at her with unfathomable hate.

"You disgust me," he spat. "Kylo Ren could have been so much more had you not existed."

"Kylo Ren is dead," she said. "And so are you."

With those words, she ended Ledo's suffering. Drawing from that vast pool of balanced Force humming along the thread connecting her with Ben, and she slashed her purple blade across Ledo's chest.

Rey stood panting looking down at his body before glancing up to see Volas, approaching at Ben's back as he was fully engaged with Kezzik.

 _Behind you!_ Her voice tore through the bond in warning.

Ben turned in time to see Volas throw his lightsaber, sending it spinning toward him.

Ben managed to stop Volas' spiraling weapon in mid-air, but the distraction had lost him ground with Kezzik.

The welcome sound of TIE canon fire boomed nearby just before she saw Volas become a smoking hole in the tarmac.

Quinn. Oh stars. She'd completely forgotten he was still there. Words could not describe how much she loved that precious man.

Kezzik's rage was unstoppable now as Rey approached, favoring her right side that still burned with the injury to her hip.

Seeing that he was the last of the Knights left against them, Kezzik's panic, his anger, his fear swelled through the Force, fueling a final wave of hateful energy that he directed at Ben's mind.

She felt Ben's emotions through the bond as Kezzik channeled a final sequence of lies and manipulations between them, a last-ditch attempt to throw him off balance.

A vision. The taste of Rey's lips. Soft and yielding.

Rage bubbled through the bond, but Ben still reached for her love.

The icy touch of Kezzik's hand, grazing against Rey's warm skin.

Anger seethed in a rush through their connection, countered by thoughts of comfort and belonging.

A memory of Rey, removing Ben's ring and placing into Kezzik's hand as he spoke. _She doesn't love you, Ren,_ he said.

But still, Ben stayed true, balanced.

Ben's voice echoed through the Force. _Nothing you can say can break the bond we have, Kezzik._

Hearing those words, feeling the truth of their love, the strength of their connection as they weathered this storm of darkness, Rey felt that balance – an untapped well of Force, ready to be drawn from. And now they stood together, side by side to face the only person standing in their way.

Kezzik unleashed then, channeling hate, anger, fear and all of the cold, icy feelings he could amass and sent them in a final surging attack.

They drew deep from that well of power through their bond, and their perfectly synchronized Force held true, shielding them from Kezzik's violent explosion of darkness.

Power sparked between them as Ben reached out to gather energy one last time. Rey mirrored the strength of his pull on the Force. It was as if they each held one side of the bond, pulling the strand taut, and between them, balanced power swelled, aching for release.

They complied.

In one simultaneous discharge of Force, they let the thread of their bond snap back into place and lightning burst from their fingertips. Purple tendrils of electricity wound around Kezzik's body and his lightsaber slipped from his hand, clattering against the tarmac. He dropped to the ground, convulsing as the power of their dual balance tore through him. Pain contorted his face and his body was racked with involuntary spasms, twisting his arms and legs unnaturally.

Finally, as one, they suspended their attack.

As they stepped closer, the reek of burning flesh filled the air.

"You have something that belongs to Rey." Ben's voice was positively predatory as he brandished his lightsaber toward Kezzik's neck. "Give it back."

Kezzik's hand trembled, muscles still spasming from the aftershocks of their balanced lightning, as he stuffed his hand into the inner pocket of his flight suit and withdrew the ring.

He held it out to Ben in a shaking palm. Seeing it seemed to soften Ben for a moment, and she felt him pulling from his feelings of love for her as he spoke to Kezzik.

"You didn't have to do this, Kezzik. There can be balance," he said. "Jedi, Sith. Light, Dark. It doesn't have to be like that. There is room for grey."

But there was nothing left of Kezzik but ice, and Rey sensed his violent intentions as the Force ran cold around them.

Kezzik Force-pulled his lightsaber toward his hand and just before he could strike, Rey pinned his arm to the ground as Ben brought his blade across Kezzik's neck in one clean sweep.

A long moment passed in silence before Ben flicked off his weapon.

Rey glanced over her shoulder, watching Den struggle to his feet again, one hand clutching the back of his head. Her heart ached for him, wondering if he knew the truth of what had happed to Bosma.

Behind him, her friends stood at the entry to the hangar. Whether that meant the stormtoopers had simply chosen to run or if they'd had to fight for their freedom, Rey didn't know. But somehow, they'd done it. They'd found Poe and Finn and the four of them stood watching in silence.

Ben followed her gaze before stooping to pry the symbol of his love from Kezzik's lifeless hand.

Rey clipped her lightsaber to her side and opened her mind completely, letting her love and relief flow freely through their bond. Ben stepped toward her then. Hair slicked from the sweat of battle and face streaked with dirt, he took both of her hands in his own. He was still quaking with the adrenaline of combat as he slipped the ring onto her finger once more.

Ben let the Force of his love crash into her and she felt him everywhere, through their balanced bond, flaring from the crystal on her finger, and filling her heart.

Rey wanted to say something and sensed that he did, too, but again words never seemed to fit. The pain of a fallen friend weighed against the strength of their love. Even now, after everything, they remained in perfect balance. What could she say that could convey the depth of her feelings at this moment?

So, they didn't speak.

Instead, Rey's hands grasped at Ben's sweat-drenched hair and she tugged him close. When their lips met, it was every word they couldn't speak – the blood and loss of battle, the love and belonging of two healing souls, and a connection, a bond so strong she knew nothing could sever it. Ben raised his hand to caress her cheek, pressing himself closer to deepen their kiss and she responded eagerly.

And for a moment, everything else in the galaxy fell away.


	32. Chapter 32

**Author's Note:** Well, we've reached the second to the last chapter ladies and gentlemen. There is only an epilogue left (by popular demand, thank you so much for your comments and requests). I plan to have the epilogue finished by Saturday.

This is bittersweet for me as I've spent so much time with these characters over the past few weeks that it will be hard to leave them behind to work on other projects.

In other news, Lego TIE fighter build finished! I love it so much! Pic on my Twitter "ErickaO" and I just started a Tumblr "erickawrites" (I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing on the site so send help).

I've also thoroughly enjoyed hearing from you all and appreciate each and every comment, please if you haven't, let me know what you thought of "Hand of Fate"! Thank you all for the amazing support you've provided!

* * *

The last of the Balmorran twilight had faded to night when Ben pulled away to look into Rey's eyes. The lights from the abandoned base gave everything an edge of hardness, as though casting a stark truth on what had happened. A shadow hung over half of Ben's face and she could sense down the bond that he was thinking of Bosma.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, running fingers down the line of his jaw and she felt it tremble underneath her touch.

"He deserves more than this," Ben said, pulling off his cloak, anger in his eyes at the unfairness of his friend's death.

"He always respected you," Rey said, "for saving him that day on the battlefield."

"He told you about that?" Ben asked.

"He showed it to me."

Ben was quiet then, biting the inside of his cheek as he stared off at the stars. Then he turned, striding to the place on the field where Bosma had fallen. Den was already there, bowed before his friend, his body heaving with sobs. Ben knelt next to him, laying a hand on his shoulder as they both paid their respects to Bosma.

Rey gave them as long as they needed to say goodbye, using the time to say her own thank you to the friend who had died saving her life. Then Den rose, and Ben spread his cloak over the body of his fallen Knight.

When Ben returned to her, shoulders hunched and tears staining his cheeks, he reached up to her face to brush a strand of hair from her eyes.

Then he leaned in, finding her lips again in a touch so soft and tender, he didn't have to speak down the bond for her to understand his meaning, but she knew he needed to say the words anyway.

 _I can't believe I almost lost you, too._

Ben drew back to inspect the injury at her hip. It still stung, but wasn't bleeding, since Ledo's lightsaber had cauterized the wound. It would need attention by a medic to heal cleanly, but it could wait.

"It's fine."

His hands were cupping her cheeks, bringing her close again. "I don't want to ever stop kissing you."

"I hope you never do,"she said.

She was leaning in to show him how much she meant it, when his brows knitted together. "Seeing Kezzik's hands on you…"

She interrupted him by pressing her mouth against his, more insistent this time. He responded hungrily, one hand wrapped around her good hip and the other gathering in the hair at the nape of her neck.

The thought of how close she'd come to losing him, to losing this... it stirred an urgency inside of her and she knew he was feeling the same. Dark tendrils of his possession curled around her through the Force, intertwining with coils of warmth and love.

It wasn't long before that need for him warmed her core, begging for him to be closer, aching for him to touch her everywhere. She ran her hands up and over his chest, wrapping around his broad shoulders, touching, appreciating his body, his healthy, whole body.

He released a husky groan that sent a shiver of desire through her.

Someone cleared their throat nearby.

Rey jerked back quickly to see Finn, Poe, Leia, and Chewie all standing with varying degrees of embarrassment and discomfort on their faces. Den stood a distance from the others, watching the interaction in silence.

With the flush still on her cheeks from Ben's attention, she met Finn's eyes, still half expecting him to be pointing a blaster at her. Instead, he looked a little flustered, too. He darted glances back and forth between them and the ground. Poe avoided eye contact altogether, while Leia at least had a smile on her face.

Rey reached for Ben's hand, interlacing fingers, needing his touch to get through this conversation.

Leia was the first to speak. "I explained what I could," she said, her careful gaze roving over Ben's face. Rey wondered what it must feel like for her, to lay eyes on her own son for the first time in years, seeing him for the first time as a man.

Ben's throat bobbed with a heavy swallow, and the bright lights of the hangar reflected in his eyes. "Thank you," he said, before he and Leia resumed their quiet study of one another.

Finn finally broke the silence, as he looked to Rey. "So…" he began, then shifted on his feet and tried again. "You're really in love with him, huh?"

Leave it to Finn to cut to the chase.

"Yes," Rey said, "Ben was –"

 _Let me._ Ben's voice was quiet, but insistent in her mind.

Of course, he wanted a chance to explain. His mother was here. Repairing the huge tear across his soul would take time, but he needed to be the one to begin the healing. This was his story to tell.

She felt Ben draw energy from their bond, love and patience before he answered Finn. "I am sorry that – "

"Sorry?" It was Poe already interrupting, "Sorry for torturing, murdering, and terrorizing hundreds of people for years during your ruthless – "

Den scowled, and Leia raised a hand to Poe, her eyes growing sharp and insistent. "Stop. Let him continue. We owe him that much for helping us."

"I don't owe him anything," he grumbled, his dark eyes boring into Ben's. But even Poe knew better than to go against an order from his general.

Unfortunately, it seemed that even Leia's explanation hadn't managed to convince Poe that Ben was on their side. Rey was disappointed, but then again, at least Poe was willing to listen and she supposed that was progress.

Ben squeezed her hand, drawing from that endless well of balance that now existed between the two of them and he stayed calm.

"The person I used to be was poisoned by Snoke," Ben said. "His whispers in my mind changed who I was and I was seduced by the dark power he showed me how to wield. Ben Solo was cast aside in favor of Kylo Ren."

It was strange to hear Ben's story put into words. She'd experienced each of these realizations through emotion, through the bond, and in intimate moments of admission, but never like this – a concise explanation of logical events – and the words felt trifling, insignificant next to the actual weight of what had happened.

Ben continued. "Somehow, a bond was formed between Rey and I. We could sense each other, feel each other's emotions, even from across the galaxy and she.." he paused to look at her, "She helped me. I felt the pull back to the light."

Poe crossed his arms and Finn glanced between the two of them, but still, they listened.

"Then, Rey made the decision to come to me on The Supremacy. I already knew what I had to do. I had to kill Snoke to be free of his manipulation."

Poe narrowed his eyes in thought, and Rey hoped he was allowing the pieces to finally come together in his mind.

"Rey agreed to join me, to lead the First Order. I know she did it for other reasons, to change it for the better and now I see that she was right. Though admittedly, I can't say I agreed with her at first."

Ben gave her a little smirk and she smiled back.

"I know it will take time to change the opinion of our New Order, to show it is not the same as the First Order, just as it will take time to change your opinion of me, to prove I am not the same as I once was." He pointed to the sky, the lights of the Corellian ships still visible in orbit. "But an era of diplomacy has begun, a change in the New Order is already in the works."

Rey looked to Ben then, cocking her head. "I have to ask, what did you promise the Corellians to get them to come?"

Leia spoke up, too. "I thought for sure General Hux was finally going to have his day."

Ben's eyes shone proudly. "They were desperate for raw metals. Their mines have been slowly tapped and the isolationist policies of the previous Governor-General left them without allies. So I gave them access to some of our mining operations in return for emergency use of their fleet and fair prices on their agricultural exports to our territories, among other things. They seemed pleased. I didn't realize I'd need to cash in on the deal so quickly, but the rest of the New Order fleet was too far away to get here in time."

The satisfied expression Leia wore as her son described his diplomatic success put a huge smile on Rey's face.

Then Ben looked to Rey, his eyes soft and hopeful. "In the future there is room for peace between the New Order and the Republic. The galaxy is large enough for several organizations to thrive and now with some of the more fanatical military minds gone… I think change is possible more than ever."

Then Ben split a long look between the faces standing before him. "My hope is that someday, there need not be a Resistance at all, because trust in this organization will have been earned."

This was a shock to Rey as well. They'd discussed softening the imperialistic missions in the Outer Rim, discussed pulling back on the violence, but this… this was more than she could ever have hoped for.

She sent a swell of warmth through their bond.

"And as for us," Ben lifted Rey's hand for them to see, indicating the ring on her finger, "I've asked Rey to marry me and she's accepted."

This obviously hadn't been explained as Finn nearly fell over. "You're what?"

"Finn." She spoke his name as both a plea and a warning. A plea for him to try to understand and a warning that if he didn't, it didn't matter anyway. Her decision had been made. But she tried to show with her expression how much it meant for him to understand, for him to stand by her.

With that look, the hard lines on his expression melted away, and she knew. Finn would be okay with this, with _them_.

Ben locked eyes with both Finn and Poe in turn. "I understand if you hate me. Some of the things I did were beyond forgiveness, but I ask that you don't hold it against Rey. She was only trying to help me, to help everyone."

Finn darted a glance to Poe then stepped forward to Ben. "I'll call a truce," he said. "For Rey."

Rey released the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and Ben nodded his acknowledgement.

Then Finn turned, stepping toward her as a slow smile brightened his face. "Damn, Rey. I really thought you'd lost your mind." Then he closed the space between them, folding his arms around her in a tight hug, and he spoke his apology into her ear. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you. It just – it was all just a bit of a shock."

Rey relaxed into his arms, relief rushing into her at the thought of having her friend back. "It's alright, Finn. A lot has changed." Rey backed away to look at him, then, and found that his eyes held that sympathetic softness she'd come to appreciate. "I can hardly believe it myself."

Poe nodded to Ben, not quite ready to acknowledge him verbally, but Rey could see his icy stare had thawed considerably.

"Is that your gunner still in the TIE?" Poe asked.

Ben looked over his shoulder to see the cockpit door was open. Quinn was probably in too much pain to jump out on his own.

"You could say that," Ben said, quirking a lip. "He's been injured."

"We'll help him out of there," Poe said, "Give you a chance to…" he looked between Leia, Chewie, and Ben, "To… uh… talk."

Rey saw this was Poe's way of calling a truce, too. He wouldn't say so, but offering to help was a gesture of good will as clear as any other.

"I'll go, too," Den said, and he, Poe, and Finn started toward the TIE to help Quinn.

Rey turned to go with them, but Leia stepped in front of her. "No, Rey. You should stay. You are going to be family now." She glanced down at the ring on her finger.

Rey's heart swelled with the words. A family.

Rey didn't know why the thought about family hadn't struck her before when Ben had proposed. There was simply too much going on for her to have time to think about it.

She'd had all too much time during those endless nights on Jakku to think about family. How many times had she lain awake, dreaming of what her family would be like when they finally returned for her. This was nothing like the family she'd imagined she would find. It was different, but somehow, it was even more wonderful. This woman that she looked up to, a beacon of hope for the galaxy would be her mother. Rey could not have chosen a better family.

Rey felt the weight of this moment reverberate through the Force as Leia shifted, positioning herself in front of Ben. He raised his eyes to meet hers, breathing deeply as he did so. They had the same eyes, mother and son. Deep and brown, so expressive and the two stood looking at each other, neither finding words immediately.

Slowly, the Force of Ben's emotions started to trickle down the bond. He wasn't trying to project them to her, in fact, she could sense he was trying to choke them back. But there was just too much to suppress and soon the emotions were overflowing down the bond and she was feeling it all. She felt the guilt, the regret in flashes and visions as he looked at his mother – the pain, the hurt when his mother asked him to leave. Luke's training and eventual betrayal. Snoke. Every despicable word from his old master's mouth cutting Ben Solo's heart out bit by bit. And finally, the culmination of all of it, Ben's own lightsaber piercing through his father's chest.

Ben swallowed, breathing deeply to try to keep the images from crashing through his mind over and over again. He reached for his balance, eyes beginning to glisten as he transcended the pain to return his mother's gaze.

"I'm sorry…" he finally said, "I'm just so sorry."

Then Leia came forward a step, now close enough that she looked up at him. "No, son." She paused, eyes now welling with tears. " _I'm_ sorry. I should never have sent you away. I thought Luke, stronger in the Force, I thought he would know what to do, that he… that he would know better…"

It was the first time Rey had ever heard Leia stumble over her words like this.

Ben rubbed the back of his neck, blinking back tears. With her confession, he could no longer hold back the Force of his emotions, sadness and hurt, abandonment, all of it had started spilling over, the dark energy rolling off of him and Leia flinched at the intensity of it.

"Oh son," she said, and Rey knew she was feeling the Force of him, too. Leia shook her head, pressing her lips together as she looked deeply into his eyes. "I made the biggest mistake of my life sending you away and for that, I am so very sorry."

Tears wet his cheeks and his lower lip was trembling now. "Mother," he said, sounding winded. It was as though speaking that single word left him breathless and it took a long moment for him to recover enough to continue. "I'm… how…" he gritted his teeth, anger with himself surging suddenly through the Force, "How can I ever apologize for what I did. I can't—"

He looked away, at the moon hanging low over the airfield and Rey could feel his anger, his guilt, all of those dark feelings so penetrating, it took her _own_ breath away. The pain of everything he'd experienced was still so close, so raw, Rey had to remind herself that he had a long way to go until he could heal those wounds inside of himself.

It was then that Leia stepped into his arms, wrapping him in a tight embrace and he stiffened, seeming shocked by the gesture. He stood rigid for a long moment, before he finally eased into her, hugging his mother for the first time in years.

She spoke into his chest, a mother's soothing voice to her son's pain. "I know it wasn't you. That wasn't you," she said.

Then Ben Solo shattered.

His face contorted with hurt, with guilt, with unimaginable sadness and he buried his face against his mother's hair and wept. His body was racked with silent sobs as Leia held on to her only son. Waves of Force were palpable between them, hurt and comfort, guilt and forgiveness. The moment stretched on for minutes, neither one moving. As Rey stood watching, her own cheeks moist with tears, she glanced at Chewie. He, too, stood in rapt attention at the scene playing out before them.

Ben's breath came in uneven gasps and eventually, she felt him reach for balance, putting the pieces of himself back together again. Finally, his shoulders rose and fell in a regular rhythm again.

"Mother, I am so sorry," he said, now finally able to speak the words he'd been wanting to say from the beginning.

"I know you are, son. I know you are." She squeezed him one more time before placing her hands on his shoulders and holding him where she could see him. "And I forgive you."

Rey thought he would crumble again, his jaw clenched and his nostrils flared, trying to hold back another wave of emotion. Relief and warmth flooded the Force all around and finally, Leia dropped her hands and Ben released a long, haggard breath.

Then Leia stepped back looking over her shoulder at Chewie. He came forward, silently regarding Ben before capturing him in an embrace. So many words that could have been said passed between them through that contact. When they pulled away, Rey could feel the tension replaced by a solemn understanding. Rey knew there was so much sadness still between the three of them, but it was a step in the right direction.

Then Leia approached Rey, taking her left hand and bringing it closer to inspect the ring on her finger. "It's beautiful," she said, glancing up at Ben. "I feel him in it."

"It's a fragment of Anakin Skywalker's kyber crystal. He meditated on it, infused it with his own Force," Rey explained.

"Incredible." Leia's eyes, now red-rimmed from her emotional reunion with Ben, now sparkled with excitement. "I'm thrilled to finally have a daughter."

"Thank you." Rey didn't know what else to say to express her appreciation. Then Leia captured her in a hug of her own.

 _Thank you_ , Leia said into her mind. _For giving me my son back._

Rey thought she was done crying, but Leia's words twisted her heart into knots again, and her throat tightened with emotion.

Leia pulled away and Chewie was there next, wrapping Rey in a shaggy-armed embrace and a warmth bloomed inside of herself.

Even with the bodies of so many fallen today, Rey was filled with hope.

Ben caught her eye then. He looked exhausted. Eyes bloodshot, dark circles made darker by the shadows of the airfield's lighting, but behind it all she saw that same hope.

His lip turned up in a half-smile and he was gathering her in his arms and kissing her again.

"Do you guys ever stop that?" Finn asked from behind her.

Rey felt Ben smile against her lips before he pulled away.

"Pardon my brashness Finn, sir, but you should really give them this time together." It was Quinn's voice now. "It would take me a hundred thousand words to describe what they've been through over the past few weeks."

Ben's eyes brightened as he turned to look over his shoulder at Quinn.

"Well it hasn't exactly been butterflies and flowers for us either," Poe said.

Chewie growled his agreement. He'd probably been worried sick, having no idea what had happened to anyone.

Then, Ben was crossing the open space toward Quinn. The look of utter astonishment on Quinn's face when Ben stepped close to embrace him caused laughter to bubble up from someplace deep inside of Rey. The sound was foreign in her throat after so much fear and sadness today. It felt _good_.

Ben was careful to avoid the wound on Quinn's side as he patted him on the back with appreciation. His suit coat was still stained with blood and she could see the thickness of a bandage wrapped around his midsection. He was favoring his left arm. It was likely still painful to raise it because of the injury on that side.

"Thank you, Quinn," Ben said. "That last shot to Volas. I don't know what we would have done…"

Ben looked down at Quinn, a whole head shorter than he was, with gratitude. But there was more than that. What Rey felt through the Force at that moment brought yet another wave of emotion crashing over her.

Friendship.

Oh stars, Rey could hardly stand it. Love and friendship were now overflowing from Ben and it was enough to make her fall to her knees. When she'd taken the hand of Ben Solo, what felt like forever ago, he'd been so full of anger there was no room for anything else. Now, seeing the man standing before her surrounded by friends and family, she was overcome with his transformation. Yes, he was still fearful. Yes, he was still angry. But now, those feelings had balance. He had found love and friendship, and with it, Rey knew he could weather the storm of his own darkness.

She wanted to kiss him all over again, but decided to save it for later to spare her friends. Then, she would show him just how amazed she was at his strength. Not many could have experienced what he had and still come out with the ability to love. His resilience, his light hadn't been extinguished, even after years of emotional abuse at the hands of Snoke.

"I'm sure you would have managed without me," Quinn said, always the humble servant.

"How does it feel?" Ben asked, motioning to his injury.

"It's better Emperor Ren, really." He wore his most convincing smile, but Rey could tell that the extra spark he usually had in his eyes was dulled a bit. He was still in pain.

"Please, Quinn. I asked you to call me Ben."

"Of course, Ben, sir," he said, fumbling with the new name.

Rey laughed and she came forward to embrace Quinn next. "I'd say at the very least you earned an extended vacation."

He chuckled, then groaned. "Ugh. Laughing is bad for the ribs." Despite the pain, Quinn still managed to squeeze her with his good arm. "I'm so glad you are alright." Quinn motioned to her injury.

"It's nothing next to yours," she said. "Thank you _,_ Quinn."

Then Finn approached, eyes scanning Quinn's bloodied uniform. "For what it's worth," Finn said. "I'm really sorry for shooting you, man. I thought you were... I thought…" he paused, biting the inside of his cheek. "I'm sorry."

"Though your concern is very much appreciated, you've already apologized," Quinn said. "And I said it was alright, it was only a misunderstanding."

"I know, but I still feel terrible." Then Finn looked to Rey again and she could tell he felt terrible about more than just Quinn's injury.

Rey nodded her understanding, offering Finn a sympathetic smile.

Then she reached for Ben's hand. "I'm so glad you were able to heal him. I mean, he was unconscious. How did you do it?"

"Healing is much easier using the light side of the Force," Ben said. "I did enough to stabilize him on the Finalizer and finished once we'd made the jump to hyperspace."

Quinn raised his eyebrows. "The healing was the easy part. Have him tell you about the laser cannon lessons. Now _that_ was painful."

Ben laughed at that, an unrestrained chuckle that warmed Rey from the inside out, and Rey couldn't help but laugh along with him.

Then Quinn stepped back, eyeing her suspiciously from head to toe, shaking his head. "Oh good gracious, what have you done to your dress, my lady?"

Everyone laughed as Rey made a show of flaunting her ensemble: boots, bare knees, and charred hem along with a single scorch mark from hip to thigh.

Den cracked a smile and even Poe snorted a laugh.

"The boots with the dress are a nice touch," Finn said.

Rey scrunched her lips, sending him an accusing glare. "In my defense, I didn't have much time to get ready."

"You boys laugh it up," Leia said, giving each man a pointed glance. "You all just try fighting in a dress and see if you wouldn't be tempted to do the same thing."

Then Leia smiled, turning to lead the way back to the hangar. There was so much to discuss, but not enough time to do it. Though they had found common ground tonight, Rey knew her friends would ultimately need to go their separate ways. Den, now the last of the Knights of Ren, along with she and Ben had the New Order to work on, and there was no place for her other friends in that quite yet. For now, she could only hope that eventually, there would be.

As her friends turned to follow Leia, Rey felt a familiar hand grasp for hers, and she relished the warmth that flooded her at the contact. His was a hand that had touched her soul from across the stars, a hand that had offered her a choice on that fateful day aboard the Supremacy. And when he twined his fingers with hers, both sides of the Force coming into balance with his touch, his hand was all she needed to be whole.


	33. Epilogue

**Author's Note:** (Warning: Sad dedication ahead, if you want butterflies and rainbows skip to the story)

I want to dedicate this story to my father who passed away on January 7th. I was deep into writing this at the time of his death and writing has been my only escape during this difficult time. My father struggled with addiction his entire life. I like to think of his experience as his own personal battle between dark and light. I hadn't spoken to him in months before I got the call he was in the hospital. I held his hand as he died.

Writing this story was what I needed to heal from that experience. To see that beyond pain there is always love and light waiting for us. Balance. This story helped me find that balance. So, I want to thank everyone who left a comment or gave me encouragement to continue. Because I think we can all relate to Ben Solo. The experience of finding ourselves in a dark place and wishing for some light to help us find our way is a universal human experience.

Now for the happy ending we all deserve…

* * *

Something beeped on the other side of the room, and Rey was jolted from her deep sleep. Ben shifted next to her, rolling over and taking most of the blankets with him.

After years of sleeping alone, sharing a bed with a fitful sleeper was proving to be… interesting. He tossed and turned, talked in his sleep, and stole the bedding regularly. It had been almost a month since they'd first moved in together and Rey still wasn't used to it.

She pulled on the edge of the blanket, and Ben stirred again. She eased some of the covers back over herself and after a moment, his breathing steadied.

Rey couldn't be too upset with the blanket snatching. There were definitely _other_ perks of sharing a bed with Ben.

He'd shown her the best of those perks only hours ago. Thinking of the way he'd touched her last night caused warmth to bloom at the core of herself. Oh stars, she only had to think about him and she was ready for him to touch her all over again. She would nevertire of finding new ways to explore his body, which was good because his desire for her had been pretty close to insatiable over this last month.

They'd both been starved for most of their lives, that much was obvious. Physically and emotionally starved and they'd spent the last month drinking their fill of each other, neither one really believing happiness like this could last. And when it did, disbelief was suspended just long enough to demonstrate their love in another new, breathtaking way.

Rey snuggled in close, pushing Ben's arm up to make a space against his side and she laid her head on his chest. He roused enough to wrap his arm around her and released a shallow little moan, before Rey was sure he had fallen asleep again.

This was one of her favorite parts of the day, on mornings when she was the first to wake and Ben was still fuzzy with sleep. She could study him, then, memorize every freckle, learn every bend and arch of every feature, and bask in the way their bodies fit perfectly together. There was something so intimate about moments like these. The fact that he trusted her completely – he was able to sleep just as soundly next her. It was a level of trust Rey never thought she could reach with another person. No worries, no fear, just the warmth and comfort of his body next to hers.

Another beep issued from the corner of the room.

Ben groaned. "Switch that thing off." His speech was thick with sleep and Rey laughed as she rubbed her face against his skin, inhaling the scent of him.

"Come on," she muttered against his chest, kissing the tender skin she found there. "He's cute."

The BB9-E unit had been an early wedding gift from Quinn. Rey knew Quinn was using the droid as a way to keep tabs on her, to deliver messages, and maybe to keep her company when Ben was away. But on mornings like this, she was pretty sure Quinn had ordered BB9 to get them out of bed.

Ben grumbled something she couldn't understand before he settled down again. The rise and fall of his chest was rhythmic underneath her head and listening to the steady thrum of his heartbeat against her ear was so peaceful, she didn't want to move.

He'd returned to the Finalizer late last night, but this was typical. He was always busy with meetings and planning diplomatic missions to the outer rim in search of new territories that might be willing to join the New Order. In return for New Order protection, many colonies had agreed to lend a portion of their raw materials or allow access to land for mining operations. The New Order was growing, without the use of military force.

Rey had missed him, but she had been busy herself with briefings and luncheons. Quinn had also been keeping her busy with wedding plans and now, the day had finally come. They were really going to be married today.

BB9 was growing insistent. His light chirps had intensified to a series of staccato bleeps.

Ben rolled over, burying his face in a pillow and Rey laughed, sitting up on her elbow. She pulled the pillow off of him and he growled.

"He's got to go," he mumbled.

Rey sat quietly, knowing just how to improve Ben's early morning mood without the need for words as she ran her fingers over his shoulders, his collarbone, his chest, letting her gentle touch show how much she loved every inch of him.

"Don't think you can change my mind with your sorcery," he said, capturing her hand in his grasp without opening his eyes. "That hunk of metal has it out for me."

"You're being dramatic," Rey said, unable to hide the smile on her face.

Then Ben pounced. He straddled her, eyes still heavy, and wearing a sleepy grin as he pinned her arms over her head.

"You tell Quinn to get you a necklace or a nice new sparring saber, instead," he said, leaning in to kiss her neck. "But that droid has to go." She felt the touch of his mind against hers with his last words.

"Try mind control all you want, but he's staying," she said.

"You _will_ dump that droid in the trash compactor," he was really trying now, sending his Force barreling against her mind. But he knew as well as she did that he was no match for her mental walls.

BB9 made a rude sound in response to Ben's command.

"Or what?" Rey asked, arching an eyebrow.

Ben smiled wickedly as he pressed harder against her restrained hands and breathed his next words into her ear, warmth flooding her along with his voice. "Okay Rey, if you refuse to be influenced, maybe I will play dirty, no more _fun_ until he's disposed of."

Then Ben climbed off of her, rolling away from her and onto his side. Rey moaned in protest at the loss of his contact before throwing a pillow at the back of his head.

"You couldn't even last a day," she teased.

He turned to slap her with the same pillow but she caught his wrist. They wrestled, tangled in each other's bodies, laughing until he finally gathered her in his arms. His hair hung in his face as they touched foreheads, looking into each other's eyes.

"Are you ready for today?" he asked, his playful smile melting away as his expression suddenly deepened into something more intense.

"I think I'm calmer about it than Quinn is. He's probably in a panic that we're still in bed."

"Quinn's little alarm clock." He turned his head to glare at the droid. "Don't think I can't see the real reason that blasted thing is in here so early."

"His name is BB9."

"You're not getting rid of it are you?"

Rey turned to look at the droid. He was the same shape as BB-8, but squarish on top and all black, complete with an attitude fitting for a droid designed to serve the First Order. If a droid could be haughty and self-absorbed, this one was. Rey thought he was hilarious, but Ben felt there was no room in his life for an arrogant piece of machinery. Rey knew he would let her win this battle, though.

Rey rose to dress and BB9 followed, turning to send Ben a teasing squawk when he thought Rey was too far ahead to hear him.

"Did you hear that?" Ben called after her.

"Hear what?" she lied. Maybe the droid did have it out for him, but Rey was far too amused with the struggle to intervene.

When she emerged into the dining room sure enough, Quinn was pacing impatiently with his arms folded across his chest.

"Rey, oh gracious what took you so long? And where is Ben?" His voice was strained and an octave higher than it normally was. "We only have a few hours to get you dressed and ready for the biggest day of your life. If I can't get your hair and your – "

Rey stepped forward, placing a hand on Quinn's shoulder. "It's going to be fine, Quinn. Everything is already set out and we have plenty of time."

He relaxed under her touch and looked at her with those wide grey eyes. "I only want this day to be perfect for you both."

"I know, Quinn. And so long as the people I care about are there, it will be."

Leia had already sent word that she, Finn, Chewie and Poe were on Coruscant. They'd had to alter their appearances, which had been quite a process for Chewie in particular, but Quinn had managed to meet them yesterday to work a little of his magic. They'd also have to sit separately to not draw attention, but Rey was happy they could be there at all. In a perfect galaxy, Leia would stand by her son on his wedding day, but the New Order and the Resistance were still not ready to be on such friendly terms. It would take time. Time that they didn't have because Rey needed to be an equal in the decision-making and for that, she needed the title of Empress.

As soon as Ben emerged from the bedroom, Quinn was already spouting orders. "Alright then. You two eat and then we'll head to Coruscant. There are separate dressing areas set aside and I will attend to you first, sir," he nodded to Ben. "Then I will be over to help you, my lady."

"Whatever you need, Quinn," Ben said. "I don't doubt your skill in planning things like this, but your taste in wedding gifts on the other hand…"

Ben glared at BB9 who responded with something resembling a raspberry. Ben gave Quinn an 'I told you so' look.

"BB9-E has been reprogrammed specifically for you two," Quinn said. "He is now the epitome of dignified grace. I don't know what you did to him to cause such a glitch in his programming."

"A glitch? The thing despises me."

Rey stifled a laugh, pretending to be neutral as she sat down to her latest breakfast obsession, Almakian apple tarts.

* * *

The Coruscant Menagerie had closed itself to the public for the occasion and the biosphere on the top floor would be theirs again for a few hours. When Ben had asked where she wanted to marry, she couldn't think of any place more special than where he'd proposed.

When they arrived, she parted ways with Ben and Quinn. BB9 came along with Rey for company and they turned down the hallway to wait for Quinn. The managers of the menagerie had transformed a staff break room into a makeshift dressing room for the occasion.

BB9 blipped a question and she frowned at the ornery droid.

"Yes I'm sure I want to do this. He's sweet, BB9. If you were nice to him, you'd see."

The droid issued a grudging apology, not wanting to risk falling from Rey's good graces.

"Even your droid has doubts, huh?" A familiar voice called from the doorway.

"Finn!" He was dressed in a fancy high-collared tunic and wore a smattering of patchy facial hair, which she'd never seen on him before. He'd had a little stubble after spending so much time in the prison block of the Finalizer, but this was much fuller. If she hadn't heard him speak, she would have doubted it was even him.

She ran to embrace him, pulling back to look at his face again.

Finn rubbed the stubble on his chin. "Quinn asked me to start growing it out for the wedding. What do you think?"

"You look so different," she said.

"You mean, so manly," he said, a teasing lilt to his voice. "Leia is in with Ben for a moment, but we don't have long." He pulled back from her, knitting his brows together as he studied her. "I just wanted to say that I am happy for you, Rey. It didn't sound like I was on Balmorra, but you've obviously got some kind of connection with him that I can't understand, but I'm happy. I really am."

Rey could sense nothing but sincerity in his voice and she offered him a bright smile in return. "That means so much, Finn. You being here, it…" she paused, collecting the words. "It means a lot. More than I can say."

"I've already heard whispers of the new Emperor's use of diplomacy. It seems you've already started to change things," he said.

"We've got a lot of work to do," she said before hugging him once more. "But it's a start."

Finn gave Rey messages from Leia, Chewie, and Poe – their well wishes for the day and for their marriage before he took his leave. Rey wished she could speak with all of them, but they'd had to arrive separately. It would risky as it was to even have them in attendance. Even with Hux and Jeel dead from the Corellian assault on the Finalizer, they never could be sure who had eyes on them. Rey reminded herself that in time, there was a chance they could all be together. But not yet.

Moments later, she felt a ripple of light and love through her bond.

Leia and Ben.

Their feelings of contentment and understanding were palpable through the Force and it warmed Rey from the inside out.

* * *

The gown Quinn had chosen was otherworldly, elegant but mysterious. Its shape was that of a typical ball gown with a full skirt and tight bodice, but that is where the typical ended. It was made in shades of ivory, darker with undertones of peach in the lower layers of the skirt and lighter on top, to give the impression that the inlaid flowers lining the cap sleeves and bodice were growing from the dress itself. It had a depth and a beauty that perfectly aligned with the atmosphere of the menagerie and when she moved, each ivory blossom seemed to come alive.

Quinn worked quickly and had her hair swept back in an intricate up-do in as much time as it had typically taken Rey to gather her hair into the three ties she'd worn for so long on Jakku. He was that fast. She wore a crown of delicate white blossoms that mimicked the pattern on her dress and a veil was nestled in the back of her hair that trailed down past her hips.

He added touches of make-up to highlight the shape of her eyes and to draw out the pink of her lips and when he was finished he took a step back to admire his work. His eyes glowed as he looked at her from head to toe.

"You look magnificent, my lady."

Quinn dashed off quickly to see that everyone else was settled and to give himself a once over because he "couldn't walk the most beautiful woman in the galaxy down the aisle if he looked a fright."

As she waited, a feeling of peace washed over her, followed by a strong flash of light. She became acutely aware of a presence in the room she hadn't felt since she'd last sensed him on Crait.

Luke Skywalker.

"You were right." Master Skywalker's voice rippled through the Force just as the outline of his body materialized, almost holographic in appearance as it undulated and eventually steadied.

"Luke."

He wore Jedi robes, and he looked younger somehow, his beard cleaner, his eyes sharper.

"You were right about Ben," he said. "I'd given up, but you were right."

"Luke," she said. There were so many things she wanted to say to him, but she could only think of one. "Did you make things right with Ben?"

"Yes, although…" he paused, looking past her at something or someone she couldn't see. "I didn't need to."

She studied the bluish outline of his transparent form.

"He'd already begun to forgive me."

Rey had suspected as much. She hadn't felt Ben's thoughts move to Luke's betrayal since that day on Balmorra, the day he'd bared every last hurt for his mother. She'd wondered if Ben had decided to let the hate for Luke die at that moment, too.

"I told him that I was sorry," Luke said, his voice heavy, but when he continued, his tone lightened under a twinge of hope, and the bright light of his signature warmth penetrated her own energy. "That I was proud of him."

Before Luke let his presence fade, he spoke a heartfelt wish that reverberated through the web of energy all around her. "The Force is strong between the two of you, and may it continue to be with you, always."

Rey fumbled for a response, but his figure had already dissipated. Only when he was gone could she think clearly.

He'd appeared to Ben. Apologized to him, then come to offer her what sounded like his blessing for their marriage. She hadn't realized how much such a thing would mean to her, but she found herself holding back tears, biting her lip to keep them from spilling over. Quinn would kill her if she smudged her make-up.

* * *

Rey reminded herself how to breathe. In and out, in and out, as she stood looking out over the dome of the menagerie. It was so different in the light of day. Sparkling verdant leaves and a rainbow of birds glittered in the midday sun.

As the processional music began, Rey's heart beat fiercely in time to the rhythm. The band played from the corner of the sphere as Quinn led her by the arm down the aisle. They crossed the grassy clearing, now set with rows of white chairs filled with aristocrats, New Order officers, and her friends. She searched for a glimpse of Leia, Finn, Poe, and Chewie but in a sea of people she couldn't make them out. But she knew they were there, she could feel them, as she made her way toward the front of the space. An arbor had been arranged with creeping vines and flowers to match the backdrop of the biosphere.

Butterflies danced like confetti thrown overhead and it truly seemed as though nature was celebrating along with them. Then there was the Force. Every life present in this space, every wedding guest, every tiny bird and butterfly, emanated a humming vitality through the Force. The brightest spot, of course was, Ben. She'd never felt his signature so light as she felt it in this moment. His energy glowed like a blazing sun amidst a thousand bright stars, guiding her steps toward him. Rey leaned heavily onto Quinn's arm and he offered a teary-eyed smile.

Holocams were set to capture the moment to be broadcast on the HoloNet and Rey felt her heart miss a few beats. This was really happening. With millions and millions of people spanning from the Core Worlds to the Outer Rim serving as their witnesses.

Quinn steadied her, continuing his purposeful walk down the aisle and when they neared the arbor, she lifted her head to gaze at Ben.

He stood with his hands in fists at his sides, as nervous as she was, but when his eyes fixed on her, she felt a sudden flare of warmth through their bond. He was a sight to behold in his signature black cloak, now lined with an ivory silk, bundled over his shoulder as he always wore it to indicate royalty. A single Ithorian rose was pinned to his tunic to match the blue, peach, and ivory blooms in the bouquet Rey held in her clammy hands.

Den stood at Ben's side, wearing his own Ithorian rose pin. He was shifting nervously under so many eyes, but he offered her a nervous smile.

General Veespa, the highest ranking New Order officer, had been chosen to officiate the wedding and she stood at the center of everything, underneath the flowered arch. It seemed even Veespa's harsh expression had been softened by the atmosphere within Coruscant's most beautiful indoor garden.

Quinn stopped and dipped his chin in acknowledgement of the General.

General Veespa's voice, loud and commanding, carried easily over the crowd. "We are gathered here today to celebrate the Union of these two people. However, before we do, our Emperor would like to make an announcement."

"Yes General," Ben said, catching Rey's eyes briefly before turning his attention back to Veespa. "The name Kylo Ren was a pseudonym given to me by the late Supreme Leader Snoke. It is my wish to return to my given name, Ben Solo, prior to our joining in marriage."

Rey sucked in a quick breath as her heart jumped in her chest. A symbolic change to his name, in front of all of these witnesses, and it took everything she had to keep from running to embrace him.

 _Oh Ben…_

He answered with a light tug on that golden thread of their connection and she swallowed hard. No tears. Not yet.

"The change of name has been acknowledged and recorded," Veespa said. She cleared her throat and continued. "We are assembled here in the presence of colleagues and friends, officers and allies, to celebrate the joining of the Emperor with his beloved Lady Rey. In this sacred joining, through love, stitched together by the thread of Force binding them, I ask, who gives this bride to the groom in marriage?"

Quinn bowed low and responded. "I do, General."

Then Quinn escorted Rey to Ben's side, placing her right hand into Ben's left and retreated to stand by Den.

General Veespa nodded and opened a familiar ancient tome, flipping to a marked page, and she read out loud. "From the Journal of the Whills, Seven, Four-hundred seventy-seven:

" _First comes the day_  
 _Then comes the night._  
 _After the darkness_  
 _Shines through the light._  
 _The difference, they say,_  
 _Is only made right_  
 _By the resolving of grey_  
 _Through refined Jedi sight._ "

Then Veespa looked out over the crowd in attendance. "Once alone and in darkness, through each other, these two souls have aligned. Light to the dark. Day to the night. And with this joining, they are balance restored."

Rey and Ben had retrieved the sacred Jedi texts she'd stowed away in the Millenium Falcon and they'd found the poem together. After they read it, a single word had become engrained in their thoughts. Grey. A balance of both light and dark. They understood that in addition to their work on the New Order, they had a responsibility to teach balanced Force to the sensitives scattered throughout every system. The reading of this poem was their joint acknowledgment of their purpose together. To continue to bring balance to the Force.

Veespa lifted her head and split a glance between the two of them before she gave the wedding vows for Ben to repeat.

Ben turned to Rey then, those deep brown eyes reflecting the sun filtering through the dome overhead, and he spoke the words that would make him hers forever. "I, Ben Solo, take you Rey, to be my wife, my equal in the Force, my perfect balance, to love and to cherish from this day forward."

Rey's breath hitched in her throat as she returned the words. "I, Rey, take you, Ben Solo, to be my husband, my equal in the Force, my perfect balance, to love and to cherish from this day forward."

Then Veespa acknowledged BB9 at the side of the arbor. "The rings please."

BB9 seemed to straighten himself, rolling forward proudly, and presented two small boxes from a hidden compartment in his middle. Den bent to retrieve one and Quinn, the other. Den nodded, smiling at Ben as he handed him one ring and Quinn, tears now streaming unabashedly down his cheeks, handed Rey the other.

Then Veespa spoke again as they placed the rings on each other's fingers. "These rings, a perfect circle of balance and unity, were chosen as a symbol of your infinite love."

Rey let him feel the intensity of her feelings in that moment and Ben's eyes glistened with tears as he looked down at her, waves of his own white-hot Force crashing freely through their bond now, nearly bringing her to her knees. But his sturdy hands were there to keep her stable, giving her strength to withstand the Force of his love.

"For as much as your two souls have professed your love in matrimony before all of these witnesses and before the galaxy, I now, by the authority committed to me as both minister and chief officer of the New Order, pronounce you husband and wife. To those whom the Force has bound together, let no man put asunder."

Then they turned to face the audience in attendance as Veespa announced them to the crowd.

"Allow me now, to present to the galaxy, your leaders of the New Order, Emperor Ben Solo and Empress Rey Solo."

Then, Rey gazed up at Ben as the General spoke once more. "You may now seal your vows with a kiss."

Rey was still dizzy with the Force of Ben's love, laid bare down the bond, but he steadied her with strong hands on her waist as he leaned down to kiss her, a tender touch that flooded her world with blinding light.

Rey recognized this kiss as something more. It was a promise sealed before the entire galaxy. His taste – a promise of his body, his Force – a promise of his protection, his gentle touch – a promise of his devotion and with it, he was sworn to her and she to him.

And with that kiss she felt their vow reverberate across the precious, golden thread that tied them together, an infinite reminder of the balance of their love.

* * *

Thank you so much for reading! If you're up for another Reylo journey, I've just started my second Reylo fic, "An Order Reborn" - A Post-TLJ Reylo fic that picks up where Episode XIII left off.

Summary: Though Kylo and Rey's visions of the future did not manifest as they had expected, one man's vision did. Now he lies in wait for the perfect vessel with which to reclaim his rightful title and eradicate the last seeds of dissent in the galaxy. Rey and Kylo must find a way to trust each other if they are to bring balance to the Force and drive this new threat away before it envelops the entire galaxy in its shadow.


End file.
